In a scathing NY Times profile of Jersey Shore’s (arguably) most orange and definitely shortest star, Snooki, journalist Cathy Horyn pointed out that Snooki told her she’s read a total of two books in her entire life: Twilight and Dear John. Despite her “artlessness,” as the article defines it, Snooki is in demand and her greasy face and fake hair can somehow move products, like meal replacement cookies with meat dust in them. She’s about to “write” a work of fiction that’s a thinly veiled memoir starring a chick who gets drunk, gets in fights and sleeps with guys. She probably has to make it fiction because she can’t remember much about the guys she’s slept with:

The Jersey Shore star (real name: Nicole Polizzi) will publish her very first novel early next year, publisher Simon and Schuster announced Wednesday. With the tentative title of A Shore Thing, the tome will “revolve around a girl looking for love on the boardwalk (one full of big hair, dark tans, and fights galore),” according to a statement.

Snooki, 22, gushed about the book: “I’m pumped to announce to my fans a project that I’ve been working on for some time. This book will have you falling in love at the shore. It’s ‘A Shore Thing!'”

Adds Jennifer Bergstrom of Simon and Schuster’s Gallery Books: “Who better than Snooki to write a fun, sexy novel about a single girl looking for love on the Jersey Shore?”

[From US Weekly]

There are so many talented, funny creative writers who don’t get a chance because they don’t have name recognition or an “in” yet. Yet here we have a girl who barely finished high school, (if she did, I can’t verify that) gets drunk on TV for a living and has no discernible life skills putting out a book. I’m sure someone else will write it for her, but it’s still mind boggling.

If you want to write a book or put out a perfume, clothing or jewelry line all you need to do is be willing to make a complete ass of yourself on television. You don’t even need to be attractive, as we’ve seen recently. Unfortunately it looks like there’s a lot of competition to join the heavily saturated “be famous for being your own foolish self” market currently cornered by the Kardashians and the Jersey Shore gang. They’ve even managed to push out Heidi and Spencer, and they staged several weddings and a breakup. You can’t blame Snooki and The Situation for cashing in while they can.

I don’t know who these ladies are, but they just manage to highlight how short and orange Snooki is.