Alleged perpetrators Dharun Ravi and Molly Wei
Molly Wei is the insensitive self-righteous Rutgers student (I’m striving not to swear, I’ll do that in a moment) who “allegedly” conspired with Tyler Clementi’s roommate, Dharun Ravi, to live broadcast video over the Internet of Clementi having sex with another guy. The story goes that Tyler asked his roommate, Dharun Ravi, for privacy. Ravi then went down the hall to Wei’s room, turned on his webcam remotely or somehow accessed it, and posted on Twitter that he and Wei were watching Clementi make out with a guy. A couple days later Ravi posted a tweet to his 148 followers suggesting that he would live broadcast another video of Clementi having sex that night. That attempt was unsuccessful but Ravi and Wei had already succeeded in bullying Clementi to death. Clementi updated his Facebook status on September 22 to “Jumping off the gw bridge sorry.” His body was identified about a week later.
In her one public statement about the matter, Wei did not express concern for Clementi’s family or any remorse for her role in the crime. She claimed to be innocent and her lawyer went on to talk about what a promising student Wei was and how she should not “be used to further the agenda of others“.
Ravi and Wei have been charged with two misdemeanors for invasion of privacy and it’s not yet known whether they’ll face hate crime charges. It’s thought that there might not be enough evidence, although we don’t know for sure at this point.
Now Wei is using the tried-and-true “celebrity” method of issuing a statement without owning it. She had a “friend” tell People Magazine that she feels “attacked.” It was all about how she was doing and how she was coping!
Before she entered Rutgers University’s prestigious six-year pharmacy program, Molly Wei was known as a sweet, quiet and smart girl with a love of mahjong.
But three weeks into her freshman year at Rutgers, Wei’s life changed drastically after the suicide of fellow student Tyler Clementi.
“She feels that everyone is attacking her,” a close friend tells PEOPLE after Wei and Clementi’s roommate, Dharun Ravi, were charged with two counts of invasion of privacy for allegedly live streaming on the Internet a sexual encounter between Clementi and another man.
Wei’s friend also says he has read Facebook comments calling her a monster and saying she deserves to burn in hell.
“She is trying to stay optimistic,” he says. “She’s really upset about this, she definitely feels bad, and wishes it didn’t go the way it did.”
If convicted, Wei and Ravi, both pictured in their high school yearbook photos above, face up to five years in prison. But for now, the two have remained silent – and there has been no sign of them or their families for over a week, say neighbors.
According to her friend, Wei is now living the life of a fugitive. “She is going to different places,” he says, “because the media is always at her house.”
Authorities have also subpoenaed Tyler Clementi’s e-mails, a Rutgers spokesman confirmed.
While there are no signs that Ravi and Wei have resumed taking classes at Rutgers, neither of their defense attorneys – nor the university – would comment on their educational status.
[From People]
For argument’s sake, let’s assume that this chick is telling the truth. Even if that’s the case and she had no control over Ravi’s actions, what the f*@% is she doing issuing asinine statements like this? Like we f’ing care that she’s “upset” and feels attacked! How does she think this poor dead kid felt? Saying she “feels bad” and “wishes it didn’t go the way it did” is woefully inadequate and laughable. All she needed to do was to say that this was a terrible tragedy and that her heart goes out to Clementi’s family. She didn’t need to take responsibility if that’s incriminating herself, but instead she’s playing the victim. This is unbelievable. I hope that Ravi, at the very least, gets some serious jail time. I’d say that this stupid bitch should go to jail too, but if she truly had “nothing” to do with this and had no idea that Ravi took over her computer to broadcast Clementi’s private moments then maybe she shouldn’t be charged as an accessory to a hate crime. If she can prove that she had nothing to do with it. As it is, her ridiculous narcissistic statements make me think that she’s exactly the type of person who would participate in such a cruel and hurtful invasion of privacy.
But I’m open to the possibility that I could be wrong, and that my assumptions are based on how mean this was and the fact that this girl’s statements have been very self-centered. Here’s a link to a very well stated counter argument on Wei’s behalf, on the BeyondTheLaw AboveTheLaw blog. If this guy Ravi did just take over her computer and she had no idea what was going on then maybe she is innocent after all. Her statements still make me very angry, though.
Victim Tyler Clementi:
I read this earlier on a different site and was appalled. Where is the remorse and sympathy for the victim and his family. Disgusting!
i am horrified at the actions of these bullies. may they both rot on earth and in hell!
It is so tragic that Tyler took his life over people bullying him.
5 Years is not enough for his roommate. Can’t he be charged with manslaughter? That would be a more fitting punishment.
As for the girl, I’m willing to bet she was giggling over it when Ravi went into her room. Dorm rooms are small. There is no way he quietly checked his video feed through her computer without her knowledge. If it were possible, I wish she could be charged with manslaughter too. Why would they invade someones privacy like that? For a few giggles, they basically killed a man. Despicable.
It’s a tragedy that shouldn’t have happened, it is very sad but before leaving comments judging the actions of others we should take a closer look at ourselves. This kid was fragile and decided to kill himself but what about other kids we made feel the same way at school? Giggling over secret pics taken from a phone or spreading false gossips or simply people we took advantage of?
I do believe these kids were just being very stupid. Just as stupid as I was when giggling over the pics someone showed me of a naked classmate or when commenting with my girlfriends whether that guy was gay. It could have happened in any of those cases and we would have all been guilty, if not legally, morally.
“As it is, her ridiculous narcissistic statements make me think that she’s exactly the type of person who would participate in such a cruel and hurtful invasion of privacy. ”
EXACTLY.
I suppose there is a “chance” she didn’t participate but I sort of doubt it….
Hope she and Ravi get punished hard and our country can start to develop more programs at younger ages to teach acceptance…
I hope those two get the maximum. I cannot believe they invaded his privacy like that. He wouldn’t have done it if his roomate was captain of the football team because he would have known he’d get his ass kicked. Total hate crime. As a mom of 3, I’m trying to install values and compassion for others in my sons. Seems like most kids have no moral compass and don’t care about right and wrong. My one child’s teacher said that with all the technology like facebook and texting, these kids are not learning basic social skills anymore. She said it’s a lot easier for them to say whatever they want to say to someone without seeing the other person’s face and reaction and how it’s affecting them. Very sad.
Wow, reading this entry and the comments above help me understand how lynch mobs got started.
Spewing hatred against and threatening terrible punishments for a young girl who made a bad mistake isn’t going to make the world a better place.
If anything good comes out of Tyler Clementi’s suicide, it will be people examining their OWN behaviour towards people who are different and resolving to do better.
Seems like some of those ppl writing on Facebook walls (in the story above) believe in “an eye for an eye.” Not very wise to fight cyberbullying with cyberbullying, is it?
You know bullying is a terrible thing. But let us not forget something:
Clearly this boy feared rejection from his own family and his friends for being outed, and THAT is why he killed himself. I don’t think these two “murdered” him, so stop acting like they did.
He was scared, he was weak, and that was tragic. And they were a catalyst, I am sure. But at the end of the day he chose to do what he did for a deeper reason than this.
THAT is the sad thing. He didn’t feel secure in who he was. These kids who triggered that as a last straw were not fully responsible evil incarnate. Stop acting as if they were.
This is a very sad story. My heart aches for the young man who killed himself. What anguish he must have been experiencing!
I wondered what happened to the two people involved in humiliating the deceased. Wondered if Rutgers has asked them to leave or if they had been hounded out of town, etc.
Like it or not, every person has the power to react to circumstances. Tyler chose to jump off the bridge, others would have chosen to report these two jerks to the police.
As a bi person, I think we need to teach LGBT kids not to be so thin-skinned. Granted, you do get bullied, even in your own family. But you can make a difference by saying “F**k off” rather than suiciding.
I agree with lola and rosanna aka the only cool heads in the room. They didn’t push him off the bridge-he chose to commit suicide instead of confronting them or telling an RA or calling the police. He had options, he just chose not to use them because he felt that he couldn’t stand being outed as gay.
That is an entirely different issue than them posting a video of him making out with someone. People do this ALL the time. It’s not “bullying”-it’s a stupid joke. I’ve never participated in such things, but I’ve known it to happen and most people reacted by either confronting the perpetrators or by telling an RA who usually contacted campus police.
This young man was emotionally fragile for who knows what reason-was there any evidence of them saying nasty things to him? Did they post it in a negative light or was it just a “look at my roommate make out!” type situation?
They can’t be charged for a hate crime because there was no hate involved. I’m not saying that what they did was in any way right-they broke the law a number of different ways-but they cannot be tried or blamed for his prior emotional state leading to his suicide.
EDIT: Read some materials on the case and what was actually said online-there is no hate crime here at all. Idiotic behavior that is illegal (collecting images showing sexual content or nudity without the subject’s consent, invasion of privacy) yea, but let’s stop the lynch mob.
What they did was wrong, but they didn’t kill him. Anyone that scared of coming out has a lot deeper issues than being broadcasted on Twitter. Invasion of privacy? Yes. Bullying? You bet. Murder? No.
So basically you’re choosing to bully this girl without knowing all the facts just like she and her friend bullied that guy? I don’t think what Ravi did was right and I don’t know this girl’s level of participation. But it’s pretty disturbing to see how the media and people in general are handling this – exhibiting similar behavior to those of these two.
sorry, but I feel no sympathy for her at all. there is NO WAY that she didn’t know what Ravi was doing. She didn’t put a stop to it, she didn’t report it, she did NOTHING to redeem herself.
I’m not calling for a lynch mob, I’m just hoping that the DA is able to make the hardest charges stick. They may not have been responsible for this young man’s fragile state of mind, but they were most likely the catalyst that instigated his suicide. They may not have thought, “oh this is going to make him kill himself, let’s do it anyway”, but there’s no way they couldn’t have known that what they were doing would cause him SOME sort of distress, and overall problems on campus. and yet, they did it anyway. that’s cold, sadistic, sociopathic behavior right there.
and she’s not a “young girl”…christ, you sound like Dina Lohan. she’s over 18. that is an ADULT, like it or not. and as an adult, you are expected to make smart, well-thought out decisions. She did not, and she deserves to face whatever consequences come for her poor judgment and decision-making.
I think we all made some stupid decisions when were 18, but most often they involved things like drinking too much or hooking up with the wrong person. things that affect YOU, and ONLY you. but when you make a stupid decision that affects others, so profoundly, you have to face the consequences of your actions. you can’t just say “oh, poor young things…they made a bad decision, let’s give them a break”.
nope, sorry. that’s what responsibility is all about.
one other thing…regarding the murder/manslaughter charges…there is a case, in MA, about a group of high schoolers who bullied an Irish (immigrant) student to the point that she hung herself. I believe that a few of them are being charged with something like “causing grievous bodily injury” regarding the bullying her to the point of suicide. The cases are not identical, to be sure, but there are similarities that could apply to this case as well.
Hamm is my dream man: Your statement that there was no hate involved causes me some concern, since I am having trouble seeing the love in this incident. It was not a stupid joke, it was calculated evil.
College students have to know that posting a closeted person’s tryst is going to have far different consequences than a makeout session of a single hetero, just like posting a video of married person having sex with someone who isn’t a spouse is going to have different ramifications for the person involved. Roommates know roommates, so surely Ravi knew his roommate’s insecurities. And when someone asks for privacy, do they have to explicitly state, ‘not only do I want you to leave, but I also want you to turn off all webcams’ ? Nasty nasty stuff.
this post is so clearly in bad taste and I’m guessing mine will be deleted as soon as it arrives. BUT.. I totally agree that everybody started throwing stones immediately before even getting the full story. how would people feel if these kids now jumped off a bridge because of all the press and hate they are encountering? is that not bullying? so we “punish” one crime by inflicting it on the alleged perps.???? yes, teenagers can be cruel, but I do think as well that this kid had issues that needed to be psychologically addressed.
Every single aspect of this story is really depressing. That poor boy and his family. And those stupid, stupid kids that have ruined their own lives and their families lives with their stupid actions.
I think we need CLEARLY OUTLINED and TOUGHER privacy laws. This includes a crack-down paparazzi. People have lost all sense of privacy and what constitutes an invasion of privacy.
Bitch. Might not be cold all the way down to the heart, but she’s still, at best, a cold hearted and unthinking bitch. Ignorant, bored, privelidged, unthinking, insensitive, oh and UGLY CUNextTuesday kinda bitch.
They didn’t push him off the bridge-he chose to commit suicide instead of confronting them or telling an RA or calling the police. He had options, he just chose not to use them because he felt that he couldn’t stand being outed as gay.
Tyler DID report the incidents to his RA. He DID report it to the authorities. He didn’t have faith that they would do anything about it.
Sorry but I do hope she BURNS IN HELL too if that makes me a mean bully so be it.
“People do this ALL the time. It’s not “bullying”-it’s a stupid joke.”
Are you a psychopath?
Tyler did apparently go to his RA and the school, who were doing something about it. evidentally, he felt the need to take his own life. there was probably more to it than just this incident. this was probably the last straw, and that was that. i feel for his family.
the roommate and Molly are both guilty of invasion of privacy. it was her computer, she could have stopped him from using it. and if she felt something was wrong, she should have said something to the school before it got this far. she’s looking for a pity party now – one she doesnt deserve. she didnt stop or say anything, and let him broadcast the webcam online.
there’s no need to call up a lynch mob. these kids succeeded in ruining their own lives by doing something, and in turn caused someone to take their own life. they’ll have to live the rest of their lives knowing that them doing things for shits and giggles hurt someone so badly that they killed themselves. they didnt push him off the bridge, but their actions didnt help.
so sad
I don’t know the “whole” story, but it’s inconceivable that these students didn’t think their “joke” would cause harm.
I wonder how many people who made comments defending Wei have ever experienced bullying?
Bullies can be manipulative and are generally more “likeable” people than the ones they victimize which is how they get away with it.
The fact that she didn’t have the sensitivity to give out condolences but only chose to defend herself is telling.
I don’t think she should be burned at the stake but I do think she should show genuine remorse and if it can be proved she is guilty she should do serious time in jail. These actions add up to harrasment and invasion of privacy and caused a death.
homophobia does kill. it’s caused by insensitivity, ignorance & most of all fear. who truly knows if these losers were really trying to out that poor guy, or play some practical joke. The fact of the matter is that their stupidity could have actually driven someone to their demise. Actions have consequences. I just hope that they get what they deserve.
I’ll reserve any statements condemning her until the ALL of the facts of the case are made. Right now all we have is bits and pieces…and it is a possibly that while she did let Ravi use her computer she didn’t know what he was doing on it. All we know for sure is that Tyler obviously had some deep emotional issues…being bullied is not a reason to take your own life, he reported the incident to authorities and still killed himself. People are saying that Ravi and Wei are not kids they are adults…was Tyler not an adult? Could he not have made a better decision with how to handle his issues/depression and sought counseling of some sort? It’s going to be a tough case…but I’m certain they will not be charged with a hate crime. Ravi definitely deserves to be charged with some sort of invasion of privacy crime.
I have to say, whenever People does a story quoting friends of someone, the someone always sounds like an idiot. But, in this case, I wouldn’t be surprised if she is a totally self-centered person who doesn’t think she did anything wrong.
My heart aches for people who commit suicide, especially the young.
If she had anything to do with it, I hope she feels awful. Other than that I don’t care how she is doing or coping. I really don’t care to hear anything about her unless it has to do with her prosecution or her reaching out to Tyler’s family.
@#15: Well said.
“People do this ALL the time. It’s not “bullying”-it’s a stupid joke.”
*************
No one I know has ever done anything like this.
It was a horrible thing to do and an invasion of privacy like that is completely and totally unacceptable. It amounts to a third party inserting themself into someone’s sexual activity without permission… a little bit like rape, no?
They were wrong, BUT this situation is very differen from the Mass. case. That teenager in that case was bullied for a year, whith various school authorities notified. She was also physically assaulted on numerous ocassions by that group of kids that are up on charges.
Very different case.
Something about this Rutgers case feels odd to me. I think there is still alot of information that has not come out.
She’s as guilty as the other douchebag, she knew, trust me.. Now she’s running scared.
Keep running b***h, straight to jail!
These two are disgusting excuses for humanity and should be prosecuted for some much more serious than a mere misdemeanor. When someone dies because of your deliberate actions, then it’s a FELONY.
Hamm says: “People do this ALL the time. It’s not “bullying”-it’s a stupid joke.”
=========================================
Are you out of your mind? What kind of people do you associate with? Nobody I know would do something like this.
I have zero sympathy for this bitch. She’s not a bit sorry she contributed to that boy’s death, she’s sorry she’s facing jail time. She made her bed, now she can spend the next five years lying on a jailhouse cot.
‘Ravi then went down the hall to Wei’s room, turned on his webcam remotely or somehow accessed it,’…
This made me laugh so hard! oh gosh! Im sorry, but it seems like you must not know too much of webcam securing or how they work. Before I started dating a hacker, I never thought of someelse having access to my personal things. More on this later….
To all you defenders and apologists; Please feel free to take in this ‘young girl’ & gently teach her what is moral & right about how you treat other people. Reading your posts almost made physically ill.
Make this bitch & her cohort look at a picture of Tyler EVERY f***ing day for the rest of their sorry lives and be reminded how they had a hand in his death.
Every time I see the above pic of Tyler it breaks my heart; Then it infuriates me.
“People do this ALL the time. ‘It’s not “bullying”-it’s a stupid joke.’ ”
Are you for real?
Molly Wei sounds like a narcissist!
Extremely self-absorbed and totally insensitive at best.
I knew people like these two in high school. It was either act like you were down for whatever or become the new target. This girl doesn’t get it because she’s a ringleader. She doesn’t know there are people who DON’T find this crap cute or funny. She has not matured beyond high school. In high school if you get caught doing something wrong you could pout and stomp your tiny feet until the adults pat you on the head and give up. She can’t pout her way out of this. It is NOT a little prank. It IS a hate crime. At the very least those two knew they could potentially ruin that guys life. A potential employer googles his name and pulls up a sex tape, great. They were too stupid to realize the lasting consequences but they knew it would be really really bad. I weep for their ignorance.
One of the more obnoxious characteristics of bullies is that they accuse the victim of being over-sensitive.
Some of the people on here defending Wei remind me of the girls in Ohio who drove a girl to suicide, and then went to the funeral home and laughed at her lying in her casket.
The only good thing to come from this tragedy is the media highlighting and reporting the horrendous fall out that comes from bullying. I was bullied mercilessly through school and it affects me today. By the time I got to college, I thought things would change but I spent most of my childhood and young adult years, very lonely and very depressed about not being accepted. My mother fought the school very hard about my being bullied but they didn’t want to ‘get involved’. I had a debilitating anxiety disorder growing up and hardly every slept. My mother would allow me to take frequent sick days from school to give me respite but the tragedy was, I loved to learn and I was missing out on my education. I’ve had to work really hard as an adult to trust people and not run away from friendships.
@me made a good point earlier that we have all been guilty of some form of bullying in our lives, so hopefully this tragedy continues to raise awareness.
@Celebitchy-I totally agree that Wei is handling this very poorly (her lack of grace is alarming). I also thank you for including the link to the counter-argument in support of Wei (did any of the commenters today actually READ it??). That is some good objective blogging on your part!!
I think most of us can all agree that what Ravi did was horrendous. I’m reserving judgment about Wei because NOTHING has been proven yet. The link that C/B provided makes a good point about even the prosecutor saying they don’t have anything beyond her letting a friend use her computer. I don’t think attempting to be objective means that you are an “apologist”. It just means that some people aren’t ready to condemn without evidence.
Anyway, it’s a terribly sad story all around.
There is a strong chance that she got caught up in her boyfriend’s “prank,” and that she was stupid, young, and not sophisticated enough to realize that what she was doing was homophobic and horrifying.
BUT, that’s where my sympathy for her ends. If she REALLY felt guilty, she would be on every media outlet explaining her side, and explaining that Ravi pulled her into it and that she deeply regrets not doing anything to stop it.
Does anyone else think that Ravi is a giant f***ing closet-case? I think he’s a deeply closeted homosexual. Filming your roommate having gay sex is not a prank. It shows that you have a fascination with it. All the straight guys I know would be very uncomfortable watching their gay friends have sex. I think Molly Wei is revealing her stupidity and ignorance; the ignorance that is necessary for one to date such an angry, deeply closeted queen.
@ Praise St. Angie
18 is not a terribly mature adult; however, I agree that you should be grown-up enough to realize that something like this is wrong. I’ll buy that an 18-year-old can be easily persuaded to drink or do drugs. But something like this? NO. You’re mature enough to see right from wrong.
No sympathy for either of these 2 people, using that term loosely. What they appear to have done is incredibly wrong and the onus is on them (morally, though I know not legally) to prove otherwise. That chick framing herself as a victim is a totally wrong move and really makes her look even more guilty.
Do I see a hate crime? No, unless there is some proof that this was done because he was gay and not just to embarass him. Do they deserve to be punished to the fullest extent of the law? I completely believe so.
My heart aches for his family and for him and how tormented he must have felt when he found out about all of this.
ARCHIEPELAGO — I hope you have found a good therapist to heal from that trauma. There are plenty of kind people in the world. Unfortunately, you grew up with some evil types. If you can heal from those wounds, you will find yourself attracted to and attracting better, kinder people. I wish you all the best on that journey!
“One of the more obnoxious characteristics of bullies is that they accuse the victim of being over-sensitive.”
Exactly. Bullies/*ssholes cut down and go after a person and then try to turn it around by saying ‘it was just a joke’.
Bullies need to be called out on their behavior – period.
This stupid *ss girl knew what was going on. Don’t even try to tell me this ass didn’t come in her room all gleeful with what he was going to do. She knew. And yes, at age 18 (years before that) you know doing that is WRONG.
“People do this ALL the time. It’s not “bullying”-it’s a stupid joke.”
Wrong. It’s bullying and they are morally complicit in his death. Is it a crime? Probably not, but I hope they are prosecuted for those actions that were crimes (invasion of privacy). No need for a lynch mob, but there are consequences for actions and I hope the two perpetrators feel guilt and remorse for their part in this tragedy.
“People do this ALL the time. It’s not “bullying”-it’s a stupid joke.”
Are you insane?!?! Scribbling “Free Rides For Studs” all over my male friend’s car with red lipstick last weekend was a stupid joke. Filming your roommate having gay sex when he’s not “out” yet and broadcasting it via Twitter is sick and demented.
I took a look at the article CB posted and this is a list of Wei’s role:
* Molly Wei knew Dharun Ravi from back in high school.
* Ravi went to Wei’s room after Clementi asked Ravi for some privacy.
* Arguably, Wei was one of only a few friends Ravi felt comfortable crashing with just weeks into his freshman year at college.
* From Wei’s computer, Ravi accessed his own computer, turned on the webcam, and spied and broadcast Clementi’s hook-up.
* When Clementi asked for privacy a second time, Ravi went back to Wei’s room, with the intention of broadcasting Clementi’s sex life again.
* Later, Clementi jumped off of the George Washington Bridge.
I disagree with the author that Wei’s role is in question. I think it’s very telling that Ravi went back to Wei’s room the SECOND time. If your friend is in your small dorm room playing a joke on someone, you don’t think he’s going to mention it to you? If she was against his actions, I doubt Ravi would have gone back to her room AGAIN to pull the same prank. I think that information is pretty incriminating that she was in fact involved and had knowledge.
This girl has no shame. Indirectly or not, invading that kid’s privacy, not once, but twice AND broadcasting that you were going to do so and then doing just that, is bullying, which is emotional and mental abuse (I know that other kid was the ringleader, but she’s just as much a part of it, no different than the concentration camp prison guards who said they were just doing their job).
Bullying is abuse. I don’t understand why people don’t get that.
Yes, it happens all the time, but that doesn’t make it right, or acceptable, or even legal.
There are various ways of dealing with it for sure, but no matter how those two try to wriggle out of it, they are responsible for being the final straw that broke the camel’s back. Bullies do that; they humiliate you, make fun of you, make you feel unsafe and insecure because they’re always pulling the rug out from under you.
These two are amoral, socio-pathic teens, imo, who don’t seem to behave as if they’re at all mortified, sorrowful, or even ashamed at what’s happened.
Some teens are like that…very easy for their brains to go off the rails and become sociopaths if they don’t get the right kind of guidance.
To issue a statement saying she feels attacked is an example of this nutty shameless behaviour. she makes it about her, not about some poor dead kid and his family who are no doubt horrified by all of this. She would do well to keep her mouth shut for a good long while.
I know my comments are extreme but Clementi’s CLEAR despair and what he was going through is just heartbreaking and the lack of support for him is infuriating.
“Do I see a hate crime? No, unless there is some proof that this was done because he was gay and not just to embarass him.”
while I agree that a hate crime would be hard to prove (as there’s no proof he was targeted because he was gay), I think it’s pretty clear (clear, not PROVABLE) that they did this because he’s gay.
honestly, I just can’t see Ravi doing this if Clementi was hooking up with a woman.
I think this story is tragic and the most tragic aspect keeps getting lost because people are focusing on the fact that two 18 year olds did something stupid. To me, the tragedy is that this kid was so ashamed about who he was and people finding out that he would rather jump off a bridge. What they did was stupid and illegal but it wasn’t manslaughter. Every day we look at videos of people who were filmed (many without their knowledge) doing embarrassing things (including sex) and we giggle, pass judgment, and pass it along (how many refused to watch the David Hasselhoff infamous burger video?). I think they deserve to be punished and prosecuted for invasion of privacy but anything more is meant to make an example of them and that’s not fair. Lastly, when the Mel Gibson tapes were made public and Whoopi Goldberg went after Radar and Oksana for taping private conversations, the blogosphere reamed her and said that people had the right to know what Mel was doing in his personal life. We have made the public and private sphere indistinguishable and now that there have been tragic consequences many are sitting in their glass houses throwing boulders.
Hate crime or not, this has got to stop. People DO do it all the time; sadly most of them get away with it.
She feels attacked. Wow. She didn’t seem to mind attacking Tyler’s privacy and thought it was funny. Regardless of what her intentions were, she will forever be known as the girl who did nothing and that led to another person’s death. Karma is letting you know what it’s like to feel attacked Molly. You bought it, now own it.
When you’re very young & someone does something this horrible to you, totally exposes your most secret self to the world and you have no say in it, it can feel like your world is over and you cannot face anyone ever again. I don’t think Tyler Clementi thought of it as a choice, I think he felt he had no choice except to do what he did.
Blaming Tyler for killing himself is cruel. We don’t know how he felt & how he thought his friends & family would react to the “situation.”
First: Clementy killed himself. It was a choice. His choice.
Second: It has not being proved that Ravi’s and Wei’s actions were what drove to Clementi’s suicide.
Third: The media and us, with our comments and behaviour, are bulling Ravi’s and Wei.
What would happen if one of them commit suicide? Should we all go to jail for bulling? Should we have any responsibility?
Please do not profit Clementi’s suicide to vent your frustrations. If you really care about homosexuality work to create a society where they have the same rights.
“The media and us, with our comments and behaviour, are bulling Ravi’s and Wei”
Yes, let’s twist and distort what happened to now blame the victim and feel sorry for the ones who committed the crime (invasion of privacy the very least).
We are bullying these poor people who are blameless. Regardless of what happens, SOMETHING needs to happen to these two who broadcasted the events. That is NOT up for debate. It happened. These two assholes knew what they were doing. THe fact that the girl comes out to say how her life is so bad and what a victim she is speaks volumes of her character.
@43: I think since Ravi is an Indian American, we need take into the account the culture he grew up with as well. In India, base on the class that you are on and I dont know which class he is, homosexual is believed to be an punishment of God to the family. Thats why you dont see a lot of gay lesbian there. They were either killed of they kill themselves out of shame.
About Wei, I lived in dorm for the past 4 years, it is highly unlikely that she does not know what Ravi is doing with her computer if she is indeed in there with him. This is not a prank but an invasion of privacy in their parts. Although they did not push Tyler out of the bridge, they however are legal adult that need to take responsibility for their act of crime. If anything, I feel bad for all three families.
Damn, we really DO live in a “blame the victim” society, don’t we?
You know what? I don’t CARE how Molly is doing. I don’t CARE that she feels attacked and bullied. I don’t CARE what the excuse of the month is. Think Tyler didn’t feel bullied and threatened and attacked? All he did was ask for privacy, privacy to which he was entitled. He wasn’t making out in front of Ravi. He asked to have the room alone for a little while, like almost ALL college students do. He didn’t ask for a third (and possibly fourth) party to insert themselves into his love life. He didn’t ask to have something private broadast. He didn’t ask to have his vulnerability and privacy so horrifically exploited. All he wanted was a little time alone in his room. Stop blaming HIM. And please stop making excuses for the lowlives that invaded this young man’s privacy.
Had Molly apologized to Tyler’s family immediately after the videos were put online and told them that she had no part in Ravi’s scheme/didn’t know about it, I would have been inclined to believe her.
Instead she runs to People now and has them print that she feels bullied! Oh my, the poor girl!
Sorry, not buying that she’s innocent, not at all.
What a terribly sad story this all has been.
I have no sympathy for her and find it really gross that this statement was all about her with no comment about feelings for the family of the young man who died.
Whoever participated in this should be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the laws applicable, but I don’t see how they could be charged in any way for his actual death.
I hope all schools are implementing no tolerance policies for this sort of thing, if they don’t already have them.
If she feels so bad, she should kill herself.
Your comment that “…maybe she shouldn’t be charged as an accessory to a hate crime. If she can prove that she had nothing to do with it” is incredibly misguided. It is not Ms. Wei who needs to prove her innocence, but the prosecutors who must prove her guilt.
Man, a lot of the posts on this board make me sick. Yes, it was Tyler’s choice to commit suicide, but that doesn’t make it okay for the other two to bully him.
What people (bullies) need to realise is that bullying someone who is mentally or emotionally fragile CAN contribute or cause them to commit suicide. Just because some people can tolerate bullying doesn’t mean others can.
If what these two kids did was the cause of Tyler’s suicide then they are guilty (though of what, I’m not sure). If they had been more thoughtful, then they wouldn’t have done it, and Tyler would still be alive. The obvious (and ideal, haha) answer to this is acceptance for our differences and general courtesy for others.
You have a disturbing view of justice.
“maybe she shouldn’t be charged as an accessory to a hate crime. If she can prove that she had nothing to do with it.”
IF SHE CAN PROVE? Dispicable. The kid jumped off a bridge, she didn’t push him literally or figuratively. I have no sympathy for someone who commits the selfish act of suicide. I do have sympathy for a young lady being faced with a lynch mob that insists she prove her innocence or do hard jail time. Absolutely disgusting.
The saddest part of all of this is schools and other authority figures usually dont do much to the bullies. They may get a talkin-to but thats usually the extent of it. People who bully are insecure manipulators who are good at getting people to see their side while discrediting their target.
Personally, I have had a lot of experience with bullies and I really wish no one would ever be bullied. It feels awful to be singled out every. single. day. and be a target of someones jokes. When I reported my own problems with bullies 9 times out of 10 my teacher/principal/boss would blame me for the problems and defend the bully. Unfortunately reporting doesnt do much good.
I see this girl and when I read her statement all I can think is “shut up bitch!” Im sure she giggled when Ravi was spying on his room-mate. I have a hard time believing shes as innocent as shes trying to say she is.
Yes Cakes I hear you. I got it too. If you complain you’re a crybaby and other kids will target you. But I just got teased and occasionally shoved around. Now that everyone has a camera in their phone or ipod they manufacture opportunities to get that embarrasing shot. The fat kid in the shower. The girl with excess body hair; or the kid with moles or other physical issues that someone thinks will look funny on the web. How many beatdowns are circulated around each week? A few years ago CNN did a story about a high school baseball coach who suspended some kids for bullying. The parents sued becasue this might affect their kids scholarsip chances. Heaven forbid the bullys suffer any real consequence. I’m so proud of my niece who at nine years old has actually pulled a bully off of a smaller kid, and screamed tormenters into submission. Some parents call her the bully; others see her as a hero. She won’t get in trouble from the school as long as she doen’t hit anyone…
This was MORE than an invasion of privacy crime. It WAS a HATE CRIME. Bullying Does Cause Death. This is not a lynch mob, this is a moderate voice who KNOWS that saying that bullying is OK (however they disguise the language, means that this person condones, and most likely is her/himself a bully. For whatever reasons: gay, different, rebellious against the norm. People who hate find lots of reason to justify doing so.
Suicide is NOT a choice. Suicide is the result of thinking you have NO choices.
Do you really think a person who commits suicide is emotionally healthy? And to those who think these two should be absolved because of his “obvious emotional problems,” you realize you are saying that it’s ok to cause harm to people like him? Would you say the same about someone who has a disability? It’s ok because they are already “damaged”? And before anyone throws out the “he should have sought help” bs argument I will remind you that a person who is this distraught is the least able to advocate for themselves. This is common friggin’ sense.
Honestly, people who think like that are the the real monsters.
@TeriSaw: VERY well put. I’ve stayed out of this one today because I’m on cold medicine and not thinking clearly, but I’ll sign my name to your post as well as #15’s.
The world loses a talented gay man and is left with a majhong-loving pharmacist? How is that fair?
Ew. She’s just foul.
Thats awsome of your niece Anna! Its disgusting what kids do to each other today. Most parents dont wanna believe that their kid is the ugly little bully that Im sure they remember or were in school. Im sure they justify the behavior and make it ok.
I hope your niece continues to stick up for the kids who were bullied at her school and she will be part of the catalyst for change and getting this bullying to stop.
#74 DA:
You are a vile bully.
Mob mentality is a scary thing to behold.
I am sometimes blown away by young people’s lack of appreciation for how lucky they are to be alive, healthy, well-off and in college, and yet have the capacity to be so insensitive. This culture does not respect age, youth thinks it knows everything. My parents worked very hard to teach me to respect everybody. I was not perfect but I hope never was I this hateful. I hope Molly Wei’s actions will dog her via the internet forever. After all, like Tyler Clementi, she “made a choice” in the spur of the moment. And it was the wrong one. Things move so fast today. THINK before you act.
OMG it’s like so totally inconvinent when losers you torment kill themselves and people feel your like, somehow responsible or some junk.
Actions have consequences. What Ravi and Wei did was illegal (invasion of privacy) but the actual harm they caused has ramifications that will echo for a long, long time. I fully believe that Wei knew what was happening and should bear culpability.
Part of me think it’s schadenfreude that they are now being harassed themselves but the harrassment they’ve gotten will only serve to make them feel as though *they* are the victims. I hope for two things, that they will be prosecuted and serve jail time so that they can fully appreciate the consequences of their despicable actions and that the discussion that this case has generated will lead to the enactment of some type of anti-bullying law.
Kyle says: I have no sympathy for someone who commits the selfish act of suicide.
=========================================
It wouldn’t surprise me if you were part of a group of bullies in high school. It’s always the bullied kid’s fault, isn’t it?
Suicide has been described as a permanent solution to a temporary problem, but the problem doesn’t seem temporary to the person who is going through it. These kids have been put through hell day in and day out and don’t see any end to it. They’ve come to believe it’s always going to be like this. Maybe if you had ever been on the receiving end, you would have a different perspective on the situation.
“He was scared, he was weak, and that was tragic.”
@lola: how was he weak, exactly?
as for these two students, all i have to say is they were rutgers students, 3 weeks into term, and this is the best they could come up with to occupy their time? seriously? they didn’t have homework, or friends, or something else to do besides watching a student have sex? and it is telling that the male student was SO interested in watching a male have sex with another male. these two are not sweet, nice students pulling a prank – they are sick and twisted freaks who bullied someone who did nothing to them. their families must be so proud. and those of you who think it was harmless should be ashamed of yourselves and aim a little higher.
At the heart of this story, the fact is a young man chose to end his life as a result of people intentionally doing things to hurt him. How anyone misses the bottom line tragedy in that is beyond me. I don’t condone the lynch mentality but I sure as hell don’t feel sorry for Ravi and Wei. I cannot believe the number of people absolving them because “they didn’t push Tyler off the bridge”. Or even worse that “it wasn’t bullying, it was just a stupid prank”. Leaving the gay component out of it, it was a major violation of trust, privacy and basic human decency for them to not only film it but to broadcast it on the internet. Now throw in the fact that this kid wasn’t out of the closet and it magnifies that violation by 1000.
When I was in college (before the dawn of the internet and camera phones), I once got so wasted before a university winter formal party that I puked my guts out in the bathroom at the event and got thrown out. I was ashamed for weeks after that. And that is not anywhere near the realm of humiliation this poor kid was feeling. I cannot imagine what Tyler felt after being exposed like this. It is truly unfathomable.
Honestly put yourself in those shoes and tell me…was it really just a stupid prank? Was it really Tyler’s fault because he was too weak to handle garden variety teasing? Or was it more than that?
There is no way to find a silver lining in this for Tyler’s friends and family but one can only hope that this is the impetus for a real, hard, serious look at all forms of bullying and enacts no tolerance policies nationwide.
#31- the OTHER sickening difference between these heart-wrenching cases, and the two subhumans who committed this murder, in my view AND the south hadley, MA case is that there in MA THREE monstrous GIRLS bullied this teenager to her death, so what does the FEMALE prosecutor do? she charges the dead girl’s two former near age boyfriends with RAPE; with a life sentence penalty possibility. this, for having consensual sex with someone in their own age range, while the monster girl trio is shown repeatedly on TV as though they are such innocents. such a sickening bias and example of sexism. a multitude of scholarly ivy league school lawyers have stated that they have either never or rarely heard of such a charge and find it extremely troubling. its sickening and profoundly sexist. again, the trio of subhuman actresses are pulling the same wei chick stunt, having people publicize how THEY are so burdened and how victimized THEY are. they should all 5 be put against a wall just like gary gilmore was; though 10 to 1 ALL of the girl monsters will be exonerated or slapped on the wrist and the boys given immensely harsh sentences. its sickening. meanwhile god bless the 4 murdered gay boys of the past couple of weeks and this young girl.
If Molly kills herself, how long should your sentence be? Just wondering.
@Rowsdower: I’m sorry. I fail to see the parallel.
Commenting on a story on a gossip blog is a FAR cry from secretly taping someone after they have pleaded for privacy and then publishing the footage. If you can’t see the difference between the two circumstances, I’m afraid I can’t help you.
If Molly kills herself, how long should your sentence be? Just wondering.
************
I’m sorry, I also fail to see the parallel. No one here is taping her and broadcasting it. No one here is directly contacting her and threatening her. Most people here are expressing their opinion that the actions of two students committing an invasion of privacy crime either directly or indirectly led to the suicide of a young man whose only crime was asking for his privacy. It’s not a crime to discuss opinions on a blog, as long as there are no direct threats (and yes, some of the comments are a little over the top in their vitriol towards Molly Wei). It IS against the law to tape someone without their consent and broadcast or threaten to do so over the internet.
What vile people. They may not have intended this to happen, but it has. And what exactly were they expecting to happen after a closeted gay guy has his hook up broadcast on the net? Did they think he was just going to laugh it off? Become BFFs? F*ck no. They knew they were doing something wrong, and they knew it was mean spirited, if not outright homophobic.
I am in total agreement, Celebitchy. This whole situation is so sad, it hurts your head to think about. Anyone even remotely involved in this knew that this was going to come back to hurt Tyler very deeply, that’s why they did it. Evil creeps. What makes people do this to someone else?
His freedom to choose when and in what context to come out was taken from him. This is totally a hate crime.
Although I like being informed about many things, may I respectfully request that there be a boycott on all of these bullies, please?
They should get no air-time, article-time, or press, imo. I won’t freak out if you do write about them, but thought I’d ask. Thanks. 🙂
I hope both this bitch and that bastard are charged with committing a hate crime and that the judge throws the book at them. They should be made an example of so some idiot in future will think twice before pulling this dirty kind of shit. They should have been forced to view the body after it was pulled out of the water.
Yeah, there’s no way she could have had zero responsibility here. How dare she not focus on the suicide of someone she didn’t know, and for whose death she was in no way responsible?
The gall, I tell you!
Just to be clear for all those who didn’t read my entire post:
What they did was illegal. I wasn’t absolving them of any wrongdoing. I do believe that they deserve whatever legal problems that are coming to them based on the provable crimes of invasion of privacy and the other about circulating pornographic materials without the consent of the participants. I’m not excusing them in any way, shape or form.
I do not believe that because this kind of thing happens all the time (and it does whether you want to believe it or not) it means that the behavior is ok. People shoot other people all the time too. That isn’t ok either.
I am not a psychopath just because I think that they were pulling a stupid joke and weren’t intentionally trying to cause this guy severe emotional trauma or distress.
“Are you out of your mind? What kind of people do you associate with? Nobody I know would do something like this.”
When you live in a dorm, you hear about just about everything that goes on in said dorm, especially if the police are wandering around asking questions. I didn’t and don’t associate with people like that, I knew of incidents similar to this one happening in my dorm. I couldn’t pick and choose the personalities of the people who lived around me in a dorm setting.
What I do believe is that these two, unless they were habitually bullying, teasing and abusing Clementi, are not responsible for his choice to commit suicide and I do not believe that they did what they did to somehow goad him into committing suicide.
And yes, I believe suicide is a choice. I’ve been clinically depressed for years-taking medications and seeing counselors and managing my depression since I was 12 years old. Thinking about ending your life is a very serious and emotionally distressing thing and a person does not come upon this decision lightly.
Just to reiterate: What they did was illegal and I fully support any kind of consequences they have coming to them. I do not believe they did what they did in order to goad him into suicide. I believe they were being incredibly callous, as people can be especially in a dorm environment. I do not think their actions were in any way justified.
Thanks RomCom. I moved away, started a new life and have found good people. It’s so true what you said about the energy of the people around you. For so long I played out these bullying patterns in my life, with friends who used me or with me feeling the need to give too much and I’m seeing it. Once you become aware, changing the patterns get easier. I experienced suicidal thoughts as a teen and having lived through the darkest periods I can ever imagine in life, I am grateful now for the small things. It’s so sad when people get to a point of no return. I’m happy I was able to enjoy life again but incidents like this remind me of how boxed in you can feel as a teenager when no one accepts you. It’s a very lonely place which can drive people to desperate actions.
I don’t think those kids set out to drive Tyler to suicide. What they did was horribly cruel, and they definitely wanted him to suffer for some reason; but who could have foreseen this outcome? People who aren’t/haven’t been depressed can’t understand someone who is, and I think ignorance is chiefly to blame here.
I think this is one of those situations that should remind us all to treat others as we would like to be treated. Who hasn’t participated in something intentional hurtful, albeit on a much smaller scale? This will certainly give me pause, even though that behavior seemed to pass with Jr High in my experience. Maybe we need to start TEACHING compassion, rather than just expecting people to pick it up through osmosis.
As for her publicity statement… while I do think it is self-serving, remember she is first and foremost a teenage girl. One isn’t always “rational”, at that age. We don’t want a second suicide on our hands. No matter how mean she is, nobody deserves that.
Hamm-Dream-Man, just because that’s how your depression is for you, doesn’t mean its the same for Tyler (well, his state of mind). And mine is different again.
Just because something like that wouldn’t cause you to commit suicide, doesn’t mean it couldn’t have caused Tyler’s. I know several people who have tried to commit suicide (and thankfully failed) when similar, albeit less serious, stunts have been pulled on them. So why isn’t it possible?
#92: We read your entire post the first time around, Hamm. You’re trying to explain your way out of it because you got called on it. It won’t wash.
What a selfish B*tch, how is she now the victim, I hope she pays for what she did to that boy with some serious jail time as well.. What nerve.
please. we ALL know these kids.
the ones who sit & point & giggle b/c someone is different…who get off on peoples problems…entitled “sweet, quiet and smart girl with a love of mahjong”–so what the hell are you doing broadcasting other peoples private time?!?!?!
this girls a straight up C*NT.
How many times in a week does something similar happen to a young girl? An ex posts naked pictures … a “friend” passes on an embarrassing picture … harsher laws should be in place to protect EVERYONE from another person posting these sorts of things on the web or passing along personal things in an e-mail. This is a horrible situation and let’s hope that some good will come of it … tougher laws that will hopefully keep people from making the same mistake Ravi did.
Cheyenne: I’m not allowed to explain myself? Clearly you took issue with what I said and I explained myself more clearly and thoroughly. Take it as you will but I’m not backtracking on anything I said.
“I have no sympathy for someone who commits the selfish act of suicide.”
That’s one of the coldest, most despicable things I’ve read in a while. You really have hit a new low on this board.
“If Molly kills herself, how long should your sentence be? Just wondering.”
It’s not the same thing in the slightest. You’re an idiot.
I hope the judge puts those hateful scumbags in prison.
“It amounts to a third party inserting themself into someone’s sexual activity without permission… a little bit like rape”
Absolutely correct.
First why is a straight man watching 2 guys in a private moment. Don’t said to straight to me. Second, the girl must been upset with the victim because he turned her down because he is gay. It is what it is and if being gay made the victim happy so let it be. It is not hurting know one and personal what he does behind close doors is his business not the public.
My heart goes out to the victim’s family.
If my actions were the cause of someone taking their life I would not be functional to even speak to friends or make statements. I would be devastated this girl is seriously missing some screws. I don’t think she gets it.
honestly, as a fellow gay person, i can totally understand the viewpoints of both sides of this argument. it’s wrong though that, being his roommate, and knowing more about him, this Ravi character should have known Clementi well enough to figure out that if he did something like this, it would crush him… that’s bad judgment on his part, and he will be punished for it, and as for this Wei, if she’s playing the victim while there is a suicide under her hands, then it’s obvious, she’s only using this as a means for people to redirect their sorrow from Clementi onto her, and that’s just as wrong, a bad judgment on her part. Tyler, however shy or timid, should not have been as disturbed by this as to take his own life. i should know. i was outed in my high school by plenty of people, and that was why i was in the gym when i had free time. i did it cuz i knew i had enemies, and when i confronted them, they were made to be examples of how inferior they were to me, and to be scraped off the pavement later. my input on the subject is that in the case of tyler, yes, i am very saddened that this youth and many others every day, feel the need to end their own life.
if you know you are going to have enemies because of the lifestyle you choose, adapt to it, and adapt yourself. show no mercy to your enemies, as they will show no mercy to you. make yourself stronger, so when you confront your trespassers, you can beat the living shit out of them for crossing you. that is what teaches others to never mess with you.
this is the path i chose, and it has worked in my favor ever since i was 14 years old. and it can work for others. stand up, stand out, walk your path, and trample anyone who gets in your way. that is how you make a leader of yourself.
this is a message to all those who ever feel like they are being bullied.
my heart goes out to those who couldn’t make it to see this.
Let me see if I have this correct. If I’m straight, a gay guy in the dorm thinks I’m cute, and all the other dorm residents take note of his infatuation with me, start harassing me, gossiping that I’m gay, not because of my own behavior, but because some conspicuously gay guy likes me so much, and then I am socially ostracized to the point where I commit suicide, who is responsible?
The kid commited suicide, and yes it’s tragic. But if he was tee-tottering with such potential humiliation that when he was out-ed that he killed himself over it, why couldn’t he have taken greater steps to preserve his own privacy? In other words, go ahead, have your gay experiences, just not in the dorm, for goodness sake, due the risk of being discovered.
If he was so upset at being exposed like that, why was he so careless? It doesn’t add up. He was obviously very confused about his sexual identity. Very sad, but the reality is that if you’re gay you should not expect to be treated with kid gloves. If you’re out and proud, you deal. If you’re in the closet and not ready, get counseling and take it at your own pace.
It really doesn’t matter if you’re gay or not. Masochists will still harass you and try to humiliate you to the point of suicide.
Like it or not, every person has the power to react to circumstances. Tyler stupidly chose to jump off the bridge, others would have chosen to report these two jerks to the police.
I can’t believe the tones here. Is everyone insane? I thought it was up to a court of law to examine facts and decide guilt and punishment, not every idiot with a web site as forum. Face facts, people. facts. Not half baked opinions and either pro and anti gay ranting. If this was a heterosexual, no one would care. It sounds callous, but this does happen every year. 18 may be the age of majority, but it is NOT adulthood– if it was,then why is drinking age 21? Oh, it is because people have realized that 18 year olds are young and stupid. That’s why. And invasion of privacy? Really? Overlooking one obvious point: It was his room too. Being booted out for a booty call not once, but twice, when you know very few people on campus? I would be a bit pissed too. I would have found another way to express it, but hey, that’s where immaturity steps in. Tyler took his own life. He had his own issues, whatever they were. Yes, they were made worse by this “prank”, but homicide?
IMO, when we wring our hands and feel sympathy for those who choose to kill themselves, we encourage others to do likewise.
As far as I know, the suicide note said nothing about Ravi, Molly, bullying, or video. People kill themselves for many reasons. Maybe a relationship didn’t go well. Maybe he had trouble in a class. Maybe he faced some existential dilemma, and could not deal with it.
Before we charge anyone with anything, I want to know why this boy killed himself. And if suicide is a victimless crime, then who was the victim?
I feel bad for all parties involved in this case. From what I understand we have a couple of stupid kids pranking a closeted weirdo, who obviously had some serious self-loathing issues; by taking his life, which is extremely selfish he ruined these other two kids lives. I feel worse for the “alleged” culprits who targeted some wimp who couldn’t take a joke. But either way you look at I think we can all agree that this is the most DIVERSE hate crime ever when considering the sexual orientation and skin colors of the involved party. VIVA USA