These are photos of John Mayer and his new facial hair out and about in NYC on Tuesday. I haven’t been paying attention to Mayer lately, so I’m taking it on Fame Pcitures’ word that this facial hair is new-ish. What do you think? Douchestache? Dirtlip? He actually looks a little bit like James Franco in these photos – and that speaks volumes about the dumb styling choices Franco has been making. I also love that the douchestache says “I am too cool to care about shaving my dirtlip” while his blowout says “I’m fabulous, and this took two hours to achieve. Because I’m worth it!” Also – his sunglasses… there’s a subtle cat-eye to them, right? Mayer wears cat-eye sunglasses, gets expensive blow-outs and refuses to shave. Oh, and he’s also got that little “soul patch” thing on his bottom lip. Ugh. I hate those.

By the way, did you know that John Mayer has been in NYC the whole time Jake Gyllenhaal and Taylor Swift have been doing their maple-syrupy-morning-coffee romance? True story! Mayer has been out and about, keeping a surprisingly low profile – for him, which means getting pap’d every few days. There have been no Tumblr rants nor any impromptu press conferences with TMZ, ever since it was widely reported that Swifty wrote her song “Dear John” about their torrid and douchetastic relationship. Swifty never confirmed or denied it – and I think it’s pretty clear that she wrote it about Mayer dicking her over.

Anyway, I just thought I’d mention it… so that when we read yet another report from People Magazine about Swifty and Gyllenhaal playing Candyland until 9 pm on a school night while drinking hot chocolate with extra marshmallows (SCANDAL!), just think about this: Swifty conceivably could still be boning John Mayer. Think about it. She and Jake have their little PR relationship where their courtship seems to consist of ice cream with sprinkles and maybe HARD CIDER and Swifty is still riding the Mayer Douche Dong on the downlow. I keep telling you – Swifty is not this little perfect fairy tale princess. Ever since Mayer, that chick has been tainted.

Photos courtesy of Fame.