Here’s my biggest problem with Dr. Drew: he’s a whore. Specifically, he whores out his medical degree and uses it as a cudgel to talk smack about celebrities. Now, I talk smack about celebrities too – we all do. You wouldn’t be here unless you talked smack about celebrities. If Dr. Drew was just some dude on the street, talking smack, he would be just another dude with an opinion. But Dr. Drew gives his opinions with the air of a “professional” and a “knowledgeable expert” on psychology and celebrity culture, granting interviews about the supposed diseases, addictions and disorders various celebrities “suffer” from by his armchair diagnosis. Also: he believes everything he reads in the tabloids, which is just weird. Like, it’s as if he reads some quote that In Touch Weekly’s unnamed source attributes to Angelina Jolie, and then Dr. Drew bases his entire “diagnosis” of Jolie on that quote. And don’t even get me started on how he whores himself out for fame and celebrity on Celebrity Rehab. It’s all… pretty disgusting. Anyway, Dr. Drew has given a new interview to The Huffington Post, and they ask him about various celebrities. His answers are horrible:

Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are headed for an epic breakup. The recently-separated Eva Longoria has a classic case of love addiction. Miley Cyrus is acting out right now because of her parents’ divorce. And today’s laissez-faire attitude toward divorce is “bullshit.”

Yep, the doctor is definitely in.

Dr. Drew Pinsky, the long-time host of radio’s “Loveline” and of the VH1 shows “Celebrity Rehab,” “Sex Rehab,” and “Sober House” shared these and other revelations with us at Milk Studios in Hollywood last week, where he was shooting promos for his upcoming HLN talk show “Dr. Drew,” in which he’ll tackle these themes and many more nightly in-studio during prime time starting in the spring.

Below, some highlights:

On Brad and Angelina:
Just add up a couple things. There’s no such thing as ‘I was a heroin addict.’ That doesn’t exist in nature. Something is going on with [her] addiction. Or she’s in recovery. And I don’t see any evidence that’s the case. So we’ve got one person who’s a heroin addict. Which is a chronic lifelong condition, period. We have another person who has said things like, “Well, Jennifer [Aniston] was into long-term relationships, that’s just her way of looking at things.” I mean, that demeaning attitude towards other people’s emotions. Now put those two people together and you have got a really volatile situation. And they’re constantly creating things to weld themselves together. Which is only going to serve to make a more nuclear eruption. There will be some sort of meltdown that will be phenomenal when it does happen.

On Eva Longoria and Tony Parker’s split:
This guy is trying to have a marriage … and he starts acting out [sexually] like that? I don’t have to watch too many episodes of [VH1’s “Basketball Wives”] to know what’s going on. Now, why didn’t Eva know about that? Talk about love addiction.

On the role of sex and love addiction in divorce:
Love addicts and sex addicts tend to go together. Love addicts are often people who were severely abandoned. And they tend to idealize people. It’s sort of romantic love gone pathological. The kind of person [they’ll] idealize will necessarily be the kind of person who will abandon them. If that person suddenly comes around and forms a closeness, the love addict will sabotage the relationship.

On why maintaining marriages can be harder as a celebrity:
Relationships need a lot of care and attention. If you have two people disregarding the care and attention of the relationship, you’re going to have a problem. And then also add to that, they are being put on what are essentially sensory deprivation chambers–movie sets–and asked to evoke powerful feelings with attractive people. I mean, hello.

On why Ryan Reynolds and Scarlett Johansson didn’t last:
I don’t know what that was … I’ve known Ryan for a long time. He’s a nice guy. He seems like someone who should have a healthy relationship.

On why Miley Cyrus is acting out:
Can you imagine the pain that Miley is in? Her mom just had an affair. Her parents are breaking up … She’s in trouble right now. She’s manifesting signs of mental health problems, as well she should, right? It’s a teenager in trouble because of problems.

On Kelsey Grammer, who recently announced his engagement to his fourth wife:
I don’t know what to do with Kelsey. I need to know him a little better. But when you see serial re-marriers it’s usually more people of Larry King’s generation. And their thing was, they didn’t have sex unless they were married. I can’t make sense of it.

On why he can’t stand today’s lax attitude toward divorce:
We have gone through a 30-year period where terribly unhealthy things that contribute to unhappiness have been normalized as ‘just another choice,’ just another way of doing things, when in fact that’s bullshit. Divorce is an extremely unhappy, extremely stressful, extremely problematic thing. Thank god it’s an option for some people. But…it impacts people’s mental health. The least it does it create problems around intimacy until the fourth decade of life. It tends to normalize after that. But it takes people to their 30s or 40s to, under the best of situations, to expunge the experience. That’s a lot of suffering. And that’s often a lot of failed relationships and other failed relationships and more children exposed to divorce. The problem with divorce is that people consider it an option. You just shouldn’t consider it an option unless it’s absolutely necessary.

On why we find reading about divorce stories so fascinating:
Humans are interested in drama. Drama is not healthy people acting healthy. That’s boring. And divorces are dramas. Divorces are painful. Our attention goes to humans in pain, so that’s what that is.

[From Huffington Post]

Let’s see… okay, Angelina Brad has never said “Jennifer [Aniston] was into long-term relationships, that’s just her way of looking at things.” Also, Eva Longoria is not a “love addict,” she’s a famewhore who prioritized her celebrity over her marriage. And why does everything have to be an “addiction” anyway? Why can’t it just be “I’m not a sex addict, I was just dumb, and I like to bone beautiful women” and “It’s not love addiction, I’d just rather stay married to this person because the divorce would cost too much”? Oh, and Dr. Drew has known Ryan Reynolds for a long time? Riiight. And the insinuation is that ScarJo is to blame for the split, of course, not that Ryan is a massive tool. Of course. I could go on and on, but really, why are we still listening to Dr. Drew?