In case you thought we’d get a break from the orange alcoholic with the big hair, Snooki has enough licensing and merchandising deals in the works to rival the Kardashians. Snooki told CNN that she has a lot of irons in the fire, and she said that she’d love to act on television, like on The Office, and that she would like to do Dancing With The Stars. She also said she wouldn’t have plastic surgery because she’s afraid of needles (yeah, right) and that she’ll go back to school once she’s no longer able to make a living out of annoying people.

CNN: If you could have a romance with any Hollywood A-Lister, who would it be?

Polizzi: Paul Walker or Vin Diesel.

CNN: Are you interested in an acting career?

Polizzi: Oh yeah! I do a lot of stuff on “Jimmy Kimmel.” I like that! If I could get a spot on “The Office” or something like that, I would love to do that!

CNN: So then do you plan to complete your vet tech degree?

Polizzi: I definitely would love to. I mean, if this all fails and, like, dies, I still have that backup plan where I’d love to go back to school and get my license.

CNN: Would you ever do “Dancing With the Stars” or a “Real Housewives”-type show?

Polizzi: Possibly in the future. I’m down for anything.

CNN: Would you ever consider plastic surgery?

Polizzi: No. I’m scared of needles. I can’t even! I’m scared of anesthesia because I’m scared, like, you know those stories where they feel everything when they’re under? I feel like that would happen to me. So I’m not even gonna take that chance.

CNN: Any plans to write another book?

Polizzi: Yes, I actually have a couple more ideas of books that I wanna do. If this book does well hopefully I can do a sequel.

CNN: What about writing a non-fiction book?

Polizzi: Right! Like a guide to how to be Guidette – something like that.

CNN: What’s up next for the Snooki brand?

Polizzi: I just launched my jewelry line. We have a new piece for Valentine’s Day. I also have my slipper line and I’m working on my clothing line right now.

[From CNN]

In case you’re not familiar with Snooki’s book, head over to this story to see a long sample. I had a headache just typing that crap in, and the writing and plot were truly terrible. If you want some laughs, check out the reviews of Snooki’s book on Amazon.com. My favorite is this one, by an Army officer who lives in Georgia:

I still pine for the day when Wicket W. Warrick releases his memoirs of the Battle of Endor, but until then, we’ll just have to settle for this excellent translation. It’s one of the cleanest in the English language, where the grunts and vernacular of the vertically challenged and girth enhanced Ewok Snooki come across in all their simplicity. Though demonstrating a remarkable paucity of thought, we’re endeared of this member of the species, and look forward to more as she gains her voice and hopefully develops a slightly higher IQ. Kudos to her translator, but it’s unfortunate that the editor had such a dull source. It’s entertaining, momentarily, to have exposure to the Ewok’s earth culture of drinking, whoring, and tanning, but that wears out quickly and we’re left with a book that is the 2011 version of Jessica Simpson’s wedding planning guide.

[From suaspontemark on Amazon]

That’s so clever, that dude needs a blog. Anyway getting back to “Snooki,” she recently told the NY Daily News that she’s getting sick of her moniker and wants to be called by her real name, Nicole, now that she’s an author! Meanwhile she’s cashing in on the Snooki name by putting out slippers, jewelery, etc. What’s next for her – an exercise video, a perfume, a line of self tanners? She should go back to just being Nicole and go somewhere far away.

Update: here’s a link to a video of Snooki falling on her face drunk on Jersey Shore, thanks to Entertainment Tonight.

Photos are from 1/10/11. Credit: Mr. Blue/WENN.com. I guess she was on Letterman. Look at that bitch face, she is so hung over.