Shocking absolutely no one, The Enquirer has some eye-witness (nose-witness) reports from Mickey Rourke’s film sets, all claiming that Mickey is made of stank. He just looks like he smells, right? He also looks like he has Dorito-and-cigarette breath. Anyway, the Enquirer’s sources say that Mickey is our new Pigpen.

Reformed hell raiser Mickey Rourke is still raising a stink on movie sets. Rourke has such terrible body odor and bad breath that his costars and crew members sometimes hold their breath when they are near him, sources tell The Enquirer.

“Mickey’s a nice guy – but the bottom line is he smells!” said one Hollywood insider. “He’s got a definite hygiene problem. Between his overpowering body odor and his awful breath, a lot of people won’t go near him unless they have to.”

According to the source, the disheveled-looking actor “either forgets to take showers or is adamantly opposed to using deodorant.”

And his trailer is even worse!

“It’s so sloppy and messy that the makeup and wardrobe people try to work with him anywhere else but there,” said the source. “They avoid that trailer like a hazardous waste dump!”

“Mickey’s like Pigpen in the ‘Peanuts’ comics… he’s lovable, but dirty. Directors tend to overlook his bad hygiene because he’s such a sweetheart and gifted actor. But the crew and the cast get the brunt of it. On bad days when they see Mickey, they run in the other direction.”

[From The National Enquirer, print edition]

Well, I’ve read some stuff claiming that Mickey is still the same old bastard on sets, so now I don’t know who to believe. I tend to think that Mickey’s hygiene is probably pretty gross. I mean, it’s difficult to even look at him, so I can’t imagine being right there and having all of the senses assaulted by The Stank. I also tend to believe that Mickey isn’t Mr. Wonderful on sets, but that he’s not the temperamental bastard he once was. Here’s hoping.

Anyway, this was all just an excuse to bring up something Mickey-related. Do you remember that soft-core porn Mickey did with Carrie Otis, Wild Orchid? Remember how controversial it was at the time, and how the rumor was that Mickey and Carrie were actually having sex on camera? Well, I hadn’t seen that movie in years and years – I was really, really young when I last saw it. Like, maybe 13 years old. Anyway, I recently watched it, and I would highly recommend it for ANYONE. Watching it now is, like, one of the funniest things ever. The acting is atrocious, the plot is ridiculous, and those famous sex scenes are full of the WORST fake orgasms ever.

Okay, now forget that story. Here are some photos of Mickey handing out presents to sick Russian kids just before Christmas. Cute!

Photos courtesy of WENN.