One of the greater battles in Tom Cruise’s life (aside from the obvious fighting off body Thetans, etc) has been the battle of the bulge. Less “end of the universe”-type important than the Thetans, but also a lot more obvious to anyone with eyes. Not just any guy walking down the street can spot a body Thetan. But pretty much anyone can see what’s going on around Tom Cruise’s midsection.

Luckily Tom Cruise has the husband of the world’s most infamous dieter at his disposal, and David Beckham has been doling out some friendly advice.

TOM CRUISE has reportedly been getting diet advice from soccer ace DAVID BECKHAM. The Top Gun star and his wife, Katie Holmes, became pals with Beckham when the footballer and his Spice Girl wife Victoria moved to Los Angeles last year (07).

And the actor is said to have shed 10 pounds in just six weeks with the sports star’s help. A source tells Britain’s Daily Mail newspaper, “David has been round at Tom’s house a lot. While Katie and Victoria have been swapping fashion tips on the phone, David has been advising Tom on diet.

“Tom has a private gym at his home and David has been working out with him. He also gave him diet advice. Tom has been sticking to 1,200 calories a day, mostly grilled chicken and fish with lots of vegetables, salads and fruit.

“David put together a work-out regime that included the treadmill, weight training and fencing lessons together.” And the reason for the ageing actor’s sudden health kick appears to be to do with his young family.

The source adds, “Tom had been steadily gaining weight. He didn’t notice it at first but then he developed quite a paunch. He hated it when pictures started appearing of him with a belly and love handles. He turned 46 this summer and he’s got a 29-year-old wife and a young family so he wanted to get back in shape.”

[From Contact Music]

You know some people shed pounds not because they’ve stopped eating but because they’re unhappy. If David Beckham moved to my city and I looked like Tom Cruise, I’d be pretty grumpy about it too. I’m just saying.

As cute as the story is, are we really supposed to believe that David Beckham’s sitting on his program, custom-tailoring his ifit program for Tom Cruise? I’m pretty sure the guy can afford his own trainer. And while I’ll admit that David Beckham probably knows what he’s doing, he’s also a busy guy – and I’m guessing a top-of-the-line professional is a little more likely to be able to give Tom the custom attention (i.e. praise and tummy rubs) that he requires.

I bought the whole “Posh is helping Katie lose weight” bit because they were probably trading illegal pills and tips of some sort. But I really doubt David Beckham is willing to block the front door to keep Tom from heading to Chili’s like Harley Pasternak does for Jessica Simpson.

Here’s Tom Cruise, David Beckham, Will Smith and their spouses are shown on 7/23/07 at a party at the Museum of Contemporary Art.