Director Guy Ritchie has given an interview to the Observer newspaper in England, where he addresses some of the rumors about his life with Madonna. He doesn’t say what we’re expecting him to say, such as “She’s a controlling dominatrix, and the last time we had sex in 2003 she made me wear her shoes”. He gives a little more than the usual “we’re very happy thanks” type response. He tries to remain impassive, but he does admit another adoption is “possibly” in the works, and says he’s not a follower of Madonna’s religion, Kabbalah. He also addresses his stalled career, trying to be diplomatic about why his films haven’t been successful lately.

On his movie RocknRolla not being marketed by the studio:

“I mean, they’re (Warner Bros) still talking about an 800-screen release [in the US]. If it’s on 800 screens that’s bigger than what I would do anyway – I would go smaller. So there’s not much I can say.’

Actually, (Warner’s president) Alan Horn has said, ‘I don’t see it starting out on 800 screens.’ He also said that the film is not ‘broadly commercial’, is ‘very English’, and only has ‘funny spots’. Does Ritchie agree with him?

‘I don’t. It’s obviously very English. But I’m not sure if that… I mean, Harry Potter’s very English isn’t it? Bond’s very English. But no, I just, I just… I’m not sure if Alan quite knows what to do with it.’

On criticism of his last film Revolver:

‘We got caught up in the zeitgeist of slaggery, so it was clearly at some point not about the film. And I just don’t accept it’s a bad film. I know how to make a film. So to say it’s a bad film, to say it’s constructed badly or anything – it’s just not.’

Does he think Swept Away would have worked better if Madonna wasn’t in it?

‘Um, well…’ He struggles for the appropriate words, or just the politic ones. ‘It’s impossible not to take her fame out of the equation – and I suppose I was incredibly naive about that,’ he says, a rare concession from this solidly self-assured man with the tree-trunk upper arms (he tries to do ju-jitsu for an hour every day). ‘The thing was,’ he continues, ‘it was a very low-budget film, and it was designed as a very small thing – but there’s no such thing when she’s involved. So… I just don’t accept that’s a bad film. It’s exactly the film I intended to make. It’s supposed to be ironic, and the most politically incorrect film of its period. But the irony was lost by the enormity of her fame, I suppose.’

Would he describe himself as a follower of Kabbalah?

‘No, I wouldn’t, no. I like to think I’m an objective guy. I have sympathies with many philosophies, and I think it’d be a mistake to be a follower of anything, really.’

People assume that because Madonna is a follower, it’s a point of tension in their marriage.

‘I just think any intelligent human being has to remain, if you can, objective. I like the idea that everyone’s free to think what it is they think as long as it doesn’t hurt anyone else.’

The Observer journalist Craig McClean descibes Guy as being chatty, thoughtful, kind and funny. He also says he was expecting Guy to be ‘chippy’, and that he is judged by standards that don’t apply to other directors because of his early success and high profile marriage. Probably true, I noticed that despite the fact that Guy was promoting a film, the article was filed online under the ‘music’ section of the paper.

While the interview doesn’t address tabloids rumors, near the end he runs a quick question and answer session by Guy, who answers comfortably.

On whether they’re trying to adopt another child: possibly

Is your pub [The Punchbowl, in London’s Mayfair] overcharging tourists?

‘I hope so!’

After adopting David two years ago, are you and Madonna trying to adopt another child from Malawi, named Mercy?

‘Possibly.’

According to Christopher Ciccone’s recent book/exposé about his now-estranged sister, you’re a homophobe who, among other things, gave the gay, sometime interior designer a lot of trouble about a closet you wanted built.

‘Really? Was that a metaphorical closet? What do I make of that book? I don’t make anything of the book. The poor chap wrote it out of desperation. I don’t think it’d be intelligent to comment on that. I can’t give too much equity [sic] in what the chap’s gonna write in that book. But,’ he concludes with a grin, ‘you’d be hard pushed to be a homophobe and marry Madonna.’

Time’s up. Is Guy Ritchie up to his eyes with planning the wife’s no-doubt-spectacular birthday celebrations?

‘Um, I’m involved in paying for ’em!’

The Observer

Reading this interview makes Madonna and Guy’s marriage seem a little bit more regular. Since they made the film together people seem to think they work as a team in their careers, but they’re probably more like a regular couple with children who like to leave their work at the office. A regular couple living in a very, very lovely house.

Reports are circulating that Madonna and Guy have renewed their marriage vows for her 50th birthday, but that seems unlikely to me. Usually vows are renewed on a date significant for the couple, like an anniversary. The Sun tabloid also says that Guy describes his ‘missus’ as having legs of an ‘Olympic standard’ and that you won’t find a ‘fitter bird’ than her at any age. The cockney slang The Sun attributes to him is a stark contrast to the mild British way he presents in the Observer interview.

Guy Ritchie is shown at ComicCon on 7/25/08 and out in NY on 7/1/08. Credit: PRPhotos