Dina Lohan has just told PopEater that she’s not worried about her cracked out daughter because it is “All good. God has a big plan.” Stop shuddering for a second and let that sink in. Dina Lohan believes in God, and she thinks God is on her side and Lindsay’s side. Is that it? Or is this some “let go and let God” junk? Or is Mother Crackhead telling us “Yes, God’s plan is to make sure my crackhead daughter doesn’t kill somebody, and that’s why His Plan is to send her to prison.” Of course not.
Anyway, TMZ is still Crack Central in this ongoing, years-long debacle. They’ve got a million stories up, which I’m just going to summarize:
*Lindsay allegedly wants a plea deal. The judge has set a hearing for February 23, “so the lawyers can talk plea bargain.” TMZ says that Lindsay is only interested in a plea bargain that would have her doing ZERO jail or prison time, while the prosecutor definitely wants jail time. Also, TMZ says that in a quirk of California penal codes, Lindsay can crack hustle a plea deal without jail time out of the judge directly, and cut the prosecutor out of the equation. Why has that never been shown on The Closer? Anyway, if Lindsay gets away with no jail/prison time, she would likely see her probation extended for another year. And that’s the last time! Just kidding, she gets another million “chances”.
*The jeweler that Lindsay heisted from was almost a victim of a cracked-out heist previously. Apparently, Lindsay had previously “forgot” that she was wearing one of their diamond earrings and she almost walked out wearing one. According to TMZ, this is good for Lindsay, because it proves she’s just absentminded. Or, you know, she gets cracked out of her skull and goes jewelry shopping and “forgets” to pay for junk.
*There are inconsistencies in the jeweler’s story versus the police report. And Mother Crackhead’s Divine Crack Plan must involve fellating Harvey Levin, because the “positive spin” on being a cracked out, kleptomaniac, narcissistic hustler is getting old.
*One last thing – we finally know what the whole “flower mystery” was. Lindsay sent flowers to the jeweler herself, as a way to “be nice” and “apologize” for “returning the necklace late.” Oh, I wonder what the note said. I bet it was a threat, right? Crackhead psychopath.
Update by CB: Here’s a video from that genius animation studio out of Hong Kong on Lindsay.
Photos courtesy of WENN.
I’m down with that Big Plan, too…as long as it involves her doing at least a few months in general population at the state prison.
I bet Lindsay sent poppies, her favorite flower.
Ok, so reading over the “alleged” inconsistencies, I don’t see how they’d really help Lindsay. Anyone who’s watched Law and Order for five minutes knows that eye-witness accounts aren’t very reliable. So the jeweler said she took the jewelry one way, and the tape says she took it another. All that tells me is that she took it, and the tape doesn’t lie. Just because the jeweler doesn’t remember exactly the way Lindsay absconded with the necklace in question doesn’t mean the tape doesn’t show her walking the fuck out with it.
Part of me thinks this is some set up by TMZ, Radar and Lindsay to keep her in the tabs. She realizes that all she’s good for is tabloid fodder because no one wants her in their movies (the Inferno director recently said he was “relieved” not to have Lindsay to deal with), so I bet this whole thing was some concoction between her and these online rags that have “insiders” in the court system. So this whole time, they’ve been calling this case a slam dunk, then all of the sudden today, they’re reporting she may beat the charges due to all this shit that’s never been brought up before and WASN’T brought up during the initial, 10-minute hearing. This is all such bullshit that’s just going to end up with her being dragged out of some seedy, drug riddled hotel in a body bag within a few years.
Is that a new tat on her finger? What is up with her nails, made up to looked chipped off her the last few weeks?
You can’t “return something late” if you were never given permission to borrow it in the first place. I think that’s the best evidence against her, no paperwork saying she was allowed to borrow it.
I wonder how many other stores she’s done this to – try something on and then “forget” and walk out with it? I bet many.
YES! My morning – hell, my week, is complete! I HAVE BEEN WAITING DINA! I have been waiting for this fool ass fool to come out and give come coke head wisdom!
Oh, and that tattoo is not new!
@JenJen: No, I think that’s her stupid Shhhh tattoo.
I think she can’t keep her nails looking good because she’s constantly chewing them. Like a crack head.
Edited to add: Omg I forgot she got that stupid ass tattoo with Lily Allen. You KNOW they were high.
If only all crack head thieves sent the places they stole from flowers. All would be right in the world. That just tells you how f’ed up she is-awwww sorry I stole jewelry from you! Here’s some flowers!
I want to smack that smirk so bad..
I really think she believes this is “her acting time on camera.”
She no longer has a real career and while there’s no paycheck, in her warped world she’s playing a character in a film. It fulfills her so. I’m sure it wasn’t the happiest of days for her but there is the unmistakeable look of thrill on her face.
Then there’s the madness outside the courthouse yesterday. How can she fail to think she’s a HUGE star with an army of press and followers. It’s twisted but I can see how she got there.
She’ll never stop pulling the crap she pulls.
Does she not own a mirror? does she think she looks GOOD in this dress? NOBODY would look good in that elastic band. FUGLY!
Well, I’m quite certain most every criminal wants a plea deal that involves NO jail time. DUH!
God, the complete absence of matter (other than fillers, Botox, and ratty hair extensions, I mean) between her ears never ceases to amaze!
Sounds to me like Mother Superior Crackhead and LeAnn Rimes took a little road trip in her new Prius…..Oh, I almost forgot. God bless each and everyone. I’ll pray for you because I’ve got God on speed dial (he’s number 4).
Her nails look nice. *eyeroll* Dina’s statement was way past due but bringing the crazy nonetheless.
Isn’t Dina’s official title “Our Mother of Perpetual Crackhead”?
wow this must be a last resort reply from White Oprah
@ KJ-you are absolutely right. Police reports and witness statements are virtually never identical-I’d be extremely suspicious if they were. And the differences don’t concern the main flow of events. TMZ, like the other traffics sites (Radar) is simply mining details for posts with no substance. Like an arraighnment ever has high drama-this one was pretty standard.
“Shhhh” on her finger would make sense, for her anyway. I saw her getting her hair done the other day but I guess she just didn’t have her polish removed while sitting there. Maybe it slipped her mind because she wasn’t putting profanity on them or maybe they were scared to ask Dina’s little Diva.
@Serena: cosign!
I love that “shhh” tattoo & it pains me to no end that LL has it. (I’m a librarian & it would be PERFECT for me!)
Anyway, I love how Dina & her ilk bring up God when they think it will make them look good. Has anyone ever seen a Lohan going to or coming from a church service? I think not…
What kind of plan is this, where Heath Ledger is gone and Lindsay Lohan still walks among us?
@jc126……..just proof there is no God.
I thought the monkeys flying out of her ass was a nice touch.
(Bodhi! Haven’t seen you in a while – how’ve ya been?)
wouldn’t it be fantastic if, just once, no one showed up? there wasn’t the barrage of media attention? she’s outside the courthouse, expecting an audience and instead — radio silence and tv static. she’s caught on a lone security camera, looking extremely confused… and then she either a) totally breaks down or b) explodes into a zillion pieces of antimatter?
nevertheless, still maintain — “S”ociopath. hook her up with that american psycho-looking dad that’s with one of the ‘other’ kardashian sisters and chew on that fairytale ending.
And the big plan is what? Waitressing at Waffle House?
jc126 – I wondered the EXACT same thing during Charlie Sheen’s latest binge. The good ones get lost, and the cockroaches cling to survival.
Her fame (infamy?) is all she has left so I wouldn’t be surprised if she loved the attention no matter what.
In the words of Dina Lohan ” Justice!!!!”
@Dorothy
Not a lot of glam but luv their waffles.
I can’t with Dina. I just can’t.
“Crackhead psychopath” indeed! In her fanciful movie, being a bad girl is cool; I imagine it will only get worse. She’s also starting to look a wee bit grotesque.
I wonder if Mother Crackhead is going to try to sue the Hong Kong animation ppl for using her childs likeness in that video?
Well, at least this time she planned ahead and chewed off her nail polish prior to arriving in court so that she wouldn’t send any inappropriate messages to the judge. Perhaps that is a step in the right direction?
Its obv not the crack that makes Lindsay delusional, its obv the genes from Dina!!!
Her face is f*cked, there is something serious going on with her eyes, she looks out of it in half the shots, plus she looks like she’s lost some weight pretty quickly which is always a sign she back on the substances
Love those HK animation recaps!
Radar says the Big Plan is opening boutiques in NY and CA. So she can steal from her own stores! Brilliant!
If God has a plan could it be that Dina stands by her daughter when she is due in court? Why wasn’t she there with her? What mother lets her daughter go to court dressed like that? How could any mother just enjoy the ride when her daughter is being charged with a fellony and is in violation of probation time and again?
This woman makes me sick, milking out the tragedies that surround her daughters life.
Whatever Lindsay did, I really feel sorry for her that she is out there all alone with no support system and no chance for recovery. She is 24 but still a child in many ways and has been completely ruined.
When I saw the courthouse footage, I really felt as if the judge was trying to help her understand and straighten her out a little. How sad that it has to come to this.
Dina you should be ashamed of yourself, deeply deeply ashamed…..
“I wonder if Mother Crackhead is going to try to sue the Hong Kong animation ppl for using her childs likeness in that video?”
”””””””
I think that is why the animated Lindsay looks more like britbrit Spears than duck face Dingldumb. Great video though. I wonder what the monkey’s flying out of her ass was about.
@Bluhare,
I wonder if they are gonna stock the store with all the stuff she nicked?
Now there’s a way to increase profit margins!
tmz has the police report account of how she stole the necklace – came in wearing other necklaces, took those off, tried the stolen one and others on, took the others off, leaving the stolen one on, and put her own stuff back on with it. Sneaky little duck face.
She also tried to negotiate down a $3600 ring to $3000, and the store said no, and that’s when she left. The store noticed it missing, expected her to return it, and when that didn’t happened they contacted the police.
She looks hideous. And look what the brazen slut is wearing, a white dress that looks like its spray painted on, and NO BRA! What kind of idiot would wear something like that to court?
In honor of today being my sober day (4 years, ty God), I would like to share what I have learned. First & foremost, I learned to get over myself. Most of the time. That was a big help. Second, I learned to try to do God’s will for me. It’s not necessarily a religious thing. (GOD = good, orderly direction.) God’s will for me involves ZERO tequila, coke, or other party favors. Also excluded are things like drunk driving or cheating on my man. This makes for an amazing life. But sometimes life does not go according to my plan. What’s God’s will for me? To handle it without be an asshole & to be grateful for what I have. When I veer from this plan, mental anguish ensues.
Lindsay doesn’t seem to realize that God’s will for her won’t allow for any crack shenanigans. God doesn’t want you to be in court. You put yourself there. It’s like when you don’t follow the directions on your GPS & it auto corrects. God’s plan = don’t steal, but you do anyway? God’s plan auto-corrects to jailtime.
You know, even the news programs here in Italy are talking about her. And they never deal with gossip, let alone foreign gossip. She really is worldwide famous.
Gosh…*rolls her eyes into her skull*
Oh, also, nice Joyce Leslie dress. Totes appropriate for court.
She looks like Chelsea Handler in the face now.
dread pirate, congrats to you! that’s wonderful! keep it up, girl!
perhaps YOU should be LL’s “sober coach”. 😉
oh, and “God’s plan auto-corrects to jailtime.” is nothing less than brilliant.
Dread Pirate, that really is commendable. Did you go to Rehab or AA or just cold turkey. I think about quitting drinking all the time but Friday rolls around and……..Saturday I feel like sh1t.
@Melanie, AA. Go to a meeting. There’s tons of them everywhere. You can find them on-line. Just to see what it’s like. At first I was afraid of losing my drunk girl personality b/c I didn’t have another one. I was afraid of who I would be without being tanked all the time. I found out that I am pretty awesome. Caring, generous, surprisingly laidback with no compulsions to do stupid shit when I’m sober. I think that’s part of LiLo’s problem, too. Like she doesn’t know who she would be without the crack shenanigans anymore. Or even if she COULD be someone else.
@DPC, Thanks. I wish that I could go to an AA meeting online. 🙂 You are right about the compulsions to do the stupid. Lindsay is Exhibit A.
Someone’s boobs are getting a little saggy! Seriously, wear a bra. And also, nice dress for court. She totally thinks she’s getting some attention, no matter how bad it is. Look at that smirk on her face. HATE!
lol gotta love Asian media. It’s a good thing asian countries aren’t as litigious as the US. You know White Oprah would be trying to sue anyone who tried to put out a tape like that in the US.
@Melanie, you might be able to. I want to say that there are forums for people who live in really isolated areas. But in person is so much better. Isolating is no good. & they’ll give you free coffee & cookies. 🙂
No one here takes anything this woman says seriously, so my comment is just going to be a general rant over celebrities who name-drop God as an excuse to keep on behaving badly, or else to justify what are obviously bad lifestyle choices.
I would really love to kick her in the crotch.
When did TMZ become Crackhead Apologies Central Association? (CACA for short). It’s embarrassing how far up Lindsay’s ass Harvey Levin has become. What’s in it for him – Crack exclusives?
@ dread pirate. Very nice post (#48)
@DPC: congratulations! Thank you for your thoughts. Very wise.
i love how her eyes are on the camera, it’s disgusting
“It’s all good”…the single most annoying meaningless catch-all phrase ever. What’s “all good”? Her daughter’s dying career? The constant court appearances? The endless crack-drama? Yeah, “all good”. Bah.
I think her fingernails are very telling – she can only do some much to disguise the thoroughly cracked interior that is Lindsay.
@DCP: Congrats on the 4yr sober anniversary. That is awesome. 🙂
DPC: Happy Anniversary! My fam would always pig out on pizza and rootbeer floats on either of my parents’ anniversaries, and I hope you reward yourself in the same way – tummy bloats and sugar rushes for all!
this is the family that keeps giving 🙂
who needs to make up stories for hohan?? when you got a crazy family like that
Lmao at the Hong Kong animation, especially the angry middle finger and the mission impossible Lindsay! I spat out my drink.
If God has a big plan, LiLo is just ruining it. Masterfully.
Check out the smug smirk on her face.It’s like she is thinking that she is too rich and important and the law does not apply to her.