Last night was the music industry’s biggest night and we were treated to a lot of excellent performances. I wish that the Oscars would follow the Grammys lead and try to make it entertaining for the masses. Three and a half hours is too long though and I started to get really tired toward the end. (I was watching in the morning too.) They should cut about half of it or try to spread it over a couple of nights.

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* Christina Aguilera tried to dominate the tribute to Aretha Franklin with her Clockwork Orange eyelashes and over the top runs. The other divas knew less was more and Yolanda Adams and Jennifer Hudson were the real standouts. Florence Welch, Yolanda Adams and Martina McBride also belted out Aretha’s hits. I just wish she was there to watch it live. Aretha looked great in the clip they showed.

* Presenter Ricky’s Martin’s silver pants. That is all.

* Lady Gaga’s performed “Born This Way,” during which she came out of that lit-up pod as some kind of metaphor for being reborn. As far as her stunts go this one was pretty minor. I expected some sort of protoplasm or goo to be involved. Maybe that’s what the nude-colored latex stood for. I loved her pointy shoulders. I kept hearing “Express Yourself” in my head though, she even added a “Come On!” in the middle. That song is a major fail.

* Miranda Lambert performed “The House That Built Me.” That song evokes so many memories and I remember the first time I heard it on the radio. Her performance wasn’t that great though. She just kind of stood there.

* Presenter Lenny Kravitz was draped in black animal skins and chains like a post apocalyptic caveman.

* Muse (aka Kate Hudson’s boyfriend’s band) performed “Uprising.” They’re pretty damn good and the visual display that made it look like stuff was falling and breaking behind them while people fought on stage was awesome.

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* Bruno Mars, B.O.B. and Janelle Monae did a softer medley of “Nothing on You,” followed by Mars doing an incredible retro version “Grenade.” Janelle Monae then belted out a rousing “Cold War.” There was a lot of talent on stage for that one.

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* Justin Bieber and Usher reminisced about how they first met in 2007 and then Usher did an acoustic version of “Baby Baby” followed by a high production “Never Say Never” in which he strutted around on some scaffolding while surrounded by ninjas. Then Jaden Smith popped out of the ground to rap in his cheetah print leggings. The kid can dance. My favorite part was when they showed Will and Jada in the audience and they looked so proud.

Usher and his dancers in royal blue then did OMG, with Justin coming on stage to kneel underneath him at the finale. It was like Usher was taking his throne as king of the teenyboppers.

* Presenter Pauley Perrette from NCIS was wearing a ridiculous lime green dress with some black notes on it, and the chick from Paramore, Hayley Williams, had on a sequin black dress with a see-through panel in the middle and a fuschia ring of feathers at the mid-thigh hem. Coupled with her candy red hair it was too much.

*Muse’s Matt Bellamy gave a shout out to his “beautiful pregnant girlfriend over there” when his band won best rock album. The camera should have panned to Kate Hudson, but it didn’t.

* Lady Gaga won best pop album for Fame Monster. She had on a black sculptured body suit with exaggerated rib bones, ass and breasts. The audio cut out at the beginning so she must have sworn. Her speech was so over the top. “I had this dream when I was really young that I could be whatever I wanted to be.” She thanked Whitney Houston, saying “when I wrote Born this Way I imagined Whitney singing it, because I wasn’t secure enough in myself to imagine I was a superstar.” GMAFB. Shouldn’t she thank Madonna for writing the song?

* Mumford & Sons performed “The Cave” along with brass accompaniment. They didn’t have a backdrop or anything and they didn’t need it. The song was so good and they were so fired up.

* The Avett Brothers performed “Head Full of Doubt, Road Full of Promise.” and then Bob Dylan came on stage with both bands to sing “Maggie’s Farm.” Everyone looked thrilled to jam with Dylan, and the result was all kinds of awesome.

* Lady Antebellum sang if “You Don’t Know Me By Now” and “American Honey.” They closed it out with their hit “Need you Now.” They then won Best Country Album.

* Jamie Foxx presented Cee Lo Green who did “Forget You” with Gwyneth Paltrow accompanied by dancing puppets. Cee Lo was wearing a bunch of feathers and looked like Elton John threw up all over him. Gwyneth came out in a low cut tight black catsuit with some killer shoes. She did a great job, I’ll grudgingly admit. It’s worth noting that Coldplay wasn’t nominated for anything so they weren’t there.

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*Neil Patrick Harris presented Katy Perry with a little joke about how he had sex with her on TV and was left confused. Katy Perry sang “Not Like The Movies” while suspended on a bedazzled swing. Then she sang “Teenage Dream” in front of a Valentines backdrop. She is a tribute to autotune. I guess her wedding video was playing in the background but I wasn’t paying attention.

*Nora Jones, John Mayer and Keith Urban did an acoustic version of Dolly Parton’s “Jolene.” Perfection. Dolly should have been there! Mayer looked like he’d been on a bender.

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* Seth Rogan joked that he was backstage getting high with Miley Cyrus. He introduced Rihanna, Eminem and Dr. Dre. Rihanna is another tribute to autotune. She did “Love The Way You Lie” with Eminem and he really worked the stage, moving on to “I Need a Doctor” with Dr. Dre.

* Esperanza Spalding won best new artist.

* Glee’s Matthew Morrison introduced the Grammy president Neil Portnow. They then did the tribute to artists lost.

* Mick Jagger did “Everybody Needs Somebody To Love.” This is when I really started zoning out. I mean Mick is awesome and everything but this was just too long.

* Kris Kristofferson presented Barbra Streisand, who did “Evergreen.” It was lovely.

* Nicki Minaj and Will.i.am presented best rap album, which Eminem won. He looked too skinny to me. He thanked Rihanna and gave a shout out to Detroit.* Diddy introduced Rihanna and Drake, who did “What’s My Name.” Diddy was kind of slow and stumbled over his words. Rihanna was sexy in a fringed bikini thing that matched her Ronald McDonald hair. I was mesmerized by the diamond design on her crotch.

* JLo and Skeletor introduced the record of the year. Marc Anthony started singing “Volare” and Lopez said “Papi, no” after which he scrunched up his face and rolled his eyes. I’m sure they practiced that but it felt like she was schooling him.

* Lady Antebellum won for “Need You Now”

* Jason Segal told some lame jokes to introduce Arcade Fire performing “Month of May.” It was kind of dizzying with a ton of strobes and flashing lights.

* Kris Kristofferson and Barbra Streisand presented album of the year, which went to Arcade Fire for The Suburbs. I don’t think Barbra knew who they were because she said their album first.

Here’s a list of the winners: (more complete list here)
Pop Performance by a Duo or Group: “Hey Soul Sister,” Train
Female Country Vocal Performance: “The House That Built Me,” Miranda Lambert
Rock Album: “The Resistance,” Muse
Pop Vocal Album: “The Fame Monster,” Lady Gaga
Country Album: “Need You Now,” Lady Antebellum
Song of the Year: “Need You Now,” Lady Antebellum
Best New Artist: Esperanza Spalding
Rap Album: “Recovery,” Eminem
Record of the Year: “Need You Now,” Lady Antebellum
Album of the Year: “The Suburbs,” Arcade Fire

Did you make it through the whole thing? There were some amazing performances that’s for sure.

Here’s a link to another highlights video from the BBC.

Update: Thanks to HipHopHoney for the performance videos.