This story in In Touch cracked me the hell up. Supposedly Johnny Depp-morphing (read: gaining weight and growing scraggly facial hair without the style and substance to carry it off) John Mayer somehow propositioned Sandra Bullock through mutual friends or something. The details are scant and this story could be completely fabricated, but it made me laugh and you know Mayer would be down with Sandy if she’d have him. Sandra of course supposedly told Mayer she was flattered but would rather spend the night with her vibrator from 1999 even when the batteries are dead.

John Mayer thinks he’s the perfect man to cheer up the Oscar winner.

“John is trying hard to get fixed up with Sandra,” a mutual friend tells In Touch. And according to a pal, in typical John fashion, he’s got an ulterior motive. Following a string of high-profile romances that all ended badly, the singer is eager to repair his reputation, and he thinks that dating America’s Sweetheart will improve his “love them and leave them” image, says the pal. “John likes dating famous women, it’s a turn on for him,” explains the pal. “And who’s more famous than Sandra Bullock? He knows Sandra’s probably not going to date him, but he did offer to enter a friends-with-benefits situation.”

For her part, Sandra is amused by the attention. “She was flattered and had a good laugh when she found out about it, but she turned John down because she’s looking for a relationship and not just a booty call,” says the friend. “Sandra’s looking for someone to grow old with and she doesn’t think John’s the type who will ever settle down.”

[From Star Magazine, print edition, February 28, 2011]

How does this jibe with the report that John and Miley Cyrus were getting touchy-feely at the Grammys? (Sidenote: John called Miley a “child” in late 2009. I just found that story.) We know that John’s only type is “white” (sorry to be so blunt about that, but he said it) and that he goes for older as well as inappropriately younger women. So these reports aren’t mutually exclusive. Mayer could be sliming his pseudo intellectual douche all over Miley Cyrus while putting his feelers out for Sandra Bullock. Sandra’s been around the block, though. She knows what Mayer is about.

This got me thinking about Sandra Bullock’s love life. I hope she’s getting laid well and often and that she’s got a secret lover somewhere. She doesn’t have to settle for some rebound sex with Ryan Reynolds whenever it’s convenient for him.

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