Nary a day goes by without a significant Michael Lohan rant. I’m not sure if he has OK! and x17 on the email equivalent of speed dial, but the man seems utterly incapable of keeping his opinions to himself. Or just doing what the rest of us do and not call the press. Doesn’t seem that hard, does it? NOT doing something is generally easier than doing something.

But stopping and evaluating a situation from any viewpoint other than his own is sort of impossible for the holiest of Lohans. Which is why he felt the need to e-pen quite the diatribe about Samantha Ronson, then send it off to X17. It’s 657 words and 11 paragraphs long, and pretty much every part has something ridiculous or inflammatory. I tried to pick the best ones, but it was pretty hard.

After spending a week in LA, doing charity work and meeting people who want to make positive difference in other peoples lives, only to hear what some of these very people have to say about Samantha Ronson I was sickened. But, then to read the recent article in In Touch magazine, which only corroborated what I heard, I am compelled to state my concerns about the effect Samantha is having on my daughter.

First, it was me for speaking out against Samantha after I was in a deep conversation with Lindsay, only to have Samantha in the background enticing Lindsay to get off the phone with me.. Then my own ex wife expressed such sincere concern that I felt we had to intervene. Now, Joe Francis is attacked for speaking out about Samantha, when he too cares about Lindsay and is concerned about Samantha’s effect on Lindsay.

Joe Francis is a good person and even a better businessman. He wasn’t a bad guy when he flew Lindsay around on his jet, opened the doors top his home or tried to help, was he? Of course not, because Samantha wasn’t around. Sounds familiar with regard to me as well !!!!

There is a lot more to Samantha than meets the eye! Not that what we see is soooo pleasing anyway!I I mean, what’s with this ….”person”??? Look at the way she “dresses”? Once more, she uses her middle finger more than she uses words! Personally, I think she is dark, hideous and a disgusting representation of humanity!

Have you ever seen her apartment? For God’s sake, when she runs out of toilet paper she tells people to use the cardboard roll. (I was told this first hand).

I heard and know more about Samantha than you can imagine. Yet, while I haven’t exposed her, I know that God will. He will weed her out of Lindsay’s life and at that time, you will finally see Lindsay back in the place in her heart and mind that God wants and she belongs. Hopefully, without Samantha causing more damage than she already has.

[From X17]

Michael ends his diatribe by ordering Samantha or anyone else who has something to say to him to say it to his face. Even though he’s talking to her through X17. Sounds logical.

So Samantha Ronson is evil and dangerous but Joe Francis is awesome and caring and concerned? Oh, and a good businessman for taking videos of underage girls baring their boobs. This from the holier-than-thou man of God.

As much as it mortified me when my mom didn’t like my friends, I now appreciate that she’s just extremely passive aggressive about it. Rarely does she call TMZ. I can’t imagine what it must be like to know that at any moment your parent may go off and talk shit about you to the tabloid press. Even when you’ve cut off all communication with him in hopes that you won’t give him any new ammunition. Rarely do I feel sorry for Lindsay Lohan. I mean she’s Lindsay Lohan – I could go on a thirty minute diatribe about all the reasons not to feel sorry for her. But you’ve got to feel sympathy when you think about her parents, and the bullshit she still has to deal with from them.

Header image: Michael Lohan is shown on Robertson Blvd on 9/12/08. Credit: WENN. Samantha Ronson is shown DJing in Las Vegas on 9/14/08. Credit: Robert Kenney / PR Photos. Images below are of Sam and Lindsay shopping on 8/21/08 and at Sam’s twin Charlotte Ronson’s fashion show on 9/6/08. Credit: WENN