If Lindsay Lohan were an average girl instead of a notorious paparazzi and gossip courter, I’d speculate that all the discussion about her sexual orientation must really be grating on her nerves. But alas, since she is Lindsay Lohan and thus attention is her oxygen, I’m guessing she gets off on it. A lot. Now Lindsay’s ex-boyfriend “British bad boy” Calum Best (I never hear him described as anything other than a “British bad boy”) says that he probably turned Lindsay gay.

Regardless of your particular opinions on the nature of sexual orientation, I believe that if any man could turn a woman gay, it’s Calum Best. Second to that would be Wilmer Valderrama. In fact I’m pretty sure that both those guys turn you into the opposite of whatever you are. It’s the result of a natural (yet extreme) aversion to men like them. If you were a human, you become a cricket. If you were a man, you become a woman. If you used to be opaque, you are now translucent. These are not exactly radical theories here.

Thus I find it absolutely possible – and highly likely – that if anyone did “turn” Lindsay gay, it’d be Calum Best.

Calum Best has confessed he turned Lindsay Lohan into a lesbian.

He said: “I think I turned her.”

The ladies’ man, who clearly picked up his skills from legendary lothario dad George Best, dated Li-Lo for a short time in May 2007 when the pair were pictured getting up close and personal on a beach in the Bahamas, but they soon went their separate ways.

Speaking at the BT Digital Music Awards, Calum revealed he has no hard feelings towards Lohan and wishes her and DJ lover Sam Ronson well. He also commented on the press attention she attracts and said although she courts press attention sometimes, he pities her for the intrusion.

“I think good on her. I think she’s really cool, I got nothing bad to say about her and hope for the best for her,” he said. “Those poor girls like Britney and that lot, they’re so stuck in the public eye. Those girls have got people following them around from eight in the morning till eight at night… Sometimes they milk it and sometimes they like it, but overall the girl can’t do something without anybody talking about it… So, if she likes girls, she likes girls. I’m happy for her.”

[From the Mirror]

Well you can’t tell just from that quotation, but the guy’s a total douche bag. I love how he talks about how hard things are for Britney in terms of paparazzi, but says it in this way implying that Lindsay doesn’t go through that. Clearly the guy’s either naive or stupid – could he really think the paps leave Britney alone come about 8:02 in the evening? After that she promptly goes home where she drinks a tall glass of warm milk and falls asleep snuggled in the arms of a Saint Bernard.

Actually considering the bizarre stories you hear about celebs, that wouldn’t be the most impossible thing ever. A year ago if you’d told me someone could turn Lindsay Lohan gay, I would have told you THAT was the most impossible thing ever. Now I doubt everything else.

Here’s Lohan and Best back when they were together in November 2006. Images thanks to WENN.