I just didn’t know where to even start with this one. The photo above is the official, sanctioned, completely approved-of shot for NBC’s The Voice. A professional photographer was brought in, lights were arranged, hair and makeup people were hired and they likely worked diligently for hours and hours. And this is the best shot of Christina Aguilera they could get. Look at how hunched she looks! While I would normally just claim that she couldn’t stand up straight because she had already downed a bottle of Jack Daniel’s, I actually think Christina is attempting a model-y, high-fashion, lowered shoulders pose, like this junk is for Vogue or something. Beyond the pose, there’s the makeup and hair tragedies, both fighting with each other to be declared worst. It’s a tie. And if that header photo won’t haunt your nightmares, try this pic, also a promotional image for The Voice:

Jesus. No camera should ever pull in that tight on Christina’s face. It’s like drag queen Never-Neverland. Stop trying to hypnotize me with your vodka eyes, bitch.

Okay, now on to how Christina’s drunk ass can barely function. Have you seen the commercials for The Voice? Have you noticed how few lines Christina has compared to all of the other judges? Do you even know how heavily edited this show is going to have to be to give the impression that Christina has even a modicum of sobriety?

Promotional photos courtesy of Christina’s fansite.