From The Desk Of Clive Owen: The Beret of Eroticism

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FROM THE DESK OF CLIVE OWEN:

Hello, my darling biscuits. Today you are going to get a special treat! Please don’t yell at me, but somehow my (fine) ass got roped into wearing a beret on this movie I‘m filming, Hemingway & Gellhorn. Sure, on ME, the beret is a tool of eroticism. On other (lesser) men, it is quite cheesy and wrong. Will you still love The Clive when I’ve got this funky pornstache AND a beret? Of course you will, my darling muffins.

Imagine this beret grazing your thighs. See? It’s not completely terrible.

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And if The Erotic Beret weren’t enough of a pleasurable sight, I give you Rodrigo Santoro drinking and pissing in Nature’s toilet, a field with paparazzi. Rodrigo is very handsome, isn’t he?

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And of course, my partner in crime (on this film, anyway), Nicole Kidman. I still think this is a fantastic wig on her. By the way, can any of you darling biscuits explain what is happening to Nicole’s lips? When we’re doing closeup scenes, her lips are kind of crazy. None of you ladies do that junk to your lips, alright?

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Photos courtesy of Fame.

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25 Responses to “From The Desk Of Clive Owen: The Beret of Eroticism”

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  1. TQB says:

    hello Rodrigo! HGF??

  2. brin says:

    Oh Clive you scoundrel! It’s been ages!
    Ditch duck lips and come for a visit in your beret and pornstache!

  3. Quest says:

    A Nature’s Piss – a sight to behold….lol…I hope he washed his hands. Oh hello, Rodrigo!

  4. Kitten says:

    Oh man…I could deal with the beret but the ‘stache is killing me. He looks like an ornery French cobbler. At least he’s not wearing glasses-those eyes of his are amazing..

  5. carrie says:

    duck lips + awful beret= failure

  6. kate says:

    before I read the headline, I honestly thought that you had put up a picture of Saddam Hussein…I was thinking you had lost your damn mind lol

  7. Bailey says:

    is Nicole’s face moving?

  8. LolaBella says:

    Even with that beret, the Mr. Rogers sweater and the porn-stash, I would hit that SO hard.

    Clive. Le Sigh.

  9. Chickie Baby says:

    Totally agree with LolaBella…Le Sigh, indeed. Clive can wear anything (or nothing, even!) and still be hit-able.

    A random Clive sighting on any day makes the week better.

  10. EdithP says:

    These pictures are kind of killing my lady boner for Clive. Please stop posting them!

  11. jlw says:

    Anyday that starts off with a ‘From the Desk of Clive Owen’, is a day that starts off with a smile. Thanks!

  12. MJ says:

    @Bailey – I thought the same thing! I think there’s some life in that forehead!

  13. TQB says:

    @Bailey & MJ – it does look like we have movement ABOVE the brows!! It’s a miracle!

  14. Bailey says:

    Nicole gave us three facial expressions!

  15. Rita says:

    Oh Clive, when you said you wanted to share our ecstasy with the world I didn’t know it would be with the gals on the world’s finest gossip site. These demure ladies (except maybe @brin…bet she has a wild streak) can’t even fantasize about the rapturous passion I experienced when your beret button caressed mine (hint, I wasn’t wearing a beret). Not to worry though since you didn’t mention my name. Also, would like to request you remove your glasses next time.

    (Disclaimer: Hubby’s out of town and he sometimes reads my junk so, I’m not that Rita)

  16. Johnny Depp's Girl says:

    DAmmit Rita!!! I was going to tell him to remove his glasses for a rub down!!

    **Stomping off into the corner to pout****

  17. devilgirl says:

    He isn’t aging well.

  18. Sarah says:

    Haha! Posts like this are why I read celebitchy.

  19. Rachel says:

    Kitten: “ornery French cobbler” CRACKED ME UP!

    Oh Kaiser, thanks for the laugh, and for the awesome Clive. It’s like a little private joke he shares with us, this ridiculous movie costuming of his.

    HAHAHAHAHAHA!

    (love Clive)

  20. Heather says:

    Rodrigo will always be Karrrrrrl for me. Sigh.

  21. Mercy says:

    Clivie’s nose looks fake … bigger than usual. No matter, love him no matter what.

  22. LittleDeadGirl says:

    It’s just not a good week if I’m not being called a “darling biscuit”. From the desk of Clive Owen has maybe become my favorite thing to read … you make my day Kaiser!

    Also honorable mention for “ornery French cobbler” that was perfect!

  23. stitchface says:

    ZOMG Rodrigo for HGF please!!

  24. Raven Sparrow says:

    Too bad I can’t rate this story or some of the comments because I’d definately give it a 5!

    Kitten: “ornery French cobbler”

    That’s the most funniest thing I’ve heard/ read today! Still can’t stop laughing. Perfection!

  25. Anti-icon says:

    Oh Clive, you are so generous to bring Rodrigo into our….shared passions. And while your beret brings a gentle reminder of our many Parisian trysts, I must confess, it is the porn stashe that has dashed any hope, my darling costumed creature of devilish delight, in any immediate physical communication. Rodrigo and I, however, wish you all the best in your Hemmingway homage to non hotness. My biscuits eagerly await your clean shaven upper lip. Until then, my love. Rodrigo, I shall build you a proper lavatory!