Oh, happy day. You lucky bitches get TWO posts about Dame Gwyneth today. CB already covered some of the Goop stuff earlier today – Gwyneth talking about how much she works out while quietly judging you for not working out two hours every day while maintaining an 800 calorie diet (seriously, that’s the Tracy Anderson Method). I’ve just been watching Gwyneth’s appearance on Good Morning America, and rolling my eyes. My absolutely favorite part is the beginning where GMA compiled all of Gwyneth’s awards show singing appearances and it was like the producers were totally passive aggressive and chose the worst pieces to clip together. Hilarious. Take it away, GOOP!

I always forget how terrible her voice is. Like, her speaking voice. When I’m reading an interview with her or something, I can recall her snotty, annoying voice, but for some reason, the memory of it isn’t as bad as the reality of it. And of course her Very Dear Friend Mario Batali had to give her a little introduction. Dame Gwyneth thinks she’s winning us over. She thinks she’s the Kate Middleton of America (And Britain! And Spain!).

In other Goop news, she just gave an interview to USA Today (via Yahoo) to promote her book. It’s kind of epic… the piece is called “Gwyneth Paltrow thinks she is ‘deeply flawed’”. Like, ZOMG BREAKING NEWS!!!!! Eat this up, peasants:

The 38-year-old actress – who has children Apple, six, and Moses, five, with husband Chris Martin – claims she is too much of a perfectionist and considers herself a “normal mother” like any other parent with a career.

She said: “One of my most negative qualities is the perfectionism that I have, and I think that I unconsciously project that because it comes from self-doubt and insecurity and that’s the ironic part. I’m so deeply flawed. I’m just a normal mother with the same struggles as any other mother who’s trying to do everything at once and trying to be a wife and maintain a relationship. There’s absolutely nothing perfect about my life, but I just try hard.”

The blonde beauty was once famous for her strict food regime, following a macrobiotic diet – focusing on grains and local vegetables while avoiding processed items – but she has now relaxed and admits her old eating habits now seem “alien” to her.

She added: “I haven’t been macrobiotic in seven years, so it seems sort of foreign at this point. Although, a lot of the principles, like trying to eat whole foods and homemade foods and local foods and seasonal foods, that’s still very much a part of the way I think about food.”

Gwyneth is releasing her own cookbook, entitled ‘My Father’s Daughter’, which is inspired by the meals she enjoyed with her late father Bruce Paltrow and she promises the recipes are ideal for family life.

She said in an interview with the USA Today newspaper: “It’s American family food; it’s very accessible and easy to make. It’s mostly on the healthier side, although there are definitely some guilty pleasures in there.”

[From USA Today via Yahoo]

What’s with all of these women claiming to be “perfectionists” lately? Emma Watson did it too – Emma dropped out of college because she was so “perfectionist” and now Gwyneth is giving the same excuse (in a ham-fisted way) for explaining why she’s such pretentious, sanctimonious bitch. But seriously, analyze this statement: “One of my most negative qualities is the perfectionism that I have, and I think that I unconsciously project that because it comes from self-doubt and insecurity and that’s the ironic part.” First: She’s only ironically perfect! Second: I think she’s trying to say that she tries to come across as so (ironically) perfect because she’s deeply insecure? Really, Goop? Or is it that you suffer from hyper-narcissism and you just pretend to be “flawed” because you think more peasants will buy your book? Oh, Goop. You are a riddle wrapped in enigma, covered in pretension, dipped in sanctimony, left out to dry on the rack of inanity and then packaged in vitamin deficiency.

Photos courtesy of Fame.