First things first – today is GOOP DAY! Yay! Last week’s Goop newsletters were all about Gwyneth shilling her Cooking Instructional For Peasants, but this week she only shills her book a little, and then moves on to pushing organic skin/beauty products. If you like that kind of thing, you can read the whole piece here, at Goop. My favorite part is her recommendation of Butter London nail polish, specifically a color called “No More Waity, Katie.” OH SNAP. Gwyneth hates Waity. Mark it down. “Peasant,” Gwyneth scoffed to herself. “I would have made a better princess, but I didn’t even deign to desire the job.”
In other Goop news, lots of sites are talking about this New Yorker piece written by a woman who attended Gwyneth’s foody goop-fest dinner in New York last week (?). The dinner where Gwyneth cooked – all by herself, allegedly – for like 70 people. The piece is full of little kiss-assy gems, but the part everyone is discussing is a little comment by the writer regarding Chris Martin’s state of mind. The relevant portion:
At 9 P.M., the guests went out to a pair of long tables on the terrace. Diaz, A-Rod, and Batali sat near Chris Martin, who had arrived looking cranky. (A publicist warned, “He doesn’t want to talk.”) Paltrow sat a few seats away, flanked by Jerry Seinfeld and Jay-Z.
[From The New Yorker]
Hahaha. Chris was acting like a sulky, butt-hurt man-child because it was his wife’s night and she probably MADE him show up, and then she doesn’t even sit beside him at the dinner? What the hell, Goop? And Chris… boy, just grow a set and file for divorce if you’re so over it.
Other tidbits from the piece – Mario Batali claiming that Goopy “eats like a truck driver.” Ah… “Paltrow greeted people by the door, holding a glass of cucumber water.” Of course she did! Because she was cooking for 70 people all by herself, and she still had time to hand out cucumber water! OF COURSE. Also, Goopy calls her mother “Mommy.” And Blythe brought Bruce Paltrow’s napkin for the special occasion. He had a special napkin?
Part of Jessica Seinfeld’s toast: “There is no one who is more comfortable or more capable in the kitchen, naturally, than you. I don’t know how you do it. [To the guests]…And you are all so lucky to be part of Gwyneth’s world. Because this is the real deal. And she’s invited all of you good people in here. I would never do that.” Yes, we are all so blessed to be orbiting Planet Goop, the most superficial and sanctimonious of all the planets. It’s her world, and she deigns to allow us to worship her!
You can read the whole thing here, at The New Yorker.
Photos courtesy of WENN.
She and Chris Martin deserve each other. They’re both pompous, self-important just-about-has-beens.
“Chris Martin’s state of mind. The relevant portion:”
Love dinner puns.
Seventy people were at my last dinner party which was attended by the President and Vice President….well, not THEE P and VP. To be honest, it was a company picnic but we got to play volley ball. (No cucumber water)
Yes, I read The New Yorker piece. Goopy’s father worship now includes his special napkin. Hard to get my head around that one. And, Chris Martin even showed up. Whoa! This must have been more important than the Oscars. I hear they live in separate (but joined by a walkway) houses in England.
Yay, glad you covered this!
I found the New Yorker article utterly amusing. It reads as satire, right? Like, I kept thinking, “is this shit for real?”
Oh, and did you guys see the picture of Chris running away from the camera?! Like, literally running down the street. LOLOLOL.
“And you are all so lucky to be part of Gwyneth’s world. Because this is the real deal.”
You know, your close friends are supposed to tell you like it is. So with her friends saying crap like this, is it any wonder the GOOP is so clueless?
Man Oh Man a lot of Kiss-Azz people in her dinner party. All of them are so full of themselves.
“Paltrow greeted people by the door, holding a glass of cucumber water.” <——-Did she squeeze the cucumber with her own hands.
Do you all believe she did the cooking herself???
Dear God, Jessica Seinfeld needs to be caged and debarked.
Why is Chris Martin such a tool? But maybe I’m reacting too quickly, now that I think about it I don’t think I’d probably want to talk to a lot of those people either, lol.
Who the hell drinks Cucumber water? WTF?
She cooked for 70 people? HAHAHAHA.. you mean she ORDERED for 70 people.
And if I was married to her, I would run too.
I’ve always hated Jessica Seinfeld for being insufferably pompous and now that I know she’s best buds with Gwyneth I can hate them both together! They’re like the peanut butter and chocolate of hate! Yay!
I bet Chris has begged for a divorce but Gwen wont have it. She would be the type to refuse a divorce and then go gallivanting with Matthew Morrision because every man in her life must be desperately in love with her, ALWAYS.
Is that headliner picture even Goopy? It looks a lot more like Julie Bowen from Modern Family??
Side note: Saw a ‘Grocery Bag’ Episode last night that tested her cook book. They gave it great reviews…
Then he shouldn’t have married a woman who works if he can’t show his support for her at times liket his. She shows her support for him. It’s the least he could do and put a smile on his face. I bet he doesn’t complain about all the money she brings into the household, not that he needs it.
I LOVE Jessica Seinfeld. I love her at home video blogs she does for easy cooking. She seems so casual and fun and doesn’t take herself seriously.
I’m with poster#8. Michael-k at D-listed stated-“Jessica Seinfeld is the Fucking worst”
I’m pretty sure there was an earlier piece in the NYT that said that Gwyneth did all the prep work herself, but not all the cooking. (It had pictures of some uniformed people in her kitchen, I’m sure rinsing the lobsters with holy water.) Anyhow, no matter what goes “on record” I will not believe this lady cooked for 70 people all by her lonesome unless I see it for myself, sorry.
And yeah, Kazoo, at first I thought this WAS satire. It should be called “A Biography of Sanctimony” for all the nonsense it included.
@Isabel— Jessica’s existence really made my opinion of Seinfeld go down.
@TxGal— no way she prepared the food for every single person. 70??? No way.
I hope Goop and Mr. Goop live a long & miserable life together (although in separate houses)driving each other crazy.
I’m beginning to really feel badly for Goopy. She strikes me as someone who is less than happy with her life, yet she keeps tap dancing away to convince us all that she’s SUPER happy and SUPER content. It reeks of desperation, and that makes me pity her. That’s a lot of effort to pretend you’re happy.
Fresh made cucumber water is made from two parts water and one part juice. First, pierce its end with a #2 paring knife so the juice will drain (twisting knife may cause bruising) and generously lubricate the skin with virgin olive oil. Hold the cucumber directly over a shot glass and stroke it firmly but gently in an up and down motion (squeeze as necessary until dripping). As the juice begins to come, stroke faster and faster to maintain a steady stream. Mix juice with Perrier for best results (no tap water please).
I wonder if the recipes Chris hates are in the recipe book????
He doesn’t want to talk…at a DINNER PARTY?
So why be there at all Chris? Did she have the locks changed at your side of the adjoining homes to make sure you were there?
I feel absolutely no pity for anyone other than Apple and Moses, because THIS is the example of a “healthy” relationship their parents are setting for them.
I guess one of my questions would be why having a dinner party is worthy of a story in the New Yorker? Does she now want to be famous for throwing parties, cooking and not much else? Odd that your husband runs away from it though. Seems they have one very strange relationship. She probably sent him an invitation and he did not know who was throwing the party until he arrived. Weird, just weird.
” She probably sent him an invitation and he did not know who was throwing the party until he arrived.”
LMAO
I bet she blackmails him.
Missed you, Rita..LOL!!!
Wow Rita … that was funny! 🙂
Rita – awesome.
@Rita ~ seriously? Sounds like you’re describing something else 🙂
Edit: oops! Guess you were ! 🙂
I can just picture her making her own cucumber water. lmao! puke!
I bet he didn’t even give a freakin toast! no wonder she can’t stop mentioning anything Brad Pitt related. She wishes Chris was like him. She can talk all she wants about healthy food, skin care etc but doesn’t seem like she has a healthy relationship with her husband. Chris is immature and Gwen is weak.
Wow, she looks prettier in that very first photo than I’ve seen her look in a long, long time. But I still don’t think I could be friends with her!!!
Saying Jessica Seinfeld is the worst is really being generous. Do those pretentious asses breathe different air that makes them so douchey?
If this is true, then I think Chris Martin seems like a real ass. Even if he and his wife are not on the best of terms, his good friends were all there and he should be happy to see them. Honestly, it sounds like it was a fun night. I love a good dinner party, and I would love to spend an evening chatting with Michael Stipe.
Ugh, musicians. Don’t marry one.
I thought Chris Martin was a vegetarian:
“Christy Turlington looked on. “We are lucky in that we have been the recipients of many meals with Gwyneth Paltrow,” she said, and mentioned a stuffed-lobster dish that Paltrow and Martin had served in Amagansett. “They do everything themselves, including the killing of the lobster,” she said. “It’s not the boiling-in-the-pot-and-screaming lobster thing. It’s a different, faster approach. I could never do it.”
“You smack it against a tree or something?” Batali asked.
“You stick a knife through the head,” said Turlington, who seemed suddenly troubled. “Oh! That’s awful to say.””
WTF????
Ugh, they’re both a pant-load.
It’s going to be Easter Sunday. Can’t we have a Goop-free zone until Tuesday?
~~~Dear God, Jessica Seinfeld needs to be caged and debarked. ~~~
So true… I can’t even opine about Goop when I have Jessica Seinfeld on the brain. UGH!
OK. I will try… I don’t know if I want skin care advice from Goopy, she looks awfully wrinkly in that top pic. Although she does look a lot less ashen, sickly and dead than usual: confused.
Photo JoJo – agree with your take on Gwyneth. Is actually making me feel a little sorry for her too. And what – her husband can’t suck it up and act pleased for his wife for one night?! “Cranky” – that makes him sound like a 2 yr old who needs a nap!
He’s such a wormy looking dude. I’d love to rip the tape off his hands and watch him cry.
Oh gawd. The Goop guck is so thick these days I can barely stand it. The only way it could get worse…if Coldplay released another bland song and Goopy was singing it! (cringe)
I wish they’d hurry up and have a proper snarling, toxic stand-up row in public. Unfortunately not sitting next to your husband at dinner doesn’t signify anything. It’s what posh people do at dinner parties.
I missed something here- why is Jessica Seinfeld such a bitch?
I have no doubt she probably is! But why all the hate? Is she just a pretentious pompous asshole?
Ugh, everyone involved in this gathering sounds insufferable.
I bet Goopy threw this little soiree just to get the article and pick up a few more names to drop. It’s so weird, and kinda sad.
mngirl76, I’m guessing most of the Jessica Seinfeld stuff roots from her stealing another author’s idea, having her husband trash the woman on Letterman, and then them using their millions to get out of all the lawsuits. Plus I think she also dumped her husband for Jerry after only being married a few months. There’s probably more too.
Sick of Goop. Sick of her daddy issues, sick of her pompous background and sick of her stupid, overrated fake-ass life.
NEXT!
@ lucy2
Ahh…interesting! Totally out of the loop on that one-thanks!
i found this little interview-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vafzsd-YoYs&feature=player_embedded#at=10
BEWARE-there is a lot of entitlement/douchery in this interview
One of my favorite places to eat serves their water with cucumbers in it. I had never seen it until I ate there. I was talking about it with the server and he told me that it was big in California. ( I don’t know what sort of truth there is to that that origin of cucumber water).
Also, Goopy is creating quite the household name for herself, she will be crowned the next, more hip, Martha Stuart in no time.
Why didn’t Brad & Angie get an invite to the Goopy Ghost Napkin Seonce ? It would have been fascinating to watch the napkins levitate to Country Strong. Dang, the Goopy Elite are so privileged to be invited into this brussel sprout world of illicit pleasure.
Commenters, I cannot believe that no one called out what Jenna wrote. Gwnynth bring the money home. The same one who decided to take time off and critize working mothers and whose husband alone made 40 million last year. That moneymaker. Or Jessica, yeah she is not a social climbing, blanant plagirizer who left one wealthy husband for one with deeper pockets. Yeah, both are great. What I don’t understand is how two people with the same upper class upbringing, Martin and Paltrow, be so different when it comes to things like social events.
There is not one mention in her book about her being married, having a husband who likes a certain dish, or anything. No thank you at the end…zero. I understand their stance on marital privacy but no thank you? No favorite meal of his? Just odd to me. He always comes off as a grumpy buttwipe but maybe that is just his demeanor. Who know…actually, who cares?
@MiaGirl – “You know, your close friends are supposed to tell you like it is. So with her friends saying crap like this, is it any wonder the GOOP is so clueless?”
Said ‘friends‘ sound more like ‘hired help‘ or ‘yes men‘. I have a hard time believing GOOP could be clueless, but who knows?
—
Ugh. Cucumber water. Gross.
I read this off D-Listed-
“Why does Goop’s apron have the book title printed on it? Please don’t tell me those are for sale. What sort of pathetic moron would pay for a Goopy apron?
Just paint a bullseye on your face and be done with it.
ETA: Comment on some assfart “lifestyle” site fapping about the book:
I saw a shot of Gwyneth in a My Father’s Daughter apron. Does anyone know where that can be purchased? Thanks in advance.
posted by Debbie on 04/17/2011 at 08:45 am
This person does not deserve to live.”
HAAAAAA! I laughed so hard!
You really love to hate her. Do you have to comment on everything she does? If she bugs you that much, why do you have to read her newsletter, and comment on that too? We get it, you don’t like her, now can we move on?
“You smack it against a tree or something?” Batali asked.
ummm…what kind of a chef doesn’t know how to kill a lobster?
never had cucumber water but cucumber martinis are delish.
I feel like we’re all kicking her a bit too hard. Yes, I think she’s pompous…but does that mean everything she does is automatically discredited?
Chris Martin isn’t the jerk the media portrays him to be. He actually is very, very nice to all his fans. I know people who know where the bands studio is and they’ve literally stopped him on the street for a pic. He also tells them great places to visit in London and has even gone back into the studio and come out with t-shirts, signed pictures, and cds.
After reading the New Yorker piece – menu included a pasta with ragu. Pasta cooked properly for 70 people would require help in the kitchen and many huge pots of water, and it all would have to be served while hot. She could have made the ragu herself and the salad dressing.
@#47 – that’s interesting. Somewhere I saw her list of thank yous in the book and it was all her “celebrity friends”. But not her husband? Weird.
Clicked on the video that MNGIRL76 linked and nearly threw up. Dear God but they’ve taken up-your-own-assery to a new and epic level. Strangely enough, I found Gwyneth to be the least insufferable of the three but that’s not saying much ’cause she was eating up all the praise as if it was her due. And now I wanna brass knuckle all of them in the face.
“And she’s invited all of you good people in here. I would never do that.” Never invite these good people? I have no idea what Jessica Seinfeld’s talking about here.
Chris Martin hates neither. He showed up for Goop’s dinner which means he doesn’t hate her or the food.
@ MNGIRL76, hahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!! That’s effin hilarious!!!!!!
Man, I just can’t get enough of this sanctimonious turd. Please keep making fun of her Kaiser, your witty commentary is priceless.
Gwineth promoted Jessica’s cookbook on Glee. Hence the kiss-a$$. Cucumbers in water help you stay un-bloated when overeating on preservatives which are….everywhere.
Ugh, musicians. Don’t marry one.
* * * * * *
oh well, too late for me.
cucumber water is awesome. So refreshing. While Chris Martin tends towards being a grumpy little forest creature, he has always been pleasant and nice to my husband and me.
Perhaps the Waity Kaity reference right up top of Goop shows someone’s miffed not to get an invite to the wedding? Not quite the London insider she’d imagined herself to be?
“I read this off D-Listed-
“Why does Goop’s apron have the book title printed on it? Please don’t tell me those are for sale. What sort of pathetic moron would pay for a Goopy apron?
Just paint a bullseye on your face and be done with it.
ETA: Comment on some assfart “lifestyle” site fapping about the book:
I saw a shot of Gwyneth in a My Father’s Daughter apron. Does anyone know where that can be purchased? Thanks in advance.
posted by Debbie on 04/17/2011 at 08:45 am
This person does not deserve to live.”
HAAAAAA! I laughed so hard!”
LMAOOOO. yeah, i was reading the d-listed comments earlier and had to click out because i was cackling too loudly at work.
She never said she cooked it her self, straight from her newsletter
“With the help of the catering team at Creative Edge Parties—event coordinator Keith, and chefs Mark, Lee, and Randy—and the one and only Julia “the Turshinator” Turshen, we prepared the meal for 60 guests.”
I get that she comes off as a bit pompus but I don’t know anyone who mario Batali is cool with can’t be all bad!
Oh and when Batali said “what do you smash it against a tree” he was being sarcastic….
@ Jhonydeppgirl
I love cucumber water! It is so refreshing in summer and it also detoxes. Oh snap… I’m starting to sound like Goopy. But it’s true, it’s really good 🙂
Did Jessica have a notebook underneath table, copying down all of GP’s recipes for later inclusion in her own cookbook.
Jessica met Jerry Seinfeld the week after she got back from her honeymoon, and left her husband soon afterwards.
OF COURSE she’s friends with Gwyneth!
My God, he has a face like a gnome’s testicle. I can’t decide which is worse, his nappy, unappealing head or his godfarkingawful music. They deserve each other, it would seem.
Everybody’s comments made me laugh!
Guarenteed she had help in the kitchen. I have had cocktail parties where I had help. Cooking for that many people and getting it served hot can be a nightmare without help. Her cookbook sounds interesting. I may have to buy it to add to my collection.
Goopy looks a lot like Kelly Ripa in these pics.
Ahh, Goopy, you may have millions and millions of dollars which I will never have but I have something that you’ll never have – a man that actually loves me and isn’t afraid to be seen in public with me!
Yep, I’m feeling pretty smug about that.
What a weird-ass speech from Jessica Seinfeld.
Jessica Seinfeld left her husband four months after their wedding as soon as she landed a bigger fish @ the gym. Jerry Seinfeld was on Watch What Happens Live last year and came off as an arrogant, pompous, condescending douchebag. I’d say he and the missus deserve each other.
@ MNGIRL76 – Thx for posting the clip.
They are all going on about this cookbook like it’s a critically aclaimed novel or work of art. It’s a COOKBOOK!!! Yes, GP has made a real difference in the world. Instead of charity work she cooks. As for Jessica Seinfeld, how boring does someone have to be to talk for 12 minutes about a cookbook, and to be so absorbed while doing so. It’s like this cookbook is the most meaningful book she has ever read.
In this month’s issue of Glamour UK, inexplicable British celebrity Fearne Cotton wrote this in answer to the question: My dream dinner date would be…
“Chris Martin the (most) polite gentleman ever. (+hot) Lucky Gwynnie! Or Bradley Cooper.”
Words fail.
The Seinfeld’s are complete douches. I remember seeing Jerry years ago being interviewed by Barbara Walters when he was at the top of his game with Seinfeld. What a bore he is! And his comedy is lame. And Jessica … what a frigin’ gold digger. To leave your spouse after what? … 2 weeks of marriage … man, THAT IS COLD. I remember when that happened. She didn’t even have the decency to lay low for awhile. Jerry and she were all over the place shoving it in her exes face. NASTY!
MNGIRL76 thanks for the link, although I couldn’t make it all the way through. That level of delusion is painful to watch.
Jessica Seinfeld dropped her new husband like a hot potato like a week after their honeymoon when she ran into Jerry Seinfeld at a health club. I can picture her face when she saw him – her eyeballs turned into dollar signs, her tongue lolled out, and one of those old-timey car horns went off in her head. Awooga!
Like others here, I am starting to feel sorry for Goopy. Generally, when people bend over backward to “show” you how wonderful things are for them, things are actually pretty awful for them. Poor Goops.
Thanks Irene (above). If I could get into the New York Times (damn subscription service) I wouldn’t be reading CB much at all. It’s always the Usual Suspects, and that just gets tiresome.
CB writers-editors-give us some edgier stuff and some fresh faces! I thought the American Idol potential expose was interesting! I hate to say it, but the Sean/Scarlett thing is definitely edgy and compelling, too. Creepy factor=high. At least she’s not a minor.
Oh thank Christ. She’s finally done something (remotely) different with her hair.
NOT that I’m defending Goopy, but… various etiquette manuals say that a husband and wife should not sit together at dinner in order to better entertain as separate people, not as a couple. Supposedly it makes things more interesting for the guests, though a b*tchy slap-fight between Goop and Chris would have been great fun!
And I’m pretty sure someone else was in that kitchen with her. Doing all the work.
BORING, BLAND PALTROW would never be famous had Brad Pitt not hooked up!!
GP is so PHONEY she uses her husband as ego trophy despite they are NO MORE!
Someone remind this spoiled Hollywood brat she is NOT royalty!
No wonder Madonna is no longer her friend — at least sleazy Madonna is self made famous…
Without mommy + daddy’s connections, this plain jane would never be!
I’ve received cucumber water at some if the spas I go to & love it on a hot day at the beach
Their marriage really does seem over. I feel for the kids.
i’m sure he had no idea what he was getting into when he married her…..
My husband and I very rarely (if ever) sit next to each other at dinner parties (which we just call “going over to friends to eat”), and the same goes for most of the people we know. The point, at least partly, is to socialize with others.
Of course, if I were Gwynnie’s husband, I’d insist that our hosts put us at separate tables even if it were just the two of us eating at home :P. She seems like a really high-maintenance dinner companion. Or in general, actually.
I honestly don’t get it. The media portrays Chris to be something so different from what he is…
I feel for the guy for having to be married to gwenyth.
I saw Coldplay 2 times in the last week… And Chris acts like a crazy, insane freak on stage and talks to the audience very kindly (and he’s funny! ) I also met him after the Portland show and he was so incredibly nice! Signed 2 things and OFFERED to take a pic! He was quite the gentleman, really. Crazy , I know.
The media portrays Chris to be something so different from what he is…
I feel for the guy for having to be married to gwenyth.
I saw Coldplay 2 times in the last week… And Chris acts like a crazy, insane freak on stage and talks to the audience very kindly (and he’s funny! ) I also met him after the Portland show and he was so incredibly nice! Signed 2 things and OFFERED to take a pic! He was quite the gentleman, really. Crazy , I know.