Back in the day, I used to love to read feminist theory for fun. It was how I relaxed, and to this day, if I come upon a good essay about feminist iconography and/or art, I will sit back and enjoy it. Eventually, I came to my own sense of what feminism meant to me: the freedom of every woman to make their own personal, professional, social, economic, educational, sexual and reproductive choices for themselves. Will I (and others) judge some of those choices? Sure. But judgment isn’t the same as barring, banning, censoring or criminalizing those choices. I bring this up because Julia Roberts has said something that needs defending (sort of). She was asked about her now subdued work schedule, and she defended her right to stay at home with her kids:
Julia Roberts is quite alright working less and spending more time at home. In an interview with Access Hollywood, the 43-year-old wife and mom says she has no “mom guilt.”
“Nope,” she says, explaining that she’s scaled back the amount of work she now takes on. “I felt I earned the right to stay home and be home and get super selective about what I wanted to do work wise.”
Roberts, who has been married to cameraman Daniel Moder since 2002, has three children — Henry, 3 and twins Hazel and Phinnaeus, 6. Part of her time at home includes cooking for her family, but she has a few conditions when she’s in the kitchen.
“I have a steadfast rule that I run a kitchen, not a diner,” she says. “So I just make one meal… I try to be healthy, but listen, I love myself some bacon! So I have to cook what I think we’re all going to enjoy.. But I try to make it as healthy as possible.”
[From Us Weekly]
In truth, EVERY woman has earned the right to make their own decisions about work-versus-motherhood, but I understand Julia‘s mentality when she says “I felt I earned the right to stay home and be home and get super selective about what I wanted to do work wise.” She’s saying (in my mind) that she spent the better part of two decades building a career and working quite a bit, and thus she’s “earned” the right to leave Hollywood for years at a time. But does Julia know that even women who haven’t “earned” it like she has, that those women take time off too? And is there judgment for those ladies who don’t take a career timeout? Sigh… we’ll never get an answer to those questions.
Photos courtesy Fame & WENN.
Say what you will, but there doesn’t seem to be any botox on that face.
She really should have had those pants tailored.
Please stay at home so you don’t make another movie like Eat,Pray Love.
I can’t stand her, but I agree with her.
Wonder why they never ask famous dads about their “dad guilt”, hmm?
Well being 43 limits what is being offered too. So stay at home. Skip doing dumb movies for the cash only.
But still, to this day, Julia can’t dress for sh*t.
I don’t like her smug, but I think she’s right here: she earned her money, she built her career, and she can relax and spend time with her family if she wants to. Some women rush into blaming other women who decide to do the same as a “non-feminist” behaviour, and they forget that everyone has the right to choose to work AND to stay at home.
Yes, please stay at home, especially when you dress like you are president of the local PTA.
I don’t think there’s judgement for women who aren’t able to stay home, not at all.
I’m certainly not enamoured with JR, but she speaks the truth. IN VOLUMES.
JR has worked consistently (notice I didn’t say “hard”) and deserves to stay home with her kids if she so chooses. Good on her. E.V.E.R.Y. Mother should have that ability, if she so chooses. (And we all know many, many mothers who have no choice, and have to make evenings and weekends work.)
Children are NOT a trendy accessory: They are hard, hard work; and worth every second of the effort put in. About time someone recognises it!
I don’t think she’s being smug. I think she’s just saying that she worked hard earlier in her career to establish herself and now she can picky about what she wants to do. Why all the hate?? Geez.
RE: that picture! I think it’s a little scary (and huge on my monitor!) but her face doesn’t tell the story of fillers, botox, and surgery. It just looks like a normal (very blessed) face.
Lucy2 – couldn’t agree more.
These questions, and those relating to whether or not you plan to have children are always asked of women, and virtually never men. Journalists infuriate me with such lazy sexist queries.
ITA with Julia but I will say there is plenty of judgement from commentors for movie star mothers who work and have nannies (even though all of them have nannies and all of you would have nannies if you could afford them.)
She has earned the money to stay at home. If she never gets another role again she’ll be fine.
I wish I could stay at home with my babies! 🙁
She has the right to stay home with her kids…and she has the right to pick and choose her movies (which I think is slim pickings since she really hasn’t had a hit in years).
However, I have the right not to go out and buy movie tickets to support her family.
When she set out to humiliate another woman, because JULIA wanted her husband, that was it for me…I am no longer a fan. It’s one thing to engage in an affair with a married man, and it is quite different when you set out to hurt the woman even further, publicly. I don’t care that Danny and Julia have been married 9+ yrs. It is wrong today, as it was those 9 yrs ago.
Same here Isa 🙁 I guess we don’t all make millions for a few months work lol
I don’t know what you mean by women having the right to stay home if they want. A lot of women don’t have the choice. They become mothers and have to work. Most women didn’t make $20 million a picture for 20 years and are actually out there supporting their families – even if they have working husbands too.
Eh, women should do whatever works for their family and not care what anyone else thinks.
Still, I guess it’s easy to sit back and say you’re being choosey when you can’t make a movie that doesn’t suck.
Home is where the ham is, stay there and keep that ridiculous laugh with you
She may be a diva bitch, but its sad that she has to feel she needs to defend her choices. Every woman has a right to decide what is best for them, working, staying at home, whatever. Its sad we can be so catty about it.
Unless “mom guilt” has come to mean only guilt over missing time with your children while you work, it seems strange that she says she doesn’t experience it. I am a SAHM and I experience mom guilt on a regular basis.
And she is totally right. Bacon is nature’s perfect food 🙂
If she wants to stay home, more power to her. It’s totally a choice, and for some women, it’s the right choice. However, I do think there is still a ton of judgement for women who can, and opt not to, stay home- less so for women who, through circumstances beyond their control, must work to support a family.
As ya’ll know, having heard me whine and moan for about 37 weeks, Mr. Tarheel and I are expecting. How many times do you think Mr. Tarheel has been asked if he’s going back to work or if he’s going to stay home? That’s right ladies, zero times! Can you believe it? Not one individual thinks he ought to consider being a stay-at-home daddy, or that he won’t want to work outside the home anymore, or that he will feel differently once he has his son. And yet, I’ve been asked probably 500 times if I’m going back to work, and I get the pursed lip look when I say, “Of course I’m going back, I love what I do.” They then tell me how differently I will feel once I have the baby, and how work will never matter as much. Mind you, it’s not like Mr. Tarheel is the sole, or even the primary breadwinner-we fall within 5k of each other every year. I have a well-paying job with a lot of flexibility and freedom-why the eff wouldn’t I go back to work?
Oh please. How has she ‘earned’ it more than any other woman, most of whom can’t take time off from their careers to stay home with their children. Even though they work their asses off, I guess that means — according to Dame Julia — that they haven’t ‘earned’ it.
It would have been a less obnoxious statement if she had recognized that she was LUCKY to have the choice to scale her career back rather than saying she EARNED it.
I used to like Julia Roberts but in recent years she has become just as insufferable as Gwyneth Paltrow.
I LOVE that she said she ‘runs a kitchen not a diner’. I know several parents that cook each kid what they want for dinner, my SIL cooks seperately for her 4 kids… I can barely get myself together enough to cook one meal, let alone 4, make that 5 she cooks for my brother as well. I was watching the kids one night and decided to order pizza, they all wanted different things so I ordered a large 1/4 sausage, 1/4 cheese, 1/4 pep, you get the picture and when it came all 4 pitched a fit because the slices were ‘touching’ and insisted that mom always got them each a pizza?!?!?!
I would have been tempted to throw the pizza in the rubbish! Over the years when my son was growing up I encountered so many kids who were picky eaters with quite frankly, odd food phobias. I used the same rule my mum did with me, eat or go hungry “like it or lump it” (within reason) no room for picky eating in my family! A lot of parents seem to indulge it these days. Mystifying. And yeah, I don’t know what Julia is going on about. You don’t need to earn the right to stay home with your children, it’s a choice.
Nina, you took the words out of my mouth. I understand what Julia is saying, but she is so clueless that she comes across as entitled and smug. Okay, so she “worked” hard before kids and now she doesn’t feel guilty about taking time off. Great. But I hope she also realizes how LUCKY she is to have that option! And how her idea of taking time off from work also means that, when she finally needs a break from the kids, she can say to herself, “Hmmm, that looks like a good film… I think I’ll work for two months and make $6 million, then I can take the next year off again.” Clueless.
She picks the oddest outfits.
what is yessirree talking about? Give up the details; I never knew anything about the former Mrs. Moder!!
know what…
the bitch done stole my heart!
she’s a scorpio, like me and is completely UNAPOLOGETIC for her choices…and damn me to hell, but i dig it.
every morning i watch mid 30 to 40-something year old moms drag themselves and their (sometimes up to 3 on a stroller!) offspring to the daycare in my office building and it’s F*CKING IN-SANE!!!
they look all disheveled & unkept cause they’ve decide to breed 3 kids within a 3 yr period to beat their biological clock all while working 9 to 5 each day. bonkers, man. 🙁
if i had the choice way back when i would’ve definitely stayed home and worked less.
more time with the kids. more time with the mate. more time for yourself (most importantly).
of course i’m no fuggin millionaire actress, but it would’ve been great to work from home or some other option besides killing yourself everyday when you have a young kid. they grow up so fast and i know i missed out on alot.
soft spot phrase of the day:
“I try to be healthy, but listen, I love myself some bacon!”
oh, julia…& that self-righteous thing, all is forgiven. ahhhh. 😀
holy $hit, that FACE!
/rant
@3Kids: OMG, there was tons of drama. She pulled a LeeAnn/Tori Spelling. I don’t think it got as much publicity, simply because Danny Moder was a cameraman, but she was photographed wearing a t-shirt saying “Alow Vera” (Moder’s first wife was named Vera) and there were rumors she paid Vera off.
Links:
My personal fave: the daily mail story http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-207887/Julia-pretty-unhappy-woman.html
http://www.helium.com/items/632510-assessing-celebrity-marriages-julia-roberts-and-daniel-moder
http://www.gather.com/viewArticle.action?articleId=281474978256492
I think it’s easy to read too much into this. It sounds to me like she’s talking about herself, not trying to speak for All Women, Everywhere, or say that her life is universal.
My guess? At a minimum, Julia could get some of the roles currently played by Diane Lane, if she wanted them–so, yeah, she probably could work more if she wanted to. She’s saying that she chooses her priorities. So do we all. Is she in a better position financially than most of us? Clearly, but that doesn’t mean that we don’t also make choices about the same issues.
i don’t have kids but i’m thinking it’s easy to be a stay at home mother when you earn millions of dollars and only work a few months of the year.
yea i’m a scorpio julia’s age, as well…and I get her saying what’s what for her, no judgement intended. I don’t think she is saying anything about other moms, b/c i don’t think she is thinking about anyone elese but Julia. lol It’s also a scorpio thing to be straightforward about one’s own choices without reference to someone else’s. [In Julia’s case she is also self absorpbed but that’s another story]
i ended up staying home and homeschooling my one child….didnt plan but it became the obvious choice based on child…so….
there you have it.
we struggle financially alot, but it’s true though cliche-you dont get these years back. I loved staying home when my child was a baby/preschooler anyway, and had always planned that. sure it was isolating at times, but so enjoyable to be around him/her growing.
Just me.
As for Julia-i think she gets plenty of movie offers-maybe not all starring roles….but certainly some roles on a regular basis. c’mon-she’s in the big leagues and will always be A list….and she is likeable on the big screen-people will go to see her.
so i think she does have a choice.
And she should feel lucky? I think in her mind, she chose to be an actress, and invest decades to get where she is. Luck doesn’t have much to do with it, in her mind. I partly agree with her: we all make choices. She wanted that lifestyle and was focused on it. At the same time, call it karma, or maybe destiny or luck or fate-but there was some element of fortune in it, too.
@Thanks PrettyTarheel – god, I had no idea Julia was such a bit*h. That Daily Mail article was QUITE informative. I always thought her breakup with Benjamin B. was very sudden…now I know why!
She has “earned” the right to stay at home?? Staying home or working after having kids is a personal decision and alot of women HAVE to work because they dont get paid $20 million for bad acting.
I guess I’m missing something because I don’t understand why people are so angry. It sounds like Julia is talking about herself not about women in general. I believe she’s just saying that she’s been working hard for 25 years and is entitled to slow down. I don’t get the impression she’s talking about working mothers who have to work.
I interpreted Julia’s comments as “I made lots of money and now I can stay home and work only when I feel like it.” To me that’s not offensive, that’s enviable! Say what you will about Ms. Julia, but that bitch has been very shrewd (and very lucky) in terms of her career. She is truly in an extremely fortunate place. Many women have to work whether they want to or not-that’s the current economic reality. People can judge and have opinions, but the truth is that most working parents (women or men) don’t really have much of a choice. We live in an economy that is geared towards two income families. My Mom stayed home for several years when my sister and I were little back in the 1970’s. Back then, there were fewer “necessities”-no cell phones, no cable, no internet and the vast majority of people did not have computers. Our family had one car for several years. I think it would be tough to live that way now.
Plus, like @Pretty Tarheel, some women are happy in their careers and want to work. She’s right-there’s such a double standard-no one judges or questions a man for working after having a child. Men are lucky in the sense that unless they abandon their kids or are deadbeats, criminals or flagrant cheaters no one judges them. There’s so much pressure on women (particularly mothers) to be “perfect” and unfortunately the majority of the judgement comes from other women. Sorry to get on soapbox, but all of the obvious judgement gets annoying. I know it sounds naive and cliched, but why can’t we all just “live and let live?”
@ Kaiser – that’s the best definition of “feminism” I’ve encountered yet.
For modern women, I think there will always be “mom-guilt” whether you choose to work, choose to stay at home, or choose to juggle both – or especially if you have NO choice and you’re just forced to work (or stay at home).
The only antidote to mom-guilt is to not give in to it. If you’re a mummy, you do the very best you can, and if you make the best decisions that you possibly can at this point in time with what resources you have, this is all you CAN do. Just be strong and shrug off the guilt and other people’s judgement.
@1-Amanda, look again at that forehead .. it’s full of botox
@#3 You said it, if you made it thru that crappy movie (or even tried to watch it), I give you credit. Please go away, Julia and try to finally get over yourself. Your poor homely sister, you must pay her alot to pose with you.
She won’t go away tho, she has already unleashed a niece on the world. Wait till her spawn is of age. Uggghhh…
Why does anyone need to EARN the right to stay home?
Every parent has that right and should at least consider that when they have chidren.
Where’s her feet? She made enough movies with that annoying laugh and big mouth. Take a break honey, a nice long one. And there’s no such thing as “earned” time. By saying that she implies that only women who have worked long and hard can stay home. These Hollywood moms should just stay out of it; they only look ridiculous.