Lady Gaga has officially run out of crap to talk about. That’s what happens when you’re on the cover of every magazine in the span of a year, a year in which you’re also touring endlessly and getting coked out of your mind: you literally have nothing new to say. You have no new stories. You have no interesting anecdotes. So, for Gaga’s latest Rolling Stone interview, she just gives us some meh soundbytes about how she was bullied for being different (wah), how she feels like Rocky (as in, Stallone), and how she’s not a famewhore. If you’d like to read Rolling Stone’s full excerpt, go here. Here are some highlights:

Performing: “When I am not onstage I feel dead,” she says. “Whether that is healthy or not to you, or healthy or not to anyone, or a doctor, is really of no concern to me. I don’t feel alive unless I’m performing, and that’s just the way I was born.”

Rocky IV: In the story, Gaga reveals that she’s recently derived a lot of inspiration from an unlikely source: Rocky IV. “My favorite part is when Apollo’s ex-trainer says to Rocky, ‘He is not a machine. He’s a man. Cut him, and once he feels his own blood, he will fear you.’ I know it sounds crazy, but I was thinking about the machine of the music industry. I started to think about how I have to make the music industry bleed to remind it that it’s human, it’s not a machine.”

How she felt when she first came on the music scene: “Being myself in public was very difficult,” she says. “I was being poked and probed and people would actually touch me and touch my clothes and be like, ‘What the f-ck is that,’ just so awful. It was like I was being bullied by music lovers, because they couldn’t possibly believe that I was genuine.”

She was bullied: “Being teased for being ugly, having a big nose, being annoying,” she says. “’Your laugh is funny, you’re weird, why do you always sing, why are you so into theater, why do you do your make-up like that?’ . . . I used to be called a slut, be called this, be called that, I didn’t even want to go to school sometimes.”

On her fans: “We have this umbilical cord that I don’t want to cut, ever,” she says. “I don’t feel that they suck me dry. It would be so mean, wouldn’t it, to say, ‘For the next month, I’m going to cut myself off from my fans so I can be a person.’ What does that mean? They are part of my person, they are so much of my person. They’re at least 50 percent, if not more.”

On being a famewhore: She is annoyed at the suggestion by some critics that her main goal is to attract attention. “I have attention,” she says, and begins addressing her critics directly. “Is it that you believe that I am attention-seeking or shock for shock’s sake, or is it just that it’s been a long time since someone has embraced the art form the way that I have? Perhaps it’s been a couple of decades since there’s been an artist that’s been as vocal about culture, religion, human rights, politics. I’m so passionate about what I do, every bass line, every EQ. Why is it that you don’t want more from the artist, why is it that you expect so little, so when I give and give, you assume it’s narcissistic?”

[From Rolling Stone]

Yeah, her argument for why she’s NOT just seeking attention for attention’s sake doesn’t really hold water. She’s not doing this crap just because she’s an ARTIST or because she’s a STUDENT of ART. That’s why she does some stuff, granted. But she does other stuff because she’s a coked-up idiot trying to be shocking just for the sheer idea of being “shocking”. And when she does that (hint: JUDE-AH!), it fails miserably. And can Gaga stop with the friggin’ pity party? She’s one of the most popular recording artists of the past decade, she has legions of fans and gobs of money. Stop whining, bitch! This is what happens in The Bubble, you know? She needs some new experiences.

This killed me though: “Or is it just that it’s been a long time since someone has embraced the art form the way that I have? Perhaps it’s been a couple of decades since there’s been an artist that’s been as vocal about culture, religion, human rights, politics.” How sanctimonious. How wrong.

I will say this, though: I don’t hate the photoshoot. I like the simplicity of the cover shot, and this (below) is my favorite photo from the shoot. I think Gaga looks like a woodland nymph. I shouldn’t say that. I’ll give her ideas.

Photos courtesy of RS’s slideshow.