Contestants on American Idol clearly know what they’re getting into when they sign up for the show. They know they’re going to be put through the ringer, tested, and probably mocked on national television. It’s definitely a show that not everyone is cut out for – not just in terms of talent but also in terms of the thick skin needed to get through the experience.

Unfortunately former season one contestant Nikki McKibbin didn’t seem have the advantage of having seen the show like the contestants on subsequent seasons. McKibbin says the competition had a lasting negative effect on her which led to depression and drug abuse.

American Idol alum Nikki McKibbin, a recovering alcoholic and drug addict, has revealed Simon Cowell led her on a downward spiral.

“I came out of Idol with a lack of self-confidence,” McKibbin tells the new issue of Us Weekly. “I think I had my first solo in school when I was 5, and I got more as I got older: That’s the biggest compliment in choir. I had never been told I wasn’t good enough. Having to hear it for so many weeks from Simon Cowell killed me inside. I couldn’t get the s–t he had said to me out of my head.”

She continued: “It drove me deeper into my depression. I wouldn’t say that this was Simon’s fault. It just added to the addict that I already was.” Cowell compared one of her performances to Adam Sandler’s tone deaf character in The Wedding Singer. “We were heavily chaperoned, but I would buy vodka and sneak it into the refrigerator on the bottom floor,” McKibbin tells Us. “If I wasn’t too exhausted, I’d have one or two drinks.”

The season one contestant finished third behind Justin Guarini and Kelly Clarkson.

[From Us Weekly]

Nikki recently sobered up on another reality show – of VH1’s Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew. So apparently there’s one show to break people and another to put them back together? Since Nikki was on the first season of the show she hadn’t witnessed Simon’s behavior like most of us have since then. I’m guessing she was in some way informed that he was harsh and critical, but didn’t realize it’d be so bad. It’s good she says that Simon’s not at fault, but bullying can have an effect on both children and adults. Just because he’s a grownup doesn’t make it alright for him to act like an ass – it makes it less so. I think a lot of people would have a hard time dealing with him and keeping their self esteem in tack.

Here’s Nikki with Justin Guarini at American Idol Rewind in 2006. Images thanks to PR Photos.