Right, so someone in Hollywood is still trying to make this Taylor Lautner, A-List Movie Star, thing happen. Seriously, I am completely not kidding here, for some nameless film studio execs have pegged Lautner as the “breakout” actor from the Twilight Saga and have attached him onto various movies (which may or may not actually happen at this point) with an eight-figure salary mark. As such, we now receive the first promotional poster for Abduction, which arrives with the following IMDb synopsis:
A thriller centered on a young man who sets out to uncover the truth about his life after finding his baby photo on a missing persons website.
Bourne much? Like it or not, Taylor Lautner is the new Matt Damon!
Presumably, we’ll just gloss over the obvious plot hole in the synopsis, which doesn’t explain exactly why Lautner’s character would ever be, uh, browsing a missing persons website in the first place. If you ask me (which, clearly, you haven’t done so), it appears that some certain screenwriters have lazily employed the internet as a plot-furthering device, which is a mistake made all too often these days. Still, that’s not the point here, so we’ll get back to this poster. Aside from the rather hilarious aesthetic similarities to Bourne trilogy marketing materials, let’s just consider this — exactly how does one slide upon broken fragments of glass without, um, stabbing oneself in the … oh, never mind.
It’s too bad that the poster doesn’t feature Taylor sliding on his chest because then his rock-hard nipples (which Kaiser has so kindly reminded me of) would totally cut that glass of their own volition. Wouldn’t that be the greatest superpower ever? Taylor Lautner, Nipples of Steel.
Update: We just received some production stills from the Abduction Facebook page. The first one is what I like to call, “Running from the bad guys yet sparing a moment to hump a kitchen cabinet.”
Next up: “Must convincingly shield this chick from danger, but I wish it was Sparkles.”
And finally: “My homage to Run Lola Run.”
Photos of Lautner on 6/21/11 at the Los Angeles Film Festival courtesy of WENN; Abduction photo courtesy of Yahoo! movies
Hilariously painful especially the photoshop work on his face. He doesn’t look the same anymore!
Not that it matters, but I find him supremely unattractive.
Taylor is HOT!!!! If only his nose…….
LOL I think Taylor does have potential to be an action star and something big. He already has a big fan base, he just needs to get some good roles and keep his image intact. The movie poster is bad and doesn’t make much sense but they have some time to make tweaks.
Not knocking him. but for a movie like this to be successful you have to have GUY support. I don’t know if he has that thing that makes other guys want to see him on the screen. I don’t think they are aiming for a Matt Damon comparison but more Tom Cruise. He has even hinted at this too.
Something is off about his face, the nose.
Can men be called “butterfaces” they use that on girls all the time.
I may be shallow here, but he is freaky looking. Do not get his appeal.
I feel a bit sorry for him to be honest. He seems to be a product – probably of his parents interest – that rarely works out well for the child..
There are not enough paper bags in the world. Ugh, his face is the worst.
I actually really like him – I do find him seriously attractive. I don’t know whether I believe him as an action star but I’ll go and see the film to find out!
Taylor will be a great star, and all the haters will be eating their words. Just because he was in Twilight doesn’t mean he can’t act. And as for this jealous, snarky site, I’ll await your response if the movie does very well. Because I’m sure you’ll be honest.
he looks like a pug.
i recently saw parts of twilight, and not that i have anything against the genre, but what are 400 yr old vampires doing in high school?
What’s eating Laura? Jeesh. I doubt any of us care what happens to him. But I do get this strange twinge around my nostrils everytime I see him.. I mean, I’m asian and thank God I’m not monolid but HOW DOES HE BREATHE?!
He has exotic features, which makes him either attractive or odd depending on the person.
He has more star potential than that pale, odd, emotionless Kristen Stewart or Robert Pattinson. I think he just needs the right movie and not some odd flick.
@EarthwindFire I totally agree. His features are nontraditional (read: not Anglo) and i think the opinion depends on who they are an what they find appealing. To me he is a child and therefore off limits in my hot or not book, I have a lot of nephews his age and it just feels wrong.
If you have seen pictures of his Stage Daddy you will see where he gets that nose from, it will be fixed before he gets too much older. That is if he is able to break free from his Dad in order to continue his career. I know a lot of you do not like Lainey’s site but she had some interesting feedback a few weeks ago when he was dropped by his publicist. His dad sounds like he has been taking stage parenting 101 with the Lohans.
I prefer Taylor to Robert right now, that could easily change though!
It’s coming out in Sept which is the summer dumping grounds for the bad movies that couldn’t make it earlier in the season and no one likes. This way they can explain away the lackluster box office it has and still protect his image as a budding star.They are really trying with this guy,lol.
Dude’s got a piggy nose, squinty piggy eyes, and his facial expression is constant…as if he just whiffed a smelly ass.
i too prefer Taylor to Robert
Shark Boy! Emo-Wolf! He looks ridiculous sliding down that building.
I think people believe everyone should have Anglo features. If you don’t then you aren’t attractive. It’s the same people who make fun of Black noses too. We can’t have everyone looking like Anglo-Saxon Ken dolls. I like Lautner’s exotic looks and think his nose is very cute. Not sure about the movie though, I don’t like action movies but I wish him luck.
Needs more lens flare.
Give the kid a break. If all I had to go on was stupid tween vampire movies, I would want to get as far as possible as well. I’ll see this first non-related flick and if its sucks the big one. I probably won’t be seeing him in anything else.
Butterface!!!!!!!
I saw the trailer for this last weekend and it actually looked like it could be entertaining. It’s got some good names attached — Sigourney Weaver, Jason Isaacs, and I think the guy who played Blomkvist in the Swedish Millennium trilogy movies. I actually think Lautner’s a little cutie, so I’ll totally go see it.
that poor little boy!
I am not laughing with him, but at him!
He thinks he’s all hot and bad ass, but he’s the worst actor!!! I’d rather watch Transformers 1 on repeat for a week than watch him anymore!!
He needs to disapear for like 3 years and come back when he’s a man, not the little boy he is.
btw all those grown ass women who think he’s hot are gross!! Seriously he’s a kid you sickos!!
I think he is fugly as all get go BUT I still think that makes him hotter than Cedward or Edric or whatever that wan sickly looking Brit guy’s name is.
I’ve always thought he was awkwardly proportioned in the head/neck/shoulders area.
The premise of discovering you were a “missing child” could actually be interesting, if done with decent writers and actors, but this looks lame. I’m still trying to figure out how it leads to him sliding down a skyscraper? apparently. Though it’s photoshopped so much it looks like a cartoon, not a photo.
Hi-Lare! Such a meathead.
No matter if we think he’s attractive or not, he at least puts forth effort in his acting (unlike certain lip biters). He has amazing martial arts wins from when he was even younger than he is now. He’s starred in other series. I don’t see a reason for him not to push forward. He has that competitive streak that just might make him a solid, reliable actor. Do they make those any more?
So lemme get this straight…he appears as third-banana in those schlocky Vampire crapfests, and studio execs decide to throw EIGHT FIGURE salaries at him when they have no idea how he’s gonna fare on his own?
No wonder studios lose tons of money every year.