Dame Gwyneth Paltrow would like to hear from the peasants

goop1

When I wrote about the Emmy nominations earlier today, I forgot to talk about the nominees in the Best Guest Appearance acting categories. Did you know Dame Gwyneth Paltrow got nominated for her try-hard, uncomfortable, tragic appearances on Glee? It’s true. Plus, everybody is watching and talking about Goopy’s crazy stroke-face in the trailer for Contagion! So all in all, this is a great day for Goop. Dame Gwyneth is back on top. World-class cookbook author, Oscar-winning and now Emmy-nominated actress, and professional stroke-face haver. Cheers!

So Gwyneth decided to go for the triple crown with this week’s Goop newsletter. This is the thing about Gwyneth – I think somewhere, deep in her soul, she knows that *some* peasants make fun of her, but she truly doesn’t understand why, or how she leaves herself open to such mockery and disgust. But she’s leaving herself WIDE open this week:

We here at GOOP would love your feedback. We will be making some exciting changes in the coming months, but we want to hear from you first. If you have a minute, please fill out our reader survey!
Many thanks,
gp

[From GOOP]

You can go to the survey here – it’s multiple choice! So it’s not like you can just copy-and-paste one of my posts into the comments section, unfortunately. You could probably find a place to write in “I HATE YOU” or “Tip: Stop being such a snotty, cheese-in-a-can-hating, crack-smoking, elitist bitch.” I think Goop wants to know if we’d like to see her GOOP site redesigned, basically. I’m starting to wonder if Goop has gotten bored with forcing herself to “write” newsletters to the peasants every damn week. She lasted longer than I expected – Goop has been going on for something like two and a half years. I thought she would have found something new and shiny to occupy her time by now.

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Photos courtesy of Fame, plus a screencap from ‘Contagion’.

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34 Responses to “Dame Gwyneth Paltrow would like to hear from the peasants”

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  1. Thea says:

    Insert nozzle and let loose with the Canned cheese…..

  2. lucy2 says:

    Whatever negative comments she gets, she’ll probably use that as another excuse to look down on people and insult them for not being snooty enough to appreciate her.

  3. Turquoise Blue says:

    Gwyneth looks good with a bit of a tan. Didn’t she have some extreme bone killing vitamin D deficit or something?

  4. Anti-icon says:

    I have a long memory for direct quotes; and this was hers in the era when she had dumped Brad and Jennifer Aniston had taken up with him. Dame Gwyneth said “Who’s Jennifer….oh you mean that little TV girl?”

    So I say to Goop: who cares about your little tee vee nomination. Aren’t you about the films?

    Slam. (That felt good.)

  5. mia girl says:

    I do love her look in that last pic. I want that dress! Anybody know anything about it?

    And Michael K had the great quote to go along with that screen shot of her stroke face
    “NOT THE CANNED CHEESE!!!!”

  6. Rita says:

    I like to contribute to these threads by passing along information I get from my insiders. I hope it okay to do so.

    A very solid source informs me that Gwyneth’s expression resulted from her gynecologist who’s standing to the side and holding something which I can’t disclose but he asked

    “Did you know this was in there?”

  7. brin says:

    My suggestion would be to change the name of her newsletter to Velveeta.

  8. Melissa says:

    Jeez, sometimes I feel bad for celebs. She’s a beautiful woman, but it looks as though anyone can take a bad pic or have a really bad pic made from a scene (Lord, that top pic). If I were her, I would be telling people to suck it.

    Re: Anti-Con, Jennifer Aniston also said that GP called to talk to her after JA’s split with Brad Pitt. I would assume it was a call to comfort her. But who knows.

  9. Firecracker says:

    A nomination for Glee? Was there absolutely no one else that even deserved to be nominated? But I don’t watch that show, so I could be off base here.
    And Anti-Con, lol, I love that!

  10. Rachel says:

    Anyone who eats canned cheese deserves to be looked down on! It’s disgusting!

  11. Catherine says:

    She looks awful in that dress as she is way to skinny. I understand her wanting to be fit, but she could stand to gain a few and still look amazing.

  12. Jaana says:

    She is rich but i still feel sorry for her..sigh..SOMEONE JUST LOVE HER PLEASE!!! U know as soon as those kids grow up they are outta there as well!!!!!

  13. Len says:

    Right now, I’m just not caring, cause lord I LOVE that dress in the last pic. Making me jealous!

  14. Liz says:

    you can still express your real opinion by writing in the open fields even if unrelated to the question (I did) she needs to know how out of touch and privileged she is

  15. po says:

    I honestly believe the reason she is not bored with it yet is because she is spurred on by the fact that people dislike her. The more people dislike critique the snobbier she seems to get.

  16. the original bellaluna says:

    Um, OK, I love that you died early on in the Contagion trailer. And I covet that red & white striped towel.

    (Does that count as feedback from a peasant?)

  17. kitkat says:

    I totally did the survey, and was pretty honest. I wrote in the clothing stores that I shop at Banana Republic, Target and (horrors!) WALMART! Her clothing posts are always full of gazillion dollar outfits. She’s never known real hardship or financial pressure, which makes her a Marie Antoinette in these tough times. Also, I mentioned that I don’t give a hairy rat’s a$$ about decorating. I can hear her now: “Let her eat cake! Off with her head!”

  18. OtherChris says:

    People, that first picture? That’s how she actually looks without makeup and photoshop (well, minus the stroke face).

    You’re welcome.

  19. Steph says:

    the survey makes it sound like i really will get my very own GOOP Iphone app by the end of the year! GOOP on the GO! For the busy peasant who likes her organic paella on the fly!

  20. RHONYC says:

    that’s the startled face Goopy makes when Chris wakes up screaming in his sleep!

    then he sees her goopface & realizes the nightmare isn’t over.

    poor guy. 😆

  21. silken_floss says:

    That screen shot of her is hilarious!

  22. I like her. But guess what? She doesn’t write that blog, her PR firm does. And that’s who sent out the survey. Clearly an overhaul is in order, which is too bad. I like its simplicity and I like her.

  23. KateNonymous says:

    I’ve worked in both education and marketing, and as a result I know a fair amount about surveys and a lot about how to write questions. Whoever put this together did a terrible job. It won’t accept my fill-in for “other”; I have to select one of the pre-determined items even though “other” applies and there’s an option for it. Questions that should let you choose multiple answers (“Where do you look for recipes”)? will only let you select one. If you don’t watch videos on YouTube, get ready to tell them so twice in a row (question 20 should be conditional on a yes answer to question 19). Also, the grammar is lousy. I’ll bet her assistant wrote this with no one to copyedit.

  24. Mrs_ says:

    Judging by the survey goopy IS really busy building a lifestyle empire…

  25. Lisa Turtle says:

    I took the survey because secretly I love me some Goop.

  26. mia girl says:

    @KateNonymous
    I also work in the marketing/research field. The survey was created using an off the shelf product (says so at bottom), so it was definitely done by someone at GOOP who was not highly skilled in proper survey research and survey programming.

    Although GOOP is not alone, it happens more often than you think with surveys that look to evaluate the web site you are visiting. Using off the shelf is much cheaper than hiring a professional. Downside is if you dont program it properly, you will get data that is incorrect/misleading.

  27. Karen says:

    HAVEN’T CARED MUCH FOR HER AFTER SHE DRAPED HERSELF IN FURS AND MADE FUN OF AMERICAN’S PROTECTION OF ANIMALS. Someone needs to drape her around the Europe she prefers.

    Makes money in USA and spends it in Europe on designer clothes and furs. Time to boycott?

  28. annaloo says:

    Bored with GOOP.com… nothing useful in there, really.

  29. KateNonymous says:

    mia girl: Oh, I knew that the minute I saw the Surveymonkey URL. Here’s the thing: You can write a good survey and use that kind of tool (I’ve used Surveymonkey myself). But the person who wrote this survey didn’t know how to write one, or how to properly use the service, and it shows in the sloppy results.

    No, you’re not going to get the kind of results you would with a custom tool. But the off-the-shelf products are fine for a lot of projects, quite possibly including this one. What I’m seeing here is someone who doesn’t know squat about the tools they’re using.

  30. original kate says:

    sweet goopy jesus, someone please stop her from acting, singing, writing, cooking and speaking.

  31. Nymeria says:

    @ original kate, your post cracked me up.

  32. Lauren says:

    No wonder Chris Martin is the invisible husband. I have two teenagers that are more tolerable than GoopyGoddess. My husband yelled “AHHEHHHHHAHE-WTF” when I showed him her bikini pics. Not all men are aroused by pale, anorexic, bolt-on,straw-haired Goopyness.

  33. original kate says:

    “My husband yelled “AHHEHHHHHAHE-WTF” when I showed him her bikini pics.”

    @ lauren: LMAO. mr. original kate made pretty much the same frightened noise when he saw goop in a bikini. after he recovered he said, “she doesn’t look very healthy to me.”

  34. Melancholy says:

    Love that dress? Just wrap yourself in a dusty old curtain from the Little House on the Prairie set and tie it with the pull cord. Blech.