A few months ago, we covered the unfortunate report that a third Bridget Jones’s Diary movie was on the way, thanks to the fact that Bridesmaids director Paul Feig was inexplicably interested in helming the project. Like many of you expressed in the comments section, I was utterly distraught at this news and couldn’t understand why either author Helen Fielding or the movie studio could justify the further desecration of the formerly lovable Bridget, who was transformed in the second movie, Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason, from an exhilarating heroine to a relatively idiotic buffoon in eternal pursuit of Mark Darcy’s almighty marriage proposal. To make matters worse, the second movie also shoehorned in some silly plot where the Rebecca character awkwardly planted a kiss on Bridget, which was just a shameless attempt to add some “lesbian controversy” into an otherwise vanilla sequel. What I’m trying to say is this — clearly, the first movie was lightning and couldn’t possibly strike twice with the same degree of charm.

At any rate, when the new rumors popped up a few months ago, I was discouraged but also of the firm belief that Colin Firth (and his demanding post-Oscar schedule) would step up and save the day, for he would be the only person who could possibly keep this third movie from happening. Unfortunately, I was wrong, and Colin himself has given EW some new details that are even worse than you could have imagined. Apparently, Mark Darcy is shooting blanks:

It’s finally time to re-open the diary: Bridget Jones is returning to the big screen.

EW has confirmed exclusively that Working Title Films, the production company responsible for the first movie released in 2001 and the second one dubbed The Edge of Reason in 2004, is moving ahead with a third installment. Based at Universal, Working Title has been mulling a sequel since 2009.

No other details were available, but last year, Bridget costar Colin Firth, who plays lovable Mark Darcy, told EW’s Dave Karger some details about a possible plot. “I can tell you that Bridget and Mark can’t have children, I think that’s the way it goes on,” Firth told Karger, who was reporting for Access Hollywood. “So then she makes the huge mistake of going back to Daniel Cleaver [Hugh Grant’s character] for long enough to get pregnant. And I think he dumps her, and she’s left stranded, and guess who comes back to rescue her?”

The movies are based on Helen Fielding’s novel of the same name and starred Renee Zellweger as Bridget. The first film was an international hit, taking in a reported $281 million. The second was crucified by the critics but still raked in $262 million worldwide.

Earlier this year, the London Evening Standard reported that Fielding had begun writing the third installment of the best-selling books. At the time, she said there had been discussions about the next film. “I will be working on both the book and the film but I don’t know if they are the same thing yet. It’s not been decided.”

[From EW.com]

Alright, now that Colin has deserted us, maybe Hugh Grant can put the brakes on this nonsense? After all, Hugh, who is very busy and important, has been quite occupied whilst saving the whole of England (and Americans too) from the NOTW wiretapping scandal. As for Renee, she has no choice but to jump on this ill-fated ship because she’s got no other future projects lined up in the immediate future. Maybe we’ll get lucky and she won’t want to leave John Stamos’ side, but that’s a very remote possibility.

You know what wouldn’t be a totally awful prospect though? Scrap the entire plot that Firth described and just make the entire story about Shazzer (I love that mouthy bitch) with brief interludes of a floppy-haired Daniel Cleaver and a stammering Mark Darcy running through in a homoerotic daze. Because, honestly, I want to capitulate at the thought of Mark “saving” a teary-eyed, pregnant Bridget and have no further desire to see Daniel’s womanizing baby hit upon his own mum.

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