Sometime in the future, we’ll look back at the phenomenon that was the Kardashians, The Jersey Shore drunks, and the Real Housewives plastic surgery victims and see it all as a blip on an otherwise understandable gossip diet fueled by people who actually act, sing or otherwise have something to offer. Now, though, I’m seeing the ever-increasing stunts the Kardashians are pulling (and, to a lesser extent, the rest of the famous-for-nothings) and it’s striking me as totally ridiculous. Kim Kardashian’s US Weekly honeymoon cover and accompanying photo spread are like a parody of a romantic getaway, just as she’s a big-assed kat-faced parody of a “star.” (Kaiser mentioned these yesterday but now that I’m seeing the actual photos I just have to comment.) Inside the magazine, we’re treated to photos of the newlyweds feeding each other fruit (that’s the main photo that’s featured), making out on a lounge chair and frolicking in the water. The accompanying article is just as stupid and cringe-inducing as the photos. My favorite quote is how their honeymoon “was made only for two” when they were inevitably accompanied by a camera crew to capture these intimate moments. (Although it was supposedly not filmed for their reality show.) Here’s more:

Looks like just the place to make a baby!

The new Us Weekly, out Wednesday, has exclusive photos and details of Kim Kardashian’s sexy, superprivate honeymoon with brand-new husband Kris Humphries on Italy’s Amalfi Coast last week

After tying the knot in Montecito, Calif. Aug. 20, the reality starlet, 30, and NBA star, 26, mostly kept to themselves at a $3,300-per-night Romeo and Juliet chalet at the five-star Hotel Santa Caterina — emerging for al fresco meals and PDA-packed time by the pool and in the Mediterranean Sea.

It was an unexpected nuptial vacation for Kardashian, who showed off her world-famous (just-married!) bikini bod alongside her hunky shirtless man in exclusive pics in the new issue.

“We were planning on waiting til next summer to take [a honeymoon],” Kardashian told Us exclusively at Sunday’s MTV Video Music Awards in L.A. “But Kris surprised me last minute!”

Adds a source of their uber-affectionate time: “Kim is the kind of bride who’d be thrilled if she had gotten pregnant on her honeymoon.”

For now, though, the still-glowing bride is holding onto the romantic memories.

“Our honeymoon was so perfect!” she told Us at the VMAs. “We caught up on alone time.”

[From US Weekly]

The actual article in the print edition never mentions how long their honeymoon was, and just refers to it as a mini-moon at one point, but they were gone for just five nights. I honestly thought it was quicker than that.

I don’t wish fertility problems or health problems on anyone, but what will it take for this madness to stop? You know the next step is a baby, constant pregnancy details and a baby shower that would put Mariah Carey to shame. Maybe before all that happens Husband Kris will wise up and GTFO. He surely has plenty of teammates who are divorced and can help him out with the logistics.

Meanwhile the Kardashian sisters have a new clothing line out for Sears. I saw a full article on it in one of last week’s tabloids, and they basically jack the styles from other designers they wear. There was a commercial for it ahead of clip I was watching on E! Online. Kim was talking about how “shoes solve everything.” I can’t find that commercial again, but there’s another one on Kim’s blog where they throw a party in Sears and comment on how great the clothes are. JcPenney sometimes has decent clothes but I’ve never found anything I’ve liked at Sears. I doubt the Kardashians are going to solve that by making cheap knockoffs.

Here’s Kim filming with Kourtney on 8/30 and out with Kris that same day. Credit: WENN.com