As you may remember, I watch The Millionaire Matchmaker. I don’t consider it a good show or anything, and it’s not like I wait around to watch new episodes or anything, but if Bravo is showing a marathon, I’ll totally get caught up in it and end up watching several episodes in a row. My take on Patti Stanger is that she’s not the best matchmaker, AT ALL, but she is the queen of conventional dating wisdom, stereotyping, temper tantrums and drama. In Patti’s defense, most of the dudes who hire her are pretty awful people, and they haven’t “found love” because they’re just terrible, the end. Patti does what she can, and yes, I’m defending her a little bit. I watch the show because I think the dudes are hilarious – more often than not, they’re rich and middle-aged and they have huge, glaring personality flaws that drive sane, normal women away, which is good news because most of the guys don’t want sane, normal women anyway – most want a 22-year-old stripper who will soothe their damaged, immature ego.
So, with that caveat in place, here’s the latest Patti-controversy. A few nights ago she was on Bravo’s Watch What Happens Live, with host Andy Cohen. This show is notorious for getting the guests sauced up, but I’m not sure if liquor was the problem here. Throughout the evening, Patti made some comments that have upset… well, they’ve upset almost everybody. Here are some video clips of the most awful comments (courtesy of Gawker’s Matt Cherette):
Tough love or total bigotry? Millionaire Matchmaker’s Patti Stanger appears to be practicing the latter. On Sunday night’s premiere of Watch What Happens Live with Andy Cohen on Bravo, Stanger made sweeping, stereotypical generalizations about gay men looking for love.
When a caller named Dustin asked the reality star what she thought about “open relationships,” she told him: “In the gay world, there’s always going to be open [relationships]. Are you straight or gay?”
He answered gay, to which she said: “Ok, well then you’re ok. There’s Grindr [the online site that connects gay/bisexual men in the same area] for you. Go on Grindr. You’ll have a great time.”
Cohen, 43, looked appalled at Stanger’s remarks. “Hold on,” he said. “So wait, the gays can have open relationships?” (Stanger’s dating policy across the board calls for monogamous relationships only, but this apparently only applies to heterosexual couples.)
“There’s no curbing the gay,” Stanger snapped. “I’ve tried to curb you people and you just don’t [change]. I’ve decided to throw in the towel and just say, ‘Do what you want. But when you find the right person, you will know.'”
When Cohen told Stanger, “I am a gay and I’m down for the monogamy,” she burst out laughing in his face and asked, “When was the last time you had a [serious] boyfriend?” He answered that it’d been six years, and then became “uncomfortable” and moved the conversation along.
When Tyler, a self-proclaimed “gay man from Los Angeles” Skyped in to ask a question about finding “a long-term relationship” and whether he’d have luck outside of the city, Stanger, 50, gave some more offensive advice.
“First of all, you’re very handsome. I thought you were straight,” she said. “That’s a compliment!” (Cohen cocked his head quizzically and made a disgusted face at Stanger’s seemingly bigoted remark.)
“Why is being straight a compliment?” he asked.
“Because he’s not queeny,” Stanger said. “Like you want a queen. Alright, I don’t think so.”
Stanger tweeted Monday: “It’s true. L.A. guys [are] toughest nuts to crack to monogamy,” then added: “Attention male gays: I support you and my comment on [Watch What Happens Live] was to an L.A. guy who can’t find commitment.”
Following intense criticism, Stanger issued a statement to Us Weekly Monday: “I am so sorry. I did not mean to offend anyone with my comments last night on Watch What Happens Live.”
A Bravo spokesperson added that the network “regrets the comments expressed by Patti Stanger on Watch What Happens Live last night. Her comments are not representative of the network’s beliefs and opinions. We apologize for the offense it caused.”
[From Us Weekly]
Okay, if you listen to Patti’s whole argument about open relationships amongst the gays, I don’t think it’s that offensive, it’s just her conventional dating wisdom – she’s saying that gay dudes are always going to be more into “open” relationships, but once they find “the one” that will all disappear. As for her comment that it’s a “compliment” to think that a gay dude appears to be straight… yeah, that one is just dumb. Whatever. She apologized, and you know what you’re getting with Patti.
Photos courtesy of WENN.
Biggest shock about this whole thing–she’s 50 years old.
Whaaaaa?
Courtney Stodden, eat your heart out. And go the %#&! away.
BRAVO/Andy Cohen knows who this women is – Is Bravo now all of a sudden going for the PC point of view when talking about gays? why? – and complimenting the gay guy by saying she thought he was straight – well isn’t everyone always trying to ‘out butch’ the other . . .this line that gets drawn ‘in the sand’ is moving all over the place depending on topic and hard to keep track of –
I have leared over the years that if I am asked about things that I have absolutely no knowledge of I simply say, ‘I don’t know’. It is simple and to the point. Patti was attempting to be sassy and thought that this will go over with the gay audience and community. The end result made her look ignorant and lack reality.
@StephanieMarie
I know, right?
She’s one of those people who I could never guess her age. She looks damn good for 50.
I highly doubt she’s surgery free to look like that, but she’s doing it the RIGHT way.
I cannot believe that you don’t think she is wildly offensive?? She said all Jewish people are liars and that it’s a compliment to be called straight! It’s even worse because she wasn’t making some sort of off color joke, she meant it. AND Andy Cohen is both Gay and Jewish and she said these things to him! SO RUDE. She was an asshat before and now she’s an asshate with homophobic and antisemetic tendensies.
She doesn’t look good for 50, she’s just as toxed up and over filler-ed as the rest of them. Such a great match maker, she’s single too.
I think she’s rude, and it’s no shocker she’s not married at 50 years old. Patti ostensibly is in the business of helping people marry, yet she doesn’t practice what she preaches.
She was condescending and seemed more about being right than making any heartfelt connection.
Patti does high end matchmaking all wrong. Accepting people with massive personality problems and issues, in other words jerks, will not result in meaningful lasting relationships. If you are any good, you don’t accept clients you can’t work with. You can afford to be exclusive because you will be working with happy clients who go on to be successful.
She’s gross.
It’s a gross generalization that IS offensive.
People should be looked at as individuals, not grouped together and then dictated upon, which is what she did.
“There’s no curbing the gay” is offensive.
The rest of it is just ridiculous.
She has always be offensive to me and seemingly have diarrhea of the mouth. Especially her disdain for red heads! What’s that about? I feel as a supporter of the gay community, her comments were offensive, if she/he would have made a bold statement about how all women should be in the kitchen and have children many including you would be offended.
From what I understand she talked with Joy Behar and totally lied about what the question was.
I find her offensive and ignorant.
She says the most moronic things. I don’t know how anyone could take her “advice” seriously.
I agree.
not THAT offensive but unbelieveably dumb, dumb, dumb.
people have the right to speak freely…that’s what she did. No ones perfect. People don’t like being called out. She is talking from experience. So what.. grow thicker skin people.
I know right Patti looks amazing for being 50. I was sooo shocked when I learned her real age.
I think her comments about looking straight as compliment were offensive but I don’t think she ever means any harm. I mean this is just who she is, she says crazy things. I am a convert, I love her show and a long time ago I thought she gave bad dating advice but actually she doesn’t. Alot of the people on her shows walk away happy.
I think it’s all offensive. The stereotyping, the use of “The Gays” or “The Gay”–like gay is an entity and not an attribute…
Just shut your silly face.
She’s like one one of those girls who says idiotic things like “I need a gay boyfriend!”. Like gay dudes are here to amuse you.
Just because you are being positive about something, doesn’t mean you aren’t being an *sshole.
Replace the phrases “The Gays” and “curb the Gay” with “The Blacks,” and “curb the Black” and you can see how truly small-minded these comments are.
Gay people aren’t campy sideshows, they are people, you twit.
While I’m sorry she offended all gays and Jews, I have to admit that I totally enjoyed her ragging on Andy Cohen. He deserves it. And she gets Bonus Points because he is her boss.
You really shouldn’t bash gay people if you look that much like a transsexual.
That woman sounds really stupid – and her face is as ugly as her remarks.
@Wow, Sloane, Americans really are obsessed with marriage huh?
And of course none fail at it.
Wow… That was way worse than I thought it would be! Damn! I watched Matchmaker the other day and turned off the tv when “Watch What Happens” came on! Now I wish I hadn’t! :-p
Andy Cohen is the head of the network! If she’s on his sh*tlist, her show might not last much longer…
She’s an idiot. I don’t think you can justify her ignorant generalizations by saying simply “that’s Patty” or “you know what you get with her”. She said something stupid and offensive and no personality quirk can let her off the hook.
She has a right to say whatever she wants, but she might want to think before she does. If another loud mouthed female celebrity (say Chelsea Handler) had said those things people would be all over her.
She is only human. Just because she’s a matchmaker doesn’t mean she’s going to have a perfect marriage. She’s there to set people up… she’s not a marriage counsellor.
It was offensive. She should have said “The gay men I have worked with are difficult” or “the jewish men I have worked with are___”. She shouldn’t generalize a whole group.
But to criticize her for not being married and having kids isn’t right either.
That tranny has some nerve making homophobic remarks
Wait I got one more
Hey Patti! Why the long face?
he he he
@Flan: Allow me to clarify. Typically, matchmaking services are not dating services; they have a clientele who wish to marry.
I was happily single most of my life and now happily married later in life. Being single is a valid choice.
Patti Stanger is an individual I simply don’t like, and I don’t respect how she runs her business at all. I think she’s crass.
She said on the show she had her eyes done, botox and fillers but of course the botox was for her head aches.
I thought it was Katy Perry when I saw the front page. LOL.
There are more important things going on in the world to be offended about and upset over. This is more of the virus that is political correctness. Sorry, certain communities in society are wildly thin-skinned. This isn’t news.
I’m not really sure why this is such big news. This woman is dumb as a box of hair, so it’s no real surprise that she’s also a bigoted jerkface.
This just in: stupid people tend to be prejudiced and loudmouthed about it, especially when liquored up. Film at 11!
I think the uproar is silly. A.) she is entitled to her opinions and everyone knows she’s a loudmouth and B.) this made for good television/publicity.
I can’t imagine Andy will be too upset about it.
I thought Patty was Jewish?
@Bill Hicks
What if she said “The Blacks tend to be this way that I think is bad. I try to curb the Black in them, but you just can’t!”
If people thought that was offensive, would that just be overly-political correctness?
What she said is closed-minded and offensive. It’s hardly something worth freaking out over–the loudmouthed opinion of an ignorant jack*ss…But pointing out that it is wrong does not in itself make someone “thin-skinned”
You just can’t curb the dumb.
@Sumodo1
You win Comment of the Day!
@Zelda: But she didn’t. That’s a rhetorical question. I could say “What if Zelda has a low opinion of Black people because she didn’t cite Latinos as an example”? I don’t care for spin too much.
– A great many gay men have a problem with monogamy. Ask Dan Savage.
– Looking straight as a gay man is a bonus since many gay men don’t want to be with an effeminate gay man and many effeminate gay men prefer a straight-looking/butch partner.
– Finding a committed relationship is difficult in the gay community because many gay men are too busy getting busy and then wake up when they’re 50 and find out they’re old news. The culture can be extremely superficial and shallow and older gay men end up being a sugar-daddy (if they can afford it) and having their bank account significantly reduced for their effort. All men adore youthful vitality, it’s genetically encoded as signifying reproductive health and ability regardless of their sexual preference.
– Gay men are above all MEN. They’re pretty much doing what straight men would be doing if women rolled with it. In fantasy certainly and given the opportunity, I’d say too many men want to bang young hot pieces, regardless of their orientation. Gay men are the male sex drive exponential.
(Like the saying goes: Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place.)
People can say stupid, insensitive things. We’re really good at it since it happens all the time. People have epic fails in articulating what they mean all the time too. That’s no reason for people to get in a flap over it.
And since she’s Jewish then the Jews can call her out for being “self-hating” @@.
Then, actual comedians can rake her over the coals for being “unfunny.”
The whole thing is ludicrous. Just my POV.
All that surgery and she still looks like a basset hound in a wig.
She must be in trouble if Bravo felt the need to apologize for her.
I could make a lot of generalizations about loud, brash plastic surgery mangled people compensating for their own massive insecurities but I won’t.
Love Patty! However she said it, she wouldn’t mean to offend her biggest fan base. Let’s everybody calm down and just watch her silly show. Its entertainment!
@Bill Hicks–
But she DID say it about a group of people. In a literal, deliberate, non-hypothetical way.
So is it somehow LESS offensive because it wasn’t said about “blacks”?
Most of my young, gay friends ARE in committed relationships, btw, in about the same percentage as my straight friends. And they have no more a problem with monogamy than my straight, “monogamous” male friends (I know of at least 6 “committed” straight guys who have cheated in the past 3 years on long-term partners).
I think it’s a little ridiculous to presume that a man’s tendency to cheat has jack all to do with whether he’s gay or straight. Some men cheat, others don’t and it has to do with their character, not their orientation. There are plenty of women in the world running around skanking it up and trolling for strange, and it’s got nothing to do with whether they’re straight, gay, bi or some kind of interspecies pansexual. A ho is a ho, no matter which bits they’ve got or who they’re bangin’.
I’m plenty old enough that it should’ve stopped surprising me eons ago, but I never stop being amazed by the ridiculous leaps of logic people will make in attempt to justify their subtle (and not-so) prejudices.
She’s a bitch, plain and simple. Just watch the show! I’m not saying that gives her carte blanche to say whatever she wants, but I’m not shocked that she would say dumb stuff like this.
@ Francesca: agreed!
Patty has no filter and that’s why we love her.
She is Jewish and loves “the gays,” so she probably felt she could say whatever because her intentions are good. Apparently she was mistaken.
PS my college roommate was gay (and very conservative), and he freely admitted that gay men are more promiscuous. I’m not saying that’s a fact, but that’s the life he led and that was his opinion.
This woman is worse than just bitchy and stupid, she’s also self righteous. She says some of the stupidest stuff on her show that i have heard an adult woman come up with (like you have to hide who you really are to get a man, if you’re a woman) and acts as if her “advice” is above question. She is also plain mean to many people. I don’t have a problem w/ her, as i just don’t watch her show anymore, but i dislike these recent comments, they’re very offsensive.I also don’t like her rudeness being forgiven or redemed by people who say, “That’s just how she is.” Yes, it is–and that gives her any excuse for it HOW and WHY?
She’s an idiot. She told one woman her stilettos weren’t high enough and that’s why she was still single. WTF? Her whole gimmic is only one step removed from prostitution. The sad thing is that there’s a market for this type of crap on television.
Everything about this woman just screams “class.”
NOT.
She’s crass and vulgar. I can see why she’s not married.
I’m so tired of the PC police trying to squelch everyone who disagrees with them. If you don’t like what she says, then turn the bloody channel!
Your first paragraph says it all.
The dudes on the show don’t pay for her “services”, hence the extra helping of moron. I can’t imagine who would pay for those services. She just seems to bring in radom low-wage LA girls who don’t mind dating dopes.
The mystery is why the Jezebel writers and readers like this dumb, offensive woman.
I dont think she was being homophobic so much as making comments based on her experience with trying to set up gay guys. In my experience with my gay friends she is pretty right on in what she says and none of them were offended by what she said so….
Bottom line i dont think she is homophobic at all/coming from a mean place – she is just in your face and was on this topic like she is all other topics.
I just think it’s funny – this is a place where the word “gypsie” creates a firestorm, but it’s ok to say these things about gay people and the Jewish. Go figrue.
LOVE the people stopping by to say “how dare that tranny diss gay people”. You are SO MUCH WORSE for trying to use a sexual identity, and dissociating someone else from theirs, as a means to insult another.
LOL @ Andy’s faces.
Patty is like that with everyone. She offends me when she talks about the guy going after a girl that gets the P**** going. Then, makes gestures. ugh Don’t know why I like her.
Gee-Patty is jewish, too. Go figure.
1st, can’t believe at 49, she broke up because she thinks it’s a good plan to have kids at this age! Seriously!
2nd, most gays I know are in committed relationships. Some going on 30 years. Yes, even from California!
I did enjoy a few of the episodes, but I just can’t figure out why people pay to be fixed up on a date – get to know people, become friends, go from there!