Werewolf-llama hybrid Taylor Lautner appears in the November issue of Vogue Italia under the headline, “Not Only a Pinup Boy.” Well, from the looks of the accompanying photoshoot, he’s also a bit of a water baby too. Unfortunately, the magazine’s interview isn’t so much a discussion with Lautner as a cheerleading article that praises his abdominal muscles and general wolfy prowess in front of a camera. I punched a great portion of it into Google Translate, and the most interesting part riffs on Mark Wahlberg’s words to Leonardo DiCaprio during a luncheon (last August) for the Hollywood Foreign Press Association. Here’s a refresher on that statement:

I’m sitting at a table with a gentleman who is better looking than you and is in better shape than me. So, we’re both out of a job, dude. Taylor Lautner! We’re screwed. It’s over, dude. Titanic and Boogie Nights were a long time ago. I accept it. I had a good run and on to the next.”

[From Us Magazine]

And here’s Lautner’s response in the Vogue Italia article:

The applause are all the new “it boy” of Hollywood, the nineteen year old born in Michigan, after years of apprenticeship, and to be successful in the role of Jacob Black, the werewolf Native American who has wowed crazy crowds of teenagers with his abdominal, a smile and dimples like Robert Mitchem. Actually Taylor is classic and the muscular and if anything a boy with enthusiasm and passion for his work, with impressive work ethic and a deep respect for the fans, colleagues and family life. “It was an honor to receive such a compliment from one of my childhood idols,” he says about the speech of Wahlberg,” as well sitting next to people who I admired when I was still nobody really incredible.” The list of his favorite actors also include Brad Pitt, Matt Damon and Tom Cruise. I attribute much following in the footsteps of Matt Damon with the series of “Bourne” has created a new “action hero.” But my absolute myth is Tom Cruise; whom I admire in particular and did the manufacturing [of the action hero]. I’ve always had a passion for the “occupation” of cinema.

Okay, Lautner is humble enough with his phrasing, so I’ll give him that. However, unless something has been seriously lost in translation, he appears to have missed out on the true action heroes of the ages. Charles Bronson? Arnold Schwarzenegger? Just to name a few, but Lautner’s too busy praising the guys that he thinks will get him somewhere. If he’s that interested in kissing butt to get places, Lautner just needs to take a motorcycle ride with Tom Cruise and get it over with.

Now, what of this photoshoot? I don’t even know where to begin with this back flip business … it reminds me of something N’Sync would use as a promotional image back in the 1990s.

Photos courtesy of Vogue Italia