That cringe-inducing show that TLC barely needed to promote, Virgin Diaries, aired last night. We were previously treated to a trailer in which we saw two of the stars share an awkward first kiss at their wedding. It looked like they were trying to eat each other’s faces off astheir family members were watching in embarrassed disbelief. In another clip (above), the giddy virgin couple describe how they’re going to prepare for sex by taking showers and literally disrobing. It’s hard to watch and even worse to imagine. In the show that aired Sunday, we got to hear their disappointment after they did the deed. The groom describes sex as “not like the movies” and the bride says it was “painful.” This is why you need to practice first.

TLC’s Virgin Diaries may have been short on sex, but thank God it wasn’t short on awkwardness. The Dec. 4 special gave us a peek into the lives of several people who agreed to abstain from any sexual activity before marriage, and while we’d obviously never criticize them for that decision, we will say it probably wasn’t the smartest idea to broadcast their first encounters on national television.

We were first introduced to a trio of best friends — Lisa, 30, Danielle, 29, and Tamara, 30 — who were so proud of being virgins that they even liked to get together and sing about their decision. But there was something off about their little song… and I’m not just talking about the pitch. Or the harmony. Or the melody. It turns out, one of them wasn’t really a virgin! Tamara described herself as a “reclaimed” virgin, which means she has had sex — many many times, actually — but has decided to wipe her slate clean. Because that’s something you can just do.

Then there was 35-year-old Carey, the only member of the cast who did not choose to remain a virgin — though he probably should have pretended it was a choice, because that would have made his tale way less embarrassing. It was also would have been better if he didn’t immediately admit to being a virgin while on a date. Here’s a tip for Carey: “I’m not very experienced with women” is not the best pick-up line. In fact, it works… about zero percent of the time.

But my favorite couple of the evening, hands down, was Ryan and Shanna, who refused to even kiss before tying the knot. They talked about kissing many times — often while riding the seesaw and giggling like manic toddlers — but it wasn’t until their wedding day that the big kiss finally came. And, oh boy, did it come. The minister probably should have said, “You may now devour the bride,” because Ryan literally attacked Shanna’s face like a snake feasting on a defenseless woodland creature. Their families, as well as the millions of viewers at home, watched in slack-jawed horror as the deed went down. – From Hollywood Life

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Contemplating their first night together, Shanna says: ‘I’m a little nervous. Nervous about the actual intercourse I would say. I’m scared.’

Walking hand-in-hand, they talk strategy. ‘I think that you should take a shower first, and then I’ll take a shower, and then I’ll put on my lingerie, and I’ll come into the room,’ Shanna declares.

‘And I’ll have a surprise waiting for you’ interjects Ryan with a smile.

Shanna ploughs on with her plans: ‘We’ll have our robes on, we’ll slowly take our robes off, then do foreplay, and then have sex.’

Ryan then explains that he has never kissed a girl on the lips. ‘We’ve joked about it before, “Oh I really want to kiss you right now”‘ he says, leaning close to Shanna before abruptly pulling away. ‘Oh, nope,’ he laughs…

But after losing their virginity together on their wedding night, the couple have mixed reviews about how things went.

Speaking candidly, Ryan says: ‘It was good, but not as good as I was expecting,’ adding naively: ‘It was not really like in the movies.’

Leaving no details to spare, Shannin tries to sound positive saying it was an amazing experience – but adds that she found intercourse ‘really painful’. –

[From Hollywood Life & Daily Mail]

I’ll be honest, I didn’t watch this trainwreck. I meant to tape it but I forgot. When I checked Comcast on demand I was kind of relieved that it wasn’t available as I don’t want to have to sit through it. This reminds of of a woman who was on that VH1 show “Why am I Still Single?” She was a virgin and she insisted on telling her date about it the first time they went out. She got schooled pretty quickly by the matchmaker Siggy that it was totally inappropriate to bring that up so soon. I get that some people want to save themselves for marriage and that’s admirable in theory. For some people like this, though, it seems like it becomes the most important thing about them. If you build it up that much of course sex is going to be a letdown. Would these people have gotten married if they didn’t insist on not even kissing before making it legal? Also, you can’t “reclaim” your virginity, that’s ridiculous.

Screenshot via

[From HollywoodLife Animated gif from Warming Glow