Sometimes, you just want to laugh at someone because you don’t really like them, and because they suck as a person. But when I actually have a good reason to laugh at someone I don’t care for… I will have an indescribable feeling of something close to schadenfreude, but what I think of as “exquisite bitchiness” or “hitting the bitchy G-spot perfectly.” That’s what’s happening in these photos of Jessica Seinfeld in NYC yesterday. Jessica and Jerry did a photo op at the Empire State Building earlier in the day (Jessica in grey), and then last night, they did an event for Jessica’s charity, Baby Buggy (Jessica in that weird purple shade).
I’m not going to discuss the charity, mostly because I’m not that big of a bitch – Baby Buggy provides lots of great stuff to families in need, and you can read more about it here. All I really want to talk about is how awful Jessica looks. That haircut is just… OMG. Do you think Jessica is a complete bitch to her hair stylist? Because the only explanation for this hair is “the person doing her hair f–king hates her.”
Now, let’s talk about the fashion. The grey dress isn’t anything great nor is it terrible. It’s just there. But the purple one which she wore to her big Lincoln Center charity event? OMG. It’s just awful and unflattering and completely wrong. Her fashion stylist must hate her too.
CB and I were also discussing the state of Jessica’s rack. In the purple dress, her boobs look really fake – like the bolt-ons are riding high and stiff. I’m open to the possibility that it’s just a really weird bra, maybe? No, I still think those puppies are fake. When did Jerry buy her new boobs?
Photos courtesy of WENN.
its not the clothes its her face and that hair
Totally. She is horribly ugly.
I have to disagree — those outfits are absolutely atrocious.
That said, her biggest problem is definitely her face. The hair will grow back, or she can get a wig, but whatever she’s done to her face…well, I don’t think that can be fixed. She looks like a crappy wax caricature of herself.
she doesn’t look at ease
Both her clothes and face match her personality. An ugly woman both inside and out. Her boobs are fake and her face is frozen. I don’t like Jerry either but he could have found a wife much better than her.
Has there ever been more fake of a smile on a couple? They both look like they’re wearing those fake Halloween lips or something. She scares me with that frozen face.
My three year old recently found where I hide our scissors and chopped off a good portion of her hair. Jessica’s hair looks exactly like my daughter’s did before I fixed it. Not flattering. I don’t like the purple dress at all…what material is that? It looks uncomfortable. I do like the grey dress but not with those heels.
why don’t you care for her at all?
The two most popular reasons are:
1. She dumped her husband shortly after her marriage to hook up with Jerry.
2. She stole someone else’s good idea for a cookbook and (because she’ married to that bajillionaire) reaped all the benefits of such.
(and I’m inclined to agree her stylists do hate her)
Either of those two are good enough for me! But I remember her “just married” and met S. at the gym and ditched her husband. How awful. Then the cookbook thing. Good grief is she creating bad karma or what? You would think she would she would dress brilliantly. Not so.
I’m wondering this, too. And the grey dress isn’t awful, but I agree her hair kinda is.
And by ‘short’ veruca means the day she came back from her honeymoon with said husband. She was married about a week before having a affair with Jerry
Wow, too many trips to the Plastic surgery buffet I think.
Restraint sweety, get some.
She really is unfortunate looking…but she’s married to a gajillionaire so who cares!
That is such a polite way of putting it… and so true!
she went to the Kate Gosslin school of say cheese.
And Stacey Keibler is the valedictorian of the class of 2011.
Like!
so funny, i couldn’t stop laughing
They look like brother and sister.
Exactly my thoughts. In fact, I read the entire thing looking for something that told me she’s actually his sister!
Jerry likes much younger women who resemble him. I remember that when he was in his late-30s, he got involved with a 17-year-old high school student called Shoshanna. The first time I saw a photo of them, I immediately assumed she was his daughter.
It’s a bit creepy, IMO.
HAHAHAHA- it’s like that Seinfeld episode where George was dating a Jerry look-a-like. Now we know where they got the idea!
this was my thinking right off. It works on Jerry.
Yeah they look really similar.
Speaking of which — darn, Jerry’s pretty hideous himself now! Dude has aged terribly. Was I the only weirdo who found him kinda attractive back in the 90’s? Now he’s all fat, ruddy, and foldy. I guess it’s better than being all plastic surgeried up, but *shudder*.
The purple dress is not good, and I think that particular style has been out for while.
The gray is alright in color and fabric, but the collar, draping, and length don’t do her any justice.
I have no opinion one way or another about her. At least she’s doing stuff and isn’t just a “lady who lunches.”
PS – the purple shoes are horrendous. There. Now I’m done.
I think she is a lady who lunches – they seem to do a lot of charity work/vanity projects.
Yeah, that hairstyle is not doing her any favors.
What is with those clown shoes?!
she divorced her first rich husband to marry her second richer husband. She looks awful! Jerry should have stayed with Shoshanna.
Wasn’t she only with her first husband for like a a week or something? I remember it was super short.
That’s what I remember, too, she had just gotten back from her honeymoon. And couldn’t resist trading up. Horrible.
I’m pretty sure she was actually ON her honeymoon when she met Jerry D-bag and decided to leave her husband. What a peach.
I also believe she was on her honeymoon when she got all torid with Puffy Shirt. I wonder what they were thinking when that film Along Came Polly came out. I’m sure she’s working the ‘based on true events’ angle for some kind of profit. Even though it’s a ‘good riddance to bad rubbish’ situation for the man, you can’t help but feel so horrible for her first husband. I think the milk of human kindness got a bit stuck in the duct when she was being composed.
I’m not a fan of Jerry by any stretch, but he is almost 60, so that’s the one thing I won’t hold against him. I thought her cut was a blunt asymmetrical bob, initially, but what I don’t know about outer beautification could fill several Pangaeas. I’ve also taken Benadryl, so after a very, very frustrating morning, I’m eating that first candy cane of the season and it’s a beautiful thing.
Shoshanna walked past me last week – I was like, OMG. She’s beautiful!
Yep, Shoshanna is a zillion times prettier than Jessica. I don’t get what Jerry sees in her.
Shoshanna was a 17-year-old high school student when Jerry — who was in his late-30s at the time and more than twice her age — started dating her. Jerry’s a douche, so whoever Shoshanna’s with now has got to be an improvement.
Shoshanna is still gorgeous — even more so, maybe — and is married to a billionaire’s son who is her age, from her social circle, and seems to absolutely adore her. She has a daughter, too, and maybe some more kids…I don’t keep up with her world since moving from the UES 😉
That pairing still weirds me out.
Someone needs to tell Jessica she does not have the face for an edgy haircut, she needs something more classic. Um Jerry and Jessica posing with one of the cutest couples out there, Kelly and Mark, that just makes everything look worse, Mark looks totally unprepared and Kelly’s lips are hiding and they still make the other couple look bad.
I dunno, I was thinking that Kelly and Mark are both looking way, way plastic and stretched and fake. Ugh. They all look terrible.
Why does she look like she’s in pain in all of those photos? Like she’s grimacing in agony because her shoes are too tight or something. It’s bizarre. Not one genuine smile in the bunch.
…not that there’s anything wrong with that (lol).
she’s just been told “no soup for you!”
both pairs of those shoes look way too big for her feet. she looks ridic. I’ve met her in person, not a nice woman.
First thing that popped into my head was fake boobs. I don’t find the dress here or there but the boobs!
Hair cut is unfortunate for her face shape. But it’s also unfortunate that she looks so much like her husband (as others have noted).
All round mess.
I think she’s just wearing a bad bra. I have this one bra where the padding kinda does its own thing and my boobs end up looking super round/perky/fake. She’s def wearing a bra here and if you look at the 2nd photo you can see the gap between her bra and her boobs. Another styling “mistake”?
Ugh and the My Little Pony-pink shoes with the green-gray dress is HIDEOUS. It looks like some cheap thing she bought at TJMaxx for her grandma’s birthday.
If done right statement shoes are breath taking like most fashion trends it hit or miss she didn’t come close to the mark
I considered that. I wear minimizers when I’m on the piano and they really suck, separate and point. I only use that functionally, those kinds can make your chest look very strange in close-fitting outfits.
ommmggg break me off a piece of kelly ripa’s hubbyyy dammmmmmn.
ok i’m done. also, i’ve heard some not-so-positive things about jessica seinfeld.but who knows if they’re true or not? lol she looks like she got a bowl cut.
I hate to generalize, but this is the kind of “edgy” haircut a bored/attention seeking upper class mom gets. At my kid’s school, I’ve seen lots of 1% PTA moms do the same kind of thing… mostly when their husbands are workaholics, stop looking at them and/or are having an affair. Next stop is the cliché affair with the personal trainer/Zumba instructor.
Or, @Kaiser we could go with your theory that her hair stylist really hates her.
DING! DING! DING! DING! DING! We have a WINNER! You nailed my thoughts exactly about it being the haircut that the bored, allegedly upper class mom gets.
I don’t hate either dress – but the shoe choice for both was a HELL NO. I’ve never kept up with her, but the I gotta agree with @mia girl about the “edgy” haircut – doesn’t work and is just a poor cut job which is unacceptable with her cashflow. The biggest flub here IMO is she has a very fake, unpleasant smile – it looks forced and phony and that’s never a good combo.
and she paid about $300-500 for the cut….bargin
Fake or not – that sh*t is lopsided!!!
She also needs to buy some antiperspirant. Both dresses show pit stains a’happening.
I agree with Janie. I have bras that make my average sized boobs look gigantic, say, in a sweater.
She looks like she cuts her own hair, after a few cocktails. I mean, really. There is just no excuse for that.
She has pit stains in every picture and her shoes are too big. If you’re going to spend hundreds of dollars on shoes, why not buy the correct size?
OMG both of those outfits are hideous !!! Her hair totally awful and I do think her stylist hates her guts. I’d like to see her in something from Chloe Sevigny’s new clothing line. Anything would be an improvement.
Anyone see this little gem?
http://www.crazydaysandnights.net/2011/12/todays-blind-items_06.html
Juicy gossip for sure. But really, Mark Consuelos could do SO much better for an affair-I just can’t see it.
Looks have nothing to do with it. After all, a lot of the skanks that Tiger Woods hooked up with were nowhere near as attractive as his wife.
The blind definitely fits this couple. Mark has long been rumored to be unfaithful and Jessica is definitely a cheater. After all, she was newly-married to someone else when she first got involved with Jerry.
(1) I like the plum colored dress
(2) I hate the necklaces she wore with that dress
(3) I hate the grey dress
(4) I hate the horrible and LOUD shoes she wore with the grey dress
(5) The haircut is nice on someone else – unfortunately, she has a large nose and that hairstyle accents it and makes it look even larger – with all of the millions and millions that Seinfeld earned over the years, I think they should invest some in a little nasal reduction surgery.
I like that haircut in theory. But on her, oh honey no.
The purple dress is fantastic when compared to the grey trashbag one.
Maybe the pit stains are there to distract you from the hair.
It pains me to see her attempted smile. Yikes.
There’s a blind on CDAN and some commentators think the answer is these two couples. http://www.crazydaysandnights.net/2011/12/todays-blind-items_06.html
She looks all around terrible.
I’ve always found her intensely unlikable, and I imagine she’s a bitch to everyone, not just her hairstylist. I might be totally off base, but that’s the impression I’ve always had of her.
Me too- I thought she was a total, “my shit don’t stink” kind of bitch in all the interviews she did promoting that book she plagiarized….allegedly. I have a feeling Jerry Seinfeld is one of those comedians that’s only a likeable person when he’s on stage. Probably a match made in heaven.
totally agree with everything you said
Wow. It’s rare that a smile doesn’t look good on someone, but that is an ugly smile! She looks like she is wincing, gritting her teeth and wincing. What gives?
Yes, the gray dress looks like a trash bag, the violet shoes are clown shoes, the violet dress looks like a cupcake wrapper and the necklace she is wearing with it are tackymctacky looking — stiff like a collar and very random (a la Joan Collins as Elizabeth The Great.) The hairdo? My word, did someone blind with dull scissors do that? Plus, everyone knows by now that parted down the center makes noses and foreheads look wide. Money and humor do not substitute for lack of elegance. Jerry looks smashing, though! At ease, classic, good lines, great ties. The epitome of elegance. Who dressed him?
Rhinoplasty is her friend.
@miagirl- you must live in my neighborhood. It’s a sport to dress up for wegmans and hate on each other while secretly banging your best friends hubby’s cause your current hubby’s hitting it with a waitress from the town center.
Butttttt- CDAN has an interesting blind item regarding what appears to be these guys.
And Jessica, seriously, the purple? Between the hair, clenching facial expression, and too tight June cleaver/ bondage dress- you look like youve had your ass checks sown together. Have a coke and a smile bitch, you’re rich.
“Have a coke and a smile bitch, you’re rich.”
– – made me laugh. Thanks Arock!
I didn’t realize just how unattractive she is. I guess money really can’t buy everything. Kelly Ripa so cute…love her!
Maybe Shoshanna Lonstein is secretly designing her clothes?
Good one Sumodo1. Quite witty.
Good one Sumodo1. Quite witty.
By the way, how did Jessica ensnare rich Jerry in the first place?
Wikipedia: “After marrying Eric Nederlander (very rich family–my bad!), and returning from a honeymoon, Jessica met Jerry Seinfeld at a gym (with the gym membership her new husband Mr. Nederlander purchased for her) and began an affair with Jerry Seinfeld.”
Maybe her opthalmologist hates ger because that is way bad. Yuck.
That purple wotsit looks like those doily dresses that grannies put on their spare toilet rolls.
Hahahaha! Love it!
god, she has access to all that Seinfeld money and this is the best she can do. i guess money really can’t buy taste.
yeah, and you know her real name isn’t even Jessica. She changed it. I think she’s gross.
What is her real name?
Nina Sklar
I love the color of that purple mess but i hate the design. The pink shoes are also quite cute but not with that dress… Someone hates this woman to be allowing her to dress like this.
My head is aching, what’s that mess?
She’s supposed to be “not a nice person” so I’m guessing her hair stylist and clothing stylist are trying to get back at her. I actually choked when I saw those purple shoes-yowza. And in terms of that blind-while it fits, can you seriously believe Mark Consuelos would have an affair with HER? I guess stranger things have happened (see Shania Twain’s ex) but I’d be really surprised.
Wow. What a friggin’ mess. Just wow.
Even I know from watching “What Not to Wear” that those boobs make a deep v neck dress mandatory.
I think the Grey dress is nice, not sure about the pink one.
Her shoes are WAY too large for her – look at the gap at the back of the heels. This looks like a badly-styled fashion photo shoot, where the only one shoe size is provided for the models.
She is fuuugly, inside and out.
The hair and the clothes draw attention to her face, which in her case, is a bad thing. She should showcase her legs or her cleavage or something. That cut and color are way harsh for her. She looks too old to be wearing a full skirt like that…it looks silly.
I agree. The only nice thing I can think to say is that her body seems to be ok from the neck down. Face, hair, clothes and personality FAIL.
all that money and she looks homely as heck!!
I’ve never liked some of her actions, she’s a mean bird.
Shoshanna was a much better choice.
this chick looks horrible, I bet she was a bish all night, because of how she looks.
And she’s really good friends with Miss Goop herself. That says it all to me.
Mm..
LOVE her plum-colored dress and her accessories, including her gorgeous shoes…also love her hair. HATE the gray dress and those HORRID bright pink shoes that look like they are 2 sizes too big.
She is aging poorly, no question about it. Karma is a beyootch.
You cant fix ugly, obviously.
Her nose scares me. Mia & Arock nailed her LOL!
She reminds me a bit of Stephanie Meyers in the face…I wonder if anyone else sees that.
Not that I am excusing Jessica for cheating but her first husband got remarried and his wife filed for divorce 8 weeks after their first child was born, citing domestic abuse. So you never know what happened…
Hate the outfits, but I love love her how-to videos for simple family recipes on her blog she did for Ali, her friend, who is cooking impaired. Jessica is really down to earth. And she and Ali are funny together in Jessica’s home cooking. I actually really saw a different side to her after watching them . I don’t think she is a bitch at all. I don’t think she is homely. In her videos she has a natural cuteness
I somehow one day got sucked into watching her cooking videos on Youtube (VERY BORED, OBVS) and even when she’s with her friends in a casual atmosphere (home) supposedly having fun, she comes across an anal (maybe THAT’S how she landed Jerry), judgy, bossy bitch. I’ve always liked Jerry’s public persona, but it seems like their personalities are well suited.
Watching them together on Anderson was painful. Such weird dynamics.
jessica turned up in a video to promote goop’s cookbook (evidently goop is besties with jessica and jerome seinfeld) and man, oh man – she actually made goop look sweet and cuddly. she was ridiculously fake and bitchy.
she kind of reminds me of barbed wire when she tries to smile.
Standing next to Kelly Ropa is doing her no favors.
*Ripa*
Ugly on the inside, ugly on the outside.
I’ve never liked this woman. She is a plagiarist and looks like her inner ugliness is starting to show up on her face.
i have a feeling that she doesn’t take the stylists’ advice; and insists on doing it her way. the haircut’s fine; it’s the way it’s combed out. the dresses are ugly as shit.
Ugly inside and out. Both of them.
Girl is a sweat-er, big time! Man, I’ll bet Jerry never got over (and totally misses) Shoshana Lonstein!
No one has a word to say about how bad Jerry looks? He’s almost as fat as John Travolta and he needs a shave.
And Shoshana had even bigger boobs than Jessica.
Face, hair, dresses and shoes…a quadrangle of fug.
Why did Jerry dump Shoshana for this hag. Will someone please explain it to me?
I definitely think she needs longer her. Something about her face just bothers me!
I saw Jessica and Jerry on “Anderson Cooper” last week and thought both her hair and clothing choices were hideous. There’s no question she has ticked off her wardrobe and hair stylists!
Shoshanna was hottt. Jessica’s nottt (but Mrs. Seinfeld has the potential to look MUCH better with a different styling team).
And I agree, Kelly Ripa on a *bad* hair and style day outshone poor Jessica in the image above.
with that much bust she should definitely stay *away* from high necklines and wide empire-ish waistbands! the chunky jewelry at the neck emphasizes the bust event more.
i don’t think her face is bad–i have seen her cute–just looks bad coupled with the dresses and hairdo that don’t suit her. shoes are awful too. (the pink ones look like slippers with heels.) though smile looks weird.
Jessica’s smile is a botox smile….and Jerry is on to her and so is Kelly! In fact its a swap! Jerry just wanted kids and she delivered……she can leave anytime she wants and with who ever she wants……no takers! Kelly sent her those clothes shoes and all! Kelly gets the last laugh! Mark looks like a deer in headlights….Kelly and Jerry are the best at this game…and hold all the cards! Kelly looks so comfortable and beautiful….and like that Cat that swallowed the canary!
I’m only saying this because this is celebBITCHY (and I hate it when people complain about negative comments when bitchy is in the name of this website) but, she looks like a lady who’d be extra annoying to talk to at parties. Either that or she wouldn’t really have much to say, she’d just laugh incessantly at anything her husband said. And I’d like her dress if it was long and cut close to her legs, not in this A-line shape.
Poor choice of clothes for someone who sweats. Poor choice of partner for someone with Tons of Money!!!
Jessica was married for six weeks when she met Jerry at the gym.,then she left her red-headed husband for Jerry…who the hell does that? Jerry married his She-Jerry. I still cannot see what is so spectacular about Jessica. Creepy.
got to the purple shoes w/the grey dress & laughed: BARNEY shoes. and i don’t mean the store, neither. LOL.
She has a beautiful face, the hair is too blunt and the clothing ensembles are way off base. Girlfriend needs a new stylist or two.
Mm
My grandmother used to have lampshades like that.
She’s got one of those shark smiles like Joe Francis and Jill Zarin.
Jerry definitely bought his wife new
boobs, remember when Jerry ( at the time he was 38 yrs old) fell for 17-Year-Old Shoshanna Lonstein who was extremely well endowed. Shoshanna developed a whole clothing line to showcase them 🙂
I was watching Roseanne a few days ago; there was a joke about JS dating one her daughters. Your comment explains it.
Yuck!
Yeah, Karma is a bitch. Proves the point that sometimes people get the face they deserve. She’s a nasty piece of work. And he’s no better for supporting her in her plagiarism.
She is Jewish and she has an ethnic nose. I’m not sure why people would make comments about it in a negative way.
Always seemed to me he could have done so much better. But knowing what an awful person she is, I am only left to assume he is as well, which is why he married her.
@Tazina I’m Jewish too and didn’t see anything in the comments regarding an ethnic slur; it’s the fact her horrible haircut emphasizes the less attractive parts of her face, i.e. all of it.
I dislike her for many of the reasons others do (and he seems like a total *ss, so that makes her seems worse for marrying him) but nobody mentioned the nauseating Oprah episode where she bought Oprah a bunch of super expensive shoes to pay Oprah back for promoting her book so it would be a best seller. Two rich woman doing each other favors while the rest of us watch. Gross.
She looks like a bad version of vickie beckham with that inverted bob hair do and dinky purple dress. It might have looked ok if it wasn’t for the hideous accessories.
I read on another site that this gala where Jerry performed and Jessica Seinfeld, Baby Buggy’s Founder and President, co-chaired, raised nearly a million dollars. That will help a lot of deserately needy children. Way to go!
It must be so creepy to be married to Jerry Seinfeld. Shudder.