I would love to break up with Simon Cowell. Even though I can’t stand the man and breaking up with him would also mean I’d have to first date him, I think it’d definitely be worth it. Why? Because of the lovely parting gifts. Cowell recently broke up with longtime girlfriend Terri Seymour and gave her $5 million in cash – in addition to $4.6 million for her to buy a house in Beverly Hills. That’s a pretty sweet deal.

Both Simon Cowell and Terri Seymour’s camps have been referring to their recent split as amicable, and well, how could it not be (at least for Seymour) when a $9 million goodbye gift is involved?

Cowell is said to have given Seymour, who he dated for six years, $5 million cash and another $4.6 to buy a Beverly Hills home just before calling it quits, reports Life & Style.

“Terri phoned Simon about six weeks ago and finished it,” his rep told Life & Style, referring to the breakup. “Simon thinks the world of Terri, and that isn’t going to change. He also understands her reason for ending it.”

According to the magazine, Seymour wanted to marry and start a family, whereas Cowell recently said, “I don’t want to marry anyone, because whoever marries me will end up hating me.”

As for the pile of money Seymour reportedly received: a rep for Cowell says, “this isn’t the kind of thing he usually comments about.”

[From MSNBC’s The Scoop]

What a generous gift. Either Cowell is a much, much kinder man than anyone ever knew, or it might be hush money. Celebitchy wonders if it’s “keep the bizarre sex stuff secret” money. Simon strikes me as the sort who’s probably into some weird stuff, so I’m going to assume that’s what the cash really is for.

Apparently the reason for the breakup is that Seymour wanted marriage and children, and Cowell does not. He’s also utterly perplexed by women, but that’s nothing shocking.

She wants a different path in life, and I totally respect her for it,” Cowell explains. “We will be the best of mates, but I think in relationships, you have to be totally honest. I have always been and I know Terri knows that.” But honesty doesn’t always equal understanding.

“I find women confusing really,” Cowell continues. “When you hook up and date, you’re both honest about what you want. I have never ever said that I want children or marriage. I know some people find it hard to fathom, but it’s me, it’s who I am.”

“Bottom line is I am married to my job. When people moan about been a celebrity, I think ‘Oh please, sort yourself out – it’s the greatest job in the world.’ I wake up daily thanking my lucky stars, but to throw marriage into that mix is not right. I have seen too many celebrity marriages that on paper make a great mix, fall apart through ego and just plain celebrity madness.”

[From Fox News]

Simon strikes me as the sort who probably shouldn’t be a father. He’s way too critical and not nearly supportive enough. It’s good Simon’s clear about what he wants. If he doesn’t want marriage and kids, then he’d probably be terrible with them. It makes more sense to break up now rather than prolong it, since there’s really no good solution.

Here’s Simon and Terri in happier times at the American Idol Season 6 finale at the Kodak Theater in May 2007. Header at the TV Guide Emmy Party in Hollywood on September 16th. His hair makes me so mad. Images thanks to WENN.