Seriously, y’all. It should not be this slow in the gossip world on the Thursday before the Oscars. Where is the last-minute publicity angling? Where is the fashion drama? Where is the story about two stylists getting into a fist-fight? Where is the last-minute breakup and subsequent angst about who would get custody of the Oscar red carpet? Yeah, it’s dead in here. So let’s talk about Michael Fassbender!! There’s lots of news about him this week, so let me just cover it in bullet points:
*Fassy has been confirmed for Ridley Scott’s new film, The Counselor. Fassy and Scott worked together on Prometheus (out this summer), and Ridley must have liked what he saw, because Fassy just scored the lead role in a film people are describing as “No Country For Old Men on steroids.” Now Ridley has to cast the “bad guy.” Which may be Jeremy Renner? Fassy & Renner? I would watch that.
*Fassy made a recent appearance on the UK’s Top Gear. The interview is super-cute, even for the non-Fassbender-obsessives. Fassy wears leather, he races in an inexpensive car, he talks about motorcycles, he‘s lovely and Irish, he talks about his “impressive sausage” and he utters the magnificent line, “I’m sweating like a cornered nun.”
*Fassy’s Shame director (and close friend) Steve McQueen recently spoke out about Fassy’s “snub” at the Oscars – many people feel Fassy deserved a lead actor Oscar nomination for Shame, and McQueen thinks it didn’t happen because the role was too “sexy.” McQueen said: “In America they’re too scared of sex, that’s why he wasn’t nominated. If you look at the best actor list you’re saying, ‘Michael Fassbender is not on that list?’ It’s kind of crazy. But that’s how it is, it’s an American award, let them have it.” Damn, Steve. Most Americans are all about Fassy’s dong, okay? It’s just the old white dudes in the Academy who are scared of the impressive sausage.
*And finally, maybe my favorite piece of Fassbender news, and something that a lot of people sent me (sidenote: My Fass-love means I have lots of Irish fans!). Fassy might be staring in a film adaptation of “Irish Myths” (working title). He will play “Cuchulain, the hero of the Ulster Myth Cycle.” The character is “an Achilles-esque hero who is known for spazzing out in battle to the point of turning into an unrecognizable monster, and he fights from a chariot. It was prophesied that he would be famous, but also lead a short life.” Fassy might produce it too. So… Michael Fassbender, Ginger Warrior God!!! This means lots of loincloths, doesn’t it? Praise Jesus.
Here are more photos of Fassy looking gorge!
Photos courtesy of WENN, Fame/Flynet.
I love Fassy but he had no chance in hell at an Oscar nom from a movie where he showed his peen. The median age for an Oscar voter is 65 and they are 77% men. None of them has a package like Fassy and if they ever did it’s now in the process of shrinking.
Oscars are supposed to be neutral, but with such skewed gender numbers, I can’t take it too seriously.
My guess is that minorities are also under represented.
Awww, you are in ginger heaven today, Kaiser!
No more smiling pics because of his yellow teeth? And his lips are non existant, what’s the appeal of this guy? He’s nothing special!
He’s so gross and is an abusive tool to boot.
Prove it. With more than just hearsay and “he said, she said”.
where did you see it? please some evidences!
She dropped the charges and they were recently seen making out so I really think she’s full of it. Plus, he’s not the first famous person she’s accused of abuse and then tried to get money from. Apparently she’s a professional “rich man’s girlfriend” who tries to get evey penny she can while the gettin’s good.
thank you for the update
In California, if the DA thinks someone is guilty of domestic violence they prosecute. Even if the accuser drops the charges and does’t want to pursue it. Fassy didn’t do it.
It is extremely common for victims of domestic violence to press and then drop charges. It is also very common for them to reconcile with their abusers. That is not suspicious behavior. That is textbook dv victim behavior.
Fassbender is innocent until proven guilty. If there is evidence of him assaulting her, it has not come to light. Therefore, it is not appropriate to call him abusive as though it were proven fact. The end. That’s all you need to say.
It is not necessary to repeat (also unproven) rumors about the accuser or to make statements that trash dv victims in general. It disturbs me to see people suggest that behavior that is quite typical of dv victims is somehow “shady” or suspicious.
Here’s a link to the story
http://ohnotheydidnt.livejournal.com/65864218.html
Also heard that she accused others as well, so she does not seem to be that reliable.
On the other hand, why would he still want to make out with her if the accusation was false?
It remains a bit shady.
Ugh his teeth
Basically Cú Chulainn is the “Hulk” 2,000 years ago when he goes into “Warp-Spasm”. Here’s a translated extract from the Táin:
“The first warp-spasm seized Cúchulainn, and made him into a monstrous thing, hideous and shapeless, unheard of. His shanks and his joints, every knuckle and angle and organ from head to foot, shook like a tree in the flood or a reed in the stream. His body made a furious twist inside his skin, so that his feet and shins switched to the rear and his heels and calves switched to the front… On his head the temple-sinews stretched to the nape of his neck, each mighty, immense, measureless knob as big as the head of a month-old child… he sucked one eye so deep into his head that a wild crane couldn’t probe it onto his cheek out of the depths of his skull; the other eye fell out along his cheek. His mouth weirdly distorted: his cheek peeled back from his jaws until the gullet appeared, his lungs and his liver flapped in his mouth and throat, his lower jaw struck the upper a lion-killing blow, and fiery flakes large as a ram’s fleece reached his mouth from his throat… The hair of his head twisted like the tange of a red thornbush stuck in a gap; if a royal apple tree with all its kingly fruit were shaken above him, scarce an apple would reach the ground but each would be spiked on a bristle of his hair as it stood up on his scalp with rage.”
—
That’s for a 11th century text, though the linguist evidence puts the above as dating from at least 8th century. The story itself is generally synchronised as occuring between 50BC and 50AD.
Of course it helps that his father was the god Lugh (Irish warrior sun god — think Apollo)
Either way Cú Chulainn had a thing for the ladies so expect the Fassdong to be put to good usage.
Quick notes on Irish pronunciation:
Cú Chulainn = Koo K(h)ulan
Lugh = Lou
The tic elongates the vowel sound.
Also, yeah, a lot of the mythological Irish warriors (and real ones) thought armour was for cowards and wearing a loincloth in battle was optional.
not only Armour been optional but clothing as well. At the time that the Táin is set it wouldn’t be unheard of for Celtic warriors to go into battle naked. Or so Caesar would have us believe in the “de Bello Gallico” (Gaulish wars)
There won’t be any magical “hulk shorts” that’s for sure!
Additional help – “Ch” is gutteral.
I would say it was closer to Koo’K(h)ullinn, due to the presence of the “i”. However, that could just be down to dialectic quirks. 😳
Holy moly!! That was intense! Thanks!
Well his birthname was Sétanta. He got the name Cú Chulainn after killing the hound of Culann (the smith) in self-defense at the age of 6.
“The watch-dog descried the lad and bayed at him, so that in all the countryside was heard the howl of the watch-hound. And not a division of feasting was what he was inclined to make of him, but to swallow him down at one gulp past the cavity of his chest and the width of his throat and the pipe of his breast. And the lad had not with him any means of defence, but he hurled an unerring cast of the ball, so that it passed through the gullet of the watch-dog’s neck and carried the guts within him out through his back door, and he laid hold of the hound by the two legs and dashed him against a pillar-stone that was near him, so that every limb of him sprang apart, so that he broke into bits all over the ground.”
As a result he then promised Culann that he would take the place of the slain hound until a new one could be reared. Thence the title “Cú Chulainn” (The Hound of Culann)
Thanks Kaiser, you have vastly improved my workday once again!!!!
he seems like a decent man with bad boy reputation and fun to be with .
I thought of you during the TG bit Kaiser – well mainly it was sending telepathic “MINE!” thoughts over the Atlantic towards you 😈
But thanks for the link to that article, I’ll watch for news on this with interest.
Bhfuel, Dia is Muire dhuit a Phól Ó Dúbhthaigh, agus tá fáilte romhat 😉
Although Cúchulainn (born Setanta)had an eye for the ladies, some could argue that one of the great (platonic?) loves of his life was his foster brother, Ferdia, who he battled to Ferdia’s death in the Táin. Which leaves the question of who could be cast as Ferdia, if his character would be used? I hate to say it, but Colin Farrell could make a good fist of it. (As an aside, how come a good quality mini-series of The Táin has never been made, it puts much of the Arthurian cycle in the shade for sheer drama?).
But even more for many Irish people importantly – can The Kerryman puck a ball? 😆
I loved those stories growing up and I always wondered why they were never turned into movies or tv or something. I’m glad they’re only getting around to it now if we get Fassbender in it!
also everybody knows Kerry are only good at football 😉
Sorry a bit a’ ash in The Kingdom; ’tis pure true 😉
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5qe1UPSswkM&feature=related
(blast from the past, or wha’?)
nice for him
I love Top Gear but hadn’t read the episode preview and was more than delighted to see Fassie on there – and he came third on the leaderboard in the ‘star in the reasonably priced car’ (only below Rowan Atkinson, who races cars in his spare time and Matt Le Blanc who can really drive)
you’re top of my leaderboard Fassie, come take a spin round my track
… and neither RA nor MLB had to drive that round while there was ice on the track!
This is great news. I’ve always wanted to see CuChulainn made into a movie. It’s a great story.
My nephew is actually called Chulan. I have a very traditional Irish name myself. Love my Irish stories.
Now, what about Slaine??
A chairde, ta me corraithe!!
(bloody phone won’t let me do fada’s).
Fassy is perfect. He has the mouth for it anyway.
Sláine the comic book character (2000AD) is based literally on Cú Chulainn. Thence the fact that he does a warp-spasm and all. Alot of the stories are directly out of Irish mythology just altered by the author for the comic book medium (as well as inserting the titular character into particular myth)
I know, I have tons of the books and comics. I do love a bit of Slaine.
I should probably have said an animated movie for adults. I’ve thought it would be a good idea for ages now.
I don’t see why that wouldn’t work Just U (financing aside) – we train some of the best animators in the world here, thanks to the legacy of the old Sullivan Bluth studios.
I recently saw this fellow on an episode of Top Gear and have to say, his sexy is much more tangible in live format than still pics – I get it now 🙂
He is so funny in that Top Gear interview, thanks Kaiser.:) Love picture #2 where his eyes look all green. Hot. *swoon*
Oh yeah, excited about him working with Ridley Scott again and the Irish myths movie (but I don’t think he wears a loin cloth, lol).
Oh my day has been made a little brighter because I get to indulge in my Fassbender obsession. I know nothing about Irish mythology but may look into this just so that I can understand the film more. I am drooling over Fassy in a loincloth. lol
I just came here to comment about how how Fassy is and how excited I am about this movie. Little did I know that I would get some VERY interesting history on Irish mythology! Thanks to Mairead and others for the info. PS-I went to Ireland a few years ago and loved it!
Me too, twice – and in the Southwest too! Great people, great memories — might be why I’ve such a soft spot for Michael. Apart from his acting abilities, looks and good nature ;).
You’re being far too kind – my knowledge on the subject is very limited. Paul is proving to be the scholar here 😉
Didn’t think I could love him more but that interview on Top Gear cemented it.
I think I just threw up in my mouth. Now that Fassy has happened he’s gonna be in everything. On the other hand considering they didn’t have Whitestrips back in the days of yore, he’ll look authentic. Kitten, put your claws away!I kid.
Nimhneach mo chroí ag an smaoinimh. Fassy is really happening. Once you get cast as a god in a film, you’re doing shit.
Can’t we borrow Kevin McKidd from Tartanagogoland? I mean, he’s pretty damn awesome and so sexy.
Meanwhile Davy Spillane did this beautiful piece on the ulleann pipes for Riverdance called Caoineadh Cù Chulainn (Chulainn’s Lament) and I remember being mystified. I love my Celtc music for sure. Here is a link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mwxga8udIio
ye can’t beat a bit of “Sean Nós” (old style) singing. If there was any type of singing that comes closest to that of time of Cú Chulainn it’s that:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qvus7IFyFMA
You know what’s strange Paul, I had a feeling that the video you posted would be one of the Elsafty girls (although their mother Treasa Ní Cheannabháin, is a magnificent singer in her own right). 😯
They have very pure voices and a simple way of singing without distracting overembellishment, and a greater emphasis on the words rather than the rhythm, which makes their style quite contemporary.
I would suggest Victoria perhaps checking out some other singers for a slightly older style (pun not intended) – Seosamh Ó hÉanaí (Joe Heaney/ Joe Éinniú), Tomás Mac Eoin or one of the Grealish sisters (Sarah or Nancy especially).
And your poisonous heart aside, I totally cosign on Kevin McKidd – he’s one hell of an actor. But I would ask that he be in a biopic of Vincent Van Gogh first as he is exactly how I always imagined him to look like.
Relax @TheOriginalVictoria, it’s not THAT serious. He smokes cigarettes, hence the dark shade on his teeth. Not everyone’s teeth are naturally brilliant-white. I think he looks like a normal attractive guy.
That was an inside joke to another poster. Thank you.
@Mairead I actually know who the Elsaftys are! I belong to an Afro-Celtic group board and my friend on there is Eritrean and Irish and she turned me on to them a few years ago saying they were Egyptian as well! They are beautiful girls. My grandmother was Afro-Celt as well and she was a very good singer. She preferred the sean-nós traditions more than modern stuff and she spoke of their mother’s gift very fondly.
I already know you have great musical tastes. You know who Lizzie West is. Swoon!
I always felt that many African tribes and the Irish have a lot in common. We really treasure story telling and being connected to the land and family. Music is an important part of all of that.
Yum
The Fass looks really good and rested in those BAFTA pics. THANKS KAISER!! And am surprised if other commenters are complaining about his involvement in the movie – it’s a writing project that he developed from scratch with a collaborator through their own production company (I’m guessing the project he kept mentioning in his interviews from August to recently). He didn’t get the part offered; it’s a pet project of his! Good for him to use that opportunity to focus on Irish history and myths, and for wanting to film bits and bobs of it in Kerry.
Btw folks, there’s an extra Top Gear video featuring Michael here! http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=387327411292958
He is so unbelievably hot he can stay at the top of my lady spank bank list forever. I love Kaiser’s dizzy Fassbender posts, they make my day.
McQueen’s just bitter. Any actor worth his salt would give his left arm for an Oscar (no matter that they’ve become a joke to the general public).
He should be careful the Academy are a bunch of stuck up old geezers who can hold a grudge.
Thanks for the post Kaiser!I got agree with McQueen in a way…After Fassy got snubbed, I got to think that joke George made on GG probably got many of the Academy members concerned…George knew what he was doing…Just saying it.
@Paul Ó Duḃṫaiġ/Mairéad/Victoria: fantastic posts — I never thought gossip pages could contain good educational tidbits!
wow after seeing this, I finally get this fassbender craze. He can wreck my ladyshop anytime!!
OH MYYYY
Kaiser you totally made my day!!! I’ve been sick all week practically coughing up a lung and so so feverish and then you post this. It made my day better especially when I was seeing doubles of Fassy cause of the fever (jk). You are awesome!!! 🙂
God I love him and his sexy shark grin :). Finally an episode of Top Gear that I was interested in watching hehe.