A love letter to Michael Fassbender…
My dearest Michael,
I love you so much. Sometimes when I look through new photos of you, I can’t breathe properly, which is what just happened as I gazed upon these new photos of you. I love your ginger. I love your beard. I love your beautiful eyes. I love your shark smile. I love that you seem to be covered in cigarette ash and lint on the red carpet for the London premiere of Prometheus. I love that you seem to be making a conscious effort to not pose too closely to Charlize Theron, because I think you realize that she’s obsessed with you (and The Fassdong). I don’t fault Charlize for her obsession – it makes me feel like she and I have at least one thing in common. Still, that bitch needs to wait in line.
Speaking of the Fassdong… I can’t help it, I love it too. I almost wrote a love letter to your dong. My apologies. I realize that paying so much attention to your anatomy takes away from your work. I understand that it’s no longer funny to you, and you don’t want to be seen as a “one trick pony” (even though you’re hung like a proverbial horse). I comprehend, although I do think that you’ve contributed to people’s sexual obsessions by talking about “unleashing the beast” and “wrecking the sweetshop.” Be fair now. It’s not ALL on us. That being said, I’ve been trying to cut back on the Fassdong references, but it’s difficult because I really do love EVERY part of you. I could write a love letter to your hands. Or to your shark teeth. Or to your eye crinkles.
I hope Prometheus is a big hit for you. I hope the film is so successful that somewhere in Japan, scientists actually begin work on an anatomically-correct Fassy/David dong-bot, which will eventually go to market in America and I can finally have you (or a version of you). I hope you get Oscar buzz for this, or for one of your other films coming out in the next few years. I was very disappointed that you didn’t get nominated for Shame, and I know you were too. You’ll just have to trust the fact that you are beloved and respected, and pretty much everyone in Hollywood wants to work with you. Please don’t work with Charlize again – I don’t think she would be able to keep her hands to herself.
I hope you won’t be offended if I say that right now I’m picturing you rubbing your ginger beard across my stomach. I have to go now… I need to change my panties.
Love,
K
Photos courtesy of WENN, Pacific Coast News.
He looks MUCH better with his hair growing back. He also looks a less anorexic. My lust for him is back on!
He is really short.
You do realise that he is 6ft tall right? Unless you are 7ft tall then that’s not really short.
😀 I don’t think the Fass is short by any means but I think the IMDB height is more wishful thinking than reflecting reality… 5’10 or 5’11 probably.
Published height is always “more” then it really is…wishful thinking like. Athletes and their franchises do the same thing…add a few inches in height and a few lbs for public perception.
He looked good, but didn’t anybody have a lint roller to help him out…his suit jacket has crap all over it!
Look at the the 5-6 picture. Charlize towers over him.
He’s a little guy but big where it counts.
He is 5’9” at best. He is probably 5’8”. But, I really don’t care about his height.
He’s undeniably handsome, love his hair and his ginger beard!
I have met him, he is definitely taller than 5’8, i am 5’8 and he was taller than me, so he might not be 6′ but he is at least close, or at least 5’11
@coco: I have met him too. I’m 5’3” and wearing heels. The height difference was very similar to me ex who is 5’8” almost 5’9”. Maybe he was wearing those Armani shoes with heels, George Clooney uses, when you met him, :).
You two have met him? How??? Where???
He has a long torso and short legs. I really don’t like that.
I refuse to have my Michael Fassbender fantasy destroyed. Even if he is short I am in denial! But anyway, Charlize Theron is a giant. She is 5’10 and has the advantage of wearing heels. Sigh….
I agree, Charlize is a Giant!
Charlize is a tall girl, around 5’9or maybe taller. When she wears heels, she would tower over a 6’ft guy. He’s probably around 5’10 to 6ft. He has the typical irish body, long torso, short legs.
i think he have so much make up on or is it tan spray?
is it weird to say Naomi seems more live and attractive than thereon?
He was filming in New Orleans so that might explain the tan.
As for Noomi, yeah, I think she is stunning, she also seems like such a cool person.
He probably looked like he didn’t get enough sleep because everyone knows the Fassdong NEVER sleeps on the job 😀
Not a fan of the orange make-up, but dude looks imminently doable.
I love him but Red is wearing a ton of face makeup. He does not need this!!!
His smile reminds me of Ewan McGreggor. So handsome when he smiles.
OMG you nailed it!! Can you even imagine two gingers, one Scott and one Irish. Ok, time to step away from the computer, but well…oh, good grief…sigh
he is hot hot hot, sexy gingers ftw!!!!!
Tots!
ROFFLMAO at Kaiser….great post. Love the Fassie.
Yes. God, yes indeed. Love the Fassy. I get it now. I probably was in denial but now I see the light. Hallelujah, I see the light.
LOL! Kaiser’s odes to the Ginger demi-god are the best.
12 Years a Slave’s casting is shaping up to rival the Counselor’s, with the addition of the Cumberbatch on board.
Brilliant letter. I hope he replies!
Just when I thought I couldn’t love him more he brings out the ginger beard. So much more ginger to lust after. How can I concentrate at work with these pictures. Oh Fassy my wannabe ginger lover.
Funny letter.
Logan Marshall-Green is cute. He looks like a better looking version of Tom Hardy to me.
Logan is really attractive and yeah there’s resemablence to Tom who was at the premiere.
Logan has a twin brother that looks exactly like him.
My god! I thought that WAS Tom Hardy!
My feeling is that Tom Hardy only went to the premiere to prove to everyone that Logan Marshall-Green is not Tom Hardy.
I run hot and cold on him, but he does look amazing in those photos. Today is definitely a ‘hot’ day.
I’m the same. He looks so good today though.
I just can’t get over that this man is only 34 years old, he looks at least 42. Channing Tatum could pass for his younger brother and they practically the the same age.
(sobbing) What Kaiser said. I’m all choked up reading that letter…talk amongst yourselves the fassdong will do that to you (turning away from the computer now)maybe I will post again later.
P.S. Charlize better watch her back she came real close to an asswhooping last month.
Kaiser LOL! … Or to your eye crinkles.
I feel the same way. When people. Complain about his physical features, I always say “I don’t care…”
He looked so nice. I watched the Live Stream of the carpet arrivals. He was so nice and just kept signing for the whole time. He definitely got the most cheers, but then again he was on home turf.
Hope his movie does well. So far most reviews are favorable.
Exactly! I know people have different tastes, but his physical atributes are great. I loved that Kaiser pointed them out in a positive way! 🙂
The funny thing is when I saw him at NYFF (after the screening), I looked at him without recognizing who he was and I thought : hm, this guy is really cute!
Then, when I saw him walking by my side :), it took me a couple of seconds (maybe more), then I realized it was him. He is so much better in person…
LucyOriginal you are so lucky! I think if I saw him, I’d be so nervous. I probably wouldn’t be able to speak. Maybe some day he will be in my presence. Then I can die happy. Oh, Michael is scheduled to be on Jimmy Fallon on Tuesday, June 5th.
@addison: if it makes you feel better: 1- when I saw him I thought: oh this guy is cute. Then, few seconds later, Oh it’s Fassy! 2- I said nothing. *sigh*
🙂
Kaiser: he looks amazing in these photos. How can I focus on my research now? 🙂
Dear Tom Hardy-THIS is how you do a ginger beard. Please take note.
Kit…you are so right! When Tom reads this thread later today he is going to text Fass and ask to borrow his trimmer!
Would you believe me if I said I’d just like to hang out with Fass for the weekend and not touch or have sex because I just think it would be fun and interesting?
LOL! I totally believe it. I’d be happy just to have him as a male friend (that-I-would-gradually-seduce). Seriously, he comes across as such a smart, funny, interesting guy. The package is secondary to the personality/talent. I think I’d get biscuit-tingle while hanging out with him though, which could be a distraction.
“biscuit-tingle”…OMG too funny! I agree too that his personality would be enough seduction for me to jump his bone…woops I mean bones! lol
Sorry PEOPLE! I need to defend Tom. I bet he must keep the unruly beard for a role he has to do. Because for the most part I have never seen him look like this. But then again, I have not been coming to this blog for too long and I have not really kept up with gossip about him. So I could be wrong.
But I bet the beard is for a role. So give the guy a break.
Tom, is it you? 😉
Yeah, he said it’s for Mad Max, so I guess it’s not permanent..
Your love letter to Fassy was spot on . My eyes are watering from laughing so hard . I agree with you 1000% – I don’t know what I would do without my daily dose of Fassy . Thank you so much for posting . 🙂
Omg. This letter is amazing. Thank you for making my day!
Can you all imagine if Fassy was ina movie with Clive Owen? What Kaiser would write in from the desk of clive and Fassy love letters? I hope this day comes…
The minute it was announced they’d have to perform CPR on her…then she’d write the letter…and then we’d all read it and need CPR ourselves? That’s my spin on it.
Actually, Clive has written a letter, and I was going to post it below, but I’ll copy it here.
From The Desk of Clive Owen
My Dear Kaiser,
You have disappointed me, you naughty girl. Just because my nose is getting a bit bulgy and I have a few more wrinkles, you have turned your attentions to that famewhoring Fassbender? Have you forgotten our whispered nothings? Do they mean nothing to you? I thought I meant something in your fantasies, now I see I was just another dong.
My disillusionment knows no bounds. I will be haunted by your rejection forever . . .
Clive
@chatcat@bluhare: You cracked me up! awesome chatcat! when Clive wrote to Kaiser? awesome response from him, he was/is heartbroken…
Oh Kaiser, I love your letters to him! Thank you for the laugh & starting Friday off right 🙂
Oh, undeniably yes, yes, YES! Love the longer hair. Makes you want to run your fingers through it.
Yes, closing my eyes. I’m picturing it. Sigh…
Was it here I read that he might be considered for the role of Christian Grey? I couldn’t care less if he does it and I agree with the feeling about that being a strong character and Ana’s being a pain in the ass but when I read the book it made my loins happy to picture Fassbender. That might be why I finished it in a day, too. He is so dreamy.
No, and hell no. Fassbender is a better actor than a Christian Grey. Sorry….B-actors only. No A-list actor should take on Shades of Grey. IMO its an adult version of Twilight.
Sign me up for the Fassy/David dong bot!!
But you want him to have a passionate affair with that stick insect Angelina Jolie! You’re so biased Kaiser! Work with Charlize again! This time as lovers. That’d be the hottest couple ever and Michael and Charlize have great chemistry in interviews. They are just buds. People just took Charlize’s jokes seriously because she’s a woman. Clooney made the same jokes.
I agree. Fassbender and Theron have good chemistry. I haven’t seen any film where Jolie had good on-screen chemistry with her leading man, not even with Pitt.
ITA! Lol f*ck the Charlize haters! She and Fassy would be hotter than the sun! People took her comments waaaay to seriously. I love she has a dirty sense of humor. And more gorgeous than any woman has a right to be. I really hope they work together again. I’m sure they’d like to because yea, they really DO seem like good friends 🙂
Love this post – love him – keep the Fassbender & Fassdong posts coming!
PLEASE never stop writing about Fassy !
P.S. I watched Shame and now I finally understand you and your obsession completely haha 😉
“I hope you won’t be offended if I say that right now I’m picturing you rubbing your ginger beard across my stomach”
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Oh Kaiser, you slay me xD
Ditto everything Kaiser said. I’ll post again when I stop licking my monitor.
he has a strong presence on/off screen regardless of his physical appearance.
LOL It’s drops of water not ash or whatever. It was raining that day.
Undeniably hairy.
You’re so funny with the non-multiple-choice answer, Kaiser! Reminds me of Stephen Colbert and his classic, “George W. Bush: great president or our greatest president?”
I don’t like beards, but….he could smear mud on his face & he’d still be hot.
I can’t figure out who he reminds me of…he has the good looks of an old Hollywood actor. AND he has a way of moving his body & using his eyes and voice in such a sexy way. omg!! If I happened to see this man in person, I would probably just stare at him w/my mouth hanging open.
Also, I think that’s a sprinkling of rain on his jacket, not ash. But what do I know? It looks like water to me.
The guy in about the 4th pic down – on the far right – every time I see him, I mistake him for Tom Hardy.
Ahaha, this made me laugh! great letter!
Sweet Jesus.