It looks like planned vag jokes at the upcoming Billboard awards hit too close to home for ‘ol wonky eye. She pulled out of hosting the event at the last minute due to supposed loyalty to her new friend and crotch-baring comrad, Britney.

Paris Hilton won’t joke about her peeps.

The hotel heiress canceled an appearance at next week’s Billboard Music Awards because she didn’t like the jokes written for her, according to a spokesman.

“It is my understanding that some satirical references ridiculed some of her peers,” her spokesman, Elliot Mintz, said in a statement. “Paris did not want to say anything that could appear hurtful or embarassing about people she knows.”

Mintz said Hilton received a script Friday that contained material she found “objectionable.” Representatives for Hilton and the awards show could not come to an agreement about the script’s content so she decided to scrap the appearance, he said.

If only Paris could have read a few scripted jokes about Britney’s hairless beaver, she could have effectively distanced herself from the four totally deliberate incidents. Instead everyone now knows that Paris coached Britney on how to slip a lip. Unlike Paris and her drunken exposures, Britney no-pants looks like a redundant amateur. Paris is a lousy teacher and she should be ashamed.

Now we’ll have to hear those jokes coming from that Frankenstein guy from “Everyone Loves Raymond.” Surely his delivery will be better than Paris ever could have managed.

Here’s Paris at VH1’s “Big in 2006” awards, which airs tonight. She won for “Big Outlaw,” proving that DUI does pay.

Thanks to Viv and White Trash Mom for this story.