Will and Jada Pinkett Smith have a joint interview in this month’s Essence Magazine in which they talk about their marriage and how they make it work. Will, 40, and Jada, 37, have been married 11 years and have two children together, Jaden, 10, and Willow, 8, and are raising Will’s son from his first marriage, Trey, 16.

Will told Ellen Degeneres this spring that divorce was not an option for them and he repeated that claim to Essence. The two spoke in general terms about the pitfalls and benefits of marriage and they came across as very committed to their family and to each other.

Jada on Will’s immaturity when she first met him and how they grew together
“Trying to be with somebody who you know doesn’t deserve it is too hard,” Pinkett Smith said when recollecting about the early stages of their relationship. “I knew you deserved it, but it had more to do with your relationship with your God and yourself than with me. I thought, Okay, this dude just wants to be a good dude. When we got together, both of us were going through rough times. I loved the relationship you had with your grandmother GiGi and the commitment you had to Trey. I remember watching how you dealt with Sheree [Will’s ex], which was admirable, and I thought, If this is how he treats somebody who he ain’t really feeling, imagine how he’ll treat somebody he loves. I know that was hard for you. I could see that you were struggling. Most people would have been trying to figure out, How can I pay this person back? But you were always thinking, What is the right thing to do? It took me a long time to get on that page. I felt like you were strong where I was weak, and then in some instances, I could offer you strength. We were like puzzle pieces.”

Jada on sex
“Sex is a very, very important factor for me, especially when you’re talking about being with somebody for the rest of your life,” she added. “It worked out nicely.”

Jada on being vulnerable and getting hurt by your partner
“I wish there was a formula that said, ‘If you follow this right here, you will have a successful marriage,’ but it’s so different for everybody,” she also said. “In order to have a good relationship, I think you’ve got to give yourself. There’s so much beauty in having that vulnerability and openness, but it’s also a double-edged sword because nobody can hurt you more than the person who’s closest to you. Your partner knows all your buttons, and there are times when it feels like things are unforgivable.”

Will on “removing divorce as an option”
“When you’re married, you can no longer hide from yourself, which can be excruciatingly painful,’ Mr. Smith chimed in. “The secret is removing divorce as an option. Anybody who gives themselves that option will get a divorce.”

Will says he’ll take a half year off
“I’ve lived a totally unbalanced life, and this has been the first time that I’m actually shutting movies out for five or six months so I can really focus and spend some extended time with family and friends,” he revealed. “I’m just starting to believe in the idea of balance, but you’ve always been the one to keep the ship from falling over. I found balance when I met you.”

[From Essence Magazine, print edition, December 2008 via BlackVoices]

I wonder what Jada was talking about when she said that “there are times when it feels like things are unforgivable.” She could have meant fights in which Will said just the right thing to get to her. Our spouses know us better than anyone that sometimes works both ways, as Jada mentiones.

I like these two a lot and they’re really growing on me after some skepticism. If they are closet Scientologists they’ve become pretty skilled at hiding it. Will personally spoke to protestors from the group Anonymous in front of his new private school this summer and told them that he wasn’t starting a Scientology school and was just incorporating some of L. Ron Hubbard’s Study Tech, which he said has helped his son. The people he talked to say he seemed earnest about it and that he was believable and upfront when he said he wasn’t a Scientologist. The ties with the cult are about the only thing that comes to mind that’s negative about this couple, and they seem to be trying to appease their friend Tom Cruise while remaining distanced from Scientology.

Will is promoting his film Seven Pounds, which is out in the US on December 19. Jada has Madagascar 2 out now.

Jada is shown at a photocall for Madagascar 2 in Madrid on 11/25 and at the London premiere of the film on 11/23. Will is shown with fans at the Seven Pounds premiere on 11/17. Will and Jada are shown at the Madagascar 2 premiere in the US with Willow and Jaden on 10/26/08. All photos credit: WENN