To recap the Kristen Stewart situation, go here and here and here. This is where we are on our coverage of The Great Twihard Meltdown of 2012: Kristen Stewart (22) and her married SWATH director Rupert Sanders (41) were caught by a paparazzo in various compromising positions last week. Us Weekly got their hands on the exclusive photos, they gave a chance to Kristen Stewart to respond, and she did, first with a “source”-heavy sympathy piece in People Magazine, then with a direct statement to media outlets, apologizing for her “momentary indiscretion” and directly telling the world she regrets hurting the man she loves, Robert Pattinson. Of course, there’s a ton of additional crap, but that’s why you should just go and review our previous coverage. This post is about the Us Weekly exclusive, now that I’ve gotten a chance to read the whole thing. Here are some more highlights, and keep in mind that I’m writing these up as I’m reading the story for the first time:

*Us Weekly and the lucky paparazzo who shot these photos claim that Kristen was the one who was “throwing caution to the wind” more than Rupert. Rupert comes across as fidgety and nervous. Kristen seems… young. Headstrong. Dumb. The paparazzo says, “He seemed more cautious. She was lost in the moment. It was clearly all she was thinking about.”

*I’m getting the impression that this particular incident happened because Rupert called Kristen, and she drove to meet him (it seems like he walked to the meeting place, a secluded parking lot), and she drove around. At one point in the story, Rupert “guides” her, showing her where to park when they go to a lookout point (and makeout spot).

*When their makeout session was over, Kristen dropped him off three blocks from his house, and he walked the rest of the way home. Kristen then drove to Robert Pattinson’s house. COLD.

*After discussing the details of HOW SHE CHEATED, Us Weekly then analyzes Kristen and Rob’s relationship, and how long her affair might have been going on. Sources say Rob “pushed” Kristen to be more open about their relationship but “she resisted”. But in the past few months, she seemed to be loosening up, showing Rob more affection in public and generally being more pleasant. Which in retrospect totally means she was fooling around.

*A source: “Rob worships the ground Kristen walks on and would marry her in a second. But she likes to keep him in his place, and it definitely works. He couldn’t love Kristen any more than he does now. He would do anything for her.”

*During filming of SWATH, Rob noticed that Kristen was growing distant, not returning his calls, and she seemed particularly stressed. So Rob traveled to the set more, and “as far as he knew, the extra TLC worked.” Kristen seemed “lighter” when he was around. Rupert even spoke(at the SWATH premiere) about Rob’s presence on the set: “Yeah, there was occasionally a guy in dark shadows in a baseball cap on set. Rob and Kristen are both very down-to-earth, very nice people. We all became very close friends.” COLD!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*Rupert pitched the film to Kristen a long time ago during a meeting in Vancouver. During SWATH promotion, Kristen said, “It’s really rare when somebody tells you an idea and then they actually achieve it, and, uh, I’m very proud of him.” Kristen would even hang out on the SWATH set when she didn’t have to film any scenes. Cough.

*During the production, Rupert gave Kristen a copy of Joan of Arc to inspire her. Rupert on Kristen: “We had a lot of conversations, seeing through her eyes.” PANTSLESS CONVERSATIONS.

*Rob’s friends warned him that Kristen was a heartbreaker! One friend told him that Kristen would dump him as soon as the franchise was over. Another insider said, “He thinks she’s The One. But she just doesn’t love him as much.” ICE COLD BITCH.

In closing, I am wondering about poor Rob Pattinson right about now. This is what I was thinking about in the gym: I bet Rob’s PR team is telling him, “Dude, you’ve got to dump her, and dump her publicly. You’re already seen as a total p-ssy. You need to sack up and dump her cheating ass, or dudes will never, ever go see your movies after Twilight.” But I’m betting that Rob’s first instinct will be to forgive her, and try to work through everything. It will all depend on how honest she is, how long the affair was going on, and how awkward the publicity tour in November is going to be. Notice I’m not really gaming Rupert’s marriage to Liberty Ross. Mostly because I hope Liberty has already contacted a divorce lawyer, in which case she doesn’t need my advice.

Oh, and Radar has a story about Sparkles being “devastated”. A source says, “Rob is in shock that Kristen cheated on him, he is absolutely devastated. But right now he doesn’t want to say anything in public until he figures out what he’s going to do. Rob is really hurt by Kristen. Catching her cheating is not at all what he expected from her.” POOR SPARKLES.

UPDATE: Page Six says Kristen and Rob were fighting backstage at the Teen Choice Awards too. A source says, “Rob and Kristen were having a long and intense conversation backstage, and he looked miserable, heartbroken and humiliated. She was pleading.” Another source said after learning she’d been caught in the act, Kristen had begged the photographer not to publish the pictures, then was forced to own up to Rob late last week, adding, “Rob is deeply in love with Kristen and is very jealous when other men hit on her. This will crush him.”

Photos courtesy of WENN.