Further evidence that Hurricane Sandy is a destructive bitch: gossip has slowed to the point where I’m writing puff pieces about Benedict Cumberbatch, because why not? In my defense, The Daily Beast did it first! Last week, The Daily Beast published this bizarrely dated story called “‘Sherlock’ Star Benedict Cumberbatch’s Polarizing ‘Cumberbitches’” which you can read here. It’s all about the subset of crazy Cumberbatch fan-girls and how obsessed we are with this strange alien-cat man. I guess it’s supposed to be both tongue-in-cheek and, like, an anthropological study of The Cumberbitch Tribe, but it just reads as condescending and quite dated. I would understand if the story had come out when Sherlock’s Season 2 was airing on PBS, or even when Parade’s End was on. But Cumby is barely in the news these days. Plus, the Cumberbitches aren’t even half as rabid as Tom Hiddleston’s fan-girls. *shiver*
In other Cumbernews, The Sun reports that Benedict is building his “dream home”. In London. Not in my pants.
Benedict Cumberbatch is building his dream home after buying the apartment above his current property and making plans to convert them into one.
The Sherlock star has applied for planning permission to convert the two apartments in Hampstead, North London into a luxury three-storey home by knocking the two buildings together and expanding into the loft.
The house will eventually be worth an estimated £2 million once the work is complete.
A source tells The Sun, “It’s an ambitious project but it’s being done with minimum disruption.”
Yes, that sounds lovely. A luxurious three-story home in London, which he and I will fill with alien-cat Cumberbabies. I’ll do the master bedroom in shades of blue, with some metallic accents. The nursery will be in creams and beiges, because Cumby will want to wait to find out the sex of the Cumberbaby. Oh, and we will get a cat. We will name her Dollianna Wigglesworth. Or maybe we’ll just save that name for the baby.
Photos courtesy of WENN.
ha ha ha I think you and Eve might fight it out over this..
I read her (delusional) post and thought “Bitch, have you lost it?”. Wrote two or three versions of a comment but eventually gave up posting because I’m busy and sick (I think it’s the damn sinusitis…again) and have been feeling like sh*t for the past four or five days.
But as I was leaving, I spotted my name on your post…yes, Kaiser is definitely playing with fire. Bitch is greedy, too. She’s already imaginarily married to Fassbender, non?
Plus, I already have cats. Cumberbatch and I won’t need to get one.
You know…I was fine, minding my own business, not caring (at all) about Cumberbatch but kept seeing him here. Kaiser posted about him so many times I ended up falling in love with the man. He’s mine now. And she’d better back the f*ck off.
Oh NO! When I first read this post, there were no comments at all. I wrote my comment, went to post it, & here you all are beating me to it!
Eve, I absolutely *hate* fighting over a man. Even an alien Cumby who appears to have bitches throwing themselves at his cat-like feet. Can we share, like two sophisticated ladies? (I say this calmly, but I will be hysterical on the nights he is with you….)
ha ha.. I hope you get to feeling better.
@ EscapedConvent:
Yeah, I hate that too. But I watched “Stuart: A Life Backwards” again yesterday and I realized Cumberbatch is simply perfect for me.
The best I can do is “lending him” sporadically — depending on my mood and goodwill (both not the best — but it can happen).
@ Marie:
I feel terrible. Really. But I can’t even go to the doctor because I’ve been busy studying for one last exam (the last chance I have to pass in that class — “Labour Law” here, don’t know how you guys call it there).
Well….dooliloo has pointed out that the new house will have 3 floors, so….I suppose there is room…but about those darling alien babies:
Did you mention you didn’t want kids? And I may not be able to have them. Uh-oh. Does this mean that *someone else* might try to elbow their way into the 3-story Dream Home & pop out those Cumberlings?
Time for a strategy session.
I’m not the motherly type. But I’ve already said here (even before I was Cumberbatched) that whatever he asked me with *THAT* voice, he could get.
So…yes, I’m willing to assist him in his alien invasion plans.
Pleeeeeenty of rooms @ EscapedConvent 😀
Swap deal Eve, you can have Parker for 30min even if you want to kill yourself over his overwhelming enthusiasm and I get Uncle Benedict and who knows perhaps I may want to throw myself through a window… Ha!
Oh, Eve I hope you feel better 🙂
But on the other hand … a weakened opponenent will mean certain victory for me *draws slutshank*
When I’m finally recovered from this, I’m going to mop the floor with you (with all of you!).
He’s mine. I mean, he looks like a cat and I’m a cat person for crying out loud! We make perfect sense together.
http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_mcpecfIiXI1qm4tj7.png
(found it on tumblr).
EDIT: All of you, minus Marie and Jenna (who’s imaginarily married to Tom Hardy) :).
I’m not fighting you for him, I’d gladly hand him over.
Alright, ladies, there is a perfectly reasonable way of settling this.
Cumby’s new house will have 3 floors, correct?
And I’m assuming that he’s not ‘of no fixed abode’ right now, so let’s say he has 2 floors in that house as well.
Now, since Marie has bowed out, lets say we get one floor each and Cumby has his own private floor all by his onesies.
Cumby will visit as us periodically and after a fixed period of time (let’s say 6 months) he shall make his decision as to who will be his one-true-love/hope/Chanel/inevitable person forever.
M’kay?
…..
I just realised that I’ve all but created a private brothel for the soon-to-be leader of the galaxy.
… Weirdly, I’m okay with it.
Strangely enough, I’m ok with this arrangement, too (I mean, until the day I’ll have kill you all).
@ Eve…
I’m terribly sorry you’re unwell, but I believe those are MY alien Cumber-babies that Cumby and I will create out of our pure and deep Cumber-love? Forget the fact that I’ve had a hysterectomy, we’ll work out those details later. An immaculate conception has occurred at least once, right? Back AWAY from the Cumber-hunk, will ya?
Seriously, Eve…hope you’re feeling better soon. 😉
OK. You ladies can procreate with him… but I get to be the Nanny… and THAT will be the BEST JOB EVER…
You bitches crack me up.
Eve, so sick and you still bring it. Hope you feel better soon.
If Cumby’s place gets crowded I think Hiddleston has 3 spare bedrooms and is only a suburb or two over.
@eve —
Feel better, sister, and good luck on that test (you’ll do fine).
And if I see Benny the next time I’m in London (which I wish was always — greatest city ever!!), I’ll be sure to kidnap him for you.
The rest can fight you to the death for him, but my money’s on you…
Thank you all for your best wishes! Even the ones I’ll have to eventually slutshank (and that’d be you, Genevieve).
The worst has passed — the damn final exam. I was worried because I needed to get, at least, a 5.6 grade/mark to pass — that’s not much, really, but when you’re facing the fourth exam (which is the last chance to pass during the semester) things may get a little complicated. By the way, I aced the exam today (but I studied my ass off).
Now I can finally have an appointment with my doctor to see if I’ll have to take antibiotics for this (which I think is sinusitis — but he’s the only one who can tell for sure).
Gah! He’s weirdly beautiful
I love your name!
I start thinking he’s an attention seeker. Why do we all need to know every detail of his personal plan?
With respect, Kaiser, I adore your Cumby posts & expect that hilarity will ensue, as it usually does with a Cumby or a Hiddles post. But re: the name of our first child—We (Cumby, my imaginary husband) & I have decided to call her either Tulip Sculpted-Cheekbone or Strawberry Plum, depending on whether she makes her entrance as a ginger. But your suggestion, Dollianna, would make a lovely name for her dolly.
Of course, if the first Cumberbaby is a boy, I don’t see how he can avoid being named Thomas Hiddleston Fassbender Cumberbatch.
Oh Strawberry Plum! Not only is it melodic but dictates the nursery decor scheme.
Who do you have doing to the nursery? David Bowie?
Why hello, Jane! Good point about the color scheme. I have too many decorating ideas whirling around in my head & can’t decide. I wonder if Bowie is available for decorating advice?
And while we’re discussing CumbyManor, will you be needing one of the secret apartments as well? (So you’ll have a place to relax when you & your husband—who shall not be named for your own safety—visit the Manor?)
The cost of this renovation is going to be triple what Cumby was planning for, as he will have to build more secret rooms, stairways & hidden doors than can be found in all of Agatha Christie.
I am going to wait with @giddy on this one. You may all go off and have your Fassbeenies, Cumberbrats and Hiddlstinies and I will wait until you need me to tutor them. I shall then mold their beautiful little minds as you take some much needed “mommy time”… away from the house… for long periods of time… leaving me in your home… with your child… and the master of the house… who feels neglected since the babies have come… who needs someone to listen… a shoulder to cry on… someone to “lean” on… with all my years of experience… and infinite patience
btw – I will ask David when I go round to tutor Lexi next week *sinister smile*
That is a wicked plan, j.eyre 🙂
Cool. The house will be big enough for his official wifey Eve and hide a few mistresses in other secret apartments 😀
No. By the way, another wisecrack and I’ll start thinking (more) about Hiddleston. I may actually dream about him, you see…
Remember my Eric Bana dream? Trust me, you wouldn’t want to think of your Hiddleston doing the things Bana did in that dream.
Bitch whaaaa? Oh no you wouldn’t.?.?
Say that again and I call my boss and I ask her to give me the next interview with the Cumberbatch.. I’ll make sure I wear a nice cleavage and play flirty and intellectual to the perfection… You want that dream to come true or you leave MAH husband alone? 😀
Well, then leave *MY* husband alone! And stop pandering to Kaiser and her delusional plans.
We wouldn’t be celebitches if it wasn’t for a territory war over our husbands, by any means.. no? 😉
Yeah, you may be right, but instead of arguing about that, I choose to stare at these pictures:
http://gethiddlestoned.tumblr.com/post/27039144809
Meanwhile, your husband (soon to be my lover) likes staring at these:
http://sekai-means-world.tumblr.com/image/34633471495
Smooth, Hiddleston. Very smooth.
Well duh he appreciates the good things, and shameless 😀 At least I know next month I’ll be wearing a nice cleave and a great pair of tight jeans when I get to assist at that interview my boss promised me 😀
And of course he’d be only staring at me from then.. *flicks hair*
@Eve
Subtle, he such an adorable little creep.
@dooliloo:
That´s great, you have to report everything. I´m a little jealous though, I´ve been Hiddlestoned lately.
I am SO not getting in the middle of a death-duel over Cumby. I’m smarter than that.
@Eve – feel better soon. Do you use NetiPot? I use the NeilMed one, and it’s been great to help with my recurring sinus infections (which are greatly reduced in number now). Make sure you use properly sterilized water to mix the saline solution. Plus, it’s hilarious to watch yourself with a teapot spout up your nose.
Sorry for the post heist, just wanted to help out a fellow sinus sufferer…
@Eve: I hope you feel better, good look on your test! Congrats to you and your husband on your new house! 🙂
@Dooliloo: B*tch! I will let it pass. As Gracie said before: for now,you are winning the battle, but the war ? no way… 🙂 Have fun on your interview with him!
ps: you ladies are killing me! 🙂
@ Izzy.. that really works? I’m looking for something besides Benadryl which always makes me sleepy..
Oh and I meant to say earlier good luck on your test Eve..
Thank you guys! I passed the test (aced it, actually — saw the result just now). I was really worried because this class is a prerequisite one (for next semester’s class “Labour Law II”) and the teacher/professor didn’t go easy on us.
I’m not saying she should have, and it’s my fault that I didn’t study hard enough for the past exams, but this particular teacher was especially strict when marking our exams.
@ Izzy:
I can’t remember the name of the last antibiotics I had to take. For the allergy, the doctor prescribed a medicine called “Busonid” (it’s a nasal spray, don’t know if it’s available in the US, or how it’s called there). But my last sinusitis crisis was so serious I had to take anti-inflammatory medication, plus antibiotics and the thingy on the nose.
Now I’m only using decongestant and taking pain killers. You can’t buy antibiotics without a prescription here, and I couldn’t see the doctor because I had been busy studying for the exam.
I hope I can have an appointment with him tomorrow or Friday.
Bitches, please. Like I can’t be married to Fassy AND live with Cumby and have Cumberbabies. And Fassbabies. It will be epic.
ha ha, start your own colony of cumberfassies with alien looks and ginger hair.
If the children are girls, will they be referred to as “Cumber-lassies”?
*sharpens the biggest slutshank available*
Kaiser, I’m sooooo rating you out to The Fass — and we all know he’s the crazy, jealous boyfriend type. Methinks he won’t take the news kindly.
Yes, Fassbender will tell me I need a good spanking. That was my plan all along!! *villainess cackle*
You ladies are killing me with laughter. My coffee just went straight up my nose instead of down my throat. LOL. 😀
@TC, that’s always a hazard on this board!
Kaiser…ahem. PLEASE.
Alright, so you can actually birth the Cumber-babies if it makes you feel better. And I’ll even split time w/ Fassy. We’ll have to work out a sister wives thing or something.
But I know, deep in my heart, that when you’ve finished birthing the unspeakably beautiful alien Cumber-babies, he will come to his senses and decide he wants to live out the rest of his life w/ a blonde, green-eyed Tarheel. Who also has a weirdly long, alien face, lol.
Ahhh, those Cumber-kiddies will be such a joy to raise 😉
@ booboocita,
HA! Why not?! Half the fun is putting “Cumber” in front of any word you like.
Kaiser: you can have Fassiebabies! Cumberbabies? I’m not sure, you have to deal with Eve.
As long as you don’t even dream/think about Hiddlesbabies, we’re good.
It must be a slow news cycle… This popped up yesterday and it’s a rehash of news that came out at the end of the Frankenstein run, but without the added brouhaha about how his neighbors were pissed and trying to stop the construction.
Wow–think how annoyed those neighbors are going to be when the house is finished & the Cumberharem ladies are going in & out of the house all hours.
We’ll probably make noise, too.
lol He’ll need another floor for all of the rooms… and a rota, probably, to keep track of us all.
We????? ¬¬
@Miss Mary,
I wonder how many floors up he can build at Hampstead Heath? He will need to add on.
@Eve! I’m knocking myself out trying to be gracious! My back is killing me from all this twisting & contorting.
I just said I thought we’d be noisy because…..well, it’s Cumby, & he does have that Cumby-voice & he does kind of yap a lot.
And I didn’t want to mention this, but there will be the screaming….from when you go through the halls slutshanking….
but there will be the screaming….from when you go through the halls slutshanking…
You’re damn right about that!
I’m sure he can add soundproofing to at least one of the floors. ANd maybe just set up a nice pied a terre somewhere nearby for the overflow mistresses.
^ For the overflow of dying mistresses.
@Miss Mary,
And we haven’t even discussed what to do when the Tumblr-Nutters arrive! Even though I have no doubt that Eve can wield a bitchin’ slutshank, there will be too many Tumblr-inas to control!
The neighbors are gonna hate this, but there’s no avoiding more construction—a moat, a drawbridge, a portcullis. CumbyManor will have to be a fortress. Who’s with me?
o_O
I was so busy fighting you horny bitches here I forgot about the Tumblr batsh*t crazy ones — although the Cumberbitches there aren’t as dangerously crazy as the Hiddlestoners.
@ Eve,
I will live, permanently, in a hidden room behind the bookshelves, so as not to get stabbed.
Then, when Cumby visits, to read poetry to me, the bookshelves will be right there.
LOL that house is gonna be full of secret rooms for all of us avoiding the shanking.
He looks like Sid the sloth from Ice Age.. or a hammerhead shark. I haven’t been able to stop thinking that since I saw this:
http://ismichaelfassbenderashark.tumblr.com/post/17462394296
‘this strange alien-cat man’ LOL
Good thing he isn’t my type. Ladies (and gents??) feel free to fight over him.
One word: GROSS
(The Cumberbaby fantasy, not the house renovations.)
I’m glad to hear that he’s choosing London over the shithole of Hollywood to live in full time.
Thank you, slow news cycle. I will take a fluffy cumberbatch piece any day.
And ill take the mistress apartment at 221B Baker St. A little Watson side action works for me:)
A most excellent idea! Watson is so adorable, & I’ll bet he would love some company at Baker Street. But Mrs. Hudson is not their housekeeper!
Haha, no she’s not! But she will be around to provide snacks and watch trash telly.
(And its way safer than living at the main house with the rest of the Cumberharem. Lol)
Ugh,Kaiser. Give me a break!
I am not that bad.
nobody hurt me, but I think he’s already taken.
I was watching him on youtube the other day; the video of him accepting all those awards for crime shows and his c-star on Sherlock was holding his hand.
They were sitting together at the same table (with the rest of the sherlock cast), but she as holding his hand under the table which is soemthing mostly people who are intimate with eachother do.
Not bringing this up to dash anyones fantasies just didn’t see it here on the site, and thought you might like to know.
lol it’s been covered. Lara Pulver smacked that rumor down the day it popped up and called out the Daily Fail for their rumor mongering. She’s with Raza Jaffrey and open about it.
ohhhh. well, that’s a relief 🙂
I don’t mean to be unkind, but she latches herself on to rising actors like a flea and milks the publicity dry. Did you see her totally stealing Andrew Scott’s thunder at the BAFTAs? He won and she jumped on him so all the cameras were on her, not him. Moobag
Omg I’m sorry he looks like an otter that got dropped on his head. I get Fassy, and Cavil and the actual hot guys but just I DON’T GET IT. He’s really really like not even ‘average’- he’s really hideous. Anywayyyy ahhaha just wanted to put that out there
Have you heard him read “Ode to A Nightingale” yet? Or seen his sex-ay Sherlock?
I can kinda see the otter a little, depending on the photo. When I’m not seeing the alien cat, (or horse.) But I really think he looks like a meerkat too. Cumberbuns himself said he thought Sherlock was like a meerkat. It’s exhausting.
CumberLovers, look what I just found, after all this talk of Cumby Babies:
http://cumberbatchcollection.tumblr.com/post/34646384584
It’s Cumby holding Paul McGuigan’s (Sherlock director) new bambino. Awww!
Oh sweet lord – you’ll start a riot. Barricade the door, Cumbie – save yourself.
(ab-so-lute-ly precious)
;-}
Hahahaha! Wonder if there are any survivors over at Tumblr?! I hope that sweet little dumpling baby doesn’t get hurt when Cumby has to run for his life!
At this point I think Ben could have a harem and we would all be ok with it.