Actor Jay Mohr – who is the star of Gary Unmarried and had roles in Jerry Maguire and Saturday Night Live, – got married to Las Vegas actress Nikki Cox two years ago. No one really noticed because Mohr and Cox aren’t exactly A-list celebs. They probably get asked for autographs at Starbucks once in a while, and that’s about the extent of it. But now Mohr is getting some very rude attention for deciding to take Cox’s last name.
Jay is unwittingly looking to add Mohr laughs to his life.
Following in the footsteps of John Ono Lennon, the Gary Unmarried star filed a petition a week ago to legally add his wife’s surname to his own, thereby making his full appellation Jon (his birth name) Ferguson Cox Mohr.
Well, better than the other way around, isn’t it?
Seriously, though, it’s a sweet gesture—and a two-year anniversary present. Mohr swapped vows with Las Vegas actress Nikki Cox on Dec. 29, 2006. It was his second trip down the aisle and, per documents filed Dec. 19 in Los Angeles Superior Court, the one he’s looking to make stick.
[From E! News]
E’s take on the story is relatively gentle and fair. Several other websites have mocked Mohr not just for the narrowly avoided, unfortunate, “Jay Leno wedding announcement-esq” bad last name combination, but for his decision to take his wife’s name at all. TMZ described it as “emasculating,” and many commenters on other websites have echoed similar opinions.
I agree with E!, it is an incredibly thoughtful gesture. And Cox added Mohr’s name to her own – why in the world shouldn’t he do the same? It is unconventional – and good for him for not caring.
Ironically, here’s Nikki and Jay at Starbucks on December 22nd. They do seem overly worried about being recognized, what with the head ducking and all. Images thanks to Bauer-Griffin. Header of them at the People’s Choice Awards nominations in Beverly Hills on November 10th. Image thanks to WENN.
she sure did mess herself up. as someone stated on INO, she now looks like a caricature!!!!
Seriously? It’s almost 2009, and people are still calling this stuff “emasculating”? Okay, it’s not the most traditional, but it’s a pretty damn sweet gesture. It’s not like he gave up his own name in the process.
(Or took added her name to the end of his, making him Jay Mohr Cox.)
(Okay, fine, I have the sense of humor of a 12-year-old boy.)
And that’s why I didn’t take my husband’s last name. Why am I expected to surrender my name but he isn’t? If I am addressed as Mrs. His-Last-Name, I answer. I expect him to answer if he is address by my last name. I knew a guy who flipped out when he was addressed as Mr. His-Wife’s-Last-Name. Asshole.
Kudos to Jay Mohr.
That’s an insult to women to say it’s emasculating for a man to take his wife’s last name. Are you saying women are inferior by implication or something? And that we should all live ‘up’ to being ‘manly’?
I’m glad he did it if only to show up people’s obnoxious gender-based assumptions.
Women were considered possessions and the taking of the surname showed ownership by the husband. There are plently of couples out there with double barrel surnames. I don’t see the problem, in fact I think its sweet of him.
I’d take my fiance’s last name when we get married, if it wasn’t currently her ex-husbands last name. 😛
THE LIPS.
GAH!!!
Jay needs to be ridiculed for allowing his young wife to ruin her face the way she did. I know Hollywood is phony, but to allow this young gal to inject 50 lbs of filler in her mouth is unjust and plain cruel.
I’m from Spain and here the wife has never taken his husband’s surname. We conserve both of our surnames because, in fact, we have two: first our father’s surname and, second, our mother’s. Nowadays you can change it: first mother’s and then father’s, though many people still follows the tradition father-mother.
What I want to say with all this is that, for us, taking your husband’s surname would be the strange thing. We find it really sexist and women denigrating.
My father who is a very masculine mans man took his new wifes last name because they live in a small town and she is a lawyer and well established in the community and he thought it would be easier for her if she didnt have to change her name since her name is already so well known and respected in her community. I think its a lovely gesture actually. He called me before he got married to ask me if I minded and I gave him my blessing.
Feminists have really scr#@ed women up. Even the common inherited traditions of marriage get sphincters in overload. And this bull is somehow ‘too sacred’ for gay couples because ??
High five VDANTEV… craziness… gay couples have every right to marry and anyone who thinks differently is pathetic.
I think it was cool on his part to take his wife’s last name.
Anyone bashing him is obviously an insecure a-hole – like the locker room or school bus bully.
vdantev, would you change your last name just because tradition says so? I would have thought you, of all people, would be one to ask “why” instead of blindly following ancient traditions that hold little relevance in today’s culture.
Signed, “A Respectful Feminist” (not screwing women up since 1998)
seriously scary facework on the new mrs mohr beachley.
Wif,
True iconoclasts avoid the power of the zeitgeist at all costs.
My God, people are so self-obsessed and self-absorbed. Whatever happened to good old fashioned picket fence, white dress and pearls, sweep me off to my three room cape cod home romance? It got killed by some shrieking harpy with a hyphenated name, a prenup and a chip on her shoulder. If you haven’t figured out how to make life more than a name- give up the game already.
I didn’t marry a last name, I married a woman I loved, and I was deeply honored and moved that she decided to take my last name as her own, above all others. This is what happens when lawyers, politicians and businessmen tell us how to conduct our sexual business over the last 25 years.
Insanity.
” I was deeply honored and moved that she decided to take my last name as her own, above all others.” But, if she didn’t have the choice, then her acceptance of your last name would have meant nothing.
I look at names as like little tab placements mainly useful for geneaology. My Swedish grandfather changed his name when he came over to something more “Americanized” and naturally when I tried to trace my roots..I didn’t find anyone with my last name in Sweden and I wondered why until he told me. A name is just letters. If you share a name, it’s as if sharing a heart. If it sounds pretty, bonus. It’s nothing demoralizing and it’s not going to steal your soul or make you any less of a person. Nobody “owns” you when you’re in love. I took my husband’s last name as though I was stealing it. It’s a very nice last name and it flows better with my name. But am I personified by that alone? Does that make me any less of a woman or person? No. And my point is that people should be able to change their names to anything they want as long as it’s pronouncable and not insane like those people who want numbers for names. We already have number names. Social security. lol.
I agree Wif and others, the point is that women AND men should have the choice if they want to keep their own name or change it with out being criticized (if you are a woman) or ridicule (if you are a man). I think what Jay Mohr did was a very sweet gesture to his wife.
Her lips … I don’t even know. Hold me.
Ohforf, that is brilliant, and an excellent point of how pointless this “debate” really is.
Mohr gets props for not turning his new name into a cheap joke (he is a comedian, after all).
I wish my husband were as thoughtful as Jay Mohr. I find this to be an adorable gesture. Good for them!
Her lips are making my eyes hate me. Oy, gevalt.
TMZ’s take on it is incredibly offensive.
“My God, people are so self-obsessed and self-absorbed. Whatever happened to good old fashioned picket fence, white dress and pearls, sweep me off to my three room cape cod home romance? It got killed by some shrieking harpy with a hyphenated name, a prenup and a chip on her shoulder.”
Um, it disappeared when women realized that they weren’t doomed to a life of domesticity if they didn’t want it. Some of us don’t want to be kept women. You sir, are a jerk. You seem to be living in a mentality that sees women as possessions by their husbands. You’re so sexist, you don’t even see how sexist you really are. Treating women special or different is not treating them like an equal.
If you dont see why a woman would get upset about being expected to take her husband’s last name…well, then, you just don’t get it. And you probably never will.
Holly, you wouldn’t know love it stood up and sold you life insurance. Your soul-dead selfishness screams volumes. Another victim of mirror generation, fathered by lassez-faire capitalism, conceived under the warm glow of VH1’s My Super Sweet 16, and birthed by Cosmpolitan magazine at your local shopping mall.
‘me me me me me’ be your mantra to keep you warm at night.
The only reason I will take my soon to be husband’s last name is because I’m sick of people butchering my own. It gets tiring spelling it out, teaching people how to pronounce it, and then explaining my roots every time someone sees my last name for the first time.
Wow, that’s the smuggest comment I’ve ever read. You’re kind of an idiot.
It’s not a “me” generation thing. It’s your name. I see a name as more than letters, it’s who you are. I was not willing to change my name because it’s mine and who I am.
Whether women choose to take their spouse’s name or the other way around is a highly personal thing and shouldn’t be judged by others.
I’m taking my future husband’s name (should I ever get married) because my father was a douche and I don’t want his name anymore. I could always change it before, but it would be a serious pain in the ass.
This is a rare thing for me think, but Dante, dear, you’re dead wrong on this.
My name is incredibly important to me. I lived with it all my life for God’s sake. My father barely survived WWII, came to America with nothing, learned the language, built himself up from nothing, and he’s dead now and our last name MEANS something to me.
When I got married, I was honored to take my husband’s name, but keep mine as well (not hyphenated, just both). I can assure you that it was romantic enough, even by your standards.
Our children have both our names as well. We are both “ethnic” by American standards and want our kids to carry that with them as part of their cultural identity. It doesn’t mean anything beyond that, just a name, I know, but part of who we all are nonetheless.
As WIF beautifully said, if I didn’t have the choice, it wouldn’t have meant anything for me to take his name.
I think I know what you mean about everyone taking stuff too seriously and it getting all PC and out of hand, but dude, find another way of saying it.
BTW, like WIF, I too am a proud feminist, not a “shrieking harpy.”
And I’m not even going to get into the racial implications of your reasoning…
Seriously… what’s the deal? He took her name. So what? …
I just don’t get the fuzz. That’s rather medival thoughts I am reading on some comments. We live in the 21st century. He took her name! Get over it!!!
So a woman enters into a relationship with a man who dates her for some time. He falls in love with her, forms his life around hers, and wishes to make their bond legal, spiritual, and permanent through marriage.
If the woman spends even one second examining his motives for the subversive or insidious intention of suppressing her, possessing her, or stealing her identity…then she’s a great fool who will never find out any measure of happiness in this life. That much anger and fear cannot be conquered with a ring, financial stability, or even a lifetime of devotion from some poor man or other who will never, try as he might, be good enough.
Naming conventions are a private matter. Land no longer passes genetically and fortunes are no longer kept in a family or preserved intact based upon male lineage. Women are no longer business transactions for the gentry. That being the case, I don’t judge people for their naming choices. I think the Mohr example is cute and loving.
That said, the feminist notion that a husband is just trying to steal both your individuality and your soul…is harmful to women everywhere. Believe it or not, you don’t have to make SURE he does 50% of the housework and remind him daily that he doesn’t “own” you in order to maintain your dignity and respectability.
I have been both a successful career woman and then a kept woman. I liked being good at my work and receiving that praise, but I like “working” for my family much better. They love me. My work paid me. Huge difference.
I like being needed, loved, wanted, and protected. There is nothing insidious in my husband’s fondness for and sense of obligation to me. I entrusted my life to his care when we married. That doesn’t make me an idiot, and it sure as hell hasn’t made me subservient. Dependant? A little, perhaps, but if one is not willing to drop a bit of pride for her partner in life…why have one at all?
It’s called love, trust, and respect.
I love my last name, so I decided to keep it. Of course, since my last name is so awesome, I did offer to share it with my husband. He turned it down but mostly because he’s attached to his last name, too. So, we’re two people fully committed and in love with two awesome last names. Doesn’t make us less or more committed.
Aspen, I honestly wouldn’t call the idea “that a husband is just trying to steal both your individuality and your soul” a feminist notion. I think that is something that some militant, highly visible feminists may have supported, but I have not yet met a single, real-world feminist who believes that. I am a feminist, my friends are feminists (some of them professional academic ones) and what I have seen is the examination of cultural standards, a lot of questioning and the promotion of equality and choices.
I am a stay-at-home mom (I work maybe 5 hours a week on the side for fun), I do the bulk of the traditional feminine roles in my home, because, quite frankly between my husband and I, I’m the best at them. This is the life that I have chosen, and am loving. And in regards to the name thing, I kept my last name (no hyphen) but my children have their father’s last name. Again, it doesn’t make me feel like less of a wife or mother, it doesn’t even seem to confuse the kids.
Sorry, I rambled there a bit, didn’t I? I just wanted to support the notion that feminism is not as negative as many seem to believe.
I didnt change my last name as I am attached to it for various reasons. My husband talks about changing his to mine, as he does not like his family, and his last name means nothing to him. Really it’s all about choice and we are all entitled to do what we like with our names…….
hmmm…omg white picket fences seriously?
what drugs do you give your wife to see white picket fences? i want some.
who still reads tmz ?
I was going to ask if we’re still actually debating this sort of thing, but then I remembered that women have yet to hit the century mark with that whole voting thing.
Goodness, what’s next? Women being able to own property? Not having to throw themselves in the funeral pyre? Working outside the home? Why, it would be the end of civilization as we know it! Horrors!
I’m going to go take my husband’s name and have a case of the vapors now.
“Jay Mohr gets ridiculed”? So what? People have been ridiculed online for everything from starting a charity to going to rehab. I’m sure he’s grateful for the publicity.
Seriously, anyone gets worked up over having to “give up” their maiden name, has issues. I was happy to have my new name. We were now a team, same last name etc. To think that your importance or relevance in life goes down because of a name shows you have little self esteem. I am still the same person regardless of my name. In America, at least the way it was, a married couple with the same last name makes things easier. It gets more confusing and doesn’t sound like you are married if names are different. Plus for children, who confusing to have parents with separate names. Either way it isn’t a big deal.
I don’t have low self-esteem, I just like my name. It’s been with me all my life. It’s my name on my university diploma, it’s my name on my Black Belt certificate, it’s my name on my driver’s licence. It’s that name that did all that stuff (and more).
Also, like another poster said above, my name is kind of ethnic and it’s unusual and I like it. His is sort of common and french, I don’t like it. Also, my last name has four letters, his has seven.
We’re not having kids so that isn’t a concern to us although if we did, I’d want the kids to have my last name as I guarantee I’d be doing 95% of the work.
I’m with Aspen on this one.
I’m with vdantev on this one. The more you go into a marriage with “separation”, whether it is separate checking accounts and you divide the cost of running a household exactly down the middle or you go so far as to itemize every little thing as “my” expense or “your” expense, or you have separate last names, it feels to me as if you set yourself up for an exit strategy from the get go and never totally meld as a couple that works together toward common goals. It’s starting out symbolically as a couple with the same last name that really jump starts the whole process of learning how to journey through life together as a couple, a couple in it for the long haul and not in it for the sport of proving on a daily basis just how independent you can remain. And if you love your maiden name honor your children with it for a middle name.
that’s really crazy of him to do that, well maybe he’s scared that she would eat him alive with that mouth she got..
Persistent Cat, word. I love my last name so I kept it. I have never worried that I would lose myself by taking his last name. I just don’t see why I should. My husband and I are a team sharing a life together. That has nothing to do with my surname.
My two cents…
When I got married I didn’t give up my last name simply because I saw no point in adopting my husband’s, nor anyone pressured me into doing so. I assume the same went on with my husband. It’s not like my name is all that meaningful to me – yes, I had it all my life but it’s not like it’s historically relevant or anything – but sometimes I joke and say that if my husband had a more sounding name, I’d adopt it. I’m not sure I would actually, it’s just something I say.
This to say I take the whole subject lightly, but clearly there are people who don’t. I think it all comes down to “do whatever the hell you want” regardless of other people’s opinions. Want to adopt your husband/wife’s name? You should be able to without enduring any criticism of any kind and other people should have the integrity to respect that decision without hollering their own opinions in a matter that’s private to the couple in question.
On a sidenote, I take offense in being called self-absorbed for not following tradition. Just because I don’t do white picket fences doesn’t mean I’m any less of a person or a wife and just the fact that you’re implying it shows how little you know from outside your cul de sac. White picket fences are all fine and dandy for those who choose them but don’t try to enforce them on those who don’t want them.
I agree with those who say that this is a personal choice but here’s something that no one has mentioned — children. My mother was a single parent who had me at 17 and she was not married to my father. She got married for the first time in her thirties and she hyphenated her name and took my stepdad’s last name. My two brothers have my stepdad’s name. I was the only person in the family with a different name and it was always something that bothered me — especially when people would comment on it (which believe it or not actually happened). Because of that, when I got married, I could not wait to take my husband’s name because I want my entire family to have the same family name. I dont want to be hyphenated or different from my kids or my husband. I still use my maiden name in my law practice because thats how old classmates and colleagues know me but I am happy to have my husband’s name.
I did mention children already, my own, and they don’t seem to have a problem with it. To me your story illustrates again, why it should be a personal choice. I
For those who think that a marriage is symbolically divisive if you don’t share the same last name, pls don’t reduce the sanctity of my 10 yr marriage. It works well regardless of last names.
And if you believe that the symbology of sharing names is lovely ( as I do if that’s the choice you want to make for yourself) then you should be supporting Jay-Mohr’s and Nikki Cox’s choice to share their names.
Wif,
My opening statement above is that I believe it IS a personal choice and either way is fine so long as it works for all involved. Regarding the children, however, my mother never had any idea that it bothered me until recently. It wasnt something that we discussed or that I ever mentioned or made an issue of so it wasnt until I was married myself that she found out. So while I do not judge your situation or anybody else’s I would say that you may not actually know how your kids feel about it unless it has been spoken about it directly. In my own situation, its not like my mom could really have done things differently. Our situation was a matter of circumstance, not choice. In fact, I think that it was because of me that she hyphenated her name and kept the maiden name that I carried (she didnt want me to feel totally left out).
Either way, the pendulum has definitely swung in the other direction because I get more grief from my lawyer girlfriends for changing my name than anything. Its kind of bizarre.
wif,
ditto to everything you have said on this post. intelligent, logical and spot on.
My sister-in-law had a child with a guy she wasn’t married to. Her son took the father’s last name. That relationship didn’t work out and she raised the son almost entirely on her own, with help from the father’s parents but not the father. She’s now married and has two children with her husband. Her name is hyphenated, the new kids have their father’s last name.
I asked her once if it bothered her oldest. She said he was considering changing his last name to hers once his grandfather passes away as he has no real relationship with his father. He’s 19 now so he probably won’t change it but who knows.
On a completely lighter note, another reason why I didn’t change my name is I knew I’d never get around to officially changing it and getting a new licence, passport, credit cards, etc. I’m lazy enough as it is.
Good for Jay. While I think it’s fine if women want to take their husband’s last name, I don’t understand why that has to be the only acceptable option in the 21st Century. I never wanted to take any man’s last name and certainly didn’t want to have my kids have another person’s last name (with no acknowledgement that my family is in there too) so my husband and I came up with our own solution. We combined names – taking parts of both of our last names. That way, we could all share the same name (and I really like that our whole family unit has a common name), without either one of us having to give up our own name entirely. And our kids have a last name that reflects the fact that there are two sides to their family history.
zomg they both look special needs in these pictures!!!
bros, thanks for the kind words
Vdante,
I usually think you are quite harsh, yet intelligent, in your posts, but today I couldn’t agree with you more. I am 26, and recently married, and I was happy to have my husband’s last name. It shows we are one. I love the tradition behind it. Oh and I got married in a white dress wearing pearls!
I can’t get married, but if I could I would prob keep my last name and my wife’s.
yikes! her lips look like they are swallowing her face, and jay’s neck looks like it is swallowing his.
So, just to be clear: those of you who believe a couple should have a common last name because it represents a certain level of commitment and unity in a family must also agree that a man can take his wife’s last name. Same thing, right?
More importantly- W.T.H. happened to Jay Mohr’s face??
LAST TIME I LOOKED SHE WAS BLOWING BOBCAT GOLDTHWAIT WHAT HAPPENED THERE, SHE USE TO BE SO FINE IN UNHAPPILY MARRIED EVER AFTER, WHAT A BABE NOW SHE JUST LOOKS GOOD FROM THE NECK DOWN, HOW ABOUT JAY , HE WAS AT LEAST CUTE,NOW HE IS A CHUBBY HUBBY, HE SURE LET HIMSELF GO, I LOVE AGING , IT IS SO IMPARTIAL , ITS ONLY BEEN A FEW YEARS SINCE THEY BOTH LOOK GOOD BUT NOW THEY LOOK LIKE A BAD LOOK ALIKE OF THEMSELVES, WHY DID SHE BREAK UP WITH BOBYCAT? WHEN I HEARD BOBCAT LANDED THAT I WAS LIKE DAMN EITHER ITS TRUE AND CHICKS REALLY DO LIKE A GUY WITH A SENSE OF HUMOR(NOT) OR B0BCAT IS HUNG LIKE A BOBCAT. OH IN REGARDS TO NAMES, A ROSE BY ANY OTHER DUMMIES
brick: Uh, what?
LOL….oh it looks like someone shot a little crack into his coffee this morning.
“Whatever happened to good old fashioned picket fence, white dress and pearls, sweep me off to my three room cape cod home romance”
Not a thing, if that is what a husband and wife both want out of life.
Marriage (and romance) have nothing to do with your 1950’s idealized concept of what life should be. If that is what you and your wife want, then that is the life you should pursue together.
See, it’s about common goals. It’s about two people choosing to spend their lives together working toward the things they both want in life. What if, instead of pearls and picket fences, she wants to be a doctor and he wants to be a househusband? Is that wrong? Not if that is what they decided together is right for them. They have as much right to be happy as do your Ozzy and Harriet-esque idols.
Same thing with the name thing. I took my husbands name because, well, I wanted to. I didn’t feel forced to, and if I had decided to keep my maiden name he would have been fine with it. We have been happily married for 20 years now. I imagine that if I were ever single again, I would never change my name again. I would keep my husbands name, even if I remarried, because (1) I like it. It goes well with my first name. (2) it’s what I’ve been known by personally and professionally for decades and I don’t feel the need to re-train all of my friends and colleagues.
I have plenty of friends who chose to keep their maiden names, and more power to them. It doesn’t mean they don’t like being married. It doesn’t mean they are not committed to the marriages. It means that, for whatever reason, they chose to keep the names they were born with. That’s all; nothing else.
I think if a man is so insecure that he cannot fathom his wife keeping her own name, he is probably not mature enough for marriage. That is not what marriage is, or should be, based upon.
I can’t think of a whole lot of things more personal than the name one chooses to go by, and it is certainly rude (at the very least) to presume that one *must* follow an old tradition simply because YOU happen to like it. It harms no one, so I don’t really see why anyone should judge or make assumptions about others based on that.
MB Travis: your logic is flawless!
“It’s starting out symbolically as a couple with the same last name that really jump starts the whole process of learning how to journey through life together as a couple…And if you love your maiden name honor your children with it for a middle name.”
Then why shouldn’t the man take the wife’s last name, and give his last name to the kids as a middle name? It’s the EXACT same thing, right?
“My mother was a single parent who had me at 17 and she was not married to my father. She got married for the first time in her thirties and she hyphenated her name and took my stepdad’s last name. My two brothers have my stepdad’s name. I was the only person in the family with a different name and it was always something that bothered me — especially when people would comment on it (which believe it or not actually happened).”
No offense intended toward your mother, here, but really you are talking about a different issue. That is, the issue of having children with multiple partners. That and the name issue are really two separate things.
I think that’s really sweet and shows how much he loves her. I can’t believe anyone would make fun of this.
Oh yeah and what happend to her? Did she get breast reduction? Lip implants? What is it??? She looks so different.
My grandparents were fr. Ireland on father’s side & my mother’s relatives fr. Ir. further back. I’m a redheaded, 100% Irish gal. My husband is American Chinese 100%. I took his last name & it’s been a source of entertainment for 25 yrs. Everywhere I go, people look around for that Chinese gal when my name is called out. Every month when I traveled to Singapore, the whole place asked the same question naively. How? Anyways, it makes it easier for my children. I did give them my maiden name as middle names. Irish & proud! Whatever works for people…
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