I love/hate how some media outlets still pretend that Lindsay Lohan is still some kind of A-list woman who can have her pick of whatever dude she wants. Like, we’re supposed to pretend that Lindsay is forever frozen in 2004 amber, before she was this cracktastrophe we see before us. Some outlets are always up for reporting on Lindsay’s latest “boyfriend” and I just think we’ve gotten to the point where everyone is like, “You mean her new john, right?” Well, Lindsay’s latest john/boyfriend is allegedly some dude named Avi Snow. He’s 26 years old, he’s a guitar player for City of the Sun and PLEASE go buy his album so he can stop stunt-dating the Cracken, okay? A source told E! News that their relationship is in “the early stages” but another source says that Avi and LL aren’t really dating. You don’t say.

Here’s something altogether dirtier though – Fox News has a fascinating piece about Lindsay’s association with the Heller family. Apparently, her lawyer Mark Heller isn’t the only Heller she’s involved with legally – Mark Heller’s son Mike makes all sorts of “arrangements” for Lindsay’s “branding”.

For weeks, many have been scratching their heads and wondering why Lindsay Lohan dumped her California court-ace attorney Shawn Holley, for the once non practicing New York lawyer Mark Heller. But as it turns out, her Heller bond extends far beyond the court house.

The troubled actress has long been friends and business associates with Mark Heller’s son Michael, a prominent Hamptons club promoter turned entrepreneur. Her lawyer’s son works to stage celebrity photo ops and brand-related party appearances. Meaning, Heller Jr. is seemingly the one providing the once promising film star with a means of income now that her movie career is pretty much non-existent.

“Mike books gigs for Lindsay and they’ve known each other for a long time,” a Lohan camp insider told FOX411’s Pop Tarts column. “She’s not likely to part ways with his father [attorney Mark Heller] anytime soon, because of her strong ties to his son. Without brand promotion, Lindsay would be in a lot deeper financial trouble.”

And apparently, Heller’s son knows how to deliver when the going gets tough. We’re told the younger Heller, who is founder, president and CEO of Talent Resources, was the one who worked his magic and coordinated the Mr. Pink private jet to ensure Lohan made it to court on Monday.

“I can’t comment on that,” the younger Heller told us. “All her deals are confidential.”

According to the Talent Resources website, the New York-based firm “provides a full-service marketing and creative strategy development” and essentially brings brands and big names together for organic PR purposes. It lists Lindsay Lohan as one of the celebrities the company works with, in addition to a slew of other hot commodities including Miley Cyrus, Zac Efron, Olivia Munn and Kim Kardashian.

Last year, Michael Heller told The Hollywood Reporter that he worked both as Lohan’s entertainment lawyer and manager, and it wasn’t until she went off to rehab that he realized he could make the celebrity/brand marriage a fully-fledged business. Back in the day, he coordinated deals for the then-20-year-old star to do traditional ad campaigns for Miu Miu and Jill Stuart, and cut down on her cigarette smoking by always toting smokeless tobacco product Ariva. And he still hustles for her today.

“We still work with Lohan but not as a manager, but as a broker,” Mike Heller confirmed, explaining that his company bridges the gap between talent and brands.

Heller added that Lohan has known his attorney father for over a decade and their relationship is nothing new.

“When she had her [New York] legal situation [an alleged bar brawl last November] she brought him on as her attorney and was extremely happy with the result. She felt safe and very comfortable with him and decided to replace her LA legal team and have my dad cover as her main lead attorney,” Mike Heller said. “She had seen a lot of his legal wins through the years and knew many people he worked with and how happy they were with his counseling.”

And despite speculation to the contrary, Lohan is said to be beyond satisfied with her current legal representation.

“She is extremely happy with him and never gave up on him no matter what the media twisted and said about my father. She trusted him and now is happy she listened to her gut instinct because he got her a way, way better deal than she was originally being offered,” younger Heller said, noting that the now persistent stories of “witness tampering” directed at his father are totally “fake.”

“But at the end of the day it’s about the results,” he told us. “And my dad got them.”

Yet regardless of what happens, our Lohan insider said the “Liz & Dick” star isn’t likely to turn her back on the Heller family.

“Lindsay and Mike go way back. He even introduced her to [former girlfriend] Samantha Ronson,” added our source. “There’s no way she would let him down by ditching his dad. But essentially, it is Mike who keeps that whole connection alive.”

A rep for Lohan did not immediately respond to a request for comment.

[From Fox News]

Ooooh, so much delusion, so many double entendres. “Works to stage celebrity photo ops and brand-related party appearances” = offers Lindsay-beejs to Mr. Pink’s owners. “All her deals are confidential” = we can’t just give away the names of Lindsay’s johns! “But at the end of the day it’s about the results” = Yes, Mark Heller is just as crackie as his client and he got her the same deal that prosecutors were offering all along! This is such a mess. But at least it’s good to know that Dina Lohan isn’t Lindsay’s main pimp.

Oh, and this was in Page Six this morning.

Lindsay Lohan’s court-ordered date with rehab isn’t stopping the fallen starlet from making high-flying plans before she’s required to report to a facility May 2. A flabbergasted source close to Lohan told us: “Lindsay’s pre-rehab plan? A week with Charlie Sheen in LA, then she wants to go to Brazil. I kid you not.” Her plans with Sheen include a guest appearance on his FX series, “Anger Management.” The job next week will take two days to shoot, though we hear Lohan will stay in LA for at least an additonal week after copping a plea Monday to spend 90 days in a rehab to avoid jail. In the “Anger” episode with Sheen, “He’s a therapist, and she’ll play a patient who falls in love with him,” Lohan’s lawyer Mark Heller told Page Six. Heller didn’t get back to us about her Brazil plans. And as for reports that the “Liz & Dick” star went to 41 Ocean in Santa Monica on Wednesday night to see her new boyfriend, Avi Snow, perform, Heller said, “Lindsay is a beautiful young woman who has many pursuers and many boyfriends.”

[From Page Six]

So shady. SO SHADY.

Photos courtesy of Fame/Flynet.