Ever since Simon Cowell’s baby-mama scandal broke a month ago, I can’t stop thinking about Simon in sexual situations. Like, I’m sitting here, writing up a Simon story and for a moment my mind wanders and it’s like my subconscious is like, “Hahaha, you’ll love this image… here’s a visualization of Simon’s O-Face.” Anyway, that’s what I’m trying to stop thinking whenever I look at photos of Simon and Lauren Silverman and all of their happy-couple photo-ops. Simon’s moob fur glistening with sweat, his waxy Botox-face contorted. HELP ME.
Anyway, a few days ago, Simon announced that he had just seen the sonogram and now we know that Simon and Lauren are expecting a boy. The Moob Dauphin. The Hair Heir. Simon Junior.
Looks like Simon Cowell is going to have a little mini-me! The X Factor judge and his pregnant girlfriend, New York City socialite Lauren Silverman, are expecting a baby boy, a source confirms to Us Weekly. (The New York Daily News was first to report the gender.)
“They’ve known for a while!” one insider tells Us of the news that they’re having a son.
As noted earlier on Sept. 3, the first-time dad-to-be actually got a glimpse of his little bundle of joy via a recent sonogram. “You literally see this thing which is now alive moving around,” the normally tough-talking Brit gushed to the Times of London on Sept. 2, one month after Us Weekly broke the news of Silverman’s pregnancy.
“I feel very paternal right now. So I am very happy,” he said. He added, though, that he wouldn’t let fatherhood change him too much. “I can assure you: I won’t go soft,” the former American Idol judge quipped.
Cowell and Silverman began their relationship in secret while she was still married to Cowell’s friend Andrew Silverman. The estranged spouses settled their divorce a few weeks ago, on Aug. 14; together they have a son, 7-year-old Adam.
Cowell was understandably reluctant to talk about Silverman’s pregnancy at first, but now that everything’s out in the open, he’s increasingly speaking out about his thoughts on fatherhood. “I am good with kids because I like kids,” he told the BBC. “I really do like them and I listen to them. Once I got used to [the idea of becoming a father] I did get excited. I think I will be a good dad!”
A rep for Cowell did not respond to requests for comment.
Will Simon be a good father? Doubtful. The Moob Dauphin will have all of life’s luxuries, for sure, but Simon won’t be around enough to be much of a father. Especially since in the same round of interviews, Simon declared: “I can assure you: I won’t go soft.” And he’s definitely not going to change diapers: “I’m not doing that, 100% absolutely not going near that!” And when he was told that babies often stay up all night and that he might be sleep deprived for a while, he said: “Can’t I just get a nanny?” Modern fatherhood.
Photos courtesy of WENN, Fame/Flynet.
This timeline seems so messed up. Someone is getting trolled and scammed here. Is it just us, the public?
Maybe they found out the baby’s sex while doing the DNA testing…
That’s what I was thinking – it should be too early to determine via u/s.
That’s what I was thinking, too. It should be too early to tell the sex by u/s, or someone is lying about how far along she is—or they did an amnio/DNA test. Something’s off here.
It is easier to find out when it is a boy. We found out I was pregnant with a boy at 12 weeks. I was “older” so they did early testing. 🙂
I’m sure she did CVS-and that is done around 9-10 weeks. They would know who’s DNA it is from that also.
He’s so unattractive to me. I wish I can now erase the visual of her hand on his butt.
And the visual of his awful mom jeans.
Or That Hair, or those mantits all red from too much sun
Im NEVER EVER gonna Stop Cackling at Moob Dauphin oh fuck!
Snag! Caught her going for his wallet!
Speaking of visuals, seeing the baby referred to as the “Moob Dauphin” is making me visualize a dolphin with a Simon Cowell head. Still better than visualizing his O face.
Oh we were doing so well, what with Bedhead sparing us the link to Dr Laura’s boobs and now that void has been filled with Simon’s O-face. You win some, you lose some.
Also, my husband is a modern dad. He changes nappies and gets up in the night. In fact, he’s better at it than I am.
He just reminds me of an old, letcherous coot, and it’s hard to shake that image. I’m just getting sick of all these stories and how they make him seem like he’s a great baby daddy, when it seems like he got caught in a sticky situation and to save face, they keep feeding these bs stories about how in happy and in love they are. Simon doesn’t want his ratings to drop. Ew.
Also, I don’t know much about pregnancies, but isn’t it too early to tell the sex of the baby? I thought that was only clear midway.
Totally agree. He’s trying WAY too hard to play the part of a loving fiancé. The pictures look like an ad campaign for travel or something – staged and phony!
He is disgusting. I really don’t understand how anyone can be attracted to him, he is so smarmy and greasy looking. Ugh.
Nope, not even for the money.
this all the way.. gross
ewwww
she can have all of the money, I couldn’t do Mr. Chubby Bosoms.
I feel dirty because I accidentially peeped his jean print.
yuck
I did too. I wish I could erase that image from my head!
Mr. Chubby Bosoms!! 🙂
It sounds all too full on and too soon. I might be wrong but it won’t be too long before he gets tired of all this and move on to the next woman.
Simon is always full on with whom ever he is with.
Do you remember the gushing interviews when he was first engaged?
It was all,’she’s the one!’ to any talkshow host that would have him.
He is always full on, but just as swiftly off.
What´s up with the 90s glasses?
Well what did you expect? That he really gets up in the night or changes diapers? Oh please!! He has enough money to let someone else do it and I think a lot of parents out there would be happy if they had someone else do all the work too.
At least he doesn´t pretend that he wants to do it all. I mean do you really think Brad and Angelina lift a finger?
If they don’t then they’re not stupid enough to say so in public.
I hope this chick enjoys the next nine months, and squeezes as much money out of Simon as she can. Because I guarantee that by the time this kid is a few months old, then that’ll be around the time that Simon decides he doesn’t want to be daddy–or at least do anything more strenuous than writing child support checks.
In all the pictures of them I see she is all over him and he looks not that into it. Once people stop caring he’ll move on quickly!
The fact that these two people paraded around in the media just days after her divorce is beyond disgust. This woman has a child already, didn’t they give one thought to his feelings? Or is it all about “them”. If her son is lucky his father will retain custody. It’s apparent that the mother lacks basic morals and human decency. Simon, I don’t think anyone expected anything less from him.
Yes. This must be awful for the little boy. He must see his mother’s picture on every supermarket tabloid. He’s already reeling from the divorce and now he’s going to be replaced by a Moob Dauphin. I hope he’s sheltered somewhere safe with a nanny who loves and protects him.
I think he is going to be a good father, weirdly enough.
Damage control. What gets me is hs’s not getting slammed like Miley Cryus.
I think he will be a good father. I won’t pre-judge him on that. Who cares if he changes diapers. I wouldn’t either if I had his money.
I do think this Silverman finds money incredibly attractive. It’s like catnip to her. You can bet she wouldn’t be all over him if he was a mailman or bus driver.
Amazing. He sleeps with his friend’s wife and knocks her up. And yet, he has escaped the “homewrecker” label, that is immediately tossed at a woman who gets involved with a married man. He isn’t condemned for being a “sl*t”, “wh*re”, “tramp” or all the other lovely epithets used for women in similar situations. Instead, the magazines now seem to be playing him up as father of the year, and following this pathetic couple’s “romance”. Ugh.
If anyone doubted the double standard, here is your evidence.
He hasn’t escaped anything… Actually he is very trapped! But I think if anything, this just shows how incredible his PR team is. He spent a lot of money saving his image — who knows how many people he payed off to write positive stories about this mess, to spin it in his favor.
Haha trapped yes. I keep thinking, “S-U-C-K-E-R….”
What a DISGUSTING set of human beings! First, you screw around you husband and father of your child for years, you get pregnant to guarantee yourself a life-long provision of luxury and you don’t even have the decency to go on with this mess privately and quitely (if not for the ex husband, at least for your son’s sake) but you parade your ass around Europe, showing off your state, with no respect whatsoever for all the people involved that were deeply hurt by your behavior. This woman is shameless! But the clock is ticking off for her too.. I doubt Simon is going to stick any longer than a couple of years..
Totally agree!
Simon better get used to Lauren’s hand on his back pocket, because she is going to be getting as much as she can out of his wallet!
This comment made my lunch! Hahahaha so true!
Eighteen years, eighteen years, she got one of yo kids got you for eighteen years Simon!
Now I am picturing Simon Cowell naked. Damn you, Kaiser.
You know, I used to think Simon was somewhat attractive (more for his personality/bitchiness on American Idol), but now he’s just gross and disgusting. I hope she squeezes every nickel she can outta him–maybe next time (oh there will be a next time) he’ll learn to either wrap it up or cut it off.
My father didn’t change diapers. Big deal. He will be such a softy when the baby comes.
In terms of getting up in the middle of the night, or doing a lot of diaper changes-I can’t imagine that they’re going to live together anyway. I bet she stays in NY with her older son and goes to visit Simon in London and LA fairly frequently. He’ll fly in and out of NY. I can’t imagine he’ll marry her. He won’t be a hands-on father, but she’ll have all kinds of paid help so it won’t be like she’s flying solo.
These two wont last till the baby’ s first bday.