Michael Lohan is my favorite celebrity dad. Why? Because he’s the craziest. I challenge you to find another father of someone famous who is as completely batshit insane as Lindsay Lohan’s dad. I mean we can poke all sorts of fun at Joe Simpson, but Joe’s never spent time in prison for DUIs and beating up his brother-in-law. And while his relationship with his daughters is sometimes creepy, it’s still not as terrible as what Michael Lohan’s got going on with all four of his children.

Michael’s main problem is that he loves the spotlight more than he loves his children. But since he’s got no talent of his own (aside from the aforementioned punching of family members), the only thing he’s got left is to ride their coattails. Unfortunately for all the Lohan kids, their mom Dina is the same way, so none of them really have a shot in hell of any type of normalcy or stability.

Michael has decided to capitalize on Lindsay’s recent extreme weight loss by trying to “save” her, according to his website “The Real Story with Mike Lohan.” As far as I can tell, Michael is obsessed with Lindsay, and it’s starting to get really disturbing. He’s also obsessed with girlfriend Samantha Ronson (he insists on labeling her SaMANtha, in an attempt at making fun of her boyish physique and attire), who he essentially thinks is evil. Here’s his latest post on saving Lindsay.

Like I said in the past, “if I see or hear of anyone or anything causing harm or is seen as a threat to my children,” I will speak about it, and do anything I can to try to intervene regardless of the repercussions on me.

With that said, after seeing promise and thanking God for Lindsay’s freedom from SaMANtha’s bondage, I see now, that since SaMANtha has once again, weaseled her way back into Lindsay”s life, things have taken a dark turn.

While I was enthused that Ali was with Lindsay, rather than SaMANtha, I am torn to see that SaMANtha has once again manipulated Lindsay into leaving her little sister in LA, only to join SaMANtha on another DJ gig in Boston.

Was this again, a means for SaMANtha to earn more money through Lindsay”s presence? Did SaMANtha’s fee drop so much and so quickly when word got out that they parted ways? Are we so blind? Is Lindsay so blind? I know Dina and my kids aren’t because they tell me so. But then again, why does Dina tell me one thing and do another?!

When a mother or father sees their child in turmoil (losing weight, not working, and purportedly cutting herself) are we supposed to stand by , remain silent and pretend it isn’t happening? Or are we suppose to step to the plate and not care what people think, and do something about it?

Well, as you can see, I’m not going to sit back and let it slide.

I am asking everyone out their to intervene in every way possible to help Lindsay, and quite possibly, save her life. Help this wonderful, good hearted and gifted young lady to see what SaMANtha is doing to her and how she is destroying her life.

Help her to see that ever since SaMANtha came into her life, nothing good has come of it. As a matter of fact, Lindsay hasn’t used her gifts like she did before meeting SaMANtha.

Just LOOK! The proof is there! These aren’t just words, but FACTS! PLEASE HELP!

[From The Real Story with Mike Lohan]

The best part about his rant is that when you open the page, The Fray’s “How to Save a Life,” comes on full blast. Thanks for the deep musical accompaniment Michael. Let’s give Michael Lohan the benefit of the doubt for a moment. I know, it’s incredibly hard, but bear with me. Here’s the thing: if he really does care about Lindsay, what he needs to do is be a consistent, supportive presence in her life. He needs to NOT have a blog, and not talk to the press. He needs to be the opposite of who he is now. And be the opposite of Dina Lohan as well.

Then Lindsay might not feel so broken by the stress of one relationship that she can’t handle it anymore and resorts to destructive behaviors. If she had other solid people in her life to lean on, she might be able to get through things better, or at least seek help. As it stands now, all Michael’s doing is further alienating his daughter. While looking like an even bigger douche bag.

Here’s Michael Lohan in September. Images thanks to Fame.