I never really cared about Orlando Bloom. Back in the day, when he was the flavor of the month – circa 2001 to 2004, or thereabouts – I think I was full-fledged obsessed with Phillip Seymour Hoffman. I would have given anything to have had a giant poster of PSH in my bedroom, but Orlando was the one with heartthrob status then. Since that time, Orlando plateaued and then fell to earth. His career has been in the dumps for a while, actually. Thankfully, he seems like a nice guy and he won a lot of public sympathy in the wake of his separation from Miranda Kerr (many of us think she was openly screwing around on him throughout their marriage). He seems like a good dad, he’s nice and he’s still pretty. A lot of dudes have managed a career resurgence with a lot less. Will it happen for Orly? I have no idea. But I do know that I sort of enjoyed Orlando’s new Elle interview. He’s not as Pollyanna as I always assumed, but I did roll my eyes a few times.

You’ve often been described as “swashbuckling.” Do women expect you to be a hero offscreen?
Yeah, I think. I’m sure I was a great disappointment to many women because I wasn’t Errol Flynn. I’m me. I think that’s got some merit.

You broke your back when you were in drama school. Doctors weren’t sure you’d ever walk again. Did you wonder if you’d ever have sex again?
That was the first thing I asked. It was this four-day period where it was all a question mark. But I had this really strong belief that that wasn’t my life. That wasn’t in the cards for me.

‘Romeo and Juliet’ is about love at first sight. Are you a believer?
Totally. I’m completely in love with the idea of love. Maybe I’m all misty about it because I’m playing Romeo. But I really believe in, you know, that sort of heart-to-heart connection.

Do you remember the first time you saw Miranda Kerr?
Um, I do. I do.

Was it love at first sight?
It was a lot of things. And actually, I’d rather not talk about it.

What’s the best advice you ever received about women?
[Laughs] Women come first.

You mean sexually speaking?
Listen man, I just gave you the line. You take it as you need.

Who gave you that advice?
I think my mother gave it to me.

Playing a womanizer in the upcoming crime flick ‘Zulu’, you’ve said we get to see “the full Orlando.” Have you always been comfortable naked?
Not really. But I got in the best shape of my life for that movie. It was quite amusing walking around set and seeing the crew avert their eyes at first. Then there were a few more people watching playback. [Laughs] I got so comfortable with it I could brush up behind someone and go, “Oh, excuse me.”

Was it empowering?
It was. Dude, it is what it is. It’s flesh and bone. It’s what we all are.

‘The Hobbit’ is about small people being brave. Was there a time when you had to be brave with a woman?
As a kid, I would fall in love on the Tube. I’d see a woman and have that moment of, Am I going to speak to her?

You really are a Romeo. Did you have a pickup line?
I’m not that smooth. To a stranger, I’d just say, “This sounds crazy, but would you like to grab a coffee? I want to talk to you.”

Did that work?
Well, I mean, it was occasionally successful. But I definitely got the odd knock-back.

What’s the most over-the-top thing you’ve done to impress a woman?
I’m more into gestures and creating moments.

When you came into the ‘Pirates of the Caribbean’ money, were you sending the private jet to bring a girlfriend to visit you? That sort of thing?
There’s been some of that. But again, those are sort of special moments that should be kept in my secret precious box.

You study Buddhism. Care to share a tenet about women?
Well, there are a few. One of them is to the effect of, if you’re going to enjoy the pleasures of life, like a glass of wine or something, you should do that at home and with your wife. Not out.

Fidelity. What else?
“The goal of men and the world should be to make all mothers happy.” Women, as mothers of the earth, deserve the utmost respect. If the goal is to make all mothers happy, we won’t go too far wrong.

That’s a good thought. Do you still work out at Ballet Bodies in L.A.?
I haven’t been for a while, only because I’m in New York.

Does it take a certain kind of confidence for a man to walk into a place called Ballet Bodies?
No, dude. I don’t care. Pilates is great. I’m man enough to walk into Ballet Bodies.

[From Elle]

I like that he shuts down the Miranda questions and I like that he doesn’t go on and on about his romantic moves. I respect him for that. I did however want to pull my own hair at “Women, as mothers of the earth, deserve the utmost respect.” It’s not that I disagree with him really, but I just dislike all of that hippie, New Age BS. Probably because I’m dead inside. I just feel like anyone who can say that kind of stuff with a straight face is probably going to eventually mansplain feminism to me OR talk earnestly to my vagina.

Photos courtesy of WENN.