It was a boring week by almost all accounts. Lindsay Lohan and Paris Hilton were all over the place and easily mocked, but that’s typical. Otherwise not a lot was manufactured by the gossip industry happened.

Last weekend, Avril Lavigne, Paris Hilton, Nicky Hilton and friends attended the grand opening of the “fantasy suites” at the Palms Casino Resort in Vegas.

David Blaine struck a deal with the devil to trade his health for some fame and cash. He fell a good two minutes short of the breath holding record while trying to complete the foolish underwater stunt with peeling skin, atrophied muscles, and a failing liver.

Britney Spears attended a congratulatory party for the success of her fragrances with Elizabeth Arden. She also announced her pregnancy during a surprise visit on the Late Show with David Letterman. All those public appearances must have bolstered Britney’s confidence, because she was said to have cut her husband, Kevin Federline, off from his extravagant trips to Vegas and may be planning a surprise divorce from the freeloader.

Lindsay Lohan made the talk show circut in recycled clothing, rapidly talking about how hard she works while showing off her skill at push-ups. She hooked up with a new guy and attended the premiere of her film, “Just My Luck,” which just sucks.

Nick Lachey celebrated the release of his breakup CD “What’s Left of Me.” He has plenty left to go around. He denied a piece to a former hookup and was seen with supermodel hottie Petra Nemcova at the Kentucky Derby.

Jessica Simpson lost her best friend and personal assistant, Cacee Cobb, who moved on to other/better things. Jessica was seen with terrible orange/red hair at the ALMA awards last weekend, and everyone was relieved to learn that it was just a wig from her new hairpiece collection.

Paris Hilton premiered her new cellphone game at E3, forgetting the name, and neglecting to match her shoes with her dress. She can be forgiven for being so scatterbrained for once, she’s boning a new love, NFL quarterback Matt Leiner. You can download some of her god-awful music, which has been leaked online.

Jennifer Anison showed up to support Courtney Cox at an event honoring the Arquette family. Her boyfriend, Vince Vaughn isn’t too enamored of her. He called her “one of his favorite people” on Oprah and said that he wants kids, just not with her.

Matthew Perry showed up at the XBox 360 E3 party. He looked rather bemused to be there. He also went to the event honoring the Arquettes.

Nicole Richie hates her body and her nose and was also at E3 shilling for Sprint.

Jennifer Lopez attended the ALMA awards with grey roots to support her husband, Marc Anthony. Some people are saying she’s pregnant because she forgot to dye her hair and has cancelled her weird middle-eastern tour, but a new work of “fiction” claims that Lopez tries to get the press to think she’s pregnant all the time.

Rosario Dawson might be pregnant though, and she’s certainly younger and more fertile than Lopez.

Charlize Theron might be getting married this weekend.

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