Julia Roberts’ sister Nancy Motes, 37, committed suicide a little over a week ago. She was found in a bathtub at the apartment of a client whose dog she was pet sitting. Officials said that prescription and illegal drugs were found at the scene, and that a suicide note was also there. Reports claimed that the suicide note had pages detailing Nancy’s strained relationship with Julia and blaming her for the suicide.
Nancy was engaged at the time of her death and had tweeted many happy photos with her fiance. Nancy’s fiance’s brother, Conner Dilbeck, claimed on Facebook and in print interviews that Nancy was despondent over how Julia had treated her over the years. A longterm friend of Nancy’s confirmed that version of events and said that Nancy was especially hurt at being rejected by her family over Christmas. Nancy’s friend, John Fraschetti, sort-of admitted that Nancy had drug problems, but said that her family’s rejection was unforgivable.
Connor Dilbeck has a new interview with Inside Edition that aired last night. Connor repeated his claims that Julia Roberts was awful to her sister, and denied that Nancy had a drug problem. He claimed that Nancy did only pot and prescription drugs that she took for Lupus, rheumatoid arthritis, and seizures. Dilbeck said that Nancy killed herself “to get her point across, because no one else would listen to how much she was abused. [Julia is] not a sweetheart… that’s a monster.”
Here’s some of what Dilbeck said, and a video of his interview is at this link:
Julia Roberts’ half-sister Nancy’s apparent suicide has one man pointing a finger at the superstar. Nancy Motes was engaged to Conner Dilbeck’s brother. He said, “The truth is she bullied her sister.”
In an exclusive interview with INSIDE EDITION ,Conner Dilbeck told Diane McInerney that Nancy was tormented by what he claims were “fat-shame” phone calls from Julia.
He said, “Julia Roberts didn’t want to have a fat sister.”
Conner says Nancy, who lived in a modest apartment building in Santa Monica, felt inadequate compared to the Pretty Woman icon. He says that’s why, in 2010, Nancy underwent gastric bypass surgery, going from 300 pounds to 155 pounds.
But 37-year-old Nancy was clearly still fighting demons. She was found dead of an apparent drug overdose in a bathtub at an upscale home in Brentwood, California where she had been dog sitting. Her fiancé John Dilbeck, discovered her body along with a five page suicide letter.
Conner said, “I can’t stop thinking of the horror of my brother having to pull her out of that bathtub and finding that letter and knowing she felt like she had no other option to escape this bullying than to take her life.”
McInerney asked, “What did she say in that letter about her sister, Julia?”
“She said, ‘My sisters drove me to do this,’” said Conner.
Nancy was referring to Julia and her other sister, Lisa, from whom she was also estranged. The sisters all share the same mother, Betty Lou Motes, who was hospitalized this weekend for an unknown ailment…
Julia Roberts has not publicly spoken about Nancy’s death and she has backed out of a number of pre-Oscar events over the past week.
There’s also no question that Julia tried to help her sister where she could. For instance, when Nancy moved to Hollywood, Julia used her connections to get Nancy a job as a production assistant on Glee.
Conner said, “Having the opportunity to work for Glee was like a dream come true for Nancy.”
Julia also reportedly tried to get Nancy into drug rehab.
McInerney asked, “Was Nancy battling a drug addiction?”
Conner replied, “No! She was battling depression. There was no drug addiction. She smoked pot on occasion. Everything else she was taking were prescription drugs, for her actual problems. She had lupus, she had seizures, she had rheumatoid arthritis.”
Inside Edition confirmed that Julia got Nancy the job at Glee. When Nancy killed herself, she was working as a pet sitter, so I guess we can assume that Nancy somehow lost that Glee job. Not that it was her fault or anything, I’m just trying to figure out what happened.
There are two possible scenarios here, with of course the truth probably being a sad gray area somewhere in between. One scenario is that Nancy was a prescription drug addict, that she spiraled into a depression when her family tried to get her to go to rehab, and that she was deep in denial that she had a problem. Another scenario is that Nancy was plagued by health problems, that she was misunderstood, blamed and rejected by her family, and that she couldn’t take it anymore.
Obviously Nancy’s fiance and his brother truly believe this second version. They were the closest to her and this is the side they are taking. They lost someone they loved and it’s truly sad, but they are not doing their version any favors by so vehemently going after Julia. I do not know what happened, I am not close to this situation, nor do I have a strong opinion either way. All I can see is that a woman has died and that she thought her family was to blame for her depression and ultimately for taking her own life. She had a famous sister and that’s why we’re talking about it.
One angle that a commenter mentioned that deserves repeating is the fact that the suicide rate among gastric bypass patients is abnormally high. Nancy Motes had gastric bypass surgery in June, 2010.
I dislike Julia Roberts, but it’s really unfair to blame this stuation on her.
This is despicable. I have no love for Julia Roberts, not a big fan, but what is the point, here? Is this dude getting paid for interviews?
Yeah that’s what I was thinking. Her fiancé and his brother are saying whatever they think will get them paid. I think Nancy was a drug addict and it wouldn’t surprise me if her fiancé is as well. It sounds like she killed herself, not because she couldn’t take it anymore, but because she wanted to hurt Julia. That, I have no sympathy for.
The way I look at it is, even if Julia is a bitch, and she probably is, she came from the same saga of dysfunction, and maybe became hardened versus becoming a victim. It doesn’t make her likeable, but it doesn’t make her a murderer either.
She may have been extraordinarily mean to her sister, but she wasn’t publicly shaming her about her weight or anything else.
If her sister was feeling bad about herself because of Julia, she could have disconnected from her. These men seem like vultures going in this direction, so soon after this woman’s death. In the end, it will backfire and create more sympathy for Julia.
Exactly, Kiddo. Julia Roberts is not responsible for this woman’s decision to kill herself, and her fiancé’s family is just what you said – despicable.
agree, kiddo
That blonde in the video is SCARY. I mean I really just jumped back from my screen when she came on. wtf?
I watched a T.V. clip last evening about this whole story…it was all bitching, bitching, bitching about how awful and what a monster Julia is. Especially by her brother. RIP to her sister, but we all know this wasn’t Julia’s fault. I think her sister had some real issues, though her brother and fiance insist it was all Julia’s doing. Save this drama for the soaps, and hope julia will be fine. Yeah, we know she can be a bitch, but she also helped her sister and I wouldn’t want to put anyone through this situation. Plus her kids have to find this out about their aunt…no winners here, folks.
I’m no fan of Julia by any means. But her sister’s problems are her own. Her obsession with her sister was really unhealthy.
The weird thing that struck me is that she committed suicide at someone else’s house while dog sitting.
You know I had the same thought. What’s up with that because I heard about a similar situation in my city where the homeowners came home from a trip and found the pet sitter had killed herself in their house.
Julia may be a bitch but she’s in no way responsible for her sister’s suicide.
Wow, the only one who looks bad in this situation is the brother, what a dilhole. He is milking the hell out of this, and it’s gross.
It’s really gross. Opportunism at its shady worst.
I know – he clearly saw a chance for his 15 minutes of fame, in the most disgusting way possible. I also wouldn’t be a bit surprised if he tried to get money out of Julia in exchange for shutting up.
I think it’s telling she was also estranged with her other sister. It is a sad situation but in no way Julia’s fault. I think these men are just looking for some hush money to make this go away. It’s pretty disgusting. I hope they can cope, heal and move on because this is just wrong. And I’m not even a fan of Julia Roberts. But I don’t personally know her and just because she can be labeled by the industry as a b*tch or whatever it doesn’t make her, her sister’s murderer. Which is what they are trying to say. Sad, sad, sad.
I was just about to say the same thing. It is very telling that Nancy was not only estranged from Julia but also from her other sister and her mother. This woman had serious emotional issues, and not only that, but it appears that she had a very unhealthy obsession or jealousy towards Julia. I would like to know why Nancy was no longer working on the Glee set. Despite Julia’s image as an ice queen, it was quite nice of her to work her connections to get Nancy a job on a popular television show. Julia didn’t have to do that. She didn’t owe her half sister anything. Julia did her a favour and I’m guessing Nancy’s own problems led to her being fired or leaving that job on her own accord to become a pet sitter. Her fiancé and fiancé’s brother sound like jerks who are now exploiting Nancy’s death to get a few paid interviews and their 15 minutes of fame. If they really cared about Nancy, they wouldn’t be selling the story of her depression and suicide to the press.
I want to see the fiance make these wild claims his brother is making. All we have to go on is an unhinged woman’s ranting suicide note, and this crazeball’s whack interviews, and I think he knows this is wrong.
I refuse to believe Julia was driven to fat shame her sister obsessively as he claims. She has quite a lot of other things to do after all. Not to mention, nobody has pointed out that she had lost all the weight and was thin! I’m convinced it was just the drugs and the 3 opportunists were all in denial. Because nobody ever has a problem with prescription drugs, right? Only illegal drugs … (sarcasm).
Does Lupus particularly carry symptoms of depression?
I can’t take this anymore. I’m no fan of Julia, but seriously? To say that Nancy killed herself to “get a point across” is so messed up, and even more so if that’s actually why she did it. Julia might have been a bully to her sister, but it was Nancy who decided to take her own life. That’s NOT on Julia. Connor Dilbeck, please stop talking.
Yeah, she got her point across, all right. The point being that she was mentally unstable and blamed Julia for all the problems in her life (or, that’s how it reads to me, anyways).
Suicide is no one’s fault. It’s one person’s choice. Done.
Family ties are complex and only the people involved know in detail what goes on in the family privacy. Black and white lines in relationships are also difficult to define and everyone has their own vision and opinion about the same subject, which a lot of times are not really shared. The way they are trying to spin this story has a very bullying side on its own. A person committed suicide. A self imposed act. How fair is it to put the responsibility of this horrible act on someone else, but the own person? Julia might have been (or not) a horrible person to her half-sister. No matter what, this adult woman was duelling with her own demons and it’s sad that her battle ended up like this. It doesn’t seem very respectful to the family or anyone involved to make this story into a soap opera.
Why is this a story?
The fiancee who found the body said he hasn’t read the whole letter so how did his deadbeat brother?
Also, Nancy was estranged from their other sister Lisa, brother Eric, and Emma too. It wasn’t just Julia that “abandoned” her, before the tweets were deleted she said she hadn’t talked to her brother and both Eric and Emma ignored all of her attempts to contact them via Twitter
I have a hard time believing the fat shaming story because Julia is very close to and BFFs with her sister Lisa who is also overweight.
The Fiancee never said he hadn’t read the whole letter as a matter of fact he has. At the scene the letter was read to him by police, as he was unable to do it himself. All these comments sound like they are from people on Julia’s payroll. You should all be ashamed of yourselves. Julia and her sister should take responsibility for what they drove their sister to.
JR is a terrible person and I have been wanting her to get her comeuppance for years BUT these people are disgusting. I am so mad that they are making me take Julia “thousand-watt-smile” Roberts’ side but in no way is this woman’s suicide JR’s fault.
If she did indeed kill herself vindictively, as I suspected from the start, the person that loses out the most from that is obviously herself.
Her fiance’s brother is the lowest of the low, seriously scum of the earth just looking for his time in the limelight. They all need to wash JR’s name out of their mouth and go away.
Their grieving and apparently it’s easier for them to blame Julia then accept Nancy’s decision to end her life. It’s sad all the way around.
Grief is not normally expressed by giving interviews to the press.
Good point.
Not usually, but it is important to remember that everybody grieves differently. Usually I try to be understanding of other peoples’ way of grieving but this is harming other people.
Blaming Julia for this is not only shady and clearly a ploy for attention but it also does a real disservice to people suffering from depression. He’s misconstruing how depression operates and he’s simplifying depression in a dangerous way. Even if Nancy’s relationship with Julia was unhealthy, committing suicide is not a decision one comes to lightly. Even if she blamed Julia in her head, we all know that there is much more to it than that. It’s shameful to drag Nancy’s life and death through the mud so he can have his 15 minutes. Making her death about her famous sister just shows how little respect this man has for his brother’s fiancé.
It sounds like the classic “I’ll show you, I’ll hurt me” scenario.
My uncle committed suicide because he was mentally ill. I accept that that is why the tragedy happened. But my Uncle’s brothers and sisters could not accept that he was ill and that he was the one who decided to do the terrible act of suicide. They blamed his wife. You can always find someone to blame. My uncle had indicated in his letter that money problems were driving him to do it, money problems he blamed on his wife. So it was much easier for his grieving siblings to place blame instead of accepting that their dear beloved brother had been ill. I think that’s what is going on here.
It makes it harder for the family. When someone you love kills themself it is devesatatibg but you have to work through accepting that they did it to themselves. It’s so hard but you have to accept it. Hopefully this family will stop deflecting and come to terms with the fact that she took her own life and no one can force another person to do that.
My parents blamed my brother’s ex girlfriend when he died, and guns, and any politician who opposed gun legislation. They also blamed themselves. I was a child and even I blamed myself, as if there was something I could have done. But it was nobody’s choice but his. Its hard not to feel guilty and throw around ideas for the cause wherever you can. Its not fair, but an unfortunately normal effect of the grieving process.
I’m so sorry MSW. What a terrible loss you have suffered.
Patricia my cousin had the same experience when her husband committed suicide, his family put all the blame on her even though he had a history of depression before they had even met. She even tried to get him help but his family interfered every time. The more I here about Nancy’s suicide the more I think the fiance and his brother did nothing to help her I wonder how much of her latest tweets were encouraged by them.
A dear friend of mine was accused of her boyfriend’s suicide because he left a note that her rejection caused him to do it. His mother, every year, sent my friend “the birthday card he would have gotten” to remind my friend of his loss. She had only been seeing him for a few weeks and was not interested in a serious relationship but he was. I cannot imagine how the mother thought this was okay but she somehow felt she needed to drive the knife in deeper every year. This only causes much more damage amongst the living. She only stopped when my friend died herself from a brain aneurysm.
I feel for that mother’s loss, but she should’ve been charged with harrassment. In no way was what she did acceptable.
I have absolutely zero love for Julia Roberts and I actually think she has been over rated for years BUT her sister’s suicide does not rest on her or any other member of the Roberts family. Nancy looked like she had some good things going on in her life and maybe should have shifted focus to that. I do hope she rests in peace.
Suicide rate among gastric bypass patients is really high because they think losing weight will magically solve all of their insecurities.
Obviously Nancy had serious mental problems which in the end are what killed her. Not Julia, no matter how unpleasant she can be.
Gastric bypass does not solve the problems that contributed to your emotional overeating (if that’s why you got morbidly obese)
The surgery is not to blame for increased suicide – it just alters your digestive system – you have to do the head work necessary for long term success
Gastric bypass has implications for lower tolerance to drugs and alcohol and increased rates of addiction.
http://seattletimes.com/html/health/2015459817_gastric01.html
I didn’t realise that re suicide rates of gastric bypass patients.
I can imagine that it would be a super stressful process to go through. I wonder if patients are required to have ongoing therapy to help them adjust?
This conversation is interesting and I just remembered that the husband of a co-worker had gastric bypass surgery and within one year of the surgery their relationship fell apart and they are now in the process of getting a divorce. I think some of it had to do with his depression and she also found it not fun to have sex with him. I guess after you lose all that weight you have to also get your skin tightened up. Skin tucks I guess they are called.
My mum got it done privately (not NHS) and there was a psychiatric assessment beforehand but no counseling afterwards.
Unless you can afford more operations you’re left with flaps of loose skin, which my Mum has. She’s still not confident.
That’s an interesting point, and it’s one I never considered.
In addition to that, there’s the stress and shock that comes with the rapid change in one’s appearance that the patients often aren’t prepared for. I worked with a woman who had a very rapid dramatic weight loss due to gastric bypass after decades of being very obese. It was like she didn’t know what hit her. It’s not unlike people who have been poor all of their lives suddenly winning a windfall from the lottery. There’s no time to think and digest and plan the future with the sudden change, so they can often find themselves overwhelmed and vulnerable.
My mum had a gastric bypass and the scars and loose skin (lots of it) left her feeling ashamed still. She thought she’d look just like the magazines.
Anyone who kills their own self because someone thinks they are fat – when they are indeed fat – clearly has more mental issues than they are willing to admit to. Either this woman was a horrible human being with no conscious and sociopathic tendencies or the media is skewing it to a disgusting angle.
It’s really, really common for people with chronic conditions with no cure, like lupus, to have depression. Not to mention lupus is known to cause psychosis and schizophrenia in some people. So yeah, there may have been some family baloney going on, but I blame Nancy’s health. I’m dealing with lupus too and let me tell you, it absolutely can take the fight out of you. The poor woman. I hope her family finds peace.
Wasn’t this the guy whose wedding to her sis Julia was unwilling to underwrite? Yikes- if this is any indication of how he acted before, who could blame her? He and his brother both are unbelievable- they come across as users of the highest order!
I do believe that Julia is a bitch but in no way does she deserve this. I think some people are going to milk poor Nancy’s death. The fact that Julia is ultra famous is like gasoline to fire…
Sure it’s not Julia’s fault, and I think any sane person knows this. But this man is grieving the loss of his partner and this is his apparent way of doing so. It’s really no different than the families of those loved ones who have died of cancer or some other illness who then bring about lawsuits in order hold someone accountable for their loss. It’s a hassle and it’s often ridiculous, but it’s the world we live in and no amount of sane logic is going to convince the loved ones left behind otherwise. In the meantime, Nancy’s fiance just needs to be heard out and consoled. Nothing more can really be done.
What could be done is that the media avoids doing additional interviews. Not all consolation needs to be accomplished in a public forum. Further, this isn’t even the fiance talking, it’s another person once removed.
As long as there is interest in and money to be made in gossip, the media will always be there to stir the pot. Hence my stance that no amount of sane logic will convince loved ones or otherwise related (“person once removed”) that their methods of grief are not completely plausible.
Although in an ideal world, I agree with you completely that these public grievances would be better cut off completely.
My position on this is entirely relative to where we are as a society.
I hate to give this guy any attention. He is out selling stories before she is even buried.
The circumstances of Nancy’s death as I see it are compounded by her own insecurities. There are millions of people who struggle with weight issues, family estrangement, petty slights and jealousies, but they are not killing themselves. Nancy needed to recognize that her life had to be lived apart from her sister’s, and if she couldn’t do it on her own, she probably needed intense therapy and counseling to learn true coping mechanisms. I suspect she was using prescrip meds to both mask and dull the pain she couldn’t control on her own. Without a sense of perspective and self-worth, there is no wonder she could not see her personal failings as anything but the result of others’. Motes appears to have been very sensitive, even fragile, if she continued to dwell on decades-old slights and criticisms as the measure she must forever live by. I suspect Roberts may have been practicing tough love on Motes, feeling frustrated and wanting to be supportive at the same time I bet she knew of her sister’s dependency on drugs. Julia is ultra-clean-living, totally judgmental; how could Motes ever expect to measure up? A very bad combination in a person without an emotional anchor, even if engaged and supposedly in love.
We cannot truly know what was going on in Nancy Motes’ head, I am sure she believed what she believed. Even if she warned people in advance, saying out loud I am going to kill myself, no amount of temporary supportive arms around her shoulders would have changed this outcome. Serious help needed to be sought and undertaken. In this particular situation, I dare venture to say that Motes took the easy way out. The more difficult path would have been to spend a lifetime with the struggle, feeling the pain, but wanting to live regardless, learning to deal, to recognize the rewards for the struggle as totally worth it. I know which path I would take. Sadly, it wasn’t hers.
Julia Roberts is a bully and complete bitch? Tell us something we don’t know.
Nancy was clearly mentally ill and no matter what problems they may have had, Julia is in no way responsible for her decision to take her own life. Nope.
I am sure that Julia knows her part in her sisters death, although she continues to deny it. Her cruelty only added to the situation. Nancy had so many health problems, and great, powerful. wealthy Julia owed her sister nothing, but where was the Humanity. Why didn’t she reach out to help. The comments of her offering her Rehab was not true, why would you need rehab if you weren’t and addict.
Julia is known for holding on to her bucks, she has been cheated and used so much. But for the love of God, this was her baby sister, she had nothing. Her sisters should be ashamed of themselves. Come on Julia, you owe your sister an apology, just say it she’ll hear you, say it in your prayers. I almost feels sorry for you.
I’ve mentioned before that I work in Hollywood…everyone I know who has worked with Julia Roberts has a horror story. Or ten.
I hate Julia but this kind of attack on her will only make the public feel for Julia not Nancy.
She had seizures? That makes me wonder if she was on gabapentin/neurontin. I was put on this for neuropathy and it is also prescribed for seizures and general pain. While I was on it, I had near-constant suicidal thoughts, which I have NEVER had before, even though I did have depression in the past. Pfizer started testing it again in 2009 because of the incredibly high number of people who killed themselves or tried to or had “accidents” while on it, but doctors are still handing it out like crazy without telling patients the risk. (Which is what happened to me; I only happened to google it at random and found this out.)
Her anger and blaming also sounds very familiar to me from having been on this drug. It can create suicidal thoughts without any depression, which is a very scary place to be, because you have the energy to act on the thoughts and you’re confused as to why you’re having them. The brain starts to look around for reasons as to why you want to die, and it finds them — and if you don’t know it’s the drug making you think these things, you will decide that it is something else.
I’ve cut my gabapentin intake in half (it is not something you can safely go cold turkey on), and I’m already feeling so much better. My physical pain has even lessened somewhat. There are other prescription drugs that can also make one suicidal. If this is what happened, then it was not Nancy’s fault that she killed herself, nor was it her family’s. It was the fault of her doctors and the pharmaceutical industry.
Oh, I´m so sorry for you! I hope you get well. If this is the case, and I Think you´re right, then the whole thing is even more sad. Whish you the best!
So sorry…be well.
I don’t see Nancy Motes as “Julia Roberts’ jealous, half-sister, who was mentally ill and a drug abuser. To assert this is dismissive. I see Nancy Motes as the family’s scapegoat in a dysfunctional family, which began with the parents and later reinforced, either subconsciously or consciously, by Nancy’s movie star siblings. The scapegoat is the truth
teller.They are emotionally honest, emphatic, sensitive, real, refuse to be controlled or play the game (kiss Julia’s ass). Scapegoating is common in cluster-b families, namely narcissistic ones, where golden children are pitted against the scapegoate- leaving them without validation and support. It’s insidious, covert abuse, and unless you see a pattern emerge and can connect the dots, the scapegoated will continue to lose at every intersection in life.
It’s not uncommon for family scapegoats to be diagnosed with autoimmune-related diseases. Nancy Motes was supposed to have Lupus and RA – both autoimmune. Living in constant stress causes chronic inflammation, which leads to autoimmune problems. Stress can also trigger emotional over eating, leading Nancy to weigh 300 pounds before gastric by-pass. That’s why they say stress kills…..it really does.
You have to understand how narcissists tick, how these family systems operate. They know how to destroy a target. If your family is your life, your identity, they cut you off from that “positive” source. To Nancy, it was as if she was gutted when her mother was out of her life. They employ behind-the-back slander campaigns, favoring that scapegoats/targets are crazy when in reality it’s the narcissist family system that is crazy.
Nancy’s suicide has context. All suicides have context. There is a backstory here. Nancy felt dismissed in this life, please don’t dismiss her in death too. I only wished she had seen her value in God’s eyes and not in Julia’s or anyone else’s. Because in the end….what does it gain a man if he gains the whole world and loses his soul.?
By the way, Julia is not to blame for her sister’s death. No one should carry that burden. A lot of family scapegoating is unconscious. Her sister made that final choice, sadly.