Cameron Diaz is finally promoting something besides The Body Book! Don’t get me wrong, I enjoyed all the discussions of down-there grooming and chauvinism towards single women. Cami hammered that book into the ground. She usually has interesting things to say, but I couldn’t wait for her to move onto a new project and say stuff about something new.
Cami starting to promote The Other Woman now. That’s the movie where Cameron’s character finds out she’s dating a guy who is married to another woman (Leslie Mann). Together, they realize he’s also banging a hottie (Kate Upton). All three of the women team up to teach the man a lesson. The trailer looks surprisingly good, and I’m so glad the women aren’t fighting amongst themselves over some cheating douche. Cameron sat down for an interview with OK! magazine (via the Independent) to talk about her feelings on infidelity:
Cameron Diaz thinks “everyone” has been cheated on.
The actress stars alongside Kate Upton in The Other Woman, about a woman who teams up with her lover’s wife to seek revenge after finding out he’s married.
She’s dated high-profile stars such as Justin Timberlake and Jared Leto in the past, but the 41-year-old is currently single.
Cameron believes that everyone has had to endure some form of infidelity in their lives and insists she didn’t shoot the film to “make a statement”.
“My statement is that I am actually not interested in making movies about men cheating on women; it’s not at all what I am interested in,” she explained to the British edition of OK! magazine.
“Everybody has been cheated on, everyone will be cheated on. I can’t fix that, I don’t know how, I don’t have any judgement on anybody, I don’t know how to fix the problem.
“We are human beings, we are complicated – you cannot go through life without tallying up a few scars, you cannot go through life unscathed, it’s just what it is. It’s all meant to happen, take your lessons, figure it out, move on.”
The Other Woman isn’t just about cheating; it’s also about women sticking together when they’ve been betrayed.
Cameron is pleased she has a good group of female friends to turn to during tough times.
“I exist for all my girlfriends. I am very, very, very fortunate; my friends are incredible and I am very lucky to have a lot of really solid, good friends – girlfriends and male friends – who I can just rely on,” she smiled.
“We are tribal, we need our tribe – I have a bunch of little tribes all over the world that I pop to for a little bit of time, and then I move on and that’s the great thing about being mobile; a lot of my friends have kids and they are stuck, planted in one place, and I kind of get to pop into all the different little tribes around the world and hang out for a little bit.”
[From Independent]
The gossip junkie in me wants to know which of Cameron’s boyfriends may have cheated on her, but it was probably several of them. Probably Justin Timberlake, Alex Rodriguez, and definitely Jared Leto (with a stripper). I’m not throwing any shade on Cami at all. Maybe she’s exaggerating by saying we’ve all been cheated on, but it’s so incredibly common. I’ve been cheated on twice … at least. If there were more incidents, I don’t need to know about it. All in the past!
Cam’s still promoting The Body Book a little bit. She talk to Oprah on Sunday about how “excited” she was on her 40th birthday. She decided, ‘Now life begins. This is the coolest thing ever.’” What an awesome attitude.
Photos courtesy of WENN
No and NO.
Someone sounds jaded, gee what happened Cammy?
She doesnt sound bitter at all to me -just realistic and maybe has totally moved on. Good attitude I think.
I think she is being realistic. I’ve been cheated on but I have never cheated.
It’s sad but probably realistic to believe that the odds of being cheated on are high.
Exactly.
Exactly! What a stupid thing to say.
I actually don’t know if I was cheated on. Jeez, Cammi sounds bitter!
Really? No one here has been cheated on? Lucky ladies then! It’s rare for any woman from NYC to NOT have a cheating story. My first bf i started dating as a HS senior into my college years. His little brother told me he was cheating on me- with his cousin!!! Aaaahhhh! Cousins thru marriage, but still so grossed out. I’m glad I dumped the mf anyway, I think I was looking for an excuse and got THE perfect one lmao.
OT I think what she’s saying is mostly true. Almost everyone will or has been cheated on. But it doesn’t mean that that is always the case for every relationship
I have to agree with Cameron. If you think you haven’t been cheated on that probably means you just didn’t know they were cheating. I can’t name one person that I know who hasn’t been cheated on/cheated. It’s sad but true, at least with the people I know.
Nah, not everyone is a horse’s arse, sorry. Even the *thought* of the guilt of cheating on my husband eats at me like a Dune sandworm.
^ This. I would not be able to live with myself knowing I betrayed someone like that…it would destroy me. (whether emotionally or physically cheating)
EXACTLY! That is exactly why I never had a problem NOT cheating! I know myself way too well, and I would end up wanting to kill myself from guilt. I feel so bad even when I just make a mistake at work……I do not ever need something to beat myself up over any time I am in one of those moods where I am not so happy with myself….Ahem….Especially PMS time.
Thank you! Accepting cheating like this statement from Cam is an illness. She must be attracted to jerks. That’s the payoff for dating “bad boys” ladies. Think it’s worth it? It’s not.
@GG
+10000
She dates hot male celebrities infamous for their wondering dong so of course she thinks all men are like that. She also sounds like she’s around women who cheat too.
@ GG Sweet response!
“eats at me like a Dune sandworm”. You ma’am are awesome. I am stealing this line & intend to pass it off as my own in casual conversation.
I have been cheated on. It’s the most terrible feeling ever and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone.
However, my husband is breaking Cami’s little rule here. He was never cheated on before we were together, and I will never cheat on him. There are people who are truly monogamous (surprise Shaylene Woodley or whatever your name is!), I’m just hard wired this way. I don’t even feel tempted to cheat, it doesn’t even occur to me.
Me too! ♥
Me, neither. I wouldn’t get any pleasure from something that would break the sweetest heart I know.
My husband and I have both been cheated on by others in the past. But we won’t be in the future.
Not everyone cheats but it’s happening a lot more these days with the availability of online affairs. It’s too easy now. People have online relationships with men/women while their partners are sleeping. There are still many people out there who remain monogamous, This is a choice they make.
Just because you’re positive your SO isn’t cheating on you, doesn’t mean he isn’t. It happens all the time. He/she just knows how to be careful.
You’re certainly right about the online cheating. Makes it so easy.
Good insight. A couple has to be very clear about what they define as “cheating.” Anything that threatens the intimacy between two people is dangerous. Once you start down the dark path, forever will it dominate your destiny.
I think your right. I’ve never felt tempted in 11 years to cheat and my husband has never cheated on me. He never even has made me raise an eyebrow. It’s just how we roll.
Same with us. And we’ve been together for 23 years, and married for 17.
You are going to hate me for saying this but you have no idea where your husband has or has not slipped his dong unless you carry said dong in your pocket all day and night. You are operating on trust, which isnt necessarily fact.
Carry on.
Kroll
I agree. Hopefully my husband doesn’t cheat on me, but I can’t be 100% sure, nobody is. Relationships are based on trust, both sides.
Hiddles – exactly !! You just can’t know. You hope. You wish. You believe. I trust my hubby and would not be with him if I didn’t. That about all you can do.
@Seen
Exactly! I completely trust my husband, no drama or jealousy ever. He is the same with me. Hopefully we will respect each other to the end of our days, however nobody can foresee the future. Saying “that will never happen” is wrong.
Cheating is all about character, or lack thereof.
Have any of you heard of the IChing? It is very ancient, at least 5,000 years, and Confucius used it, and was a commentator in it. It was used as an augury by their emperors. I would like to share a couple of things in it with you on this subject, if you will.
Hexagram 41
When three people journey together,
Their number decreases by one,
When one man journeys alone,
He finds a companion.
The commentary reads, “When there are three people together, jealously arises. One of them will have to go. A very close bond is possible only between two people. But when one man is lonely, he is certain to find a companion who complements him.”
And on the up side, there is Hexagram 13 commentary which reads, “Two people are outwardly separated, but in their hearts they are united. They are kept apart by their positions in life. Many difficulties and obstructions arise between them and cause them grief. But remaining true to each other, they allow nothing to separate them, and although it costs them a severe struggle to overcome the obstacles, they will succeed. When they come together their sadness will change to joy. Confucius says of this:
Life leads the thoughtful man on a path of many windings,
Now the course is checked, now it runs straight again.
Here winged thoughts may pour freely forth in words,
There the heavy burden of knowledge must be shut away in silence.
But when two people understand each other in their inmost hearts,
Their words are sweet and strong, like the fragrance of orchids.
There is such a thing as sincere and abiding love. Loyalty rules!
I think in general, women are not cheaters, but I think men are. Ok I’m ready for you all to hit me, but I believe this. Too much evidence to support it.
To be honest I don’t remember anyone cheating on me. Unfortunately I cheated on one of my ex boyfriend’s and I am a woman.
I think it also depends on various factors, i.e. Opportunities available in your working environment, social groups, etc.
From Diaz’s perspective, she is probably right because many in HW cheat on their partners.
@Zwella: too much evidence? you do know that women below 40 cheat as much as men? google it. some studies point out that women nowadays cheat more than men do.
women cant claim to have an open sexuality and sex drive just as men do and then say they will never hurt someone with enaging in sex.
why would women be better humans as men are?
In my (observational experience), women are better at hiding their tracks…
Interestingly, studies are showing that the percentages of men and women who admit to cheating used to be quite different – with men twice as likely to admit to cheating in a relationship. In the last 20 years, the percentage of women who admit to cheating has increased to now where it is almost the same as for men. The study authors speculated that having your own income and traveling a lot for work are cheating enablers, and that as women have started doing these activities they have started cheating more, too.
Sigh. Most folks do what they can get away with. Sadly, the ideals of honor and self-restraint do not seem to matter to most people.
I cheated once, but it was after I caught him cheating on me and forgave him for it. I was given the opportunity to cheat thereafter and I took it. At the time I justified it by thinking to myself that I was just leveling the playing field. I was young and I realize now that instead of turning around and doing what was done to me I should’ve just left his ass behind and held out for someone who respected me enough not to do that to me. Needless to say it was a very dysfunctional relationship, and dysfunctional relationships can lead to some awful behavior from both men and women alike.
Sorry Zwella Ingrid, I can’t agree with you there. I’m a guy, I’ve had three girlfriends and two of them cheated on me. I’ve never cheated on any of them. I think men have a greater tendency towards physical attraction while women have a greater tendency towards emotional attraction but cheating at the end of the day…is still a choice! Not all men are assholes or so flippant about other womens’ feelings.
That said, all my girlfriends were girls who I really was in love with. I’m the type of guy who knows when I’ve found someone I want to be in a relationship with. It’s a feeling I can’t describe accurately. I could be physically attracted to 90% of women I encounter but one girl will come along once and a while and I’ll just have a feeling. I’ll have a feeling that I have to be with her, something about her intrigues me and if I’m lucky enough to be in a relationship with her, then there’s no way I’m going to deliberately F things up with her! When I was with my respective girlfriends, no other girl mattered at the time. I could find girls who I might have fleetingly been physically attracted to or maybe would have had more in common with in some ways but the girls I was with were the most important thing to me at that time and there was just something about them that was special for me.
My friends have tried setting me up with some girls who are attractive and have great personalities but most of the time, things just don’t click and that’s important to me. There are just some girls who come along and that I’m truly attracted to and know I won’t take for granted. I think many people enter relationships with people they simply settle for or because society dictates they must be in a relationship. I don’t enter relationships unless I’m sure they have that undefinable thing I’m looking for that varies from girl to girl or varies based on what place I’m in during life at time. If I had just settled for any girl who took an interest in me, I might be more liable to cheat or would spend some time fantasising about someone ‘better’ (more suited to me). Granted these relationships didn’t work out (mostly because we ended up wanting different things or the cheaters weren’t as into it as I was) and it might be BS from a young, still inexperienced 22-year old but I think cheating ultimately comes from taking someone who CHOOSES to be with you for granted. I know I’m not entering another relationship until I get that similar ‘feeling’ again because otherwise I might just become too complacent. And I’ve met a girl who gives me that ‘feeling’ recently…so we’ll see if she feels the same way. 😉
The only somewhat acceptable reason for cheating I think is if someone is incredibly inebriated (and I mean near-blackout drunk) and they kiss another person. Sometimes when drunk our hormones push down on our logic and we do stupid things. If they regret that the next day, I can give them a pass!
Sorry I’m a woman…and it’s really not true, esp if you include emotional cheating.
Ditto! I don’t care for the implication that monogomy is a myth. Yes, I was cheated on when I was young and niave. I learned from it and made sure I chose more carefully. I’ve been with my husband for 20 years and he, nor I, have ever strayed and never will. Some are wired to cheat. Some are not. Some are victims of cheaters. That does not mean there aren’t still alot of healthy marriages out there. To say everyone gets cheated on or is a cheater makes it sound like we should all be perpetually paranoid and avoid allowing ourselves to be vulnerable. Her view is warped because she has surrounded herself with people who cheat or have been cheated on an stayed in the relationship, so to her that is normal. Most celebrities don’t realize their reality is not the regular people’s reality. There are exceptions – Michelle Pfieffer, Kevin Bacon, Martina McBride, etc. but they tend to be private people who just happen to be actors/singers. Running around with sports thugs and claiming to be every man’s dream girlfriend cause she’s just so sporty, into alternative lifestyles, doesn’t need or want kids/marriage is just asking for the worst kinds of men to be attracted to her. She seems to think she is edgy and modern, but she grates my nerves with her blatant attempts at reverse psychology…which didn’t work for her BTW and really just maker her look stupid.
Well said, madame, well said. I agree with everything you said.
Cameron Diaz doesn’t look stupid. I think she’s smart and cool woman. If you don’t agree with her, fine. But there’s nothing wrong with her.
I’m thinking the worst offenders would be Justin Timberlake and Jared Leto…Timberlake because he’s just a giant d-ckhead and I don’t know their dating history, but I know HIM–he did SOMETHING…Leto because when I was looking into the choking groupies, I found a site where they were talking about him–a few of them said they had slept with Leto around the time when he was with Cammie.
But I think a lot of the times, maybe even the majority of the time, cheating happens because you think you can get away with it. Not because you are truly unhappy with the way your relationship is going, but because you can. Which is worse, I think.
I feel like she’s making a blanket statement to make her feel better about her poor dating choices.
I have never cheated on my fiance, and we’ve been together for almost 10 years. He has never cheated on me. We come from households where marriage was treated very seriously, and had great relationship role-models. It wasn’t something that would be tolerated in our homes. I went away to University for two years before switching into a program in our home town. I was drunk a lot of weekends with my friends, and I never once put myself in a situation where cheating would happen. It’s clearly possible to be dedicated to a relationship, and I HATE when people pull the “oh but how do you know you’ve never been cheated on?” card. I KNOW. We have that kind of trust and communication in our relationship.
“He has never cheated on me.”
You cant possibly claim such knowledge. You should add the words “that I know of” at the end there.
As I pointed out above, trust and fact are not the same things
@Kroll, I have this bitterness roiling inside me – not about cheating, but about something else – so I recognize what you’re doing, and why you’re doing it. I understand. But please stop. Pooping in someone else’s Cheerio’s doesn’t make your own breakfast taste any better.
I hope you’re right – I think it is this kind of thinking that leave a LOT of women absolutely devastated when it happens to them. I’m pretty much against any of these blanket statements made in faith and couched as fact. My fingers are crossed for you tho. Best.
I’m about as right as I can be without following him around all day. We were 14 when we started dating. He comes from a religious family. He has never had a close female friend besides myself, he didn’t go away to a big university. He worked and lived in our home town his whole life, working for his father in the woods with nobody else beside his mother and father around, and then into the trades. I really don’t need to sit here and defend the kind of partner I have, because I know. And that’s good enough for me. He is the same kind of partner I am – someone who wouldn’t betray someone else like that. You would really need to know the kind of man I’m marrying to understand why I can say this with near 100% certainty. But you don’t have to. And I don’t really have to defend him either.
I don’t need fingers crossed, I don’t need the disdain from people like Kroll. I feel bad if you think everyone cheats, or is cheated on, but it’s certainly not the case for everyone.
Erinn, my situation was exactly as you described yours…and he cheated. You can NEVER know for sure. We are ALL human and therefore susceptible to doing wrong of any kind. Some of the things you mentioned are situations that can influence or be a precursor to that kind of behavior. Please, don’t ever become overconfident or complacent in your relationship no matter how faithful he is.
“But I think a lot of the times, maybe even the majority of the time, cheating happens because you think you can get away with it.”
well said. I don’t remember who said it first, but “people are only as faithful as their options”…meaning, if it’s there, and you can get away with it, you’d go for it.
NOTE: this does NOT apply to ALL people, of course…just a large portion of the population.
I’ve seen a ton of cheating in my family–male and female relatives (mostly from my cousins who are closer to my age). Sure, they’re unhappy in their relationship, but ultimately that’s not the reason why they cheated. They didn’t cheat because they wanted to feel loved, or because they even wanted to leave their partner. They did it because it was something to do. That’s it.
“A man is only as faithful as his options.” Chris Rock.
especially in HW cheating is also an expression of a misguided sense of entitlement. You are considered one of the most desireable persons on the planet, you are rich and lot of people adore you for whatever reason, so they think they can have their cake and eat it too.
considering Cami, not dating douchebags anymore would probably solve the cheating issue, matt dillon was the only good one she had.
Yeah–it also depends on how big an ego the person has. And I’m not talking about just the ones with the public face of asshole—it just about broke my heart to find out that Kevin Spacey was an asshole–but how entitled and asshole-y are they? That plays a lot into it.
I don’t think that EVERYONE in Hollywood cheats. I like to think that we all have temptations, but we all have self control. But the people who are wanting it right here and now–they’re the issue. Have no self control and don’t care to gain any. That’s the issue.
Not that they’re far away—would anyone say that all military spouses cheat while their spouse is away? My uncle has been to Afghanistan three times–I wouldn’t call my aunt a cheater because she was alone with the kids all that time. She knows how to control herself and to not put herself into any kind of situation.
I was truly unhappy with the relationship at the time and lots of financial commitments made me back away from my decision to dump my boyfriend. We eventually went separate ways (thank God, given that a relationship can’t exist without trust) but that taught me a hard lesson, that most assumptions people do about cheating are wrong.
I do like her but I don’t know if that is actually true for everyone. She does have a good attitude towards life no wonder she laughs all the time.
I love Cam but she’s looking a little roasted lately. Time to not be a blonde anymore?
I have always been younger than her! So how did it turn out that she turned 40 AFTER me?
yes Cameron is born in 1968 …she is one year younger than Snoop dog (or snoop lion, he claimed to be born in 1971 but in fact he was born in 1967). They went to the same high school in Long beach….Celebs most often lie about their age
No, Cameron. It’s a common experience, but not everyone has been cheated on.
The thing is, she is also saying that everyone cheats, right? That’s the natural corollary. And she’s wrong on both accounts. Even if you argue that she *really* only means rich type A men, there are men in that category who do not cheat, and are focused on family and work.
Also haven’t there been three movies with that same plot already? Tired, works better as a music video (Boy is Mine, Beautiful Liar, etc. etc.)
Nope, sorry.I don`t believe that `everyone get`s cheated on`, that`s a cop out answer, a justification/excuse for bad behavior.I`ve never been cheated on and I`ve never cheated.I just think Cameron has shitty taste in men.A- rod, Jared Leto, Justin Timberlake are notorious players.
Yep–she likes those kind of men. That’s on her, as much as it is on them. Once you get a certain age and you’re still going after that type of a person, then you need to look at yourself and ask yourself if it is worth it. My grandpa has been married five times—you can’t tell me that he’s the nice, great guy who found the only five biatches in Michigan. Nope. It’s both of you.
Because there are PLENTY of nice guys out there–Cammie could’ve found herself a nice guy, with money if she wanted, who wasn’t famous, and would willingly put a chastity belt on whenever she went out of town, to be with her. She picks these dudes because she likes the drama that comes with it.
She keeps picking douches to date. One thing that made me laugh about Lainey on her site was pointing out that Cam tries to act all breezy cool about dating but when Timberlake dumped her and moved on to Biel she lost her mind and followed him around from party to party. Girl bye.
Never a good idea for anyone to make a sweeping generalization like that. And if you go into a relationship with a well known cheater (AR) it’s going to happen to you too.
However, she does seem to have a good attitude about life in general, and being an independent adult woman.
The movie does look surprisingly decent.
I don’t think she’s saying anything say shocking. I had boyfriends who cheated on me when I was very young. I can’t think of a friend who DIDN’T have that happen to them, either. I am not saying every guy cheats, or every girl. I know very few people who married really young, but of the few, I can think of at least one who cheated after marriage. My thinking is that most people mature out of cheating.
She didn’t say everyone cheats, either.
“We are human beings, we are complicated – you cannot go through life without tallying up a few scars, you cannot go through life unscathed, it’s just what it is. It’s all meant to happen, take your lessons, figure it out, move on.”
I like what she said above and it applies to other things besides cheating….I don’t think everybody has been cheated on, but it’s far more common than people like to admit. While I greatly dislike cheating (and broke up with the boyfriend who cheated on me), I do believe that most people who cheat are capable of changing their ways if they are honest with themselves about why they made such a bad choice in the first place.
Monogamy is a myth. You can’t own a person and you don’t always know where live will begin. Some of the great romances in history involved couple who started out in other relationships. Tracy and Hepburn Bogey and Bacall Liz and Dick.
And how well did these “great romances in history” played out? What goes around, comes around
Yeaaaaa I’m not exactly looking to actors for relationship inspiration
No, monogamy is a choice. Many people choose to be monogamous.
Exactly. We chose our monogamy every day. There are no guarantees that our partner will make the same choices, but that is why most of us try to pick a significant other with the same value system.
That said, it irks me when people say their spouse will NEVER cheat…. never is a long time.
IMO monogamy doesn`t have much to do with ownership.
how do you define great romance? were you in there and felt it? or did you read secondhand accounts on how much they loved each other? thats like reading a Pattinson Stewart fanfic and thinking they are soul mates.
what do you know about the romance of Mr und Mrs Miller in Ohio? maybe their romance was way greater you just never heard of them. maybe your neighbor has the greatest romance in the history of the universe but you dont know because her relationship isnt exaggerated in the media.
^Sarah, your Mr. and Mrs. Miller example was priceless and so very true. To me GREAT LOVES don’t need to be televised because that great love is sacred and shared only between those two people (not the entire world).
I am actually critical towards the institution of monogamy; lying and cheating is more probably than not, but regardless of my opinion or belief, cheating in a serious relationship is betrayal of confidence.
I think we all get into our relationship with the best of intentions. I’m a married women now, so the thought of another man in my space is unappealing. But, in the dating game if I knew I was about ready to check out, I’d simply break up. I wouldn’t be able to live with myself knowing I hurt the dude or my integrity. Also, having multiple people in your life sounds exhausting.
Thank you Aims. I think it’s not that hard to determine when you’ve lost interest in your partner and relationship and just end it before you cheat. That’s just greed and insecurity that makes people maintain the one foot in, one foot out…
I mean, are we just talking married people though? My husband and I have never cheated on each other (as far as I know anyway) but he was cheated on by a girlfriend, I was cheated on by a boyfriend. His mother cheated on his father. There is a LOT of cheating out there. Maybe not everyone, but a lot.
I think she might be saying that everyone, at some point in their lives, has either cheated or been cheated on while in a committed/serious relationship. While I don’t think that applies to every single person on the planet, I do think many people have either knowingly or unknowingly been cheated on at least once in their lifetime. It doesn’t have to involve full blown sex. It could be kissing and/or touching someone intimately or lovingly who isn’t your partner. What about someone who is married or in a committed relationship who is attracted to and lusts after someone else but never crosses the line and takes it to another level? I’m not talking about having a celebrity crush. I’m talking about lusting after someone you actually know and interact with in real life. Is that considered a form of cheating if it’s only mentally being done?
It’s not probably in Cameron’s case more like definite
That recent biopgraphy of some NY celeb doorman confirmed A-Rods (along with some other celebs)cheating ways. A-Rod was singled out for douchebaggery and insensitivity with Cameron coming in 2 minutes as his other girls were sneaking out
And Lainey has alluded to both Rodriguez and Timberlake treating her like a second runner
His cheating (on his wife who I think was pregnant at the time) was well documented in their divorce, long before Cam dated him. She had that info and chose to be in a relationship with him. That’s her choice, but I don’t have much sympathy if she is then cheated on by him as well.
She is becoming more and more insufferable by the day.
I feel like this empowerment trip is personal therapy for Cameron. I get the impression that she isn’t truly buying it herself because the cheating quote makes her sound a little sad. Her investment in all things physical in her book is, for me, a bit disappointing in that she is placing a high value on surface ideals instead of looking inside. But others have said the book is helpful so, to each, his own. Maybe she will work through whatever is ailing her. She seems like a nice enough person, but maybe not as insightful as someone could be at her age; my opinion only.
Really Cameron??? Dont drag us happy people into your negative world.
I’ve never cheated nor been cheated on. I live by the advice my grandfather gave me on his 63rd wedding anniversary. He said committment is a choice, that the whole purpose of a wedding is to publicly declare your intent to be faithful to this one person no matter what, which is the entire point of the vows, and that you shouldn’t make that choice if you’re not 100% sure you can stick to your guns. He said I would know when I found the right person because I would want to kill him at least three times a day but I would always put off his murder because of the way he smiled, or maybe his laugh, but the key, my grandpa said, was that the right person would have one redeeming feature I couldn’t live without, no matter how mad he otherwise made me. And then my grandma told me to find someone who got along with his mother, was kind to dogs and children when no one was looking, and who let me change my own lightbulbs (this was a big thing with my grandparents).
I’ve always had that in the back of my mind, that committment is a choice. Sure, there’s temptation and opportunity all around, but ultimately you decide if you’re going to be that person or not.
beautiful post, thanks for sharing.
Love it! Thanks for the share!
truly ,beautiful post and so true,
my mom and dad nvr got along with each other,the only reason dad said he stuck along , he had sworn he would be loyal ,it was more of a self pride thingy rather than true love or deep affection , they had been quite vocal abt not getting along , plenty of fighting and bickering , 2 years back mom came down with cancer , and dad was a complete changed man,he turned every stone to get her best help ,and make her comfortable,kept moms disease a secret frm me ,i was a student studying in a foreign country , i got to know it very late , dad did everythin singlehandedly ,it was lke his mission, got whole church members pray every day ,thing is he nvr rested till her last breath ,when mom passed ,he cried ,i was in to much of a shock to barely understand him ,but i guess ,it finally hit him he really loved her and he was concentrating only on their massive fights ,even now and then dad keeps saying “ur mom was lazy ,ur lazy just like her ,i mean negative stuff like that ,and i generrally get pissed of when he speaks like that,but then i turn and look around , he hasnt changed anythin in their room or he stills listens only to the soongs she loved ,that makes me smile ,what i meant to say frm this long post is “yes ,monogamy is a choice ,it s not gonna be a bed of roses , unless and until is inhumanely abusive and taxing to the soul ,its definetly worth the ride in tthe end:)
Lovely post Algernon!
/\ THIS, Algernon
Lots of people cheat, this is true… but not everyone cheats. She should have clarified this in her statement. It would have made her sound less foolish.
i have been cheated on and i have cheated, so yes and yes
generalizations are all untrue (except this very generalization 🙂 )
i wonder though: Do people really cheat so often or do we have a wrong impression of that because of all the media? of course there wont be newsreports “celeb wife being faithful to her husband” or forums posts “just wanted to let you guys know im not cheating on my girlfriend”. obviously the negative will be reported more beacuse people are more interested in it and people on relationship adivce forum wont post if they are happy and not hurt by their partners.
what lots of people forget is that most people arent attractive enough to have the ability to cheat. its also this single myth that married people have no sex at all and single people get laid 10 times every weekend. a dry spell for months is more common and married people have sex more often than single people, less than in the beginning of the relationship but more than singles.
here comes the “only as faithful as your options” into play. people do it because they can and because they think they can get away with it. it saddens me that so often the guilt is put on the vicitim of the cheating.
it is always a choice, we are all extremely controlled. just think about it: how often did you want to hit someone in the face with a shovel? that is a natural feeling but we shouldnt give in to that and the majority doesnt. how often do we bite our tongue not to hurt someone?
same goes for cheating. seriously hurting people, especially someone who trusts you and is supposed to be the closest person to you, is always wrong.
If you think that only attractive people cheat, boy do you need to wake up. I know LOTS of unattractive people who cheat. My married former boss (who actually got fired for fooling around with his very attractive assistant) apparently had quite a history of fooling around on his relatively attractive wife. This guy was 20 years older, had a big pot belly, and a gray beard. But he made her feel good about herself in a way no one else did and so there you go. Beauty and fidelity have NOTHING to do with each other. Character does.
Yeah–majority of the time, people cheat because they CAN. Because they want to. Not because they’re unhappy (although they might be) in their current relationship or anything like that. But because they want to.
Yes. Delta. Preach. In my experience I find that insecure people cheat. People looking for attention and validation are prone to cheat because being able to generate interest outside of those who already love the cheater reassure him or her of their game. Also, it takes a selfish person unable to be sensitive to the hurt they cause to someone else to do it. Less about Looks and definitely more about character.
Fun story.
My last ex cheated on me. All the time when visiting a friend in another state.
I didn’t want to jump to conclusions without proof and didn’t want to have a break up conversation on the phone so I waited. Met my now husband while dating him. Wouldn’t cheat! But damn was it tempting. He broke up with me a few weeks later on AOL IM (who remembers AIM?) and we’re good friends to this day:)
And Cammy dates guys who get around. What was she expecting?
I have a funny story that my mom told me during her days in the Navy.
She was friends with this guy who was married and had two little kids–the oldest one was probably three or four, and the younger one might’ve been a year old. Now this guy had to drive almost an hour to get to the base, and they only had one car, so his wife would always drive him there and back, because she worked at a little commissary for tips, and mostly stayed home to take care of the kids.
They lived in an apartment with a couple downstairs. And his wife was friends with the husband. Now, a while after my mom knew her friend, they moved closer to the base, and so her friend only had to drive like fifteen minutes–but he worked the night shift, so his wife still drove him into work. And when they moved, the wife’s friend started having issues with his wife–so that’s why my mom’s friend came home to find the wife’s friend asleep on his couch.
And EVERYONE at his job was telling him that his wife was cheating on him. And he said no, he trusted her, and that he didn’t want to be that kind of husband that got all controlling and being an asshole about the fact that his wife had a male friend. Shortly after that, his wife came to him and said that she was moving in with her ‘friend’ and that they were getting married, etc…she moved out of their apartment with her piece and left their kids.
Now this is how him and my mom got closer, because they were now both single parents, so they would take turns baby sitting each other’s kids, while the other was at work. Well, one day, my mom’s friend calls my mom up giggling like a little girl.
He told her that his wife had came back. Because her ‘friend’ told her that he was going to Japan for his orders. And she wasn’t coming with him. Now–the wife didn’t do any type of work but bagging groceries for TIPS…..she now has this big apartment, with a bunch of furniture, and no job to keep it all. So she had to go back to her husband and ask him to move back in. And he let her–but he made her sleep in the guest bedroom and gave her a time to be out. And here’s the other funny thing—she tried to get him to report her piece for infidelity (because it was worse if he called and reported it, rather than her doing it), and he wouldn’t do it.
He told her that he was glad that her ‘friend’ showed him what kind of woman he married, so he wasn’t going to call ANYONE. She was MAD. She also tried to accuse my mom of sleeping with her soon to be ex husband, because my mom would spend the night over at his apartment, while she was watching the kids–my mom just looked at her and didn’t say anything.
Such an idiot.
I’m sorta kinda flirting around with a boy my age in the Army (he’s in Afghanistan right now)….I honestly can’t see myself doing something like that to him–if it ever got past flirtation, that is. He’s friends with my aunt (she calls him her son)—they met on the base, my uncle’s in the Army as well–and just, ugh. I guess it’s because I’m fine by myself a lot, but then again, I haven’t ever had sex, so I can’t miss what I haven’t had.
Don’t worry, you will find the right one 🙂
I married at 40 😉
I married my first husband at 38 (it didn’t work out, sometimes marrying your best friend is just that – marrying your best friend) and recently married again at 49.
I know I never cheated. And only one man, a college boyfriend, cheated on me that I am aware of. I’m fairly certain Drew (husband #1) didn’t cheat and I’m fairly certain Paul (husband #2) doesn’t have the cheating gene. Of course, time will tell.
Some people seem to get defensive when merely the subject of cheating is mentioned.
Or she’s just an actor on a promo tour and does what they all do when they are on a mission to sell you a ticket:”yeah, my movie deals with something that concerns everybody,it’s a universal topic,blah,blah. Everyone cheated/cheats/will cheat, you’ll all find yourself in it, thanks for shilling the bucks”
I’m always surprised with the importance or seriousness given to actors’ words when they’re on promo, it’s business,not sincere confession, they’re not cutting their heart open in front of the audience.
Two or five years from now,she’ll make a movie about an undying love between forever soulmates and will say otherwise sitting on a coach of another TV show.
True but I rather enjoy the discussions that some celebrity quotes generate on CB.
I’ve been cheated on. And I’ve almost cheated but decided to address the issues that made me want to cheat in the first place rather than sneak around. I don’t do well with guilt.
That’s not the easiest thing to admit but good for you!
I and almost everyone loved Cameron before she started hanging with Gwyneth. Now she is acting like her, giving unwanted extremist incorrect advice and grabbing for attention. Go back to your old sweet self Cam before it’s too late please :-). And really, her likability in industry has gone from huge to liked not so much. Oh well, Goopers friends dump her or she stabs them in the back so hopefully the old Cameron will come back. Another idiotic statement from her, come on girl….you are better than this recent BS!
I think she’s confusing Hollywood with the rest of the world. In Hollywood, everyone has been cheated on. But in the real world, I don’t think that’s true (although it is sort of common). Plenty of people have walked through life having relationships where no one cheated.
I think she’s exaggerated her point, but I agree with the sentiment that, unfortunately, cheating has become fairly common in this world. Of course there are people who have never cheated and who haven’t been cheated on, but they’re becoming a minority it seems, an exception, not the rule.
Maybe I’m romantic but I think when you are with the right partner cheating is not something you think about. But I truly believe she’s being realistic in her attitude however you can’t throw a wet blanket and have it cover “everyone”. Too general.
I’m sorry, but I find her super annoying now. To me, she’s joined the ranks of Gwyneth, Jessica Alba, and whatever other actress who decides to get up on their soapbox and spout off their lifestyle beliefs. No thanks.
I’ve been cheated on! Woo! The guy cheated on me with a girl who had cheated on him with his best friend–he was using me to get back at her or something. It was mega effed up. It was so weird and dramatic that I kind of took a step back from the situation and thought I was watching someone else’s soap opera. Got out of there fast!
Oh that’s sounds like a Jerry Springer show. Good thing you go out!
Great quote Cameron.
But she would know. At some point she has been in many relationships and she has been the ‘other woman’. Only women who have experienced both dimensions would say what she said. With that type of skepticism…I think Cameron needs to look beyond her home state for a relationship. She has practically dated everyone in her career industry. I thinks he’d fare better if she dated people further away from it.
Chiming in late but I had to comment. My husband and I have been together since high school. About 20 years now. We have had ups and downs like every couple, but we truly love and adore each other.
I know of so many men he works with that have strayed and their wives have absolutely no idea. Men of all ages and careers. Religious or not, married with or without children. I have heard it all. In most cases the wives never find out and never will. Most of the time it is not repeated. In my opinion from what I have observed emotional relationships can be more detrimental than doing the actual deed…
And these are women who swear up and down it could never happen to them. The husbands are committed to the family. Not working late or any outward signs. Yes there are relationships where this does not happen but not as many as you think.
Oh and I learned a long time ago not to ever bring it up to some of the women that are my friends. They don’t want to believe it and they aren’t going to leave their husband anyway so it is not my place to say anything. It just makes social events awkward in the future.
I have never been cheated on and I’ve never cheated. I think that my experience dating someone who lied to me about being clean when he was actually still a drug addict is kind of on equal par, though.
My parents have been married 30 years and have been monogamous/faithful the whole time. It is rare but monogamy/loyalty do exist!
That being said I enjoy Cameron as a person. I think the “everyone has cheated and everyone will be cheated on” attitude is bordering on bitter, though, and besides, simply untrue. Monogamous, faithful relationships DO exist.
I have seen couples where people thought they had the perfect relationship and the wife cheats on the husband and has no qualms doing it. I have been cheated on and cheated on a boyfriend. When I cheated though, I felt lack of love and attention from my partner, we were barely having sex and he slept in separate rooms. We were more roommates than bf/gf. It happens more often than you think, more times than you think. The people you think are the least likely to do it, do it a lot and the people you expect to, usually don’t.
I have 2 close friends. One had the “perfect” husband. Married to a doctor who gave her flowers, surprised her with vacations, gushed about her to friends.
The other was married to a tattooer covered in ink, kind of crass, forgets big events (like birthdays.)
The perfect doctor? Cheating dog who actually had a whole other family in another state!
The tattooer? Has never cheated on his wife and I don’t believe he ever will. Remembers little things, like the date they first met or when he proposed or when she finally said yes. Loyal, honest, and a fantastic father.
Quite the opposite of what most people would expect.
^THIS.
Her experience over and over isn’t the worlds experience. I know she’s come to believe she’s amazing & a demigod in her little circle of reality but that doesn’t mean that when she says “everyone feels this way” it is so for the rest of the world at large.
Did anyone else pick this up?
…”a lot of my friends have kids and they are stuck, planted in one place,
and i kind of get to pop into all the different little tribes around the world…”
I really wonder if she feels stuck….all alone.
I actually don’t think Justin is one of them. When they were together you never heard any cheating rumors, whereas Biel was full of them from day one and Britney toward the end.