Christina Hendricks covers the new issues of Health Magazine and Rhapsody Mag (the in-house mag of United Airlines). I actually like the photoshoot for Rhapsody – good styling for Christina, right? The Health shoot is boring, so I only included the cover. Christina told Rhapsody that she sort of wants “something horribly tragic to happen” to Joan, her Mad Men character: “A terrible accident or something, because I think that would be interesting.” But in her Health interview, Christina talks about babies. Specially, how she doesn’t really want babies:
Her Mad Men character balances being a partner at the ad firm with raising a baby (whose secret father, viewers know, is silver fox Roger Sterling). Christina Hendricks, however, is content to pamper a furrier friend: her new dog.
“We got a puppy, and that’s my idea of starting a family. People say, ‘Oh, that’s practice for parenting,’ but if it’s practice for anything it’s to be a mom to another puppy,” Hendricks, 38, tells Health in their May issue, on stands April 18.
“We’ve decided that we are not really interested in having children.” She continues: “It’s just very normal for people to say, ‘Well, when you guys have kids …’ And then when I say, ‘Actually, I don’t think we’re going to do that,’ people will say, ‘Oh, you say that now …’ It doesn’t bother me, though. And, you know, there’s a small chance I could change my mind.”
For now, Hendricks is busy bidding farewell to Mad Men‘s Joan, the beautiful former secretary she calls “incredibly blunt” and full of “feminine power.” She has some time to say goodbye: The wildly successful AMC series is splitting its seventh and final season across two years.
Plenty of fans are sure to miss drooling over Joan’s quick wit and celebrated curves — qualities Hendricks’s actor husband, Geoffrey Arend, 36, pegged as potential from the show’s start.
“Whenever we see something about it, he always says, ‘I told you from the beginning. I’m the one who called it first,’” Hendricks told the magazine of her sexy image. “So he just wants a little credit. Really, he’s sweet and he’s happy for me.”
I’m glad Christina has finally come out and said that she doesn’t think she’ll have babies. She was playing lip service to the whole baby thing for a while in interviews, not really going “Full Aniston” but I definitely got the feeling that she wanted people to think that she was up for it. But sometimes you decide, “Eh, maybe I’ll just get a dog instead.” There’s nothing wrong with that. In the past, I’ve thought that I might be up for kids sometimes but at the end of the day… I’d rather just be a dog-mom. That’s my choice. And I hate the subtle (or not-so-subtle) “guilting” of the childfree too – trust women to make their own choices about whether they want to become mothers.
Photos courtesy of Rhapsody, Health.
I actually have more respect for people who choose to remain ‘child-free’ then have children because it was expected of them.
+ infinity
Agreed. But doing just about anything only because it’s expected is a recipe for disaster.
+2. Also, these are fantastic photos.
Totally.
And yeah, this is the best series of pics I’ve ever seen of her. She looks incredible.
Yes, good for Hendricks. Far too many people have children when they really absolutely do not want them, either through stupidity, laziness (not using proper contraception) or some dim sense that having a kid will “improve their lives.” Children should be born into families which are financially and emotionally ready to receive them. Hendricks would obviously have no financial problems, but it’s intelligent and humane of her to recognize and admit that she’s not interested in being a mother, for whatever reason. Not everyone should be a parent.
I wish I could tell Christina Hendricks thank you! I’m glad whenever a celeb talks about choosing not having children (or in her case probably not having children). I’m 41 and due to circumstance and to some degree choice most likely won’t be having children. It can be lonely sometimes and unfortunately there are still a good number of women (and men) out there who feel that your life is not as worthwhile if you don’t have kids. It’s nice when someone in the public eye expresses an alternate choice.
Thank you Becky and all others. Due to the fact I’m unable to have children and chose not to before knowing my situation, I’m quite comfortable inmy decision. I love my 2 god children and nieces and nephews to death. I’m still asked at 42 do you have any children or are you planning to? My 1 doctor feels I’d be an excellent mom and many women are having kid’s in the middle years.
It’s frustrating because i am kept out of certain things because I’m childless.
Its a personal decision. I respect all mother’s! !!
I have 2 friend who are stay at home mother’s. They do not imo get enough credit and respect , even in these modern times. They work their butts off as do working mom’s. It is a challenge and juggling act.
Sigh.. I wish sometimes that I was with someone that felt as unsure about it as I do. I don’t ever think I’ll want kids but I’m with the best man ever, who I am crazy about, and who also really wants kids.
Is it wrong to say “lucky her”? This has been tormenting me lately. Do you leave someone you love for something you’re not sure you want and have never felt the need for?
Also, she looks banging in these photos, especially that last pic. Wowza.
It’s so hard isn’t it. I’m at the age where I really need to make a call on it. The fact that I haven’t been very driven until now I guess is a pretty big sign that maybe it’s not for me. There’s certainly a lot of “you’ll regret it pressure” from society though.
Not trying to guilt you into leaning either way, but I don’t think that you need to be ‘driven’ to have a child. Yes, I think that you should definitely be financially and emotionally ready to have one (as in don’t have one when you can’t afford it or know that you don’t want the responsibility of one), but I don’t get why you have to be baby crazy. Like if I ever decided I wanted to get pregnant, it wouldn’t be because I was thinking about babies every second. I think there’s a difference between knowing that you want a family one day, and letting that take over your entire life. Know what I mean?
Yeah, I am at that age too. What I find now hard explaining to dates is I don’t care if you have kids- I am all up for potential step motherhood. But I really have no desire to have kids of my own. It doesn’t mean I don’t want kids at all in my life somehow, just have never had the biological urge to have them myself. Even when I was a little girl I thought if I have kids I’d probably adopt them.
@VC
Yeah, I doubt thats what S meant when she referred to not feeling “driven” to reproduce in her past.
@ A: I totally feel what you’re saying. I don’t feel the famous “biological clock” but the idea of adopting is something I can relate a bit more than the “I have to have a baby”.
I haven’t felt the bio clock yet either ladies.
Me neither. I hear my friends going on and on about being in their 30s and trying to beat some clock, some even freezing eggs and I’m like whatever. I love kids, I do want some in life at some point but they dont have to carry my genetic coding. I’m so glad I am engineered this way, I have had some gynae issues and theres a chance that I may not be able to carry a pregnancy atleast not without some drama. I’m so very super glad I’m not one of those women who would be defined or even scarred by that. Good stuff.
@ A and Alarive
I never wanted biological children. I had no intention of getting pregnant. I fully planned to adopt any children I had. However, I fell in love with MrBuckeye, who was on board with adopting IF we could also have a biological child. So right now, we have our first child (biological) and we’ve started discussing our second (adopted). For me, it was a compromise, and one I am glad I made.
Full disclosure: I will say that while I had a perfect, healthy pregnancy that went full term (40 wks, 3 days), and I breastfed for quite some time, and my child is off the charts on every development measurement… that pregnancy/newborn shit is a pain in the ass. Don’t let anyone tell you different. I have impeccable memories from almost every part of my life-outfits, makeup, details from conversations that took place 10 years ago…but the first 8 weeks of my son’s life are one foggy, exhausted blur.
Add me to the list of “never wanted biological children.” I have no kids, but was open to adoption since age eight (when a family member adopted).
I’m on the kid-free list too! I never wanted one, I didn’t even play “babies” with my dolls as a kid.
Especially at my age now, I feel some pressure, but I know that my choice is the right one for me.
i have made the decision not to have kids because its one of those things you really have to want and long for since you have to put your whole life aside for them. I know some people will say ‘well I wasn’t ready for kids when I had them – if you wait till your ready, you won’t get anything done or start anything’. True, but….kids are a very huge, permanent, life changing decision
@Alarive: When we were going out, my now-husband wanted children but I didn’t, which he knew. He decided to stay with me, who he knew he loved and had a good relationship with, rather than break up and have hypothetical children with a hypothetical future partner. That said, I think he wanted children because that’s what you do, rather than any huge biological or emotional urge. We’ve been together 22 years, no kids, really happy together.
On the other hand, I also had a friend who never wanted children but her husband strongly did. So she agreed and they had two children, and she loved being a parent. Maybe you should think about your reasons for not wanting children and how firmly you feel about it. Good luck.
To all my lovely ladies not wanting to have children. Take this two cents for what it is worth.
I’ve always had that need to be a mother. I count myself lucky to have found love my senior year in high school, married him six years later and found out we were expecting four years after that when we were financially and emotionally ready. With all that going for us it’s tough!! I love my child with every fiber of my being but I would never judge anyone who did not have children, especially if it was something you were unsure of. I have so much respect for couples who are honest with themselves and don’t have children for the sake of checking them off a life accomplishment list. We can all live a full and wonderful life and they don’t all have to be alike.
Love my child and looking forward to giving him a sibling one day. But NO shade on women and couples who decide it’s not for them.
*hugs Alarive* that is a difficult conundrum and i feel you, ive been dating The Best Guy Ever after being single and slutty for eons and being quite sure that wasn’t happening for me (the relationship part) and everyone that knows me, knows im an obsessed crazy dog lady but that im 100% uninterested in kids (even my asshole of a mom has had to start coming to terms with the fact im 33 and it is NOT happening) i barely can deal with my nieces and nephews cause i just dont have that adulty patient gene in me and you DONT wanna know how I feel about pregnancies (but know my friends and bosses and family know how to turn my life into a horror show by asking “could you be pregnant”?! is the Monster under my bed!) , anyways this awesome guy justvrecently told me he “kinda thinks its be cool to have one but that he doesnt bring it up cause he knows is not at all for me” !!! It made me so sad for him and i considered breaking it off while it’s still early, but my sister and gfs talked me down the ledge, they reasoned that is not fair for me to cheat me and him out of the easiest,best relationship either of us have had for something I’ve stated clearly and that he’s accepted not fussed about or mentioned as a deal breaker, but believe me, It nags at me a little, like i hope im doing right by him/that he isnt settling
Thanks for the support, because it is a hard one. Most of my friends are already adamant that they want kids or are too young to even think about it. Whenever you try to talk to someone with kids about any doubts, they try to “convince” you and sway your opinion every single time (per my experience). I think kids can be fun and I see the greatness that comes from them (my sister has the BEST daughter and I’m nuts about her) but it’s a whole other thing from actually wanting one and all that comes with having a kid.
But then whoever you try to get some advice from takes that small grain “kids are fun” and turns it into “oh you’ll definitely want kids, you’ll see”, which is no help whatsoever.
Sorry for the rant- it’s really eating at me because I can’t get a true conversation out of anyone about this. And in all that time I’m still with my guy, who I could marry tomorrow, and he leaves it up to me to come to a conclusion. And I have no clue. Hearing Christina Hendricks say these things make me think “woow, that sounds so good.”
@Alarive – that’s a tough one. both of you should have what you want – which looks impossible if you were to stay together. from my own experience, which is obviously no more than that, i’ve never wanted to have kids. i don’t seem to have a biological clock, i don’t like kids or being around them, and i was just never at all interested. i met my then-husband, and knew basically from the get-go that he wanted kids. so, i didn’t an awful thing, and sort of lied about it (i know, i know…). it took me a while, but i eventually came to the conclusion that i could see myself having a child with him. so, it was a rational decision, not something i was “driven” to do. and, it’s tough as hell and exhausting, but holy crap, i am insane about our son. 🙂 (still can’t deal with other people’s kids, though.)
I’m also 33 – but it’s like, I’m not ready to have kids. I am not financially solvent, neither is my bf. I am also not ‘grown up’ enough to consider children. I’m still trying to get my own life going, let alone be responsible for another. I don’t have a ‘great life’; I don’t have pets nor a wild-crazy-social life, nor a mortgage nor a car nor any fancy things. I just don’t have a life! I want a life first before I consider kids!
I refuse to be pressured into having kids, or rushing to have them or panic have them. I still feel like I’ve got plenty of time – or, if I’m meant to have them that somehow things will work themselves out and I’ll find myself in a space where it will be an option. If I miss the boat, so be it!
I’m fortunate that I don’t get any grief about it from anyone. Perhaps they know that I’m too much of a mess to consider it!
It’s kind of comforting coming onto Celebitchy and reading all of this, and knowing there are women out there who feel the same as I do. I have never wanted kids – have never felt that desire, urge, biological clock etc that other women call it. I see other kids and think “damn I am glad I don’t have to be responsible for and take care of a baby/child”. And to be honest, I just find it f’ing annoying and rude when people tell me “oh you’ll change your mind, or oh wait til you’re older then you’ll want one”. I am sound in who I am as a person, I know what I want from life – and that doesn’t include a baby. A lot of times I think people are so pushy about childfree people having a baby is because they are miserable and want us childfree people to experience all the crap that comes along with having children (because funnily enough, they never tell you about that).
I’ve been with my husband for 7 years, and he says he would like at least one child one day. Why did I marry him then? I can’t imagine my life without him, he is just plain old awesome, and I also think he doesn’t really want a kid either, he just thinks he does because his parents and society have told him he should want one. We live a life where it would change drastically if we had a kid, and I don’t think he really realizes that. Also, as terrible as it sounds, I have said to people that “my husband refuses to clean out the cats litter boxes, there’s no way someone like that could have a child”. LOL…..
33 here as well. I feel deep inside me that i am not fit to be a mother. I get nervous around kids. I have never ever changed the diapers of me niece and nephew and never actually held them for more then 2 minutes. And even babies can feel that i think. I make them cry regardless. Nevertheless here where i live telling a guy you are dating ( to be married) that you don’t want kids it’s a deal breaker. It’s like :The Earth is flat thing-not real. So i know that if i date a guy seriously i WILL have children i want them or not. Everybody tells me “Marry, get a couple of children really fast- bam bam- as you have no time and get over with that. Stop playing around”. That’s why secretly i have sabotaged all my relationships and now it’s been a loooong time without a real boyfriend. When i told a friend of mine i kind of don’t want children she was terrified and called me a monster and tried to convince me of he beauty of it. I had to reassure her that i will have children. She is trying to set me up with everything that walks since
then.
@littlestar – please come back and tell me how you’re dealing with it? My husband of 9 years now wants kids and after some other comments he’s made recently (after being like me and not really wanting kids) i think it’s societal and he’s feeling the age he is (our friends etc are in the baby stage). Our life together is not conducive to children and we would give up alot of future goals and plans if kids were in the mix. I did tell him a few months ago that if he wants kids it might help him to go spend time with his nephews and friends’ kids and see how he’d feel then. I thought that would help either by him being more fufilled by simply being around kids and caring from them, or solidifying it either way that he super does want kids. He hasn’t. What do you do?
QQ
No man lucky enough to have you is settling for anything.
Dee – I think that’s a good idea for your husband, spending time with kids to really figure out if he wants them. People have such an idealized vision of kids that it’s a real eye opener seeing them as actual kids, good and bad, if that makes sense. Maybe even ask your husband to really and truly think about it, To realize he and you are going to have to give up all of your future plans to have a kid, and is he okay with that? Have you asked him why he feels like he wants a kid now, and what made him change his mind? As for my husband, I think he’s slowly starting to realize that we’ll have to give up a lot to have them and that he himself doesn’t want to give up our lifestyle (travel, our beautiful home etc). But I guess you never know, right? I don’t think he’s going to leave me to find someone else to have kids with (we are still crazy in love 7 years in and a partner he sees as an equal was always very important to him). Deep down I don’t think he’d be willing to give me up for an off chance if having a kid with someone else.
Don’t feel bad @Alarive, it’s perfectly normal. My hubby is crazy about kids whereas I always felt I could take them or leave them. I’m the woman who skin crawls every time I see someone’s kid acting a fool in public and the parent just stands there looking off into space. He always said that he was ok with the fact that I didn’t want children but I knew deep down he really wanted to expand the family. Here I am 40wks pregnant with my first and his second and I couldn’t be more excited. I didn’t embrace the pregnancy til the 5 month mark because I still wasn’t in love with the idea of having kids. I didn’t buy a onsie or anything til I was darn near 6 months. But once I got my first ultrasound everything changed. Seeing the baby’s face and seeing the baby kick it little feet softened me up immediately. Everyone isn’t baby crazy or anti baby. It’s ok to be wishy washy on the topic. I still can’t stand other people’s bad ass kids but I’m totally in love with my little nugget.
@Jo – congrats! (and i feel the same way, haha. i can’t stand other people’s kids, while i am crazy about my little monkey.)
oh, and the “you’ll change your mind” doesn’t end with having kids. people continue being just as rude and obnoxious when you tell them that no, you’re not having more kids, one is enough. no one “believes” that and everyone thinks that you just have no clue was to what you’re talking about. because, you know, it’s not like i’m a sane 38-year old woman capable of making my own decisions. 😉
Thank you everyone for your words and support! This is why I love Celebitchy- you can always count on intelligent and thoughtful conversations going on in the comments sections. It’s really comforting to hear that women that now have kids went through the same doubts and fears as I have, but that it turned out okay in the end.
I spoke to my bf about it and came to terms with the fact that I definitely need to sow my wild oats before having a kid. “Wild oats” being adventures and travel and indulging myself (which I didn’t get to do in my 20s), as well as trying to establish a direction for my career to throw myself into headfirst. The adolescence phase ended a bit too recently, I need to enjoy the great things about being a grown-up too! There’s way too many to let them pass me by.
“Oh, you say that now…”
She’s 38, not 22! At what point is a woman allowed to choose to be childless?
Never, it seems.
that’s the mantra I’ve been hearing since I was in my 20’s…
There are women who want to become a mother, and spend a lot of time looking for the perfect moment to start a family . I respect their choice, but I don’t think it’s my cup of tea.
I am not sure if I want to become a mother, I am not looking for that, I have a great life, but I am exshausted just like this, I don’t think I could handle the responsability of another human being life. I can’t even handle my life sometimes.
I hate when people say that. First of all it’s no one’s business to begin with, but if you’re going to ask, at least have the decency to respect the person’s answer! It’s most likely a decision they’ve thought quite a bit about, and to dismiss their choice like that is so rude.
Godwina: [I’ve never felt the urge and knew from a young age that I wanted a quiet life. I have many reasons for not wanting kids, but the “quiet life” is a big part of it, and it’s what I tell the rude assholes who pry into my personal decision.]
I love that you say this. I feel that way as well. Sure, there are a basketful of reasons why I don’t want to have a child or be a stepmom, but it boils down to my desire for a quiet life. Thankfully, I think my friends and my mom understand me. However, some co-workers over the years have been a real trip. It doesn’t help that I’m a teacher, and many people (in and out of the profession) think that we’re all ready-made moms. Kids in the classroom – fine, but I don’t want kids in my home full time! Some people have a hard time believing that I’m content to come home to my two dogs, my choice of TV shows, and my Celebitchy. BTW – this site is, by far, my favorite, and I feel like I’m with a bunch of like-minded friends when I read the Comments sections.
Thank you. I’m 43, and chose not to have kids in my 11-year relationship throughout my thirties. I’ve never felt the urge and knew from a young age that I wanted a quiet life. I have many reasons for not wanting kids, but the “quiet life” is a big part of it, and it’s what I tell the rude assholes who pry into my personal decision.
Thanks for posting this, K. Trust us with our choices, please, world. Bad enough women like us are looked on with such discomfort still, in 2014. Strength.
Also? CH looks breathtakingly beautiful in these shots. Moly.
Oh god, this. I’m 29 and my family is just waiting like vultures for me to spawn “pretty little swirl babies”. Everyone else younger than me in my family has at least 1 kid, little cadets (ok like 3-4 years younger) have kids and my facebook feed has a case of Marathons and BABIES!!. My husband and I sat around wondering if we were “doing it wrong” (we’ve been together since we were 16) and then we said, “Eff, it. We have a new car, we’re buying a house, and we already have $57,000 in student loans. The cats are a nice substitute ftm.”
You’re only 29 FFS! You’ve got plenty if time to make a decision. I would not worry about it for one second more, if I were you. Sorry if I’m giving you unwanted unsolicited advice, the worst kind.
I hear this ALL of the time. If someone says, “I really want kids,” no one questions it. If you say, “I don’t want kids,” people assume that you actually do, but you just haven’t recognized / accepted it yet.
I get it with my relationship too – we’ve been together for 10 years, and are perfectly happy not getting married. But whenever I say that we don’t plan on getting married, the immediate response, “Oh… why’s he dragging his feet?” It very much like with babies and marriage one kind of choice is allowed, and if you aren’t making that choice, it must be because there’s some kind of problem.
Can you imagine if it was reversed?
“I can’t wait to have kids!”
“Oh, you’ll change your mind on that. You’re young, you don’t know what you want. You’ll have so much money and free time if you don’t.”
Never. I’m 49, had my 25th wedding anniversary last week (yay us!) and childfree. So for 25 years I’ve been subjected to the “oh, you’ll change your mind!” and knowing looks from those who seem to think they know me better than I know myself.
Even now, I get it “You know, it’s not unusual for older women to have babies anymore!” At least now I can say, “True, but it’s pretty unusual for women who’ve had their ovaries removed to get pregnant.” That shuts them up.
I think motherhood is great, and I admire anyone with the courage to take on that challenge and responsibility. And I love kids-I just don’t want my own. I don’t get why that is so hard for some people to accept.
I’m not sure I’d have that dude’s kids either. I wasn’t going to bother, but I met someone whose genes I thought would mingle pretty well with mine. I imagine that’s a chemical thing, so I just went with it. Two lovely ladies later, we’re done and I have minions to raise for my feminist army.
She is gorgeous but for how long has she been 38 now…. her age at the beginning of mad men was 35… that was 7 years ago!
I am a huge fan of hers but this is a bit off putting….
Otherwise yes she has a big point on how society try to guiltify women toward their choice of not having children. Extra kudos to her for stating her choice and doint it proudly!
was she really 35 back then?! I would have guessed 26-29 in the first season. Anyway, she looks good
Yes!!! Brave of her to say it out loud especially with the ridiculous pressure to procreate. I’m 31 and hubby is younger but we’re 100% sure we’re going to be child-free (hate the term childless).
Good God those curves, she’s so hot.
As for the whole not having kids thing, it’s her life. It’s better than just caving to what society expects of you and ending up miserable/not being the best parent for your child.
You’d think that with how many foster children that are in our country, with how many people who have babies WAY too young, how many people who throw their babies in garbage cans, etc–that NOT getting pregnant/using protection (man or woman) would be something was a bit more celebrated. I would rather have a woman have ten abortions than give birth to ten children that will have to go into state care. I would rather have a man have a vasectomy, than him have ten kids that he won’t raise financially, physically, or emotionally.
Amen to all that! Perfectly well said!
I think Octomum should be the posterwoman for this.
Although I see your point, I would rather have a woman use every kind of birth control available to her than have to resort to ten abortions. It amazes me how in this day and age there are still men and women (boys and girls) who choose not to practice safe sex and either have a baby they are not ready for, or use abortion as a “quick fix.” I’m as pro-life as anyone, but a quick fix abortion as a result of being lazy, careless and selfish angers me.
Well yes, I agree. I think that abortion should be the last resort, not the first one i.e. you not practicing safe sex.
But I know two people who have had kids, when they haven’t really wanted them–because they were out screwing people without using any kind of protection. At all. And now, it’s not like they abuse/don’t love their kid, but they can’t take care of them without help, and nothing about their lives changed (for the positive)–not their attitude or anything.
Personally, I hate the idea of abortion. I just can’t fathom going through one–but that’s my choice. Hopefully I won’t ever have to be backed into a corner where I would feel like that was the only choice I had.
@Memme: Do you mean “as pro-choice as anyone”? I’ve worked in family planning and women who have multiple abortions as a result of “carelessness” are (a) few and far between and (b) tend to have a lot of emotional baggage and past history that hinders them from making better sexual choices. I feel compassion for them rather than anger — they’re doing the best they can, and it’s still not very good : (
I work as a counselor for Planned Parenthood’s hotline. Please don’t be so quick to judge people who need abortions or to label them as lazy and careless! Or for that matter to call an abortion a “quick fix.” We all ready have to much shame in this culture and you have no idea how damaging it is. It makes everything worse.
Not everyone has the benefit of a clear sex education, and many school systems are against it. There are all kinds of medical reasons why a birth control method can fail. Condoms break, Plan B often doesn’t work on women who have high BMIs, etc. Reproductive abuse is also a real thing. I could go on. Then they have to deal with those people waving around fetus pictures. People are not all the same, and to judge someone you don’t know is just hideous.
Just please stop labeling women who need to resort to abortions. Please. They already get enough harassment. I talk to women all the time who have to forgo the IV sedation because they are afraid to tell anyone about what they are going through and can’t think of anyone will come with them and take them home after.
Venus, yes I did mean pro-choice.
Miss Jupitero,
You’re putting words in my mouth. In my previous post I clearly was referring to people who choose NOT to practice safe sex, not those who do and it falters. People who have the knowledge and access to the types of birth control on the market. I am fully aware, thank you, abortions and the reasons for them are not black and white. I am also aware one kind of hormonal birth control that works for one woman may not work for another. But, guess what? Condoms work for everyone, and so do diaphragms. And yes, sometimes they break, but most of the time they don’t.
I am not generalizing in my opinion. My beliefs stem from what I’ve witnessed since high school. Girls and women who have had multiple abortions in their young lives due to unprotected sex with their boyfriends or whatever one night stand of the month. Instead of ‘ruining the moment’ for a few seconds, they go bareback because it “feels better” or that’s what the guy wants. They don’t even consider Plan B and once they find out they are pregnant? “Oh, I’ll just get an abortion.” And sometimes it’s the guy who comes up with the “quick fix” (and that term does get used) and the girl is afraid of losing him so she goes along with it. Etc, etc,. You may not be aware of it first-hand, but this is happening.
Call me judgemental, but I stand by my opinions. Maybe this is coming off cold-hearted, I don’t know how else to say it. I’m a strong believer in if you think yourself ready to have sex, then you should take the time and make the effort to avoid the physical consequences- pregnancy, STDs. I think in 2014, most people are able to do the simplest act.
Also, more schools than not provide sexual education. How thorough that education is, and how it truly relates to real life is debatable and varies from state to state..
Really Memme, how many people do you know that have actually have had abortions? You make it sound like a lot… Are any of those people someone you were very close to personally?
I know only one person who has had one, and it was the hardest decision she ever made in her life. But it was also the best decision. She would be living in poverty if she had had the baby. Whereas now she has a happy life with her husband, child, and another on the way.
I will never understand why people get so upset at other peoples decision to have an abortion. As if that is something that’s done on a whim, and not a big life altering decision. Also, people need to give more of a sh*t about those kids who are alive now who live in poverty and abuse…..
i agree. both sides could be beautifully united with a “pro-birth control” stance. it’s not like the pro-lifers can shell out the money it takes to raise these unplanned children.
@Memme: Your scenario is a woman who defers to her partner’s desire not to use birth control, and who also defers to getting an abortion because she’s afraid of losing him. Don’t you think that shows an extreme lack of agency on her part? It’s not laziness or selfishness — it’s feeling like your own desires come last, before your man’s. Which is sad.
Working as a family planning counselor, we had clients who had one or two abortions. Our (few) clients who had more than that had a past history of abuse and/or were mentally unstable. Using birth control is absolutely always better, but the right to choose an abortion is vital, no matter the circumstances.
Interesting how the decision to not have children is so controversial, no matter where in the process it occurs. Women’s control of their reproductive choices scares a lot of people.
I had an abortion when I was 19 years old and have felt only relief and freedom from it ever since. Something in me knew it wasn’t meant to be. Six years later, the man I got pregnant by pushed me out of a moving car and proved to be a bitter, controlling, parasitic, cretin of a human being who I wouldn’t trust my cat with. Meanwhile and needless to say, I had serious psychological and substance abuse issues, was failing out of college, and was no closer to finishing my degree. I had a dead end job and never twenty dollars to my name. I had an abortion because I had nothing. Birth control was 50 dollars a month. Women who judge other women for having abortions because they are a “quick-fix” can STFU and tell it to their f’cking Bible study group over muffins as far as I’m concerned. Having a child would have ruined my life, that child’s life and made my family life even more distressed then it already it is. I have finally gotten it together, am happily married and have completed my education, and still don’t think kids are in my future. My mom was ready to disown me back then. And guess what? I was on birth control. Birth control and condoms don’t work 100% of the time and sh’t happens. Women should have the right to choose for the sake of their psychosocial, socioeconomic, emotional, and overall well being. There has never been a minute that elapsed that I doubted or regretted my decision. Not even a second. So there you go. Some women are not meant to be mothers and there is absolutely nothing wrong with avoiding pregnancy all together or in extreme circumstances terminating a pregnancy in early stages to avoid a lifetime of debt, shame, remorse, sadness, and financial dependence. Props to strong women who rightfully dismiss the misinformation out there and ignore social pressures and moral absolutes. Also the economy is really in the tubes and virtually every climate change report as of late is brutally grim… As in seeing the effects of food and water shortage before the end of the century on a global scale. Why would someone want to birth a kid now? I just don’t get it. My husband has a professional degree and we can barely afford organic produce, much less a damn baby. You have to make in the high five figures these days just to keep the lights on and eat food not cut with sawdust. It’s sad. And nothing kills the mood like long term economic uncertainty… Plus pregnancy just grosses me out. The bleeding nipples, the ass tears, the stretch marks, the grisly weight loss battle? Then a tab for the next 25 years of my life and 300k? No thanks.
This is so, so true.
We wanted to adopt, but that is apparently only for the very rich.
That last photo is amazing.
I go back and forth on kids, but mostly stay in the “no way” camp.
I think my mom is finally starting to accept it.
Good on her for knowing what she wants and not being afraid to say it.
I actually was in the “no way” camp for a long time and then almost overnight, in my early thirties, it was like a switch was flipped and I suddenly realized I did. I guess that was the proverbial biological clock ticking? Anyway, my point was I never imagined I would change my mind, or so suddenly. Never say never, I guess.
And there you go, people saying that your decision to not have a kid really isn’t a decision, you might want to have one some day.
littlestar and blue marie, I honestly wasn’t trying to undermine her decision or dismiss her point of view. Her words just struck me because I once felt exactly the same way, until I didn’t. Peace.
She’s gorgeous
She is, those Rhapsody shots are stunning.
I love people who know they don’t want kids! Only because it’s so much better to know that about yourself than to have children you don’t really want. I know it changes some people and they really enjoy parenthood – but many people grow resentful of the entire thing and that’s just sad for the kids 🙁
And I love her!
And then there’s all the people who know they want kids–and still end up being shitty parents. Dime a dozen, they are.
IME there’s no correlation between “wanting” and “being a good parent.” If only it were that simple.
There is nothing more wonderful, and more rare, than a good parent. If it were more common, the world would be at peace.
Preach.
Ugh – double post!
I don’t know why people feel they can judge a stranger on their preference with having kids. I have friends who don’t want kids called selfish for not having them. I have friends with one child called selfish for only having one kid. I am pregnant with twins and people are surprised and comment when I say I am done after this because I am supposed to want a boy and a girl (not just two boys) when I could care less about having one of each.
I’m also pregnant with 2 boys after years of trying. My grandmother does not seem to get it. “You say that now” well I’m 33 and I think these two will keep me busy for a while . . .
I was unable to have children and people have stopped asking the “when” questions because of my age, but now I get the assumption that I hate children. I either have to let it go, or find myself explaining to a stranger that I love children, just couldn’t have any. People are so judgy on the topic. It’s exhausting.
Dang, I would’ve gone HAM after someone being that rude.
That is enraging! I hate how committed some people are in other people’s lives.
People are very judgy on all of these social expected roles, specially concerning women and they always find something new to criticise, so much they forget how insensitive it can actually be. I’m sorry you have to go through that.
Goodnames, I am so sorry to hear that. I work primarily with the elderly, and it was brutal when we were trying but having no luck. The old men were actually worse than the women. “Do you have children? Why not? Everyone should!” It took a lot of lip-biting. Especially since I’d just wiped and Desitin-ed THEIR behinds.
Grrrrrrr! That makes me so angry for you. Why can’t people just mind their own effin business?
You’ve described my situation, and I’ve never felt I’ve had to explain it to anyone. It’s none of their business, really. I’ve made my peace with it, but sometimes I can’t stop people from expressing their “sympathy,” which is usually actually condescension. It’s a useful way to sort out the good people from the bad, really. Intelligent, kind people won’t make a big deal out of it – it’s the asshats who use my childnessness as a way to assert their “superiority:” ‘Oh, that’s so sad – I know we’d die without Bobby and Debbie! But we’re just lucky, I guess – never had a problem getting pregnant. But you – oh, how awful that you won’t have grandchildren and anyone to take care of you when you’re old! Poor thing.’ A lot of faulty assumptions there, usually made by stupid, classless people who have little imagination and often have the worst kids.
Just let these “helpful observations” roll off your back. They’re meaningless.
Thanks, everybody. I have made peace with no children, too. It just puts me in a weird position of having to either discuss something very private with someone I don’t know well, or letting them assume I hate kids, which isn’t true.
People should just be more tactful about someone’s situation. You never know why a person doesn’t have kids and they shouldn’t have to explain it to someone they just met, whether it was their choice or not.
Glowworm, ITA. It’s not just about having kids, it’s about the exact number and the composition. People, but women in particular, who choose to be childfree get a lot of pressure but there is also the opposite. Even people who have kids are “dictated” how many, how often and made to feel they are in the wrong when they do not comply. The JPs have six (half bio and half adopted) and people act as though they are building a child army or collecting children. The Duggards, well I can only imagine what they get thrown at them.
As long as they are not dependent on public assistance, why should it be our business?
Basically, what society wants is for you to have you 2 kids (girl and boy) and a pet. Any variation of that is “strange and deviant.”
Women are harshly judged on many things when they stray from the pack. From not having kids to so many other things. Women are harsh when other women choose to be not like them or mimic them. Think they may feel judged or have such deep insecurities they resent you because as a child-free person you often have more freedom and choices. Have close friends that confided to me they wish they had waited to have kids or not had them at all.
OMG…she actually admitted she didn’t think she want kids, and…..I still like her, she still has a career…nothing terrible happened…see Anniston, it can be done!
Lol seriously. I’m not expecting Jennifer Aniston to admit her dream of having children went down the toilet at the same time her marriage to Brad Pitt did, but I wish she would woman up. Be real. If your fans are true fans they’ll still love you.
Eh, I think JA liked the idea of kids. Which is fine. But it’s not fine to spend a good six years using that for headlines and publicity. The past few years, she’s been backing away from it–whether or not she’d have a baby–so I think it’s safe to say that she ain’t having any babies.
I think at this point in her life if it’s something she truly wanted, it would have happened already, in one way or another. She has the means and opportunity to make it happen on her own. I also don’t think she wants to get married. As my mother says- “If you are a 40-something year-old person who’s found someone they want to spend the rest of their lives with, what’s the point of a long engagement?” Also according to my mother, Jennifer is close to the age people forego engagements altogether and just get married.
I love the last line in this article about trusting a woman on whether or not she wants to be a mother. Unwanted kids know it, I’ve seen that, I don’t care how “comfortable” their standard of living is. Plus how many of these hidden alcoholic suburban moms (who we were only allowed to talk about after that woman crashed the wrong way on an interstate) could be saved if we just all admitted that sometimes being a mother is not the path to contentment. It’s OK to say that ladies.
Amen.
Christina looks gorgeous. I love the Rhapsody spread.
Besides that, raising a child to be a productive member of American society is a lot of work. Being a parent can be plain ol’ anxiety for some. Good for Christina for knowing what she wants.
And that’s in the best of circumstances. A lot of kids are born to people who are immature, uneducated, have no money and no hope of getting any, etc. That just compounds the anxiety, which often translates into abuse and neglect.
But parenting is a tough road now even for middle class people. Most families need two incomes, and good childcare is hard to find and usually very expensive. In the old days extended family would provide childcare for working parents, but that’s not the case anymore. So kids are left twisting in the wind on their own, or are being left with substandard carers. That alone should give anyone pause before they decide to have children.
Really bad ‘shopping on that cover
I knew when I was sixteen that I didn’t want kids. And at 47 I’m a terrific aunt, the “crazy-fun friend” to my friends children and presently navigating the “how to” of building relationships with the mostly grown up children of the man I hope to marry. The last by the way is insanely difficult! Here is a link to a quote by Louise Erdrich that I love: http://www.goodreads.com/quotes/115845-women-without-children-are-also-the-best-of-mothers-often-with
Geezus that black dress/slip/body suit….I AM going to miss Joan.
It’s a nice series of photos. In that purple top, she reminds me very much of Cathy Dennis.
I had this same convo with my cousin. She & her husband are in their early 30s. They don’t think they want kids right now, but if it happens, it happens. If not, they are happy. I’m the same way, except I have my Lulu. She’s my baby.
I have an 18 year old daughter from a previous relationship, whom I adore. When my husband and I married, almost 10 years ago now, we both definitely wanted to have 1 or 2 more together, as soon as we were financially stable. Five years ago, we were thinking we were ready…but then we just didn’t. Both of us are so meh on the subject, especially now that my daughter is legally an adult and we are trying to figure out how to pay for college. If either of us felt strongly about definitely wanting them, we’d do it, but we are both about 70% against it and 30% for it. So…not happening. Especially since I’m turning 40 in 2 weeks.
My mother in law, who used to adore me now hates my guts because of this. We have barely spoken in 2 years, and we used to be best friends. She’s convinced that I’m a devil woman who has led her son into the path of biological grandchild deprivation.
I am angered at your MIL on your behalf! How dare she try to make life-altering decisions for her son and/or you! I would say more but it has literally made me too p*ssed to think straight.
Oh no, that’s terrible. Sad that your MIL doesn’t seem to understand that your & your husband’s decision not to have kids is NOT about her.
There is NOTHING wrong with choosing to be childless. My daughter & her fiancée have decided not to have children & I fully support their decision. It is up to a couple to make that choice & society should not pressure women into thinking there is something wrong with them if they don’t want children.
I always thought I wanted kids. 7 years ago I was in a relationship with someone I thought was “the one” Turned out he did not think I was “the one”. I was 35 when it ended and it took me a long time to get over it. By the time I met someone I was excited about again, my feelings had changed. I enjoy my job and childless lifestyle and prefer being an Aunt. So you never know when your feelings can change on something this important.
Thankfully all my married with kids friends are fine with my choices. I think its the people who end up questioning why they ever had kids or who have secretly regretted it, are the ones that give childless people a hard time because they see the life they really wanted.
I have tremendous respect for people who know they don’t want to be parents. I was on the fence and my husband was pro baby from the minute we got home from our honeymoon. 22 years and 2 special needs kids later I sometimes wish I had put more thought into my maybe no baby feelings. I love my boys to pieces but it’s f—ing hard!
thank you for sharing that. I have a feeling I would regret kids as well. My BF really wants babies but I want a uninterrupted career. I will stick to my guns after hearing your story,
I think if you are strongly considering never having kids then its best to just make the choice and stick to it. I have always wanted to be a mother, always. I have one child and she is the toddler of my dreams but even as I’ve ALWAYS wanted a child, there are moments of stress and struggle. Those are normal and expected, and I know they will pass quickly. They take nothing away from the joy I have with my baby. I think if you weren’t sure that you wanted children, those moments would take a serious toll on you. It’s OK to have kids and OK not to. Both are valid ways of life.
I’m the same. I’ve always loved babies since I was little. I have a baby and a toddler now, and I love them to pieces, but it is exhausting. I would never try to convince someone that doesn’t want kids that they need to have them. I would happily explain the trade-offs and joys of parenthood to someone on the fence though.
Better to know you don’t want children than to have them when you never want them.
There was only one time in my life I wanted to actually have a baby and I was in my late 20s and married. I miscarried and soon after separated/divorced. I am thirty-three now and have no burgeoning desire to have children. Maybe some day? But mostly it sounds exhausting to me. i barely have a spare second in the day for myself between work and school and adding another human being to care for 24/7 does not sound like it would fit anywhere in my life. I love children and think they are great, but I’m just not sure it’s for me.
Also, I do not want to marry again. Ever.
SO glad Kaiser gave this some shine for two reasons:
1. VA VA FREAKING VOOM. amen for NATURAL GOD GIVEN BODIES!!!!
2. YAY for women who have no issues or unnecessary guilt for not having babies. I have three and it is HARD! I’m someone who always knew I wanted kids, and I hate the women and men that have babies just due to societal expectations. There is nothing wrong with being child free…shame on those who shame!
Hate to break it to you Wheezy, but her body isn’t exactly what her ‘nature’ intended. There are some major enhancements going on (judging by her before and after pictures).
+1 on everything else.
I don’t think I’ ll ever have children or even be in a relationship .I am nearly 28 and you know what if I tell people that I’ am happy without a significant other. Well that means there’s something wrong with me apparently. A man told me recently that I needed to be saved . He is in his forties and twice divorced and stalked me for awhile. And on top of that my mum worries I ll be all alone when She and Dad will die. I have never had a relationship , I don’t feel the need . I have very good friends and I love my family that’s enough for me. But apparently society frowns upon what Jane Austen would have called spinsterhood . Sorry rant over… More power to Christina she looks gorgeous !!!
I’m in the same boat so I hear you.
I’m 33 and have struggled since my late 20’s to get people to understand why I don’t want kids. I have a myriad of reasons, but every one of them women in particular trivialize(my guy friends don’t care). I have been in a relationship for 7 years and we are neither married nor have kids. Why is my business SUCH a big deal to everyone else? I honestly believe because I am happy in my life and no offense to mothers out there but a lot of mothers do not get help from fathers and are plain overworked and miserable once they have kids, that misery loves company. I am happy now at a job where a lot of my coworkers are my age or slightly younger because they don’t care whether I have kids or not. I find it is women who are older than me who are the meddling types. Why do we as women have to cut other women down to make ourselves feel better I will never understand!
+1
People don’t win either way–if you don’t have kids, people are up in your business about it. If you have more than two or three, and even look the slightest bit poor, then they’re up on you, like they’re your accountant and know how much you make and spend. It’s a neverending cycle.
As a person that chosen to remain child free, love hearing women say it out loud. I just turned the big 40 and the best part about turning that age, people ask less and less about you having children. When I was in my 20/30s there was so much pressure and most of my relationships ended because of that choice. Think it’s becoming more and more acceptable to remain childfree and more OK for men and women to say it out loud.
+1
If she had said, “we’re not ruling it out,” which is essentially what she means when she says there’s a small chance she could change her mind, nobody would have thought twice about it. It’s when you make a proclamation about not wanting kids that people feel the need to weigh in and make it personal. Of course, it’s her business but now she will hear everyone’s opinion about it, endlessly.
I’m curious where all the women who think that in order to feel like a woman you need to be a mother are? I know they are out there. Did they just choose to not put in their 2 cents? Not every single person on here can be so understanding! LOL, is that possible?
I am child free and I’m okay with it but I have been tormented, ridiculed and treated like less of a woman because of it In the past so I have a very hard time believing that every single woman on Celebitchy is supportive of the child free life.
🙂
Wow, Happy21, I’m sorry that has been your experience. In my experience, most women are pretty understanding about the painful realities of motherhood–whether by experience or witnessing it–and tend to keep their traps shut about other women’s choices. Even if, for them, there is joy in it and the good parts outweigh the bad, I don’t know one mom who thinks it’s an easy lifestyle choice and necessarily right for all. Maybe I have just instinctively steered clear of the super-judgy ones!
Oh god the photoshop….the horrors
Childfree, Thankful My choices were supported by my H/best friend. However, as time went by and each “friend” or relative had 1 to 3 each & when THAT was happening, I feel like I avoided most social situations or family gatherings, because I really just got tired of all the “When” or “Do you know how old you are?” questions… I even avoided getting married to the love of my life because I just didn’t want that pressure to reproduce by his family. I still feel quite estranged and have little desire to rekindle any relationships despite that I love them. Holidays make me ill despite feeling content with my choices. I just don’t want to hear any more of those types of questions.
I’m glad she says this. Especially since she’s 38 and now have reached an age where no one can say: “But you’re SO young! You’ll change your mind when you’re older.”
I don’t want kids either but people expect me to dream about it on a daily basis just because I’m a woman, and because I’m “that age”. I’m 27 and a lot of people my age either have kids, or hope to have it soon. People can’t seem to understand why I’m not even considering it. Heck, I’ve even heard that I must procreate really soon- if I wait until I’m 30, it will be too late (which btw is total BS). Some of these folks tell me that I have a certain glow or attitude about me that tells them I’m ready for kids. I think this is really weird… people seem to want us to have kids more than we ourselves want it.
And if I finally convince people that neither am I ready for kids, nor do I even WANT kids… well, then they want to know why. The short answer is that I need my freedom, my privacy and room for creativity. A longer answer is that throughout my life, I’ve sometimes felt that my partner has been standing in the way of this, so a kid would definitely make me feel that way. And excuse me, but I think a kid should be wanted, not merely tolerated! Then add that I’m very sensitive to noise and lack of sleep, combined with being prone to migraines… seriously, if I had kids I’d be a total wreck! And I really don’t want to feel that way.
When I tell people this, they say I’m egoistic. Perhaps, but isn’t it just as egoistic to breed kids? I’m not saying being egoistic is something bad, or that it’s wrong to have kids. But if it’s egoistic to wanna stay child-free, it’s just as egoistic to go for the other alternative. We make these decisions based on what we want from life, and that is egoistic in itself.