Mariah Carey was on Letterman last night to promote her upcoming album, the hilariously titled Me. I Am Mariah… The Elusive Chanteuse. Mariah was spanxed to high heaven and showing a ton of cleavage. This is typical Mariah and she looked good, she just was wearing super tight clothes and didn’t look at all like the cover of her album, in which she’s wearing a bathing suit. Mariah seems to be under the impression that she still looks like she did 10 years ago. (I can relate to wanting my figure back from 10 years ago, but I realize that it isn’t happening for me, you know?) I don’t get why she doesn’t switch up her album covers.

On Letterman, Mariah told some cute stories about her three year-old twins. Mariah called Moroccan a bruiser and Monroe a princess. It was clear that she considers the word “diva” a compliment.

On her son, Moroccan, and how he got his name
I went to Morocco a long time ago and was inspired and built a room… it sounds so over the top
So we liked just the vibe of the whole thing… I like the name Rocky actually, but I didn’t want to
call him Rocky. He likes to call himself Rocky and now he’s punching kids though that’s the problem. He’s only 3 though. I’m not lying. These kids are bigger than him, they’re older. He’s knocking them out the box… He has to learn the respect but he’s too young for the classes.

On her daughter, Monroe, being a diva
Miss Monroe… my little princess. She way out divas me. She wins by a million… Honestly I have a picture of her in the womb like this [puts hand behind head] I’m not lying! It’s an ultrasound and she’s posing.

After that, Mariah started complaining about her new album and about how her advisors wanted her to put out a single. She rolled her eyes as she explained that she kept changing the date for her album release and that “it’s only because I want people to experience this album as a body of work. I keep saying that and yet everybody around me is like ‘so what’s the single and what are we putting up on iTunes?’ and I’m like ‘I know!’ This is the typical way of doing things, but I want to do things my own way.” Correction, she wants to do things Beyonce’s way. Here’s that segment of the interview:

Letterman then told Mariah to tell her people to go screw themselves. He tried to asked Mariah if she had any brothers or sisters growing up and she dodged the question and showed him a Time Magazine thing on her phone where you could Make Your Own Iconic Mariah Carey Album Title. She was so proud of it. All it does is let you type in your name and then it inserts ridiculous grandiose titles at the bottom like “The Opaque Icon” and “The Ethereal Utterer”

Mariah showed a self portrait she made of herself at 3 and explained that’s where the album title came from. Mariah may call her daughter a diva, but she’s the original diva and don’t you forget it. She’s trying to model her album release straight off of Beyonce, but is so full of herself she has to tell us all about it ahead of time.

Here’s a photo Mariah shared of her family. It’s also on Nick’s Instagram:

photo credit: WENN.com