Kesha has been making a slow and steady media return after her rehab stint for an eating disorder. She was initially admitted for 30 days but decided to stay in treatment for 2 months. That should speak to her committment to get better. I’m curious to see if and how her music changes after she’s taken steps to get healthy. She certainly won’t be working with Dr. Luke again. She publicly shamed him for fat-shaming her, and he fully deserved it.

Kesha wrote a lengthy new essay in the latest print edition of Elle UK about her healing process. The full scanned article can be viewed here, but I’ve excerpted the better parts. Kesha emphasizes, “I felt like part of my job was to be as skinny as possible.” She also talks about how pap photos and cruel internet commentary accelerated her downward spiral. That really sucks. I remember a certain set of bikini photos, and the things people were saying were really uncalled for. Kesha was not only being shamed by her producer, but she couldn’t even log onto the internet without seeing negative stuff about her body. Kesha’s essay also gives us more insight into her previous statement about wanting to try and be pretty instead of stunt queening:

On entering rehab: “As I lay in the tiny, bare room, crying and clutching a stuffed lion that Mom had given me, I was worried what people would think. I was battling an eating disorder — but I knew people would assume I was here for other things. I’ve written songs about partying, but my dirty little secret is that I’m actually incredibly responsible. I take my music and career very seriously, and certainly didn’t land in this situation from partying. I imagined people making up stories at a time when what I really needed was support.”

She grew up “different”: “In 2005, I was signed by a record label. Suddenly, it was OK to be different. I had fun with my style. I wore my hair in a mohawk and did my make-up like Alice Cooper. If someone called me pretty, I’d sneer and smear more glitter on my face. I didn’t want to be just pretty — I was wild, crazy and free. I talked about sex, about drinking. When men do that, it’s rock and roll, but when I did it, people assumed I was a train wreck. I played confident but still felt like an outcast.”

Her paranoia: “The music industry has set unrealistic expectations for what a body is supposed to look like, and I started becoming overly critical of my own body because of that. I felt like people were always lurking, trying to take pictures of me with the intention of putting them up opine or printing them in magazines and making me look terrible. I became scared to go in public, or even use the internet. I may have been paranoid, but I also saw and heard enough hateful things to fuel that paranoia.”

On helping others: “I knew I was ready to leave when I’d gained enough confidence to get on a plane knowing there would be paparazzi at the airport at the other end. I was right – they were there. But this time, when I saw the pictures, I felt OK. I’m not fully fixed — I am a person in progress, but I want to be part of the solution, not part of the problem. Even I need to be reminded that we are who we are. And when I say that, I f—ing mean it, now more than ever.”

[From Elle UK]

Kesha’s right about the difference in attitudes towards male and female singers. Men can sing about carrying around loads of condoms and cracking bottles, and it’s cool. Women who do the same receive a vastly different response. Kesha sounds like she’s on the path to repairing herself, and I hope she still continues to sing about her favorite topics. I don’t think she really brushes her teeth with Jack Daniels, but she was having fun with lyrics and stereotypes.

Kesha also has a new-ish boyfriend, Brad Ashenfelter. They’ve been secretly dating for several months. Kesha says she loves his beard: “I’m not into guys who are very high-maintenance. That’s like my thing. I don’t want them to take longer to get ready than me!” Kesha met Brad through her stylist who is dating his friend. He is a blogger and supported her through rehab. I think this is Brad in both photos, but there might be some conflicting tattoo evidence.

Photos courtesy of Fame/Flynet & WENN