The pimp game is never done for Lucifer’s Homegirl. The problem – well, one of the problems – is that Kris Jenner wants to be famous on her own, like her daughters. Kris is the pimp who wants to ho herself. She keeps trying to sell herself as a legit celebrity and no one is really buying it. But she keeps trying. Now Kris has a new cookbook. Surprisingly, it’s not called “Spicing It Up With Lucifer!” or “Rotten Hellscape: From My Kitchen To Yours.” No, Lucifer’s Homegirl has named her first cookbook: In the Kitchen with Kris: A Kollection of Kardashian-Jenner Family Favorites.
First of all, look at the cover. They took Kris’s face from fifteen years ago and Photoshopped it on someone else’s body. Secondly, this is the same publisher who published Kylie and Kendall Jenner’s first (ghost-written) novel, Rebels: City of Indra. Here’s how the book is described:
From America’s favorite momager comes a new cookbook and entertainment guide filled with Kris Jenner’s very own insightful tips and favorite recipes.
Kris Jenner has done everything under the sun from starring as the matriarch in Keeping Up With the Kardashians to writing a New York Times bestselling memoir entitled Kris Jenner… And All Things Kardashian. She now hosts her own television show, Kris, where she chats with friends and family about beauty, fashion, and lifestyle. This book is another way to bring fans into Kris’s home with recipes and entertaining tips that can be used by anyone and everyone.
Join Kris as she rolls up her sleeves to dish out tips on how to do it all and have it all in her new cookbook/entertainment guide.
I do wonder how well these forays into publishing really sell. Is there really a market for Kris Jenner’s memoir? For her “business tips” (which involve the back of the pimp hand, I’m sure)? And does anyone really care about her recipes? It just seems so… overkill. I realize the Kardashian/Jenner motto is to monetize, sell and pimp every single part of their lives, but what’s the market for a cook book from a woman who isn’t known for anything related to food?
Photos courtesy of Fame/Flynet.
Raise your hand if you think this woman really cooks… Or has?
No way she cooks anything apart from her daughters’ brains.
LOLOLOLOL. You win the comments today!
They used to have a chef that would be featured in some of their episodes. This season he is conveniently absent. This season, in a few episodes, there are scenes of Kris talking about how great her own food and own recipes are. They show her daughters going on and on about how good Kris’s food is. Can they get any faker? LOL this family !
oh, wow, that’s crazy. i shouldn’t be surprised, but i am. the amount of pre-pre-planning that goes into these people’s lives sounds exhausting.
ahem ‘silicon’ based family recipes…
Right? this would Presuppose they eat anything other than… Souls and Men
‘Souls and men’…ha ha ha!!
Wow-it’s so 1982. Right there with Kathie Lee Gifford’s cookbook.
Those two are tight, right?
The fact that she spelled “kollection” with a K makes me want to stab myself in the neck with a pencil.
Will the HORROR that is the Kardashians ever end (except for Khloe… she’s cool)?
When I read that Kim has an app and that it is a best seller, I resigned myself to the fact that these creatures are never going away. 🙁
I think it was already a best seller before Kim’s face was plastered on it, if that will help soothe your soul. “Her” game is just a remake/new edition of Stardom:Hollywood by Glu Games. She just fits in the slot that was already in the game, the role of “mentor” who pops up to persuade you to part with your realspace cash periodically. How Kardashian, a match made in heaven (or more likely hell). But I think if you are patient, you can become a star without losing any real money, as is usually the case with these freemium games (free to download but they count on a percentage of players forking over real money for boosters to avoid waiting). The target audience is probably rather young, and youngsters aren’t known for their patience.
“Stab myself in the neck with a pencil”. SO funny!!!
What is wrong with her neck? They really do s*ck at photoshopping!
no kidding . it looks like her head is floating in the top pic!
brahahahahahahaha!! I thought the same thing. It looks like a balloon stuck on top of a cardboard cut-out. 🙂
I do not want to eat whatever konkoction Kris kooks. Or ‘kooks’ because we all know she just feasts on the blood of virgins…
…by making a sex tape of their first experience as a means to that end. *vomits*
I heard her miracle silicone desserts go right to your a*s!
lol
LOL
You have GOT to be kidding me!!
She probably uses the oven as a shoe storage and yes, if I wanted a nice ass as Kim and Khloe I’d definitely eat what they eat.
Kris can use her daughters’ ass as shelves while she ‘cooks’.
No doubt that this F’ng Kookbook will be a Best Seller and I will lose more faith in humanity. Someone once told me, “remember 50% of the people in the world have less than average intelligence”. I didnt agree but saw his statistical point. Makes some sense in how these people and this vile woman are so famous….
Is it me or does her head look photoshop on the body?
Absolutely. Looks freaky, doesn’t it?
It looks hilarious!!
I’m glad I’m not the only one and it make me think they used a body double and just photoshop Kris head on the double body. Lol
The hands give them away too, Kris’ and the body double’s.
Plus the proportions do not match, the kookbook head is too big for the body it is photo-shopped upon.
Because we all associate the Kardasians with cozy dinners around the kitchen table…
Featured recipes: Glazed Butt, Smoked Butt, Coke-Braised Butt, Crockpot Butt, Spice Rub Butt, Pulled Butt on a Bun.
OK that totally cracked me up Lizzie K! Thanks for the laugh. I wonder if she has a footnote at the end of each recipe about how one slice of whatever equates to 5 hours on an elliptical machine as punishment for eating her krap.
Everything she tries to do for herself turns to krap. So this will not make a ripple in the cookbook world. Look for it to be in the bargin bin very soon. Besides only a fool would believe she actually cooks for anyone ever. Nope the Kraps are going to go down one by one and every time the newest Kardashian opens his mouth they go down a little faster! As far as Kim’s app goes who could listen to that whiny nasal baby voice to play such a stupid game. If anything that game shows how really shallow and mentally and emotionally stunted she is.
I also believe kim app is just hyped….I don’t believe the hype and people shouldn’t too..
I hope you’re korrect Dawn.
I have seen a number of episodes of kuwk they are always eating out or they seem to have caterers and personal chefs serving them.
Please let there be a forward written by Kanye.
+100
+1000
Forward by Kanye. Food styling by Kanye. Photoshopped cover by Kanye.
lol
He spent 4 days photoshopping the kover 🙂
Sorry, meant “foreword”
I’m pretty sure both Kendall and Kourtney have called her out for only knowing how to make spaghetti. Spaghetti every night before Kim’s A$$ bought the house a chef.
This leaves me cold… i mean we live in a world where Pippa Middelton has a cookbook and Goop has her own lifestyle site… nothing can shock me anymore.
Don’t forget that Lohan was given a job, Leann has her own housewifey show and Charlize is dating a repeat offender. There really is no end to the depravity.
In her favor at least Kris clearly consumes moderate portions of food unlike many celeb cookbook authors! Side note I saw Hayley Duff now has a show on the cooking channel.
“Kollection…” Really? Ugh, this woman. And the photoshopped head looks like it is plopped on crooked!
For some reason the image of her standing at a bubbling cauldron, dressed in black and cackling as she stirs her brew comes to mind.
“Double, double toil and trouble; Fire burn, and caldron bubble . . . “
Kris as Hecate…love it!
Everything about this woman and her family is unnecessary and tedious!
I just reread wind in the willows and Kanye reminds me of Mr. Toad. Would LOVE a forward from him!
How to cook a pizza, by Kris Jenner:
1. Google the nearest pizza parlor
2. Call the nearest pizza parlor
3. Give them your address and credit card information
4. Wait 30-45 minutes
5. Ta-da! Fresh, warm pizza
You forgot step 6, “Have Kim and Ko. tweet pic of pizza to get endorsement bucks from pizza chain”
@Raindrop – I have to amend the first part of your comment. I think it should be how to cook a pizza when your chef calls in sick.
And you have your staff call.
EVERYTHING this woman and her family does is unnecessary and tedious.
I’m just so grateful her rack isn’t on display that I don’t even care about the creepiness of the Photoshop Mad Libs of her face and body.
The book’s “description” is very out-dated. She doesn’t have a talk show anymore !
What’s that I hear? The sound of a swirling water going down the toilet, much like this family’s relevance. Cookbook sounds like a last ditch effort to squeeze whatever $$ they can out of their dwindling fan base.
When did anyone see a Kardashian eating anything on a plate – except when they are eating out? They all eat salads out of plastic boxes so unless Kris is serving her cooking in to-go boxes …
Does this woman even know how to cook? Why is she insulting us with a cookbook? Who will buy this tripe junk?
Also, stop it with the “k’s”. Kollection isn’t even a word. This whole family is bringing down the English language!
However, if they wanted to K it up, why isn’t this called a kookbook? Yeah, it fits them to a tee, Kook (crazy) book.
The head is too large for the body on the cover. Looks bobbleheadesque.
she cooked up a few hundred million dollars by mixing together a video camera, a pair of butt implants, and fresh urine, so I’m looking forward to seeing the results of her other recipes.
LOL
always use fresh urine. #Pippatip
Honestly, a [c]ollection of Kardashian-Jenner family favorites has potential–I’m thinking Olympian health food with an Armenian influence (YUM). But just looking at the cover you can tell these recipes are all stolen from back issues of Better Homes & Gardens. It’s possible the photographs are as well.
I don’t buy any celebrity cookbook, much less hers.
I’m more interested in a Honey BooBoo’s mom cookbook. I want the recipes for sketti, redbull mountain dew punch and cheesy balls.
“Kris is the pimp who wants to ho herself. ” LOL
enjoy the fruits of your hoes, kris, don’t try to upstage them. #Pippatip
Kardashian kuisine is as genuine as…
A) Khloe’s butt
B) Kourtney’s rack
C) Kim’s everything
D) all of the above
OMG! Look at the cover of that “cookbook”. Where did her neck go? Did they photoshop it out to present a “younger appearance”? Hate this hobag. Wouldn’t buy anything she sells.
What is she doing to that pepper?
Ha, first thing I noticed (after the photoshopped head)…you’d think the Editors would have caught that!
That is exactly what I was going to say! She looks like she’s never cut up a vegetable in her life. Have mercy.
I would ask “What idiot would buy this cookbook?” but then I remember how popular Teresa Giudice’s cookbooks have been.
I think the Demon Mother did cook originally, and so did Khloe when she was delegated as the real mom for the Jenner girls. Khloe was basically a live-in nanny since her early teens- they even taught her to drive at 13 so she could take the little ones to the ER if necessary. But once the show money started coming in, they seemed to rely on a hired cook and lots of takeout. So the cookbook should be short. Just the phone numbers of cooks for hire and lots of takeouts that deliver.
The pie on the cover looks good.
So funny Kaiser, I honestly thought this cover was a little mockup that you had quickly photoshopped for the story. “A Kollection of Kardashian-Jenner Family Favorites”, just wow