Octomom Nadya Suleman has gotten quite the creepy job offer: porn. Creepy, but not unexpected. Anytime a woman under fifty years old is in the news for anything, you can pretty much guarantee that either a porn film company or a nudie magazine is going to make that woman an offer to take off her clothes… and in Suleman’s case, they asking her to go a bit further.

Adult film studio Vivid Entertainment has offered Nadya $1 million and a year of health insurance for her passel of kids if she agrees to star in one of their films.

Octomom needs money, the world needs porn. It’s a match made in the Valley heaven. Or so think the opportunistic porn peddlers at adult powerhouse Vivid Entertainment, who have made Nadya Suleman a halfway-decent indecent proposal, offering the cash-strapped mother of 14 $1 million, plus a year of health insurance, in exchange for shaking her babymaker in a XXX film.

“Nadya obviously needs income to ensure that her children are secure, so we are offering her up to $1 million to act in one movie,” says Vivid cochair Steven Hirsch. “We’ve had many single mothers work with us over the years, and their income from Vivid has been very important to them. We would schedule production so the movie could be shot in less than one week.”

And they say chivalry is dead. “There is a tremendous amount of interest in Nadya, and we can help her capitalize on that interest and put some real cash in her bank account,” Hirsch said, adding that, offscreen at least, they would do their best to make sure Suleman wasn’t put into any compromising positions. “As with our Vivid Girls, she would have her choice of partners, including ‘Octodad.’ “

[From E! News]

I don’t even want to know who “Octodad” is. And I’ve learned not to look up porn stars unless you’re braced for some really unsavory search results. So I’m going to let that mystery go.

I can imagine few things more inappropriate and tacky to offer. Nadya’s convinced she can make enough money off a book to support her kids. But even the $1 million Vivid is offering isn’t going to last all that long with 14 kids, several with special needs. I don’t know how Nadya thinks she can make a living on a book, unless she plans on writing long-term. And as her mother point out, when is she going to get the time to do that?

Nadya filmed a show with Dr. Phil, the first part of which aired today. She said she’s afraid the hospital won’t let her take the octuplets home from the hospital since she has no job, too many kids, and likely won’t have a home in a few weeks.

Suleman sat down with the marginally less exploitative Dr. Phil McGraw this week, and revealed fears that the hospital will not release her octuplets until she has proven she can provide them with adequate care and living arrangements—this, in the wake of reports that she is being evicted from her home for failing to make good on more than $23,000 in mortgage payments.

The babies are currently receiving care at Los Angeles’ Kaiser Permanente Medical Center. Suleman, who currently has no job and who has been receiving government assistance for her six older children, sat down with Dr. Phil for a two-part special, the first of which airs today.

Staying true to straight-talk form, the good doctor didn’t hold back in his critique of the mother. “I see somebody I do believe is very loving, but I see somebody that has such a Pollyanna disconnect with real-world realities, and what she’s getting ready to face, it’s like she’s on a Disney ride.” Dr. Phil told Suleman, “If you don’t have plans in place, you need to say so, so we can help…People need to know you get it.”

“I think I’ll fully get it when they are ready to come home,” she said.

[From E! News]

The thing is, the octuplets won’t be “ready to come home,” if Nadya doesn’t have a plan. Without a home, the hospital probably won’t let her take them. And she needs to get her act together and come up with a long-term plan, too.

Dr. Phil was being generous, saying she has a “Pollyanna disconnect.” It’s not untrue, but that’s the kindest way one could put it. He likes to get sponsors on board in exchange for long-running publicity, and I’m guessing he’s going to offer her some kind of help, but it won’t last forever. I really wonder what Nadya thinks she’s going to do in ten years when everyone’s lost interest? Sell her lip implants on eBay?

I hope the hospital is very, very cautious in releasing these babies, and makes sure they don’t go home with Suleman until she has a safe, clean home and can provide for them.

Here’s Nadya Suleman and some of her children shown at the park on Sunday. Images thanks to BauerGriffinOnline.