Even though Gwyneth Paltrow likes to give the impression that she’s much, much too uptight to actually enjoy peasant sex, there has been evidence over the years that Goop actually is a sexual being. There was that time when Gwyneth gave marriage advice to a friend and that advice was basically “oral sex.” Plus, there are all those rumors about Gwyneth’s multiple sidepieces over the years while she was married to Chris Martin. Just because she was discreet, doesn’t mean that she was some kind of (elite) sexless princess. But here’s what I’m not sure I believe: that Gwyneth is into whips and handcuffs and such. O RLY?
Gwyneth Paltrow may come off like a straight-arrow mom in her preachy, New Age lifestyle blog Goop, but when the bedroom door is closed, she turns into an oh-so-naughty, whip-wielding tigress!
Star recently caught the actress — who’s separated from her hubby of 10 years, Chris Martin — in a secret romantic getaway at a Utah resort with her handsome new lover, still married Glee cocreator Brad Falchuk. Now, a source tells Star that when the couple get intimate, there’s plenty of heat between the sheets.
“It goes totally against her image, but the fact is that Gwyneth really loves to get wild and kinky when she and Brad are going at it,” the insider claims. “I’m talking handcuffs, whips, corsets and plenty of sex toys. She’s so adventurous that she’ll even bring a separate bag of goodies along with her when she and Brad are traveling. There’s no telling whether Chris was the one who initially got Gwyneth into it — or whether her lusty relationship with Brad has brought out the animal in her for the first time!”
This sort of reads like the tabloid stories about Angelina Jolie. Except when it’s Angelina and the tabs are talking about whips and corsets, I’m usually like “they barely scratched the surface, I bet.” What I’m saying is that I bet Gwyneth’s idea of kinky is “doing it on un-pressed 1000 thread-count sheets” or “hand-feeding her lover quinoa muffins.”
By the way, this week’s Goop-letter is slightly interesting. Half of the letter is Goop shilling her “capsule collection” with Diane Von Furstenberg and the other half is an ode to all of the fun stuff to do in NYC. You can also see some of the capsule collection here at Goop. $495 for a DVF/Goop wrap dress? That actually sounds like it’s probably on-target for a regular DVF dress.
Photos courtesy of Fame/Flynet.
Gwyneth at her fainting couch after writing a draft for GOOP about her fondness for whips, handcuffs, and corsets:
“Take THAT, Chris Martin and Jennifer Lawrence! I don’t need you, Chris, and I don’t care about YOU, Jennifer!! I have the butt of a twenty-one year old stripper AND I’m totally KINKY! Yeah, that’s right! I’m a LOVE TIGRESS.”
Pauses.
“Hm. No that won’t do.”
*Calls publicist, gets him to have a “friend” leak the story that she’s a real hot tamale in the hay.*
Sighs happily, thinks: “That’ll show them!”
*Wanders off to get the chef to bring her some hand-massaged organic kale that has been lightly spritzed with organic olive oil and the tears of a captured unicorn. Begins anew her column for Goop.*
You’re a hot mess Frida, lol.
Lol
I thank you for introducing Love Tigress into my vocabulary.
Awesome.
Tears of a captured unicorn….can’t stop picturing this, you’re hilarious.
This is the first thing I thought when I read that–Goopy wrote that crap herself. Frida_K, your vision is priceless!
Well as long as they are practicing safe sex and its all organic and macrobiotic, good luck to them. But I imagine its more tepid than “hot”.
She’s only 4 years older than me…how the HELL does someone only 4 years older than me have that many lines on her forehead???? WOW! I am…in shock! Is this where I am heading???
I’m 58 and I don’t have that many lines on my forehead. Mind you, I don’t have a stripper’s butt either.
I’ve seen strippers with flabby asses, maybe that’s who Goop was comparing herself to? 😀
All those crazy diets actresses go on do no favors to their skin. And she’s been on them for at least 20 yrs.
G’s face looks tight and tweaked. I wonder if she will feature the organic whips and chains on her Goopy blog.
I think it’s the smoking.
A lot of that stuff is genetics. I’m quite a bit younger than Goop and I have lines on my forehead. And wrinkles around my eyes. And a nasolabial fold. I never smoked, I never sunbath, I hardly ever drink alcohol. But wrinkles run in my family and having super sensitive skin doesn’t help either.
I’m not sure if Goop dove into all that organic health guru stuff to rebrand herself or if she did it because maybe she had a history of allergies and stuff like that? It would also explain why her skin doesn’t look stellar. Nicole Kidman also has problems with recurring eczema and she probably went the whole crazy surgery route because it aged her skin very much.
I think he looks creepy… he reminds me of Kim Kardashian’s man friend, Jonathan Cheban.
Gross. I fail to comprehend why we need to know this. Her poor kids…
Meh, I believe this story is completely made up. That said, why do people think they can judge a person’s sexual proclivities by the way they look? “She/he can’t be into that because (insert “reason”)”. You never know folks, you never know. You don’t have to be “hot”, gorgeous, fit, or even particularly attractive to enjoy …well, whatever cranks your tractor.
Lol @ “cranks your tractor “.
I don’t think this story could possibly get any less sexy because of the participants mentioned, from my view, but then again, they could add MM, and it would become the world’s greatest, most powerful anti-aphrodisiac.
Unsexy, yes. These two barely register lukewarm on the hottometer.
She actually has stated that she is ,um, sexually adventurous in interviews before…I wouldn’t be surprised if it were true or if she leaked the story herself.
Yeah. But to my way of thinking, sexually adventurous is like …. Pegging. Public sex. Bdsm. A chin dildo. Not corsets. A corset is something you wear to comic con. Sure you can wear it to bed and it’s sexy looking but…. It’s like a very virginal high schooler saying those things. “Whoa. She has a corset. She must be like crazy sexy times all the time”.
“A chin dildo”………erm…gulp. O_o
And how does this “friend” know this?
and why is this totally unsexy story out there?
but, i could see her being into being controlled. she seems like a type-A control freak about things, so maybe she likes to surrender control in the proverbial bedroom?
Maybe. The whole thing is slightly nauseating. Lol
it does, doesn’t it? lol
I don’t think DVF stuff is usually this expensive. For a high-end designer, they’re stuff is usually comparatively reasonable.
I bet Gwyneth’s idea of kinky is “doing it on un-pressed 1000 thread-count sheets” or “hand-feeding her lover quinoa muffins.” This is hilarious!!
I thought kinky and wild in this case meant she eats a cheesburger after.
But of course she does bdsm things: a true refined Lady must know how to behave in every situation.
lol
I’m not surprised actually. Still waters, etc. Remember this cover?
http://www.amazon.com/Talk-Magazine-September-Angelina-Gwyneth/dp/B00129M1G4
Too much information.
parents should not talk about their sex lives in public, at least til the kids are about 40…if it grosses us out, think what it’s doing to the kids….bad enough being called apple without hearing stories about how raunchy mom is…
Exactly, haha. May I please have another, Dungeon Mistress? *thrash* I’ve been a very bad boy! *thrash* Harder, please! *thrash*
Her definition of kinky is cinnamon raisin toast instead of white. I do not buy this at all.
She may well be a super freak, but the thought of her having sex still makes me yawn.
The space between her top lip and her nose seams to be getting longer. Hu? Odd.
Yes!, and most noticeably in the latest b/w Boss scent ads, where there’s glossy highlighter emphasising it, very much as stylists do with the Danish model Freya, and not that alluring.
But it occurs to me that Goop might be pulling down her top lip a little from inside…..sounds barking I know, but (though much older than she) I sometimes plaster a faint closed-mouth smile on, to even/stretch out horizontally (and so make invisible) two vertical lines caused by long-ago smoking.
So maybe she’s doing some kind of similar correction? ( ok…..tis a reach, I admit!)
Where’d that puke bucket from the Clooney thread end up yesterday? I’m gonna need it.
the bed is unmade.
but afterwards , she climaxes while making it with hospital corners.
Lol
You know what? I bet you this woman DIVES into the deep end of the kink pool. I’m totally serious. I just get that vibe from her. When you only eat kale steam and drink droplets of Mt. Everest dew, you NEED an outlet.
No way, she’s wound tighter than a drum, there’s no kink in her just a compulsive need to control.
I bet her idea of ‘wild’ is eating low-end take-out pizza that doesn’t cost $100 a pie. She is such a non-entity nowadays.
Sorry, she has 0 sex-appeal
I think kinky in her world is missionary with the lights on.
Please note the nasolabial fillers in accompanying pic. She is such a phony.