Before I write anything, I apologise to everyone for not writing as much the last few days as I have been sick with a flu from Hades, and I’ve also been busy packing as moving back home to the States tomorrow. I should be back on my game by Friday. I will still make periodical jaunts over to England once I need my Topshop fix and get tired of finding fructose corn syrup in my favorite foods (I even found it in sausages — why the hell do you need sugar in sausages?)

Anyway back to the story at hand: It sounds like Tom and Katie forgot to ship cupcakes to Ohio to keep people schtum on their relationship. Ted Casablanca over at E! Online has a source in Toledo who is reporting very distressing things on Mrs. Stepford Cruise:

Some of Katie Holmes Cruise’s old buds in Ohio are newly lamenting what the rest of us jaded types have known for eons now: Poor Katie has been eaten alive by her puffy, public-relations-and-Scientology-obsessed hubby.

Friend X used to be extremely close to K.H. Like, we’re tawkin’ tight-ass girlfriend level, fer sure. “They talked on the phone all the time and confided in each other,” assured Desk Toledo, one of my most crackerjack correspondents. But then, once Katie and Tom calmed down (a tad) from touring their glossy-ized megatoothed duo show, Ms. H.-C. and her old amiga had lunch.
“She was excited,” DT (who’s, ‘course, close to the Katie pal) told me about Friend X’s luncheon with her old bud. But wait! What happened next was straight out of some tabloid or housewife horror movie:

“Katie came with her Scientology minder and was only able to talk superficially,” ‘splained my Mimwestern reporter, who added the get-together was nothing more than some sort of Stepford Wives-like tea. Soon after, Katie stopped the disheartened friend’s calls. “[Katie] then changed her cell phone number and email address, and the two haven’t spoken since.”

Additionally, Katie’s mama, always known round town as the friendliest of townsfolk, now tools around the hood running errands, picking up her grandkids and such. But Missus H. very rarely now gets out of the car—which is unusual, as she used to be quite social.“She just sits in her Mercedes, which is several years old,” adds DT, with the kind of snobbish detail I adore.

Yo, Tom-babe! If you’re gonna get your in-laws all stiff-ass ‘n’ stuff, at least get ‘em something more posh to be all pissy (and press shy) in, ‘kay?

(I love Ted Casablanca, he’s campier than a bag of pink tents.)

I can’t say any of the bit about Katie snubbing her friends is surprising, but I am shocked at how Katie’s family is being affected by their daughter’s marriage to the Scientology poster boy. It’s also not big news that Katie’s family are unhappy with her choice of husband, but I thought they would at least speak out about it instead of giving in to Xenu’s homeboy so easily.

I can’t feel bad for Katie anymore — no real women leaves her friend and her family behind because her man tells her too. It’s certainly different behavior that comes from a woman that is a “tigress“. Does anyone remember The Fresh Prince of Bel Air, when Uncle Phil used to throw out Will’s friend Jazz out of the house after doing/saying something stupid? (I’ve included a clip in case you need to refresh your memory, or just have no idea what I am talking about). I pray for the day Katie does the same to Tom.

Header picture is of Tom and Katie at a basketball game in March.